Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m kinda sad.  Not “staring at the wall” sad, but.. sad.  I’m sad because everything I do with my sisters, and family, and even Jack.. it feels like things aren’t going to be the same in a few days, because they aren’t.  Is this what it feels like when something dies?

We all went to the mall today.  I needed to get some stuff for my trip, and, well, I just want to spend as much time as I can with everyone.  That’s why last weekend was so nice, everyone was together and we all just had a blast…  the aidols, the idols, all of us, Rebecca, her friends, Emiko’s family… everyone was there.  And all the singing and dancing was fun, but I just treasured all the time we were spending together…  all of us.  I wish I’d been able to say proper goodbyes but I had to support Jack.  Putting my sisters before Jack is a mistake I don’t want to keep making.  They’re all important to me, but my sisters are my sisters and Jack (hopefully) is my future.  I’ll always be able to spend time with my sisters, but if I lose Jack I don’t know how I’m going to replace him.  I mean, sure, I probably could, but, well, he’s Jack.  I didn’t just choose him because he was convenient.  I chose him because he’s Jack.  Besides, I popped over really quick to say goodbye to everyone (at least everyone who knows my secret).  And the idols/aidols, well…  I’ll be in Japan soon, so it’s not goodbye at all, not really.

I’m still sad, though.  I don’t know if I’m going to not be sad, at least for a while.  I can’t imagine I won’t be bawling like a baby when I get on the plane with Yuki and Emiko… but…  it needs to happen.  I need to go.  I need to look towards my future.

I just wish it didn’t feel a little like my sisters are the past.

How much my life has changed over the past three years.  I remember when I was found, how lost and confused I was, how I didn’t even know my name.  How every memory I have, I made here, with my new family and friends.  Even the bad memories, of which there thankfully aren’t too many, I made them all here.  And all the discoveries I made about myself, discoveries that changed my life and the lives of others (like Anathema), and I’ll never, ever be the same.  And all because of a stupid accident my birth parents did because they couldn’t be bothered to follow protocol.

I cried so hard that week, the week I was found.  I cried so hard that I ran out of tears and I still wanted to cry but I just couldn’t because there wasn’t any cry left.  But Sabby always made me feel welcome, like I was part of the family, and then I officially became part of the family.  And I don’t know if I’ve ever cried that hard since.  I mean, I cried, and sometimes a lot, but I’ve never cried so hard that I ran out of tears and just walked around like a zombie.  And then there’s the others as well, the owner, who supported me so well when I was working for him (I need to go and say goodbye), Robert (who I’ve pretty much forgiven, but he’ll never be a father to me like Dave is), and, well, the Boss, who seems to have had an outsized role in all this.  It turned out well.

For some of us, well, it didn’t start out that well either.  We found Crystal at a homeless shelter.  She’s grown up so much too, like I said yesterday.  She’s had a different set of challenges, but we all.. we’re all human.  All of us.  I have a few abilities most people don’t, but it doesn’t really matter, not really.  I’d give them all up in a second if it meant Crystal would be happy.  It wouldn’t and I can’t, but that’s how I feel.

The last three years have been so hard, but so…  so…  wonderful.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The end is near.

But other than that really ominous statement, everything’s mostly back to normal.  The Aidols are on their way back to Japan (I didn’t need to say goodbye because I’ll see them as much as I want in a couple of weeks), the idol group is back in Japan, Jack’s got his offer and is having a lawyer here look it over too…  one that specializes in international business.   But otherwise, things are a lot quieter than they were.  Liz, Jack, Yuki, and I are preparing for our moves to our respective places.  Yuki’s already said goodbye to her host family.  They were sad to see her go, but understood. They were actually a bit worried about how she didn’t seem to be making any friends here, so they were just happy she came out of her shell and had people to hang out with.  They were pretty nice, but low-energy, and Yuki was kind of working through her issues too.  But she’s going to be staying with me until we leave.  Sabby’s just happy she gets to spend as much time with me as she can before we go.

Jack’s preparing for his move to Toledo.  He’s not sure how that’s going to work out with his modeling job, but he and I agree that education is important.  He’ll just talk to his professors and make sure there isn’t a problem.  If there is, well, he’s a big boy, he’ll deal with it.

And Liz is preparing to move to California.  She’s hit it off a bit with Rebecca’s old friends, so she’ll have people to hang out with until she gets established, but she’s looking forward to it.

None of us are really looking forward to leaving each other, though.

It’s sunk in for the other girls, and they’re…  you can tell it’s weighing on them.  Crystal told me that she doesn’t know how they’re going to live without me.  I thought that was a weird thing to say, but she explained that I’ve been such a part of their lives over the past few years and was always there for support or hugs or whatever they needed that they were sad that I’d be gone.  I told them I wasn’t going to be completely gone, but she said she knows that when I go to Japan I’ll be busy and even though I can come back, that I probably won’t except on special occasions.  she understand… but it hurts.

It hurts me too, if I’m being honest.  It really hurts.  I’ve grown to love all of them too.  It’s not so much that they’re my best friends.. but they’re my sisters.  All of them.  I know I use the word “sister” a lot… but I’m not using it lightly.  I mean it.  they’re my sisters, and I love them deeply.  I don’t know what I’ll do without them either.  My bed will seem so lonely when there are no girl-piles in it.  Maybe Yuki will want to cuddle every now and then, and she’s welcome to, but it won’t be the same.  It won’t at all be the same.

Crystal is such an amazing girl.  She’s gone through so much, having been homeless when I met her, and experiencing the kind of trauma and abuse that I can only imagine, and I can’t really imagine it, really.  She even tried to kill herself.  But now, she’s blossomed.  She has her moments, but she’s turned out to be an amazing musician, and I know she’s going to go far once she gets to spread her wings.  I admire her so much, she’s so strong, and vulnerable, and…  and beautiful.  So beautiful.

Diana is such an amazing cook, and has such a big heart.  She’s the kind of girl that would make an amazing wife someday, you can just tell that when the right guy comes along she’ll give him her heart utterly, and without reservation.  She’s got a fiery temper, yes, but only when it’s really needed, and for the most part she’s calm and just loves to cook and do crafty stuff.  She’s a little like the mother of our group, always making sure we’re fed and fussing over us.  I love that about her.

Beth…  how do I describe Beth.  My beautiful sister Beth.  When I first met her, I never even thought we’d be friends, but now we’re sisters…  completely sisters.  She’s so intelligent, she thinks about things I can’t even imagine, and so much talent for math and science.  And yet, there’s music in her heart, too, and when she sings it’s almost enchanting.  Plus, she’s beautiful – like supermodel beautiful.  She’s got so much going for her, the only thing holding her back is herself.  But sometimes, I wonder if she’s really holding herself back.  I worry about her.

And Liz.  Beautiful Liz.  She’s not just my sister but my best friend.  My other sisters turn to me when they need me, but I turn to Liz when I need her, and she’s always, always there.  Sometimes she’ll just let me snuggle into her chest and let me cry, like Sabby does, and sometimes she’s so happy that it just bursts out and everything around her just seems brighter.  I love her so much, I love all my sisters so much, sometimes it’s scary how much I love them.

And…  it’s all going away.  All my sisters will always be sisters, but it won’t be the same.  We’re all growing up.  In a year, Crystal, Diana, and Beth will be off to college… and that will be it.

And of course there’s Sabby and Dave, too.  Sabby, my mother in every way, even name.  The woman who adopted me, the woman who always has a chest ready for me to cry on, the woman who sometimes gets mad at me and goes all Claire Huxtable, the woman who’s been through almost as much as Crystal but is so strong and so beautiful… how much I love her.  And Dave, Dave, that silly balding man who has pressure washer accidents, but who I can never beat in a prank war… that man who always has wisdom for me, and I know in his own way he loves me every bit as much as his other children.  He’s quiet, and reserved, and loves his family as fiercely as I hope Jack does if and/or when we finally end up together.

And, of course, David.  he’s, well, David.  I haven’t gotten to know him all that well, but that’s mostly because he tends to hole up in his room playing video games and getting into trouble.  But I can already see glimpses of the man he’ll be someday, and, well…  I hope he can live up to his potential.

And don’t forget Jack, my wonderful boyfriend.  Sometimes we have our problems, like lately, but I know his heart, and it’s a good heart.  He’ll make a wonderful husband and a wonderful father someday, I know it, and I think he’s going to find out who he is soon.  When he does, I look forward to meeting him again for the first time.  Well, you know what I mean.  I’m sure I’ll love whoever he turns out to be.  After all, it’ll still be Jack, and I did choose him for a reason other than just how incredibly hot he is.

This is my family, these are my sisters, these are the people I love.  I left a few of the people I talk to less often out, but I love them too… I love everyone, so, so much.  My heart bursts sometimes with how much I love everyone, and… and, even when I go to Japan, I’ll still love them, I’ll always love them, I’ll always love them.

But it’s time to start my new life.  My new, grown-up life.  It’s time to make new friends and meet new sisters and learn all about a culture that is half my heritage.  This is growing up, this is what growing up’s about.

And all of you.  The ones who’ve been following me on my journey for the last three years.  You’re family to me too.  Don’t forget me, don’t ever forget me.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack’s on his way back from Japan now, and I’m pretty tired.  He got the “job”, such as it is.  Right now they just want to use him in some advertising shoots and that kinda stuff, and if it works out, they’ll have more for him to do.  They said they’d work around his college, though he might have a few weekends with some long commutes.  He just shrugged, and said a long plane flight is a great time to get homework done.  Plus, some classes are remote, and with wi-fi… he might be able to actually attend on the plane.  Wouldn’t that be weird…

He’s probably right about that, though.  Can’t really do much on a plane but homework.

I had to find him a Japanese lawyer/agent on very short notice, but thankfully I know some people, and they were able to pull strings to at least get someone who could look over the contract and look out for his interests.  I could translate, but no way am I giving legal advice.  This is ALL him, and I promised both him and me that I wouldn’t interfere.

He’s not making a huge amount of money to start, but it pays pretty well, and they’re paying for his flights.  So there’s that.  All he really had to promise was that he wouldn’t sign with anyone else for a while.  He wasn’t even going to sign with them, so he was fine with that.

After his business meeting, we went to see the sights.  I took him to Akihabara where he got some gadgets, he seemed to have a lot of fun. I took him to a maid cafe too, frankly, I kinda wanted to show him off, and also to see if the maids would start blushing and tripping over themselves.  Spoiler:  a couple did.  MINE.

He seemed to like the attention, and I told him it was fine to look, but don’t touch.  He did that little frantic nod nervous guys do.  Besides, it’s a maid cafe.  They don’t usually much like touching anyway (though apparently when David’s around they make an exception, hah!)  One of them was stammering like a nervous schoolgirl and ran away blushing when he gave his order.  Hahah!! MINE!!!  And, well, let’s be honest… a couple of those girls are quite a bit more stacked than I, so I don’t blame him for looking.  I caught a few peeks myself, being honest.  and their maid costumes are cute too.

He’s still not, well, happy, but I think he does appreciate that he has his own reason to go to Japan now, and, well, he’s learning a skill.  Personally, I’d never be a model like that, but nothing wrong with it.  I’ll support him.

Well, while I was off in Japan (I hated having to leave as abruptly as I did), the rest of the girls had a blast.  The next day was another meet and greet, this time, a combined one with the idols and the onee-chan sisters, and the weebs were having a blast.  They signed merch (and everyone got a small cut of the merch they were on), shook hands, answered a few questions…  and then everyone dispersed home.  So while Jack’s in the air, I popped home, and now it’s time to sleep.  My body clock is a little wacked out now – another reason why I don’t really want to head home too much.

Now, I guess….  it’s time to make the final preparations with Yuki to move to Japan, at least for a while.  It’s not long at all until this all ends, and the new chapter of my life starts.

I wanna cry.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack’s in Japan now, he arrived late this afternoon.  I’m going to pop over to see him in a bit.  He’s got an interview, etc., tomorrow, though I told him not to sign anything without a Japanese lawyer to look it all over.  I’ll find him one in the morning.

He can’t speak Japanese so he’ll need me for a bit.  But I’m not going to interfere!  Promise!  Just going to make sure he doesn’t hit any unexpected roadblocks.

Anyway, the performance was really fun.  So they did a few of their songs and dances, and half way through they did a little video presentation, of the original video that someone took, and then some footage of all of us goofing around together during the week (they edited that fast).  Then they said “welcome…  train onee-chan and her sisters!!!”  And we all got up on stage and everyone cheered, and started chanting “onee-chan!  onee-chan!”.  That was a little embarrassing.  All I could do was bow.

I think that’s the first time we actually took that role.  You know, train onee-chan and her sisters.  We’ve done a few other things similar, but this is the first time we actually all stood in one group with that moniker.

I thought Rebecca was going to faint, and Crystal was going to, well… ummm…  she likes attention, apparently.

So they had us all introduce ourselves, and apparently a couple of us were really cute because the audience yelled “Awww” and “ganbatte!”.  I didn’t know Diana could blush that deeply…

Then we did our performance.  It went okay.  It’s such a different feeling than playing in front of an audience for the symphony, or even when the idols were doing their performance in front of the symphony.  There were hundreds or thousands of people, all with glow sticks, who were waving them around and chanting and doing wotagei, and it was so high energy!  They love the idols and you could see the idols love them, too.  We just did our routine that we’ve been practicing for months for, and afterwards everyone was cheering and we were all hugging each other and dancing around as we exited the stage.

We’re still a little wired.

And then it was over.

We went backstage…  and I cried.  I couldn’t help it.  I sobbed like a baby.  I guess it finally actually hit me that it’s all ending now, we’re all growing up.  A couple of the otaku saw me and asked me if I was alright….  I said I was but one of the wives stayed with me until I felt better.  Married otaku.  Maybe I assumed too much.  She had purple hair and lip rings (and was dressed like Marin Kitagawa in her succubus costume) but she seemed nice.  I wonder what Sabby would have thought of her.

The girls kind of mobbed me too, well, we mobbed each other, and a couple of them were gushing about how happy they were and how much they love me and how much they appreciated that kind of opportunity, and it just made me cry harder.  I’m happy, yes, but I’m sad too.  So sad.

It’s over, and we’re about to go out separate ways.  Of all of us, I think Liz understands the most, because there were tears in her eyes, too.

I need to get ready to go to Japan for a little while.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And you get a daytime diary!!!

Well, actually, I’ve been so busy the past couple of days I forgot.  There’s been so much to do we’ve barely had time to sleep.  And I can’t imagine what it’s like for the idols!!!  So today we’re all dressed in our “school uniforms” (except for me, who’s wearing something cute like I wore on the train) and we’re getting ready for our big performance.

Anyway… the past couple of days… lots of practice.  The idols had a sound check to do for all their different songs, and then we had stage blocking and all that stuff to do, it took a long time.  But we’re all well enough practiced that it went okay.  There hasn’t been a whole lot of drama, when we weren’t actually up there, then we just kinda sat in the “audience” and watched them do their stuff.  They’re not professional in the same sense as the symphony I worked with, but they knew what they were doing and got lots of different instructions from the chorographer and producer.  They even brought Yuki up to help, because she’s kinda their “senpai” and they respect her, so she had some pretty good ideas as to how to make their performance better.

Today we have a handshake event before the performance, and that’s going to start after lunch, so I have to make this short (like I ever do!)

Anyway… Crystal kinda had a meltdown last night.  All her anxiety and, well, trauma, kinda caught up with her, and she started hyperventilating and stuff.  They texted me and I actually ended up popping over and we all comforted her.  She was so stressed out she actually came on to me, but I told her to cut that out and just let us hug her, or go into the bathroom and take care of business and THEN let us hug her.  Thankfully, she just let us hug her..

Yeah, that actually can help, but we’re not helping her!

She’s not really like that, but she’s a little more, well, free with that than the rest of us, I guess it’s because of her experience, and she just really needed comfort, and that’s mostly how she knows how to get it.  But none of us took the bait (and we’re not really like that either, it just never really occurs to us).  It took a little while but she finally calmed down and went to sleep, but I could tell it was fitful, so I explained to jack that Crystal needs me and that I’ll be back later.  He understood – he likes Crystal, too.  He feels pretty bad for her, even though they don’t interact as much as the rest of us do.

She’s never done that before, but she’s also never been quite this stressed before.

She woke up in the middle of the night sobbing, but we talked her through it and she went back to sleep.  She’s not as much of a mess this morning as you might think, I think it really helped her.  She actually seems a bit cheerful this morning.

Jack is flying off to Japan right now – they got him a ticket far faster than I thought they would, and it helps that he’s already in Houston.   He’ll be there this evening my time.  I need to do the performance so I can’t meet him, but I can meet him after, and he’s okay with that.  I want to show him a few sights, when he’s not doing his interview/scouting.

Truthfully, this isn’t what I want him to do for a living, but if it helps him feel better about himself and to feel like he can stand toe to toe with me, I’ll support him.  And, well, there are worse ways to make money, as long as you can save up for when your looks fade…

Okay, we’ve got to get lunch, then do our meet n’ greet.  There’s a surprising number of actual Japanese folks here today, and a lot of them know who we are, so they’ve bene stopping us as we go through the convention hall.  We don’t get security like the idols, but truthfully, we don’t really need it all that much.  Someone groped Crystal and he got laid out pretty fast – Crystal doesn’t mess around and she’s got some muscles on her.  Then security came and took him away and that’s all that happened.

He was cosplaying as a demon lord and she as a Japanese schoolgirl, so as awful as that was, the video already went viral.  Too many people around thought it was a skit…  even when security came and dragged him away.

Love you all, I’ll let you know how it goes!!!

I got my revenge!! Hahahaha!!!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Today we had our outing with the idols!!!

There were so many of us that we split into groups!!!  There were like three groups, with three or four idols each.  I got the group with Miki and Minami.  We all decided what to do and took a camera crew along.  We all went to the space center.  Other groups went to the theme park, and the beach (though Houston’s beach is kind of ugly).  It was pretty fun, Miki was amazed at all the rockets.

After we all got back, we had some free time, so all of us just hung out in the studio with a few pizzas and other take out food, and we pigged out.  That was fun too, we all just chatted and danced around and listened to j-pop, etc.  Some of the idols spoke, well, semi-passable English, so there was a lot of chatting between the “onee-chan girls” and the idols.  It’s like I keep saying, at the end of the day, we’re all humans, right?  The camera crew hung around and got some footage of us goofing off, and had some questions to ask too.  I imagine they’ll subtitle the English answers.

Tomorrow we all head for the actual convention center where we’re going to rehearse on the actual stage – they just built it and we need to do sound checks and stuff.

Jack’s a little excited about his interview in Japan.  I hope it goes well for him.  Selfishly, too.  I’m trying to work it out so I’ll be there when he arrives, but I don’t know the exact timing yet.

Honestly…  I hope this marks the whole onee-chan thing running its course.  It was fun but I think it’s milked dry.

It’s not long before I leave for Japan… for good.

Jack and I talked more last night.  I think…  I messed this up.  Badly.  But…  all I can do is apologize and move forward from here.  Thankfully, he’s willing to try, still.  My feelings aren’t where I messed up.  My, well, lack of respect for him is.  Maybe he’ll be happy modelling and then can feel like he can stand toe to toe with me, and maybe he’ll be a little more accomplished and motivated, but that doesn’t change things much.  He does love me, though.  And I love him.  As much as we need to learn what that really means, I still think it counts for a lot.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Jack told me last night that he admires me.

I…  couldn’t really return the sentiment.

He’s a nice boy.  I do love him.  But he can also be a little unmotivated and lazy, and he just kind of skates through life, sometimes.  it’s not that he’s not smart or anything, he is.  But it takes extreme measures to get him to want to do anything.

He says it’s partly because his parents always expected so much out of him as a child and he… couldn’t deliver.  Maybe it’s a Chinese thing.  Japanese can be the same way, sometimes.

He’s not offended by that, really.  He’s hurt, but not offended.  He’s pretty self-aware.  He knows he hasn’t done a tenth of the interesting stuff I have.  A part of it, of course, is just due to luck on my part, so I don’t blame him for any of it, but…  but.

That’s a part of why he feels left out.  It’s a more general sense of insecurity.

But that might change.  The producer wanted to talk to him today.  I came along and translated.  The general idea is, Jack is a pretty attractive boy.  I’ve always said that.  He might be lazy and unmotivated, but he never fails to turn heads – you should have seen the idols trying not to blush and get all tongue-tied when they met him.  So the producer thinks he would be a pretty good male model in Japan.

Thing is…  they’re not wrong.  He probably would be really good at it.

That kind of fit into our conversation about how he, well, feels inferior to me and like I’m just dragging him along with me while I do everything.

Apparently it pays really well and they can work around his college schedule, as long as he can work things around, too.  Biggest challenge will be the “commute”, he might become a “frequent flyer” between America and Japan.  And they might even be able to come to Ohio to work with him, too.

We’re going to talk about it but I think he’s going to accept.  He’ll need to fly to Japan pretty soon, like next weekend, for an interview and a talent scout thing, but he seems somewhat enthusiastic about it.

I think what means the most to him is that he won’t really be in my shadow anymore.  Heck, I might be in his if he’s as attractive as we all think he is.

So, there’s that.  We’ll see how it works out.  He does seem to feel a little better about himself, and us, now.  So that’s good.

Otherwise, we all practiced a lot today while the idols were “out on the town” doing fun stuff for the cameras.  We had a camera crew on us too watching us practice.  The choreographer gave us some individual attention and it’s turning out pretty well.  The idols come back tomorrow and then we’re all going to do something fun.  Dunno what.  then, Thursday, it’s time to put it all together.

Girls are nervous but no one’s falling on their face anymore and it turns out most of us can come close to putting our heel to our chin now, so…  I think we’re as ready as we’ll be.

Time for bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And I’ve made such a mess of things.  Oh well.  At Jack and I are still talking.  Basically, after dinner, we both take a shower and then hole up in our room until it’s time to get up.  Most of the time, we just talk.  Sometimes we’ll cuddle up, and talk some more.   Sometimes most of our clothes end up in a pile and we cuddle up that way and then talk some more.  We don’t do a whole lot that you might think, though.  Talking is more important, but that does help us bond, I think.

It’s nice to wake up in his arms, even if we haven’t done anything, well, interesting.  That just doesn’t seem right, right now.  Not while we’re trying to work out whether we’re going to work out at all.

Anyway, while we were all out, Emiko and Bill took Jack out to do something fun, too.  They never had a son, so I think they’re just kind of taking advantage of the opportunity.  Besides, he might become a sort of in-law someday.

So the idols hopped on a bus early, we didn’t really see them.  We all dressed in some cute outfits and did our interviews.  First there was a local station and a national news outlet too, and they asked all the silly questions you might expect.  You know, “how did you end up famous in Japan”, “what are your names”, “what’s your hobbies”, that kind of thing.  And then after all that was done, the Japanese media took over and asked us a bunch of questions too.  “What do you think of Japan”, “How well do you all get along”, “what’s your favorite Japanese food”, you know, that kind of thing.  Most of us had the kind of answers they were expecting, so it all worked out.

That took a little while… after that, we all hopped on the bus and went swimsuit shopping.  It was a little embarrassing trying out all those swimsuits with the ccameras around, but we got used to it pretty quickly, and they were respectful.  As I expected, we commandeered a swimsuit shop, and we took turns going in, trying suits on, coming out and spinning around a bit… and at the end we all chose one we liked and they paid for it.  There was some special underwear we put on so we didn’t actually get the suits dirty.

After that, we all took our swimsuits and went to the waterpark, and had fun for a few hours while the cameras were all getting pictures of us splishing and splashing.  No one lost their top, thankfully.  But Japanese media is pretty good about that, at least.

We did “kidnap” the choreographer, too.  The camera crews kinda played that up, we had to blindfold her and (loosely) bound her hands (just for show) and “forced” her onto the bus.  “You’re coming with us”.  haha.  But she was a good sport and had fun at the waterpark too.

Anyway, we all came back to the studio and rehearsed a little before calling it a night.  I guess the idols all had fun, I got a text from Miki, and a photo of them all sitting around a table in an Italian restaurant stuffing themselves.  So it all worked out.

I did talk to the producer.  He told me he might have an opportunity for Jack, and wants to talk to Jack tomorrow.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Last night, Jack and I did a lot more talking.  I really did screw up.  I mean, I really, really screwed up.

I didn’t treat Jack right.

I didn’t realize how badly I screwed up until Jack and I started talking so much.  He’s really hurt.  He’s mostly hurt because he really does feel like he’s just an accessory for me.  Someone I drag out when I’m in the mood, not someone I actually want to be with.  He’d be wrong about that, but it doesn’t matter, that’s how he feels.

I asked him why he didn’t take more of a lead, and he said he just didn’t feel like I’d be receptive.

Maybe he’s wrong about that.  But maybe he’s not, and that maybe is enough to make me wanna cry.  Hard.

Because I actually do care about him.  I’ve just really, really sucked at showing it.  A few fun times when his parents aren’t home isn’t showing that.  It’s fun, but not really showing that, not in the way he needs it.

I’ve spent so much more time with my sisters than him, and maybe it should have been the other way around.  Or maybe it shouldn’t, but it’s enough of an open question…

Anyway, today we worked on choreography again.  All of us.  It’s kind of controlled chaos, all the idols are in the middle of the room doing their thing, and we’re all kinda circled around doing our thing as well, and sometimes bumping into each other or falling on our faces.  We’re getting better but there’s a lot of practice and rehearsal needed.  The idols have been really nice about it, they know we’re not pros.  Except for Yuki, who’s taken to it like a duck to water.

But we’re a lot better, and the idols are very reassuring that the fans will be very supportive, especially in Houston.  There’s definitely a “hometown girls” kinda vibe to it, which they’re going to play up a little.

So tomorrow they’re doing their “Houston tour” thing, where they get on a bus and see the sights, and we’re going to do our interviews, get a lot of practice, and maybe kidnap the choreographer too.  We’ve already told her we want to do that, and she just giggled and said “oh well, I guess it can’t be helped.”  Which is a polite Japanese way of saying “I’m in!”  So maybe we’ll take her to a waterpark or something.

The producer’s all in too, but he wants us to bring along a camera crew, and he’s providing a bus, too.  So….  yeah.  It’ll be a thing.  Maybe they’ll make it a special mini-documentary “Our choreographer gets kidnapped and showed around Houston by a bunch of American girls!”.  I bet that’d actually be popular.   Yuki wants to come along too, so between her and I, there won’t be too much of a language barrier.

She protested she doesn’t have a swimsuit, so we’ll take her to buy one too, and probably have a camera crew for her to model different ones.  I don’t know how she feels about that, but the glint in the producer’s eyes when he realized the fanservice potential meant she probably won’t have much choice.  But she’ll get to choose the ones she wants to model, I’m going to make sure of that, anyway.  and the choreographer is an older lady, but she’s beautiful.  She doesn’t have anything to worry about, and the blushing will just make her cuter.

Plus she gets some extra pay for it.  You know Japanese media, never pass up a chance for fanservice…

Sadly, we’ll all probably have to model a few too, but I don’t care, as long as they pay for the ones we choose.

Never thought I’d be a gravure model, haha.  But, no, it won’t be quite like that.  It’ll just be come out, spin, say “yes or no”, and go back into the dressing room.  Anything more, and I’ll be putting my foot down, and Yuki agrees.

The producer knows not to mess with us too much, haha.

I’m sure they can make it interesting in editing, you know with the picture in picture, sound effects, Japanese text, and narrator…

I did tell the girls if they need to shave anything, well, now’s the time.  All the blushing, but they listened.  And they’ll probably have their hair done up tomorrow because some of the makeup crew won’t have anything to do, what with the idol group being out and about..

Anyway…  other than that, I’m really tired, and it’s about time to go to bed again and have more talking time with Jack.  He might come with us tomorrow, but he might not.  We’ll see.  Actually, the producer had a thoughtful look on his face when he met Jack… I wonder what that’s about.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

What a busy day!!!

Well, Jack and I spent a lot of time last night cuddled up and talking.  He’s hurt.  I mean he’s really hurt.  I didn’t know how hurt he was but he’s hurt.  He put on a brave face because he didn’t feel like he had a right to be, but… well, he was.  And I don’t really blame him.  I think I would have been, too.

We don’t have any solutions yet.  But at least talking is happening.  Sabby and Allison’s mother tell me that’s very important.

Anyway, we got up early this morning and went over to a studio that they’d rented for the week, and, well, first everyone met all the idols.  I man, we’ve met Miki and of course Miniami, and the aidols have spent a bit of time, but everyone else hadn’t, so we spent a little time getting to know each other.  There’s a significant language barrier so Yuki and I did a lot of translation, but it all worked out.  After that, we spent pretty much the entire day rehearsing our routine.  It was fun, but exhausting, and since most of the girls have never actually been in a group like that, we’re pretty raw.  But the choreographer was patient and said she thinks we’ll do well enough.

They ordered in lunch, so we ate and talked (as much as we could).  The idols are very jet-lagged, and so afterwards they took a bit of a nap before we did afternoon rehearsal.

Basically, the idols are doing to sing their song and do their dance, but we’re all going to be doing chants (“hai! hai!”), swishing around pom poms, and basically doing some marginally athletic cheer moves in our “school uniforms”.  It’s kinda silly but I think it’ll work out well.  We mostly have to be sure to not get in their way and not flub our moves too bad.  They chose moves for us that are tolerant of mistakes (you know, jump around, kick our legs up in the air, a couple of us will do backflips…  that’s what a lot of the rehearsal’s been about, making sure we don’t hurt ourselves), but of course, they’re Japanese, if we “ganbatte” then we can’t really make mistakes.  It’ll be alright.

Not all of us are that athletic, though, so some of us are just kind of prancing around.  but, there’s a particular way to prance that we had to learn…  And the synchronized cartwheels were challenging.

They told us to get to a store and get some “spanx” though so we don’t end up flashing the audience.  Yeah, Yuki did warn me about that.

Anyway, tomorrow, we’re going to do some more work, and then the idols are going on a tour of Houston, which we won’t be going on.   We’ll get to use the studio though if we want to practice on our own, and the choreographer will be around because there’s no need for her to go on the outing with the idols.  After a couple of days of that, we’re going to have our own day out with the idols (that’s quite a few girls, that’s going to be a bit of a mess, but fun), and then we get to rehearse on the actual stage in the convention center.

We might “kidnap” the choreographer for an afternoon and take her somewhere fun, too.  She’s been really helpful.

Somewhere in there we’re all going to go to the interview with the local news, too, and probably have a crew from Japan as well.  The idols aren’t invited to that because, at least for that one brief period of time, it’s not about them.

Anyway, it’s going to be a busy week.

I did take Jack to meet the idols and he kinda hung around as we rehearsed.  He was pretty smooth, and a couple of the idols were sneaking glances and blushing.  Bad.  That’s bad.  No one needs photos of that, it could cause a scandal.

Okay, well, it’s an early day tomorrow, even if this time I don’t have to pop over to Japan at 4 AM.

Love you all!!! ❤️