Hi! It’s me! Not Lily!!!
Well, actually, I’m the creator. This is the first and only time I’ll ever post here in my voice.
Lily is over – or will be very shortly. I have had it in mind to end Lily around this time for about a year now, and it seems like the perfect time to do so. I have much to say and little time to say it in, so this might be a living post where I add and remove stuff as time goes on. Shouganai. Can’t be helped.
I started Lily three years or so ago, with the idea in mind to work out something personally that I had insofar been unable to work out. Lily is a character that I deliberately wrote to be as much the exact opposite of me as possible. I’m introverted, she’s fairly extroverted. I’m old, she’s young. I’m male, she’s, well, not. Her personality is designed to be as different from me as possible, and when I started writing her, I wrote her in order to explore that aspect of life – the aspect of life that she represents that is, and has been, denied me for whatever reason.
Originally I wanted to write her to be as realistic as possible. I was even setting up a way for people to actually interact with her in different places on social media. As this project continued, I backed off of that, because it became awkward. It would have been fun if she had her own fan community where she could interact, but the logistical considerations were just insurmountable. Plus, well, it truly was awkward.
That’s why there’s a “backstage Lily” site. I didn’t want posts like these to exist on the main site, here. Eventually that just became awkward too and I gave up. Lily evolved more into a character that I was writing rather than a character that I was trying to bring to life.
I also experimented with different forms of media. I experimented with vtubing as her, and even ran a few twitch streams. That was also awkward. I couldn’t easily put myself into the proper mindset realtime, and maybe that’s for the best. I also couldn’t find a suitable voice changer that would work properly in realtime. But exploring the technology was fascinating and I still kind of want to explore the possibilities of that technology at some point in the future.
A few things did bother me, though, as the project progressed. The biggest thing that bothered me is that there seems to be a subset of people who couldn’t distinguish the fact that this was a creative endeavor and that Lily was a character I was trying to bring to life, from the idea that this was somehow me being perverted or something by trying to interact as a gender I’m not. I lost a few friends and/or acquaintances when I showed them this project, to the point where it actually became embarrassing and I second guessed myself a lot. It actually prevented me from pursuing the project as immersively as I wanted. I don’t usually care what people think, and I categorically deny any prurient motive, but it doesn’t matter to that kind of person, and it did bother me a little.
To be clear, and I’ve said this before: I’m not trans and this has nothing to do with trans. It has to do with a character, and creative writing/acting, and nothing at all more.
Also, I mentioned that I wrote Lily with the idea of making her personality as opposite from me as possible, but ultimately that failed. It failed mostly because I found writing her subtly changing my personality, and her personality subtly changing as she grew up as well. Not to mention some of the things that happened to her tracked some things in my life (though she responded differently). The tornado, the hailstorm, nearly all of the weather, discovering certain media and music, etc.,,, basically I wrote what I knew. That’s why she ended up being as immersed in Japanese pop culture as she is – it’s something I know about. Though I don’t know any idols or anything like that.
However, what I don’t know is how to be a teenage girl. That was just derived from some I’ve known in the past and, well, just a rather unusual sense of empathy. That turned out far better than I thought it would (though clearly not perfect, sometimes I think it did come across as an adult playing a girl) and I’m reasonably happy with how she turned out, personality wise. I’m not up on any of the slang girls her age would use these days, but I don’t think it was needed. Most of her friends are pretty level headed and wouldn’t be that deep into pop culture, and she’s a blank slate… so I guess it works out.
Ultimately, this project was and/or is a failure. She has not gained hardly any fans or readers, no one knows about her or cares, this site has never made me a single penny. In fact, I’m several thousand dollars in the red on this site, what with hosting costs, buying a computer powerful enough to do the virtual graphics needed to bring her character to life (I had originally used a mac mini and completely maxed it out to the point of uselessness), etc. And it looks like that will not, and will never, change.
I’ve experimented with how “adult” to make this story, and ultimately, I think that’s something I failed at as well. I added a “fanservice” section and ultimately that was probably a terrible idea. I might remove it. There’s also some content hidden behind a subscribe-wall that’s significantly more ecchi than you can see without it, and I’m not sure I’m proud of that, either. But, well, Lily is a hormone-driven teenager with parts that work, so, well… I guess it is what it is. I’m pretty sure some classifiers think this is an adult site, though, and that actually bothers me a little. It’s not. It’s young adult at best, even if you subscribe. What, young adults don’t know which slot tab A goes into? Hah! And at least it treats the topic somewhat realistically and sensitively, which is better than most ecchi anime. I just locked that stuff behind a subscribe-wall so it would be reasonably safe for children too. I might have missed the mark, but I took that very seriously.
But, there are about 550,000 words here, and I’m sure I can do something with the characters and story. There are still possibilities, like making an app or something. But as of right now, she’s an abject failure and I’m glad to be rid of the duty of writing her every night. It’s been fun, don’t get me wrong, but the dead horse is beat so hard it’s mangled, and there’s little of value to be extracted from continuing to write the story anymore. The only thing I can say I succeeded at in this project is bringing it to completion. I guess that counts for something.
As of writing this, there are about two or three more days of Lily to write, and I’ll pin this post to the top so it’ll always be at the top now. It’ll probably end Saturday morning, when she hops on a plane to Japan. And then, it’s over.
If you come across this and like it, well, please let me know. Otherwise I might just give up and take this offline to be reincarnated into a different form. But as for now… well… this is it. So long, and thanks for all the fish.
And, in the spirit of the immersive character I wanted to write, I have a message for Lily, and one from Lily.
For Lily: Lily, you’re an amazing girl. When I gave form to you three years ago, I had no idea you would turn out as amazing as you did. You have a huge heart, you love your friends and family, and everyone who knows you is better off for knowing you. You’re the kind of girl every man wants as his daughter. As much as I consider this project a failure, you’re one of the things I’m the most proud of in my life, and always will be.
From Lily: Hi! I’m glad you’re reading this, and I’m sorry the story’s over. But I have a life to live and I can’t spend all my time writing! I hope you understand. It’s been fun, and if you enjoyed this, well, you’re part of my family too, thank you for reading my story!!!
And with that… sayounara. Now to edit this and find a way to make it more accessible.
