Series: 37 TOC July 2024

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

It wasn’t a very exciting weekend.  We did a lot of practicing and exercising and stuffs.  Yuki is really working us out.  She says that if we screw up we’re giving idols a bad name – even if we aren’t one, and we’re not going to screw up.  So she’s working us hard.

It’s fine, though.  It’s actually a little fun.  It think Beth and Crystal are really taking their lessons to heart.  Diana just seems happy to go along with everyone, and, well…  it seems to be working out.  I showed Miki a video of all the girls rehearsing and she was almost giddy, she says it’ll be a lot of fun.

The Houston organizers want professional headshots of everyone.  And, well, none of us have them.  So I said you can’t have professional, but you can have pretty good, and I went around and got photos of everyone.  She said fine, whatever, and they’ll work with it.  I’m not a terrible photographer, and it all worked out.

So, yeah.   I guess this is happening.

Other than that, it wasn’t a busy weekend.  Dave grilled, but we got rained out a bit.  But it wasn’t a heavy rain, so we recovered well.  I brought Miki some of Dave’s grilling, and she was so thankful I thought she was going to kiss me.  But, none of that, she just grabbed a chicken wing, said a remarkably cheerful “ITADAKIMASU”,  and dug in.  And then was going “oishii!!!” with sauce all over her mouth.  It was strangely cute.  Idols sure do know how to do “cute”.

I wouldn’t say we’re best friends, but we’re pretty good friends.  I’m friends with several idols!  How did that happen???

I brought Ai some too.  She was a little more reserved but enjoyed it just as much.  I didn’t have enough for everyone but I’ll try to fix that when i go to Japan.

Miki will probably tell the rest of the idols, and then I’ll have to at some point.  Dave’s grilling is just that good.

Well, time to go now.  Liz is staying over tonight even though everyone else went home, and we’re going to make a mini-pile..

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s coming up fast, isn’t it?  The next stage of my life.

It doesn’t feel like it’s been this short a time, does it?  Or this long a time…

Jack’s been a little quiet lately.  He’s himself, he’s not angry or acting out or anything, he’s himself and not putting on airs or fake smiles, he’s just… quiet.  I think I hurt him.  I didn’t mean to and it was never meant to be a permanent “no”, but…  maybe that doesn’t really matter.  Maybe I’d be hurt, too.  But what else could I do?  Say “yes” when I didn’t think it was the right time or the right reasons?

Maybe I should take him some food.  Maybe I should make it myself.  I’m not the best cook but I need to show him I still love him, I think.  Because I do.

There are other ways, but, it doesn’t feel like a good time.  Like I’m just buying him with my body.  That’s not what bodies are for.

I don’t really know what to do.  People don’t come with an instruction manual.

We’ve all got our reservations in Houston, which is nice.  I’m going to stay with Emiko for the week with Beth, but the other girls are going to have to find their own way.  They don’t mind.  Miki wanted to let someone stay with her or one of the other idols, but there’s going to be camera crews around so that doesn’t really work.  They’re going to do a mini-documentary, and also about us as well, so that’ll be interesting.  Girls wanted to make me famous?  Hahah!!!  

Well… to be fair, they didn’t.  It just kinda happened.

Crystal and Diana are going to hole up with Rebecca (Emiko doesn’t really want Rebecca staying over, and that’s understandable, she’s a reminder of wounds of the past), and the LA girls are going to get a room of their own, so it’ll all work out.

Emiko doesn’t hate Rebecca.  Don’t get the wrong idea  They get along alright.  Emiko even asks about her sometimes.  It’s just…  there’s still some history there, and Emiko doesn’t want to be put in a position where she’ll take anything out on Rebecca.

Emiko’s not a bad woman.  She just…. has her past, too.

We’re going to put Yuki’s and my big stuff into a crate and send it off to Japan this weekend.  It’ll take a month or so to get there by boat, so…  I’m going to buy some Japanese style furniture when I get there, but there’s still a few things we want to send along.  Fortunately not a lot.

Hmm, what else…  oh, Yuki might have something lined up when she gets there.  there’s a prestigious voice acting school she wants to attend and when they found out it was her applying there was a lot of virtual bowing and “yoroshiku onegaishimasu” and “tuition?  What tuition!  Just let us use your name and image in our promotional materials” and, well, she’s going to learn how to voice act anime.  That’s cool, really.  she’s got a good and expressive voice, I think she’ll do well.  She has the “huh?” down.  Haha!!!

Heck, that sounds like fun.  Maybe I’ll join her in my off hours.

Okay!!!  Gotta go!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s funny, you know?  It seems like ever since I met Yuki my life has become much more music focused than it used to be.  Well, maybe ever since that time in Orlando when I learned I could play the piano, but that’s kind of when it took off.  I guess that’s what happens when you’re friends with a former idol, a couple of current idols (Minami is still having a blast, I see her every now and then when I’m working with Miki, but she’s really busy), and a friend who’s pretty much a musical prodigy.  And me, who’s an accomplished musician in my own way, but I have no idea how I got that way.  I mean, yes, I’m sure I practiced a lot, but I don’t really remember any of that.  Mrs. Doily told me a few things, but it’s still mostly a blank.

Apparently, as spoiled and hard to get along with as I was, I was a studious worker and practiced diligently.  Even then I didn’t like to coast, I was just insufferable about it.

But music is important.  It’s a language that can pierce all words and run right through your heart in a way that many other things, well, can’t.  My piano teacher explained it like this:  music is about how it makes you feel.  And that’s pretty much it.  A composer’s greatest skill is making you feel what they want you to.

Crystal seems to understand that instinctively, and it’s amazing to see.

But I know I talk about it a lot, like I talk about some other things a lot.

I’m starting to wind things down here, emotionally, I mean.  I’m leaving soon.  In a month, pretty much exactly.  I’m going to hop a plane with Yuki and Emiko, and when I get off that plane, I’m going to start a new life, with new friends, new school, new apartment, even a new language.  Yuki and I are going to room in an apartment, and she’s going to learn how to do anime voice acting, and I’m going to, well, learn to do whatever it is I’m going to do.  We’ll go to the konbini and spend weekends in Akihabara and maybe Yuki will even find a boyfriend and get married someday.  And everything I know here, well…  kinda won’t be mine anymore.  Even when I come back.

Sabby has promised to keep my room the way I left it, but I don’t really believe her.  It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that it’s a lot to ask.  I didn’t even ask.

Liz and Jack are preparing to go off to college too.  We’re… we’re all leaving.  Leaving each other.  Leaving Round Rock.  Just… leaving.

I’m glad I’m not taking Jack with me.

It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him, or even live with him.  Of course I do!  But if I were to take him with me to Japan, well, he’d have nothing.  He can’t speak the language, he’d be pretty much entirely dependent on me, and that’s really no way at all to keep a relationship going, is it?  I mean, he’d put on a brave face, and maybe he’d even enjoy himself, but I’d always have that nagging feeling that I’m holding him back… or maybe even that he’s holding me back.  I dunno.  It’s complicated.  People are complicated.

I hope we still feel the same about each other when we graduate.  Because if we do and he proposes then, I’ll say “yes, yes, a thousand times yes” like in those stupid fanfictions.

But four years is a long time.

It’s a really long time.

And I think I did hurt him.

But again, what am I to do?  Really, what am I to do?  I couldn’t not.  It’s not like he discussed it with me in advance, he just sprang it on me.  He didn’t even talk to his parents.  I could have spared his feelings, but at what cost?  I know he knows in his mind that it’s the right thing, waiting, I mean, but in his heart?

And I just can’t blame him, I really can’t.  I feel awful about it.

But I don’t regret it.  It was the right call.

So anyway…  I guess things will fall where they may.

Do you think I’d make a good teacher?

Love you all!!!