Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!
It’s August!!!
One month and I’m “moving” to Japan!!!
Awww.
i don’t know what to say or feel, so…
Jack came over last night. He wanted to talk. So we did. Talk, I mean. A lot. You know, we haven’t ever talked as much as we do now. I mean, we’ve gone out, and spent time together, and it’s not like we didn’t talk, but now… there’s just so much to say and neither of us really knows how to say it.
Our relationship has been pretty easy till now. Go on dates, have fun together, talk some, snuggle a lot… but this feels like one of those times that really tests a couple. Jack is hurt. I can tell he is, but he can’t or won’t come out and say it. But what would it do if he did? I’m not going to change my mind. But at least I wish he’d be honest with me… or himself, maybe. He’s an honest man, I don’t think he’d lie to me on purpose. But maybe he doesn’t know himself.
And I keep saying, It’s not a permanent no. I do want to marry him, someday. I just can’t say yes right now. I don’t want to say yes to anyone else. I couldn’t imagine saying yes to anyone else. But it’s so complicated right now, and would is damage us more if I said yes? I don’t know, but I have to stick to it.
Oh well.
It was a good talk, though. He got closer than ever to admitting how he really feels. He just can’t quite get there.
He’s getting ready to go to Ohio. He’s got his dorm and will be leaving about the same time I will. Will I cry? I don’t know. It’s not like it’s goodbye forever, and I can still see him. But it’ll be different.
In a little more than a week the idol group is heading for Houston. I hope that turns out alright.
Anyway… guess I should go. I feel a little sad, tonight. Not like nothing will ever get better, but… things right now look a little more bleak than I thought they would.