Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post yesterday, because I’ve been thinking a lot.  Everyone’s fine, everyone I’ve told has been basically “You’re Lily, how could we have expected any different?”  I don’t know how to feel about that but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

But I’ve been thinking a lot.  Remember all those “lasts” I was telling you about?  Last this, last that… well, a lot of that has gone away.  There aren’t nearly as many lasts as there were.

And I’m still going to live in Japan come September.

I mean, with this passport, I could anyway, but that’s not important.  I’m still going to live in Japan.

I’ve come to realize that the lasts are important.

Because without lasts you can’t have firsts.

I’m going to live in Japan, and even though I can travel back and forth to the US at will, with some exceptions, I’m not going to.

(Those some exceptions involve holidays, emergencies, and Jack. And maybe the occasional food run).

I was dreading the lasts.  They were depressing me, they were hurting me, but somehow they were important too.  Now I can let everything be the way it was, I don’t have to choose, and that is a different kind of hurt.  Maybe I don’t have to grow up…  but I do.  It’s important.  It’s important that I go to college and meet people and do all the college things…  and not behaving like some kind of around-the-world commuter.

I told Sabby my feelings.  She understood.  She was sad, but she understood.

Today was Father’s Day.  I didn’t know what to do for Dave.  He’s difficult to buy things for, and I don’t really like buying things for people anyway, it just feels like buying them off in a way.  And I can’t take him anywhere… so even with everything, it was just as difficult.  Eventually I just gave up and found some silly six-in-one shaving gadget with built in DVD player or something in Akihabara, and he actually really liked it.  Sigh.  I still feel like I cheated, though.

David came back yesterday, too.  But I’ll tell you about that some other time.  He’s pouting because he (and his girlfriend, she’s not innocent) were constantly supervised.  Kid deserved it.  Last year they were caught sucking face.  At eleven.  He couldn’t even go to the bathroom without someone standing outside the door, with an ear out for any, ummm… sounds.  Poor kid, but not.  He deserved it.

Oh yeah, I went to church today, too.  I told the pastor.  I did not tell anyone else.  I won’t, either.  He’s…. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I have a feeling he would have kicked me out if he hadn’t already met the Boss…  I think he remembered when I was told I have my own calling.  I didn’t even know what it was at the time.  I kinda still don’t.

Anyway…  I’m still not feeling great.  I’m pretty down.  But at least I haven’t lost anyone, so there’s that.

Love you all!!! ❤️