Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!
I asked Sabby today why she thinks her marriage lasted as long as it has.
She didn’t even hesitate. “Because we came into our marriage already fully formed,” she said, looking a little wistful. “Some couples meet as children or teenagers or even young adults and grow together… and sometimes they can even survive and have a happy marriage, but it’s just so much trouble to try to grow up into your own people while still, well, not being your own person. I mean.. if you change like this, will he leave you? If you want to do that, will he be mad at you?” She looked pensive. “Dave and I met young, and in some ways he and I grew up together, but… we didn’t marry too soon. I had a lot of growing up to do… and so did he, but in a different way.”
“What way did he have to grow up?”
“He had to learn to accept me.” She looked sad. “I mean, I had a past. He… didn’t trust me for a very long time.” She sighed, like she was deflating. “I don’t blame him. I didn’t trust me, either.”
“But… you made it work, right?”
“Well, duh,” she said, a little of the Sabby spitfire I know in her voice. “We’re still married, aren’t we? But… it wasn’t always easy. The only thing we had sometimes was the promise we made to each other. That meant something to both of us. We made it work. We… waited until we could keep our promises.” She looked sad. “Or… when we could believe the other person would keep theirs.” She looked uncharacteristically vulnerable. “I knew he could keep his. But he… well…”
I remembered the very first piece of advice Jack and I got, back when I took that fateful trip to Orlando with Liz’s family. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
If I were to say yes to Jack right now, could I keep the promise? Well, probably. I mean, I don’t have any reason to think I couldn’t, right? We’ve been together for nearly, what, three years now? I love him. But… is that a promise we can’t keep?
I don’t think either of us know, not really. And until we’re sure, or at least a little sure…
Anyway, what’s done is done. For now, anyway. He’s not upset. He’s a little disappointed and sad. I can tell. I know that a part of his reason was that he was afraid.. but that wasn’t the whole reason. I think he really does want to make me his, to make a family with me… and I understand. Family is important. But a family that will last is even more important.
Diana’s parents aren’t together. She lives with her mother. She, well… the scars are still there.
But, Crystal’s parents are still together, and she has a lot of scars too.
Life is complicated, isn’t it?
Miki’s choreographer is happy with my progress, but she wants to see videos of the other girls. I’ll try to get everyone (that I can) together this weekend. The aidols are making occasional trips to Tokyo too to work with me and the choreographer. They seem really excited. And sometimes we get ramen after. They’re in college now so it’s a bit harder, finding time for everyone.