Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Not Lily!!!

Well, actually, I’m the creator.  This is the first and only time I’ll ever post here in my voice.

Lily is over – or will be very shortly.  I have had it in mind to end Lily around this time for about a year now, and it seems like the perfect time to do so.  I have much to say and little time to say it in, so this might be a living post where I add and remove stuff as time goes on.  Shouganai.  Can’t be helped.

I started Lily three years or so ago, with the idea in mind to work out something personally that I had insofar been unable to work out.  Lily is a character that I deliberately wrote to be as much the exact opposite of me as possible.  I’m introverted, she’s fairly extroverted.  I’m old, she’s young.  I’m male, she’s, well, not.  Her personality is designed to be as different from me as possible, and when I started writing her, I wrote her in order to explore that aspect of life – the aspect of life that she represents that is, and has been, denied me for whatever reason.

Originally I wanted to write her to be as realistic as possible.  I was even setting up a way for people to actually interact with her in different places on social media.  As this project continued, I backed off of that, because it became awkward.  It would have been fun if she had her own fan community where she could interact, but the logistical considerations were just insurmountable.  Plus, well, it truly was awkward.

That’s why there’s a “backstage Lily” site.  I didn’t want posts like these to exist on the main site, here.  Eventually that just became awkward too and I gave up.  Lily evolved more into a character that I was writing rather than a character that I was trying to bring to life.

I also experimented with different forms of media.  I experimented with vtubing as her, and even ran a few twitch streams.  That was also awkward.  I couldn’t easily put myself into the proper mindset realtime, and maybe that’s for the best.  I also couldn’t find a suitable voice changer that would work properly in realtime.  But exploring the technology was fascinating and I still kind of want to explore the possibilities of that technology at some point in the future.

A few things did bother me, though, as the project progressed.  The biggest thing that bothered me is that there seems to be a subset of people who couldn’t distinguish the fact that this was a creative endeavor and that Lily was a character I was trying to bring to life, from the idea that this was somehow me being perverted or something by trying to interact as a gender I’m not.  I lost a few friends and/or acquaintances when I showed them this project, to the point where it actually became embarrassing and I second guessed myself a lot.  It actually prevented me from pursuing the project as immersively as I wanted.  I don’t usually care what people think, and I categorically deny any prurient motive, but it doesn’t matter to that kind of person, and it did bother me a little.

To be clear, and I’ve said this before:  I’m not trans and this has nothing to do with trans.  It has to do with a character, and creative writing/acting, and nothing at all more.

Also, I mentioned that I wrote Lily with the idea of making her personality as opposite from me as possible, but ultimately that failed.  It failed mostly because I found writing her subtly changing my personality, and her personality subtly changing as she grew up as well.  Not to mention some of the things that happened to her tracked some things in my life (though she responded differently).  The tornado, the hailstorm, nearly all of the weather, discovering certain media and music, etc.,,,  basically I wrote what I knew.  That’s why she ended up being as immersed in Japanese pop culture as she is – it’s something I know about.  Though I don’t know any idols or anything like that.

However, what I don’t know is how to be a teenage girl.  That was just derived from some I’ve known in the past and, well, just a rather unusual sense of empathy.  That turned out far better than I thought it would (though clearly not perfect, sometimes I think it did come across as an adult playing a girl) and I’m reasonably happy with how she turned out, personality wise.  I’m not up on any of the slang girls her age would use these days, but I don’t think it was needed.  Most of her friends are pretty level headed and wouldn’t be that deep into pop culture, and she’s a blank slate… so I guess it works out.

Ultimately, this project was and/or is a failure.  She has not gained hardly any fans or readers, no one knows about her or cares, this site has never made me a single penny.  In fact, I’m several thousand dollars in the red on this site, what with hosting costs, buying a computer powerful enough to do the virtual graphics needed to bring her character to life (I had originally used a mac mini and completely maxed it out to the point of uselessness), etc.  And it looks like that will not, and will never, change.

I’ve experimented with how “adult” to make this story, and ultimately, I think that’s something I failed at as well.  I added a “fanservice” section and ultimately that was probably a terrible idea.  I might remove it.  There’s also some content hidden behind a subscribe-wall that’s significantly more ecchi than you can see without it, and I’m not sure I’m proud of that, either.  But, well, Lily is a hormone-driven teenager with parts that work, so, well… I guess it is what it is.  I’m pretty sure some classifiers think this is an adult site, though, and that actually bothers me a little.  It’s not.  It’s young adult at best, even if you subscribe.  What, young adults don’t know which slot tab A goes into?  Hah!  And at least it treats the topic somewhat realistically and sensitively, which is better than most ecchi anime.  I just locked that stuff behind a subscribe-wall so it would be reasonably safe for children too.  I might have missed the mark, but I took that very seriously.

But, there are about 550,000 words here, and I’m sure I can do something with the characters and story.  There are still possibilities, like making an app or something.  But as of right now, she’s an abject failure and I’m glad to be rid of the duty of writing her every night.  It’s been fun, don’t get me wrong, but the dead horse is beat so hard it’s mangled, and there’s little of value to be extracted from continuing to write the story anymore.  The only thing I can say I succeeded at in this project is bringing it to completion.  I guess that counts for something.

As of writing this, there are about two or three more days of Lily to write, and I’ll pin this post to the top so it’ll always be at the top now.  It’ll probably end Saturday morning, when she hops on a plane to Japan.  And then, it’s over.

If you come across this and like it, well, please let me know.  Otherwise I might just give up and take this offline to be reincarnated into a different form.  But as for now… well…  this is it.   So long, and thanks for all the fish.

And, in the spirit of the immersive character I wanted to write, I have a message for Lily, and one from Lily.

For Lily:  Lily, you’re an amazing girl.  When I gave form to you three years ago, I had no idea you would turn out as amazing as you did.  You have a huge heart, you love your friends and family, and everyone who knows you is better off for knowing you.  You’re the kind of girl every man wants as his daughter.  As much as I consider this project a failure, you’re one of the things I’m the most proud of in my life, and always will be.

From Lily:  Hi!  I’m glad you’re reading this, and I’m sorry the story’s over.  But I have a life to live and I can’t spend all my time writing!  I hope you understand.  It’s been fun, and if you enjoyed this, well, you’re part of my family too, thank you for reading my story!!!

And with that… sayounara.  Now to edit this and find a way to make it more accessible.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Anathema came around with her new baby today.

I didn’t even know she had it!  Awww!!!  But she seems so happy.  She named it Lily Yuriko.  Subtle, hah.  But.. she told me that if it weren’t for me, she might never have gotten there, and been as happy as she is right now.  It’s a cute baby too… got all the required fingers, toes, and other parts.  She was almost gushing with how happy she is, and that made me happy too.

I tried to tell her it was the Boss, but she wouldn’t hear it.  “The boss can’t do much unless you cooperate, right?”  Well, I don’t know about can’t, but usually doesn’t – point.  So I just accepted her thanks and resigned myself that that will be the third thing named after me…  after Katie’s baby, and Grace’s dog.

Katie, btw… she’s busy working and can’t take too much time out to see me off, but she did text and say she’d miss me.  Aww.

It’s funny how Anathema was cat-girl… maybe one of the most obnixious people I’d ever met.  It’s not that she wasn’t nice or worth getting to know, it’s just that… she never, ever missed an opportunity to show off her body, or, shall we say, use her body in ways in which it may have bene intended, but weren’t very productive.  Shall we say.  If you get my meaning.  I don’t think she even kept track of how many men (and women) she’d been with, and, well… she caused a couple of car accidents on the side of the road advertising our business because she was just dressed in bandages.  But she’s so different now.  She’s so happy with Joe and being married, even if his job means he can’t always be around.  I have absolutely no doubt she’s faithful, and for his part, Joe has accepted the baby as his own.  that’s… actually amazing of him, he’s an amazing man.  Hell, if I were a couple of years older and didn’t have Jack, I might have snapped him up for myself.

I don’t understand the military, but they have this sense of duty…

No, don’t worry.  He never showed any interest, and I’m faithful, too.  But facts are facts.

Besides, if he can keep up with Anathema, he might have wore me out.

Anyway…

I’ve made so many friends here… and there are so many people here who love me… I mean really love me.  They love me enough to name babies after me.  That’s…  most girls don’t have that, and it’s an amazing feeling.  I wish more people have it.  I guess all I can do is pay it forward.

Speaking of which, Yuki’s kind of bursting at the seams to be home.  She’s made peace with the otaku and that world, and she’s ready to step back (a little) into the world she left, in Japan.  She might become one of those famous seiyuus who do radios and live performances and variety shows.  I hope she does.  She still has that idol vibe to her, she was beloved and successful for a reason.  And I can say she’s one of my best friends… funny how that works.

Liz will always be number one, but Yuki can be in the top three.  Haha!!!

Actually… truthfully, I have a hard time choosing who would be in the number two or three or four slot.  I love them all so much, just for different reasons.

Okay…  I gotta go now.  Sabby’s planning a special dinner for tomorrow night and wants my input.

Oh… did I mention, Crystal’s birthday was on the 17th?  She was on stage that night.. she told me I don’t have to get her any other presents or parties or anything ever, that that will take care of everything for the rest of her life!  Hahaha.  But I will anyway, of course.  I might find her a nice guitar from Japan – with exchange rates where they are, I might get a really good deal.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack’s in Toledo, and Liz is in SoCal.

And I’m still in Round Rock.  For now, anyway.

Allison came around to say goodbye this evening.  She had a little gift, and I appreciated it.  It’s not fancy or anything, but it’s going on the fridge in my apartment in Japan.

Otherwise, Yuki and I went to the waterpark (Beth would have come, but school’s started and, well, Sabby takes that seriously).  She was a little disappointed but there’ll be lots of trips to the waterpark for her, and we had fun.  I got her some chocolate to make up for it.. only took a small “finder’s fee”.

Yuki’s already enrolled in her voice actor school…  so she’ll be starting as soon as she makes it to Japan.  I’m at the English track in Meiji, though I’m definitely going to be studying more Japanese and Japanese studies while I’m there…  I might major in business administration, but I’ve got a little time to figure it out fully.

Otherwise…  I guess I’m just winding things down here.  Yuki’s in her futon snoring, so I guess I’ll go to bed too.   Yes, famous idols snore like a buzzsaw…  you wouldn’t believe it.  Hahaha!!!!

I told you Yuki’s not her real name… this is why.  Haha!!!  The weebs would never forgive her!!!  … for being human.  Sigh.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack and Liz are gone.  Jack’s in Memphis right now (or just outside), and Liz is in El Paso.  They both left early this morning.  I was able to say goodbye to both of them, and, well, they’re gone.

I popped over to both places to see how their trip went and if they needed anything, but… it’s time I pulled back a little, I think.  That’s why I’m not planning on leaving Japan as much as I could.

I asked Mrs. X if it’s possible to pop into a moving car.  She said yes, it’s not nearly as bad as popping out of a plane, but she wouldn’t recommend it.  Popping into a plane is possible, but even more difficult than that because the speed difference has to be accounted for somehow… well, no use getting into details.  Let’s just say it’s not advised and leave it at that.

So, ummm…  that’s that, I guess.  Jack should arrive in Toledo tomorrow, Liz should arrive in SoCal, and, well…  yeah.

Yuki and I are planning for our trip.  She’s actually really happy I’m flying along with them, especially because I don’t have to.  We went to the mall today and to the Mart of Walls and a few other places to pick up things we need…. and a few conveniences we’d like that it’s hard to get our hands on in Japan.  I have the apartment now, so I popped a bunch of stuff in there and made it a bit homey.

I’m, well…  I have very mixed feelings.  But I’m looking forward to my time in Japan.  They say that we westerners can get tired of it really fast.. and that might be true, but at least I have a bunch of friends to hang out with… and I’m hafu too, so it’s not like I’m a blonde-haired fair-skinned tall girl.  I’m a little tall, but that’s about it, most other things about me look Japanese except for my chest and hips.  Can’t hide that…

I guess when I speak it’ll be obvious though.

Anyway…  Yuki and I are just kind of chilling here, she’s reading a manga I got for her when I popped over (saves shipping) and otherwise… it’s a quiet night.  It’s comfortable but neither of us really feels like doing anything exciting.  The atmosphere is actually a little… somber.

Oh well.  I guess we’ll get our excitement this weekend, such as it is.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack and I went on our last date… for a while, anyway… tonight.

It was a very bittersweet moment.  We know we’ll see each other again, but.. we really are going our separate ways again.  I know we’ll meet up – sometimes I’ll come back to see him, sometimes he’ll have to come to Japan for work and he’ll see me too, but…  but it’s a chapter of our life that’s closing.  He’s getting in the car tomorrow with some of his family and he’s going to Ohio.  His father has to work but his mother is coming along.

I guess Grace is going too – they’re going to stop by and visit relatives and friends in Columbus.

I said goodbye to Grace too.  She started bawling, too, poor kid.  I told her I’ll see her again and she’ll always be like my little sister, and she just clung to me like a stuffed animal with velcro paws.  But, it is what it is.  She’ll always be a special little girl to me.

Liz is staying over tonight with me and Yuki.  She’s leaving for California tomorrow, too.

She looks a lot sadder than she usually does.  But she says she’s looking forward to college.  The one she’s attending is pretty prestigious, so she’s kinda hopeful too, so there’s that.  But she’ll miss all of us here.

Next weekend, it’s my turn.

Yuki’s camped out on a futon in my room and we’re all going to sleep soon.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The girls and I had our last Friday night together for a while…  and maybe for a long while.  So they pretty much threw me and Liz a goodbye party.  I, well.. bawled again.   And, well, so did Liz.

They gave us both some gifts and lots of chocolate.  Awww.

Anyway…  our girl-pile last night was really, ummm….  bittersweet.  They were all a little more clingy than usual, and that made me a little sad.

So today we went to the mall to pick up some stuff for Liz’s trip…  I thought she was flying but she’s packing up the car with her family and driving to California.  Jack is doing the same.  So…  I’m going to pop over to wherever they’re staying overnight and spend a little time with them.  They both leave Monday.  Liz is heading for California so they’ll be staying in El Paso, Tucson, or Phoenix…  Jack’s heading for Toledo so he’ll probably be staying around Memphis.  And me, well, I’m hopping a plane to a small island nation…

I actually kind of wish I could take people with me when I “pop”, and I’m also kind of glad I can’t.  I can’t be exploited as easily if it’s just simply something I’m unable to do.  Beth has some ideas as to how to get around that restriction, but the Boss was clear.  Don’t play around, it’s dangerous.  Mrs. X. told me some stories a while ago of what it was like to pop out of a plane.  I think I mentioned this, but you basically have to just freefall for a few seconds while the air resistance slows you down to a speed that it can then make use of properly.  It can shield you somewhat, but it’s still really unpleasant and there’s always that worry of “what if it can’t match up?”  It always does, but it’s awful when it’s happening.

Anyway, this is happening.  I think I’m going to be kind of lonely next week.  Well, Yuki will be here.  I mentioned she’s staying over?

Yuki’s become a surprisingly good friend.  Not surprising because she’s a bad person, but because, well, she’s kind of unexpected.  I mean, a former idol who just happened to find her way into the same community college that I did?  And the funny thing is that for all of her idol cred, she really didn’t have much to do with my other interactions with idols, those happened entirely differently.  I guess I’m just destined to be a part of the idol world, even if just on the fringes.  No way I’d make a good “real” idol.  Beth might, though.  I don’t think Crystal would.  She’s too talented at the things that don’t matter for an idol, and not at the things that do.  She’d be terrible at pretending to like the otaku, for example.  She’d tell them to “zakennayo” and not think twice about that.  Not a good look for an idol…

I think Yuki will be a decent voiceover artist.  Suzuka does a bit of that, and she thinks it’s fun.

I haven’t said much about Suzuka and Haruna.  They had lots of fun here, but they’re glad to be back in Japan.  We’re all planning a big ol’ party (tasteful, of course) once Yuki and I get to Japan.. the aidols, the idol group, Suzuka, Haruna…  it’ll be fun.  But no drinking.  Not all of us are of age and, well, drunk Japanese people are only sometimes fun.  Jack probably won’t be there for that but we’ll have our own private party when he is.

It’s about a week, and I leave, and, well…  this all ends.

Alright…  I should go.  I’ve got much to do tomorrow and it’s late.  The girls are staying over tonight too.  They kinda don’t want to leave.  I completely understand.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m kinda sad.  Not “staring at the wall” sad, but.. sad.  I’m sad because everything I do with my sisters, and family, and even Jack.. it feels like things aren’t going to be the same in a few days, because they aren’t.  Is this what it feels like when something dies?

We all went to the mall today.  I needed to get some stuff for my trip, and, well, I just want to spend as much time as I can with everyone.  That’s why last weekend was so nice, everyone was together and we all just had a blast…  the aidols, the idols, all of us, Rebecca, her friends, Emiko’s family… everyone was there.  And all the singing and dancing was fun, but I just treasured all the time we were spending together…  all of us.  I wish I’d been able to say proper goodbyes but I had to support Jack.  Putting my sisters before Jack is a mistake I don’t want to keep making.  They’re all important to me, but my sisters are my sisters and Jack (hopefully) is my future.  I’ll always be able to spend time with my sisters, but if I lose Jack I don’t know how I’m going to replace him.  I mean, sure, I probably could, but, well, he’s Jack.  I didn’t just choose him because he was convenient.  I chose him because he’s Jack.  Besides, I popped over really quick to say goodbye to everyone (at least everyone who knows my secret).  And the idols/aidols, well…  I’ll be in Japan soon, so it’s not goodbye at all, not really.

I’m still sad, though.  I don’t know if I’m going to not be sad, at least for a while.  I can’t imagine I won’t be bawling like a baby when I get on the plane with Yuki and Emiko… but…  it needs to happen.  I need to go.  I need to look towards my future.

I just wish it didn’t feel a little like my sisters are the past.

How much my life has changed over the past three years.  I remember when I was found, how lost and confused I was, how I didn’t even know my name.  How every memory I have, I made here, with my new family and friends.  Even the bad memories, of which there thankfully aren’t too many, I made them all here.  And all the discoveries I made about myself, discoveries that changed my life and the lives of others (like Anathema), and I’ll never, ever be the same.  And all because of a stupid accident my birth parents did because they couldn’t be bothered to follow protocol.

I cried so hard that week, the week I was found.  I cried so hard that I ran out of tears and I still wanted to cry but I just couldn’t because there wasn’t any cry left.  But Sabby always made me feel welcome, like I was part of the family, and then I officially became part of the family.  And I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard since.  I mean, I cried, and sometimes a lot, but I’ve never cried so hard that I ran out of tears and just walked around like a zombie.  And then there’s the others as well, the owner, who supported me so well when I was working for him (I need to go and say goodbye), Robert (who I’ve pretty much forgiven, but he’ll never be a father to me like Dave is), and, well, the Boss, who seems to have had an outsized role in all this.  It turned out well.

For some of us, well, it didn’t start out that well either.  We found Crystal at a homeless shelter.  She’s grown up so much too, like I said yesterday.  She’s had a different set of challenges, but we all.. we’re all human.  All of us.  I have a few abilities most people don’t, but it doesn’t really matter, not really.  I’d give them all up in a second if it meant Crystal would be happy.  It wouldn’t and I can’t, but that’s how I feel.

The last three years have been so hard, but so…  so…  wonderful.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The end is near.

But other than that really ominous statement, everything’s mostly back to normal.  The Aidols are on their way back to Japan (I didn’t need to say goodbye because I’ll see them as much as I want in a couple of weeks), the idol group is back in Japan, Jack’s got his offer and is having a lawyer here look it over too…  one that specializes in international business.   But otherwise, things are a lot quieter than they were.  Liz, Jack, Yuki, and I are preparing for our moves to our respective places.  Yuki’s already said goodbye to her host family.  They were sad to see her go, but understood. They were actually a bit worried about how she didn’t seem to be making any friends here, so they were just happy she came out of her shell and had people to hang out with.  They were pretty nice, but low-energy, and Yuki was kind of working through her issues too.  But she’s going to be staying with me until we leave.  Sabby’s just happy she gets to spend as much time with me as she can before we go.

Jack’s preparing for his move to Toledo.  He’s not sure how that’s going to work out with his modeling job, but he and I agree that education is important.  He’ll just talk to his professors and make sure there isn’t a problem.  If there is, well, he’s a big boy, he’ll deal with it.

And Liz is preparing to move to California.  She’s hit it off a bit with Rebecca’s old friends, so she’ll have people to hang out with until she gets established, but she’s looking forward to it.

None of us are really looking forward to leaving each other, though.

It’s sunk in for the other girls, and they’re…  you can tell it’s weighing on them.  Crystal told me that she doesn’t know how they’re going to live without me.  I thought that was a weird thing to say, but she explained that I’ve been such a part of their lives over the past few years and was always there for support or hugs or whatever they needed that they were sad that I’d be gone.  I told them I wasn’t going to be completely gone, but she said she knows that when I go to Japan I’ll be busy and even though I can come back, that I probably won’t except on special occasions.  she understand… but it hurts.

It hurts me too, if I’m being honest.  It really hurts.  I’ve grown to love all of them too.  It’s not so much that they’re my best friends.. but they’re my sisters.  All of them.  I know I use the word “sister” a lot… but I’m not using it lightly.  I mean it.  they’re my sisters, and I love them deeply.  I don’t know what I’ll do without them either.  My bed will seem so lonely when there are no girl-piles in it.  Maybe Yuki will want to cuddle every now and then, and she’s welcome to, but it won’t be the same.  It won’t at all be the same.

Crystal is such an amazing girl.  She’s gone through so much, having been homeless when I met her, and experiencing the kind of trauma and abuse that I can only imagine, and I can’t really imagine it, really.  She even tried to kill herself.  But now, she’s blossomed.  She has her moments, but she’s turned out to be an amazing musician, and I know she’s going to go far once she gets to spread her wings.  I admire her so much, she’s so strong, and vulnerable, and…  and beautiful.  So beautiful.

Diana is such an amazing cook, and has such a big heart.  She’s the kind of girl that would make an amazing wife someday, you can just tell that when the right guy comes along she’ll give him her heart utterly, and without reservation.  She’s got a fiery temper, yes, but only when it’s really needed, and for the most part she’s calm and just loves to cook and do crafty stuff.  She’s a little like the mother of our group, always making sure we’re fed and fussing over us.  I love that about her.

Beth…  how do I describe Beth.  My beautiful sister Beth.  When I first met her, I never even thought we’d be friends, but now we’re sisters…  completely sisters.  She’s so intelligent, she thinks about things I can’t even imagine, and so much talent for math and science.  And yet, there’s music in her heart, too, and when she sings it’s almost enchanting.  Plus, she’s beautiful – like supermodel beautiful.  She’s got so much going for her, the only thing holding her back is herself.  But sometimes, I wonder if she’s really holding herself back.  I worry about her.

And Liz.  Beautiful Liz.  She’s not just my sister but my best friend.  My other sisters turn to me when they need me, but I turn to Liz when I need her, and she’s always, always there.  Sometimes she’ll just let me snuggle into her chest and let me cry, like Sabby does, and sometimes she’s so happy that it just bursts out and everything around her just seems brighter.  I love her so much, I love all my sisters so much, sometimes it’s scary how much I love them.

And…  it’s all going away.  All my sisters will always be sisters, but it won’t be the same.  We’re all growing up.  In a year, Crystal, Diana, and Beth will be off to college… and that will be it.

And of course there’s Sabby and Dave, too.  Sabby, my mother in every way, even name.  The woman who adopted me, the woman who always has a chest ready for me to cry on, the woman who sometimes gets mad at me and goes all Claire Huxtable, the woman who’s been through almost as much as Crystal but is so strong and so beautiful… how much I love her.  And Dave, Dave, that silly balding man who has pressure washer accidents, but who I can never beat in a prank war… that man who always has wisdom for me, and I know in his own way he loves me every bit as much as his other children.  He’s quiet, and reserved, and loves his family as fiercely as I hope Jack does if and/or when we finally end up together.

And, of course, David.  he’s, well, David.  I haven’t gotten to know him all that well, but that’s mostly because he tends to hole up in his room playing video games and getting into trouble.  But I can already see glimpses of the man he’ll be someday, and, well…  I hope he can live up to his potential.

And don’t forget Jack, my wonderful boyfriend.  Sometimes we have our problems, like lately, but I know his heart, and it’s a good heart.  He’ll make a wonderful husband and a wonderful father someday, I know it, and I think he’s going to find out who he is soon.  When he does, I look forward to meeting him again for the first time.  Well, you know what I mean.  I’m sure I’ll love whoever he turns out to be.  After all, it’ll still be Jack, and I did choose him for a reason other than just how incredibly hot he is.

This is my family, these are my sisters, these are the people I love.  I left a few of the people I talk to less often out, but I love them too… I love everyone, so, so much.  My heart bursts sometimes with how much I love everyone, and… and, even when I go to Japan, I’ll still love them, I’ll always love them, I’ll always love them.

But it’s time to start my new life.  My new, grown-up life.  It’s time to make new friends and meet new sisters and learn all about a culture that is half my heritage.  This is growing up, this is what growing up’s about.

And all of you.  The ones who’ve been following me on my journey for the last three years.  You’re family to me too.  Don’t forget me, don’t ever forget me.

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack’s on his way back from Japan now, and I’m pretty tired.  He got the “job”, such as it is.  Right now they just want to use him in some advertising shoots and that kinda stuff, and if it works out, they’ll have more for him to do.  They said they’d work around his college, though he might have a few weekends with some long commutes.  He just shrugged, and said a long plane flight is a great time to get homework done.  Plus, some classes are remote, and with wi-fi… he might be able to actually attend on the plane.  Wouldn’t that be weird…

He’s probably right about that, though.  Can’t really do much on a plane but homework.

I had to find him a Japanese lawyer/agent on very short notice, but thankfully I know some people, and they were able to pull strings to at least get someone who could look over the contract and look out for his interests.  I could translate, but no way am I giving legal advice.  This is ALL him, and I promised both him and me that I wouldn’t interfere.

He’s not making a huge amount of money to start, but it pays pretty well, and they’re paying for his flights.  So there’s that.  All he really had to promise was that he wouldn’t sign with anyone else for a while.  He wasn’t even going to sign with them, so he was fine with that.

After his business meeting, we went to see the sights.  I took him to Akihabara where he got some gadgets, he seemed to have a lot of fun. I took him to a maid cafe too, frankly, I kinda wanted to show him off, and also to see if the maids would start blushing and tripping over themselves.  Spoiler:  a couple did.  MINE.

He seemed to like the attention, and I told him it was fine to look, but don’t touch.  He did that little frantic nod nervous guys do.  Besides, it’s a maid cafe.  They don’t usually much like touching anyway (though apparently when David’s around they make an exception, hah!)  One of them was stammering like a nervous schoolgirl and ran away blushing when he gave his order.  Hahah!! MINE!!!  And, well, let’s be honest… a couple of those girls are quite a bit more stacked than I, so I don’t blame him for looking.  I caught a few peeks myself, being honest.  and their maid costumes are cute too.

He’s still not, well, happy, but I think he does appreciate that he has his own reason to go to Japan now, and, well, he’s learning a skill.  Personally, I’d never be a model like that, but nothing wrong with it.  I’ll support him.

Well, while I was off in Japan (I hated having to leave as abruptly as I did), the rest of the girls had a blast.  The next day was another meet and greet, this time, a combined one with the idols and the onee-chan sisters, and the weebs were having a blast.  They signed merch (and everyone got a small cut of the merch they were on), shook hands, answered a few questions…  and then everyone dispersed home.  So while Jack’s in the air, I popped home, and now it’s time to sleep.  My body clock is a little wacked out now – another reason why I don’t really want to head home too much.

Now, I guess….  it’s time to make the final preparations with Yuki to move to Japan, at least for a while.  It’s not long at all until this all ends, and the new chapter of my life starts.

I wanna cry.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack’s in Japan now, he arrived late this afternoon.  I’m going to pop over to see him in a bit.  He’s got an interview, etc., tomorrow, though I told him not to sign anything without a Japanese lawyer to look it all over.  I’ll find him one in the morning.

He can’t speak Japanese so he’ll need me for a bit.  But I’m not going to interfere!  Promise!  Just going to make sure he doesn’t hit any unexpected roadblocks.

Anyway, the performance was really fun.  So they did a few of their songs and dances, and half way through they did a little video presentation, of the original video that someone took, and then some footage of all of us goofing around together during the week (they edited that fast).  Then they said “welcome…  train onee-chan and her sisters!!!”  And we all got up on stage and everyone cheered, and started chanting “onee-chan!  onee-chan!”.  That was a little embarrassing.  All I could do was bow.

I think that’s the first time we actually took that role.  You know, train onee-chan and her sisters.  We’ve done a few other things similar, but this is the first time we actually all stood in one group with that moniker.

I thought Rebecca was going to faint, and Crystal was going to, well… ummm…  she likes attention, apparently.

So they had us all introduce ourselves, and apparently a couple of us were really cute because the audience yelled “Awww” and “ganbatte!”.  I didn’t know Diana could blush that deeply…

Then we did our performance.  It went okay.  It’s such a different feeling than playing in front of an audience for the symphony, or even when the idols were doing their performance in front of the symphony.  There were hundreds or thousands of people, all with glow sticks, who were waving them around and chanting and doing wotagei, and it was so high energy!  They love the idols and you could see the idols love them, too.  We just did our routine that we’ve been practicing for months for, and afterwards everyone was cheering and we were all hugging each other and dancing around as we exited the stage.

We’re still a little wired.

And then it was over.

We went backstage…  and I cried.  I couldn’t help it.  I sobbed like a baby.  I guess it finally actually hit me that it’s all ending now, we’re all growing up.  A couple of the otaku saw me and asked me if I was alright….  I said I was but one of the wives stayed with me until I felt better.  Married otaku.  Maybe I assumed too much.  She had purple hair and lip rings (and was dressed like Marin Kitagawa in her succubus costume) but she seemed nice.  I wonder what Sabby would have thought of her.

The girls kind of mobbed me too, well, we mobbed each other, and a couple of them were gushing about how happy they were and how much they love me and how much they appreciated that kind of opportunity, and it just made me cry harder.  I’m happy, yes, but I’m sad too.  So sad.

It’s over, and we’re about to go out separate ways.  Of all of us, I think Liz understands the most, because there were tears in her eyes, too.

I need to get ready to go to Japan for a little while.

Love you all!!!