Diary, Lily's Amazing Life, Page 4

August 4, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 24 of 26 in Lily's diary dated 38 - August 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well… I got it out of Jack.

Don’t worry… we’re okay. Well, mostly.

I say mostly because…

Jack is generally a pretty sensitive boy. He’s usually pretty tuned into my feelings, he’s pretty gentle, but I’ve never seen him really passionate about anything. He threw himself into his studies because he wanted to be with me someday, but that’s about as passionate as I’ve ever seen him.

Until, well, tonight.

He kind of went off on me. On the phone.

No, don’t worry, he didn’t get violent (well, towards me, anyway) or anything. He didn’t even say anything hurtful. That’s not really how Jack is. but he kind of raised his voice a little, and told me that he’s pretty ticked off at me for throwing him away like I did.

I don’t think I threw him away… but that wasn’t the time to argue semantics, I guess. I just let him rant. I could hear him kicking things in the background, and then he kind of broke down. I guess the frustration finally became too much.

I can see why he’d see it that way. Quite frankly, I don’t know if I wouldn’t, in his place.

He said he knows that I’m not rejecting him in his head, but his heart feels differently, and he feels like I don’t want him. That I’m going to go off to Japan and find another boyfriend and leave him behind, and that I wasn’t willing to close that off and actually commit to being with him.

Well, the part about finding another boyfriend, he’s wrong about… but I can’t say he’s really wrong about the rest of it… at least from his point of view. That’s, well, pretty much what I did.

I wanted to explain to him how I feel, how that’s not what I meant… but I’ve already explained all of it. He knows it. He even said he knows it. But it doesn’t change how he feels.

Eventually, he calmed down, we exchanged our professions of love, and he hung up.

And now I just want to stare at a wall.

I’m a girl. I know more than anyone how much feelings don’t have anything to do with reality sometimes. He feels like I threw him away. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but… is that really true? Did I do just that? I just said “not yet”, not “no”. But… isn’t an engagement kind of a promise? Did I refuse to promise him that I’d be with him? I mean, I’ve said I want to be with him, but an engagement is a solid promise, and I wouldn’t give that to him.

I still think I was right. But, maybe… that doesn’t matter.

Yes, he was kicking things. He’d never do that do me. But he’s a boy, he has to let the frustration out somehow, I get it. Besides, he knows I know martial arts and would throw him through a wall if he tried., and then it would be a no. But… I can’t tell him not to express his frustration somehow. It’s okay. I understand that. No, I’m not with an abuser. He’s never even thought of raising a hand to me. But… an innocent pillow? Well… poor pillow, I suppose.

I don’t know what to do. Maybe… maybe I was wrong. And maybe I don’t deserve to be his girlfriend. Or wife.

Love you all!!!

From the creator:

I know there’s some of you out here that might say “Jack kicked things! He’s violent! It’s only a matter of time before he hurts Lily!”

Bullshit. No it isn’t. He’s a boy. He gets frustrated. Frustrated boys sometimes need to take it out on things. That doesn’t mean he’d ever take it out on Lily. Let me say right now, unequivocally, he wouldn’t. This is the “Voice of God” speaking, and that is a canonical statement. So lay that to rest, right now. I don’t care what your trauma is or how much you might be triggered, that’s the story, deal with it.

Besides, it’s a little out of character for him. This situation pushed him way farther than he’s used to, emotionally.

And as for Lily… maybe she’s right, maybe she’s not. Maybe she’ll change her mind, maybe she won’t. None of that matters. She’s a young woman trying to navigate a complicated situation and feelings that she’s never had to before, and maybe she’s screwing it all up. That’s life. I write humans, not some idealized version of humans. She’s taking responsibility for her decisions, and realizing, maybe for the first time in her life, that her decisions can actually hurt people.

Is Jack justified in being hurt? Doesn’t matter. He is, and now they both have to deal with it.

And no, Jack isn’t trying to manipulate her. She’s been trying to draw this out of him for a while. Lily’s pretty perceptive, some of the time. Gullible as hell, others.

August 3, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 25 of 26 in Lily's diary dated 38 - August 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So Yuki and I sent off a big ol’ crate. It contained some of our bigger stuff that would be awkward for me to pop over, and a few other things we could do without. I mean, I could pop some of it over, but I was cautioned not to overdo it because of how my “totem” works, so if we can do without whatever for a month, we just stuffed it in the container.

I’m actually starting to pack up some of the stuff I don’t usually use to put it in storage, etc. I mean, if I need it I can just come get it, but if not, just have a small pile of boxes in the garage or attic, I suppose.

This is really happening, I guess. I’m moving to Japan, even if temporarily. the visas are all straightened out (even though I technically don’t need one, Mrs. X. said it’s better that I go through the motions – pretty much they can’t deny me and I could just go anyway even if they did, but they appreciate the thought anyway). The plane tickets are purchased (again, I don’t need one, but I’m going with Yuki for emotional support), and, well… it’s happening.

It’s starting to sink in for the girls, too. Especially Crystal. She’s been clingier than usual lately. She hasn’t tried to kiss me or anything (I think she would if I let her, at least on the cheek), but she’s been hanging off my arm, sitting in my lap…. just really cuddly. She usually isn’t, well, quite like that. She’s a little more adventurous than the rest of us but this isn’t like that. I see tears in her eyes when she thinks I’m not looking. She’s been getting a lot of headpats from me lately.

Aww.

Crystal has a big heart. A wounded, nearly destroyed heart, but a big one, with a huge capacity for love that not all of us have, really. She feels so intensely, it’s actually a little unnerving sometimes. Diana’s a little more cheerful, Beth tends to be reserved and analytical, Liz is often guarded (not usually with me after, well, The Incident, but with most others, she is). But crystal wears her heart on her sleeve, and I don’t know how she’s going to handle it when I leave.

That rhymed. Heh.

I feel bad, but I don’t. This is part of growing up. Loving, leaving, reuniting, growing… when I come back after I graduate, none of us will be the same. I won’t, Crystal won’t, Diana won’t, Beth won’t… none of the girls I know and love and consider sisters will be the same. I hope we still consider each other sisters after. But if not, well… that’s a part of life too. As sad and frustrating as it is, sometimes.

I worry about Crystal the most out of all of us, but also the least. She’s the one, out of all of us, who knows how much people can suck. But she also knows how much life can be wonderful, too, even if she doesn’t see it sometimes through a haze of pain. I hope she finds someone she can love and trust and can move on and have a happy life.

But that’s not an easy thing sometimes, especially for her.

I asked Miki how her group can afford to stay in Houston for as long as they’re going to – their calendar is usually packed full. She said that they have some other events here too other than just the matsuri, and they want to take a little time to explore Houston. I suggested maybe they’d like to come to the waterpark. We girls do like waterparks… at least when my top stays on.

They’re also going to make a mini-documentary DVD where they travel around Houston and see some of the sights, like the space center, and I guess they might hit up a fair too. I hope we can go along, but some events are just for the idols. We’re a flash in the pan, they’re what the fans come for. She said we might take a day, though, and do a mini-documentary about “a day having fun with the train onee-chan girls”. That does sound like fun. Especially if they pay, haha.

When Yuki heard about that, she doubled down on the idol training. Haha!!!

But it makes sense. It’ll make for a good documentary if we all know how to act around a camera.

It’s been a bit challenging getting all the girls from Dallas, Houston, and LA on the same page, but we’re managing. It’s kind of a full time job for Yuki right now, but she’s kind of in her element, and she doesn’t mind. It’s fun for her, to feel like she’s getting back into the idol world a little. In fact, some of the training stuff, I’ve been recording, it’ll probably go on one of the DVDs.

After it’s all done, maybe they’ll never use it again. But I think Crystal and Beth will, at least. And Aika and Mika are cute enough, maybe they can actually make something out of it. They’re what, 11 and 12 now? Just at that cute age where everything’s just starting to blossom, and when Yuki’s training them, there’s “awwww!”s from everyone. I don’t think Emiko will let them be idols, though.

Not surprising, tbh. Don’t blame her in the slightest. But they’re still cute.

Anyway… gotta go.

Love you all!!!

August 1, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 26 of 26 in Lily's diary dated 38 - August 2024

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

It’s August!!!

One month and I’m “moving” to Japan!!!

Awww.

i don’t know what to say or feel, so…

Jack came over last night. He wanted to talk. So we did. Talk, I mean. A lot. You know, we haven’t ever talked as much as we do now. I mean, we’ve gone out, and spent time together, and it’s not like we didn’t talk, but now… there’s just so much to say and neither of us really knows how to say it.

Our relationship has been pretty easy till now. Go on dates, have fun together, talk some, snuggle a lot… but this feels like one of those times that really tests a couple. Jack is hurt. I can tell he is, but he can’t or won’t come out and say it. But what would it do if he did? I’m not going to change my mind. But at least I wish he’d be honest with me… or himself, maybe. He’s an honest man, I don’t think he’d lie to me on purpose. But maybe he doesn’t know himself.

And I keep saying, It’s not a permanent no. I do want to marry him, someday. I just can’t say yes right now. I don’t want to say yes to anyone else. I couldn’t imagine saying yes to anyone else. But it’s so complicated right now, and would is damage us more if I said yes? I don’t know, but I have to stick to it.

Oh well.

It was a good talk, though. He got closer than ever to admitting how he really feels. He just can’t quite get there.

He’s getting ready to go to Ohio. He’s got his dorm and will be leaving about the same time I will. Will I cry? I don’t know. It’s not like it’s goodbye forever, and I can still see him. But it’ll be different.

In a little more than a week the idol group is heading for Houston. I hope that turns out alright.

Anyway… guess I should go. I feel a little sad, tonight. Not like nothing will ever get better, but… things right now look a little more bleak than I thought they would.

Love you all!!!

July 30, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 1 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s funny, you know? It seems like ever since I met Yuki my life has become much more music focused than it used to be. Well, maybe ever since that time in Orlando when I learned I could play the piano, but that’s kind of when it took off. I guess that’s what happens when you’re friends with a former idol, a couple of current idols (Minami is still having a blast, I see her every now and then when I’m working with Miki, but she’s really busy), and a friend who’s pretty much a musical prodigy. And me, who’s an accomplished musician in my own way, but I have no idea how I got that way. I mean, yes, I’m sure I practiced a lot, but I don’t really remember any of that. Mrs. Doily told me a few things, but it’s still mostly a blank.

Apparently, as spoiled and hard to get along with as I was, I was a studious worker and practiced diligently. Even then I didn’t like to coast, I was just insufferable about it.

But music is important. It’s a language that can pierce all words and run right through your heart in a way that many other things, well, can’t. My piano teacher explained it like this: music is about how it makes you feel. And that’s pretty much it. A composer’s greatest skill is making you feel what they want you to.

Crystal seems to understand that instinctively, and it’s amazing to see.

But I know I talk about it a lot, like I talk about some other things a lot.

I’m starting to wind things down here, emotionally, I mean. I’m leaving soon. In a month, pretty much exactly. I’m going to hop a plane with Yuki and Emiko, and when I get off that plane, I’m going to start a new life, with new friends, new school, new apartment, even a new language. Yuki and I are going to room in an apartment, and she’s going to learn how to do anime voice acting, and I’m going to, well, learn to do whatever it is I’m going to do. We’ll go to the konbini and spend weekends in Akihabara and maybe Yuki will even find a boyfriend and get married someday. And everything I know here, well… kinda won’t be mine anymore. Even when I come back.

Sabby has promised to keep my room the way I left it, but I don’t really believe her. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that it’s a lot to ask. I didn’t even ask.

Liz and Jack are preparing to go off to college too. We’re… we’re all leaving. Leaving each other. Leaving Round Rock. Just… leaving.

I’m glad I’m not taking Jack with me.

It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with him, or even live with him. Of course I do! But if I were to take him with me to Japan, well, he’d have nothing. He can’t speak the language, he’d be pretty much entirely dependent on me, and that’s really no way at all to keep a relationship going, is it? I mean, he’d put on a brave face, and maybe he’d even enjoy himself, but I’d always have that nagging feeling that I’m holding him back… or maybe even that he’s holding me back. I dunno. It’s complicated. People are complicated.

I hope we still feel the same about each other when we graduate. Because if we do and he proposes then, I’ll say “yes, yes, a thousand times yes” like in those stupid fanfictions.

But four years is a long time.

It’s a really long time.

And I think I did hurt him.

But again, what am I to do? Really, what am I to do? I couldn’t not. It’s not like he discussed it with me in advance, he just sprang it on me. He didn’t even talk to his parents. I could have spared his feelings, but at what cost? I know he knows in his mind that it’s the right thing, waiting, I mean, but in his heart?

And I just can’t blame him, I really can’t. I feel awful about it.

But I don’t regret it. It was the right call.

So anyway… I guess things will fall where they may.

Do you think I’d make a good teacher?

Love you all!!!

From the creator:

The closer I come to ending this, the more at peace I am with it. In fact, I’m kind of looking forward to it. I can’t shake the feeling that this was just a very bad idea all around, but I really don’t know why.

Maybe it’s because almost everyone I’ve ever shown this to hasn’t understood it. I don’t understand why it is that when someone like me writes a story like this and tries to bring a character to life, some people (well, most people, tbh) think it’s some kind of perverted thing. It’s not! I mean, seriously. I’m not trans, and this isn’t some kind of disguised trans cry for help. I’m a guy and I’m at peace with being a guy (though it’s not my favorite thing in this culture). Let me be clear that even if I thought I were trans I’d do nothing about it. Trying to bring my body in line with some kind of nebulous dysphoria would just damage both body and mind more than they’d already be. No, this was bringing a character to life (and in different media and forms), and that’s all it ever was.

(If you’re trans, do whatever. I don’t care. But that’s how I’d feel about if I were, and if that bothers you, go away.)

But some people, let’s be frank, are effing idiots. They see “middle aged guy writes a serial fiction story about a high school aged girl” and suddenly “middle aged guy” is some kind of pervert. Well, that says far, far more about them than me, I think. But it still gets to me. To think that a character that I have put so much time, energy, and frankly love into can be so misunderstood just because the author has male parts… well… it’s depressing. Very depressing. I have, quite literally, lost friends over this, and the very fact that people would do that is amazingly idiotic.

Did I get Lily entirely right? Of course I didn’t. It’s been thirty years or so since I was high school aged, I’m a male, and all I’ve got it my very limited source material that comes from knowing a few girls in my life. It’s all right from my imagination, and that’s probably somewhat wrong. But it’s more right than you’d have any right to expect, don’t you think? I tried to make Lily as realistic a character as I could. But it’s that very search for realism that made people get the wrong idea. And I hate that.

Let’s be honest, I’m a misanthrope. I don’t really like people most of the time. And that kind of thing… is why.

I am seriously debating shutting this site down after I stop writing here. I probably won’t. But it’s very tempting to just forget it ever happened.

July 29, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 2 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s coming up fast, isn’t it? The next stage of my life.

It doesn’t feel like it’s been this short a time, does it? Or this long a time…

Jack’s been a little quiet lately. He’s himself, he’s not angry or acting out or anything, he’s himself and not putting on airs or fake smiles, he’s just… quiet. I think I hurt him. I didn’t mean to and it was never meant to be a permanent “no”, but… maybe that doesn’t really matter. Maybe I’d be hurt, too. But what else could I do? Say “yes” when I didn’t think it was the right time or the right reasons?

Maybe I should take him some food. Maybe I should make it myself. I’m not the best cook but I need to show him I still love him, I think. Because I do.

There are other ways, but, it doesn’t feel like a good time. Like I’m just buying him with my body. That’s not what bodies are for.

I don’t really know what to do. People don’t come with an instruction manual.

We’ve all got our reservations in Houston, which is nice. I’m going to stay with Emiko for the week with Beth, but the other girls are going to have to find their own way. They don’t mind. Miki wanted to let someone stay with her or one of the other idols, but there’s going to be camera crews around so that doesn’t really work. They’re going to do a mini-documentary, and also about us as well, so that’ll be interesting. Girls wanted to make me famous? Hahah!!!

Well… to be fair, they didn’t. It just kinda happened.

Crystal and Diana are going to hole up with Rebecca (Emiko doesn’t really want Rebecca staying over, and that’s understandable, she’s a reminder of wounds of the past), and the LA girls are going to get a room of their own, so it’ll all work out.

Emiko doesn’t hate Rebecca. Don’t get the wrong idea They get along alright. Emiko even asks about her sometimes. It’s just… there’s still some history there, and Emiko doesn’t want to be put in a position where she’ll take anything out on Rebecca.

Emiko’s not a bad woman. She just…. has her past, too.

We’re going to put Yuki’s and my big stuff into a crate and send it off to Japan this weekend. It’ll take a month or so to get there by boat, so… I’m going to buy some Japanese style furniture when I get there, but there’s still a few things we want to send along. Fortunately not a lot.

Hmm, what else… oh, Yuki might have something lined up when she gets there. there’s a prestigious voice acting school she wants to attend and when they found out it was her applying there was a lot of virtual bowing and “yoroshiku onegaishimasu” and “tuition? What tuition! Just let us use your name and image in our promotional materials” and, well, she’s going to learn how to voice act anime. That’s cool, really. she’s got a good and expressive voice, I think she’ll do well. She has the “huh?” down. Haha!!!

Heck, that sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll join her in my off hours.

Okay!!! Gotta go!!!

Love you all!!!

July 28, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 3 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

It wasn’t a very exciting weekend. We did a lot of practicing and exercising and stuffs. Yuki is really working us out. She says that if we screw up we’re giving idols a bad name – even if we aren’t one, and we’re not going to screw up. So she’s working us hard.

It’s fine, though. It’s actually a little fun. It think Beth and Crystal are really taking their lessons to heart. Diana just seems happy to go along with everyone, and, well… it seems to be working out. I showed Miki a video of all the girls rehearsing and she was almost giddy, she says it’ll be a lot of fun.

The Houston organizers want professional headshots of everyone. And, well, none of us have them. So I said you can’t have professional, but you can have pretty good, and I went around and got photos of everyone. She said fine, whatever, and they’ll work with it. I’m not a terrible photographer, and it all worked out.

So, yeah. I guess this is happening.

Other than that, it wasn’t a busy weekend. Dave grilled, but we got rained out a bit. But it wasn’t a heavy rain, so we recovered well. I brought Miki some of Dave’s grilling, and she was so thankful I thought she was going to kiss me. But, none of that, she just grabbed a chicken wing, said a remarkably cheerful “ITADAKIMASU”, and dug in. And then was going “oishii!!!” with sauce all over her mouth. It was strangely cute. Idols sure do know how to do “cute”.

I wouldn’t say we’re best friends, but we’re pretty good friends. I’m friends with several idols! How did that happen???

I brought Ai some too. She was a little more reserved but enjoyed it just as much. I didn’t have enough for everyone but I’ll try to fix that when i go to Japan.

Miki will probably tell the rest of the idols, and then I’ll have to at some point. Dave’s grilling is just that good.

Well, time to go now. Liz is staying over tonight even though everyone else went home, and we’re going to make a mini-pile..

Love you all!!!

July 26, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 4 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The girls are over tonight. We’re trying to spend as much time together as we can, because, well… it’s going away soon. I mean, yes, Beth, Crystal, and Diana will still be around, it won’t be the same… for any of us.

Sometimes we’re sad, but… we’re also trying to just enjoy our time together while it lasts.

Yuki’s giving idol lessons to the girls. Some of the non-local ones are listening in via facetime. It’s not like they’re going to make a career of it, so she’s just telling stories and helping them learn how to fake a beautiful smile. Crystal needs the most work. She’s pretty intense, but her smile is a little creepy when she’s trying too hard.

Beth’s kinda soaking it up, though. She’s thinking about becoming a model, and she’s really thinking of becoming a singer, at least for a hobby, so being able to fake a good mood is a good skill to have. That’s a little sad, but I guess I can understand it. Crystal also thinks she can use some of these lessons for her band. I mean, yeah, it’s not like her band is supposed to be some cheerful idol group, but a little stage presence never hurts, and Yuki IS a pro. She’d be a fool to not take the free coaching, and she knows it. Heck, even I’m learning a few things. Being a pianist is a very different skillset than being an idol, but a few things do track.

Oh, did I mention? Some folks saw her band perform at our grand opening, and they have gigs now! Nothing at the HEB center, but I guess some cafe wanted her to play, and they get to play every now and then at the MT as well (it’s an asian supermarket with a stage for a live band).

Anyway, we’re full of pizza and chocolate, and we have some fun stuff planned for tomorrow, so I guess it’s time for bed.

Love you all!!!

July 25, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 5 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Not much to talk about tonight. And I need to get up early. Some nights I just don’t post when it’s like this, but I guess I’ll just say that, right now.

The girls are coming over tomorrow. It should be fun. It usually is.

Love you all!!!

July 24, 2024

Posted 10 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 6 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

You know what? I’m an idiot!!! And I’m not even Canadian!!!

(whose line is it anyway joke, not dissing Canadians. Blame Canada!!!)

Liz had her Birthday on July 4th, and I didn’t say anything!!!

She was off with her parents, so we celebrated low-key, I just gave her a present and told her happy birthday. Her parents wanted to spend some time with her, before she goes to college, so they had a special day on their own. And we all went to the park and played frisbee and stuff, so it just kind of slipped my mind.

Liz is important to me. I mean, very important to me. She was my first and best friend, and we’ve gone through a lot together. And if Jack and I ever get married, she’ll even be my cousin-in-law! And I actually wish I could have done more with her on her birthday, but it just didn’t work out. Sometimes these things just don’t work out. But I told her how much I love her, and, well… she’s okay. She knows. She doesn’t need a lavish party or an expensive gift to know. She knows I’d give my life for her if she needed it.

But she’d better not need it. Apparently, I can’t be killed, so that’s an empty promise anyway.

I don’t always talk about things that happen in my life here. Sometimes I don’t even talk about important things! But it’s almost always just because I forgot or had other things to talk about and wanted to keep my diary short. It’s already at, wow. 530,000 words? That’s a lot. I’ve done a lot of typing over the last three years or so.

I have a neat little word count plugin on this site I can use to see how many words it has. It’s not perfect but pretty accurate.

Wow. 530,000 words.

Anyway, yeah. I feel bad sometimes when I don’t talk about things I meant to talk about, but you know, I’m not perfect. I’m just Lily. An imperfect, only a little smart, sometimes really dumb and gullible eighteen year old girl… woman… girl-woman? I don’t know what to call myself. Technically I’m a woman but I don’t feel like one most of the time. I still feel like that fourteen year old girl who was sitting in an unfamiliar guest room crying her eyes out because she couldn’t even remember her name.

I’ve come so far over the past three years, but I’m still not perfect. My sisters know that about me. In fact, sometimes they’ll make jokes about how, well, not perfect I am. But they love me anyway, and that’s what matters. Sometimes they give me chocolate, sometimes they write me songs, sometimes they write me poems, sometimes they just look me in the eyes and tell me they love me, and sometimes… we make a girl pile and they snuggle up close, close their eyes, and we drift off to sleep with our arms around each other. Not often, and not that way, silly billies, it’s all about sisterhood, nothing else… but… they do love me. And even when they get boyfriends and husbands and children and grandchildren, they will still love me. And I’ll love them just as much.

There were a couple of times when one of them had a very nice dream, though. boy, did she get embarrassed when she woke up… but it’s okay. It’s not on purpose. That’s part of being human. And, well, at least we’re not boys. The things they tell me…

When Liz is afraid of storms, she tells me she feels safe when I’m with her. Crystal tells me she feels safe when I’m around. Beth says she feels like I’m her big sister and will always look out for her and protect her. Diana, well, she loves that I love her cooking. And all my other friends and sisters and relatives love me too.

I’m a lucky girl. Maybe I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

And you love me too!!!

Love you all!!!

From the creator:

While I’ve striven to keep this diary (at least when you don’t subscribe) PG-13 at the most, I’ve never shied away from exploring parts of teenage (and female) life that might be a little… embarrassing, or, well… indecent isn’t the right word. Human, maybe? When you come right down to it, people have embarrassing things happen sometimes, like when Lily lost her top at the waterpark, or when unnamed girls fart when in a girl pile, or have, well, really good dreams. It just happens.

There is an anime I really like called “Onimai”, and one of the things I like about it is exactly this. It explores what would happen if a 20 year old guy was turned into a middle school girl – and it plays it straight. There’s not a lot of fanservice, it’s not written to be fetish fuel, it’s played completely straight. A 20 year old guy turns into a middle school girl and has to learn about what that means. That’s all it is.

And a lot of things happen to her that would, well, actually happen to a middle school girl. Like something that happens a month after she turns. It’s not shied away from, but it’s played straight.

I don’t know how much I succeeded at that, but that’s what I’ve aimed for when writing this. At no point have I ever had any feelings for Lily or her friends that are anything but, well, parental. But, I tell the story as realistically as needed, and sometimes that means her top falls off and folks get a glimpse of her floppy bits, well, boobs. But that’s just part of being human. Sometimes you’re at the waterpark and your top falls off. Or sometimes you’re at a sleepover with your friends and something, well, embarrassing happens. That’s just life. Or so I’ve been told, anyway.

Now, the fact that there is a fanservice section of this site. That’s kind of a failed experiment, if we’re being honest. I didn’t set that up because I’m ecchi – I set that up because many other people are ecchi and I was hoping that would attract people to read. It didn’t work. And I don’t know why I expected any different. I may continue to populate it, and I may yet just delete it. Truth is, each one of the girls is anatomically correctly 3d modeled – they’ve got, well, all the stuff that an actual girl would, rendered properly. I don’t think anyone will ever see that but me, and even me only because I have to in order to create the models.

Lily is a young woman, and young women have embarrassing things happen, and sometimes do embarrassing things, because either they don’t know better or their hormones are raging and their bodies want nothing more than to grow a baby. It’s just a part of life. If I shied too far away from that, it wouldn’t be real. If I leaned too much into it, it would just be gross. It’s a hard line to tread. I hope I did an okay job.

Maybe I didn’t, but 530,000 words later, and I really did try.

A little over a month and this all ends.

July 22, 2024

Posted 11 months ago by Lily

This diary entry is part 7 of 23 in Lily's diary dated 37 - July 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So there have been some events in the news that I haven’t mentioned. Honestly, I try to avoid talking about events in the news, particularly ones that have to do with politics. This isn’t a political diary!!! It’s a Lily diary!!! I don’t like talking about politics! I don’t even like thinking about politics.

But someone tried to kill one of the candidates a week ago.

Dave doesn’t think the government had anything to do with it, but he thinks they might have taken advantage of it and hoped it succeeded. Well, clearly, it didn’t. I’m glad for that. Dave thinks it would have led to civil war if it did. I don’t know, but maybe so.

The thing that gets me is, well, I could have prevented it. If I’d known. I could have popped in behind him and kicked him off the roof.

But that’s something that Mrs. X. warned me about. Doing that kind of thing isn’t my place. Because even if I made an exception and did it just once, what about the things I couldn’t do? It’s best to not get involved without being asked to by the Boss himself. And with all the cameras, well, that might have been a crapshow anyway.

And besides… Apparently his survival was an actual bona-fide miracle. According to the boss… he doesn’t need us to make miracles, he can do just fine himself. It’s one of those subtle miracles that you get to decide whether you think it’s one or not… but I get to ask the boss directly. Yay?

Sabby thinks God has a plan for him. Maybe she’s right. But none of us seriously think he’s like “God’s anointed” or anything like that. I know better than anyone that sometimes God has a use for someone, in spite of themselves, not because of themselves.

The other thing is that the current president isn’t running again.

Okay, so… I don’t really have a strong opinion about who gets to be president next time. I’m old enough to vote now, and I will, but I haven’t looked too much into it. Dave and Sabby usually have different ideas about who they’ll vote for anyway (though they never tell me how to vote). But even, well, the one who didn’t want the other guy to be elected was remarking about how the current guy can’t string together two coherent sentences – and that debate was embarrassing. So, he’s out. No one knows who’ll replace him, though apparently the current VP will. Sabby calls her “cackles”. I wonder why.

How do I feel about all that?

Well, it’s not that I don’t care. I mean, I kinda don’t, but it’s not that I don’t. It’s just that these are two people I really don’t like anyway. I don’t like the current guy because he’s, well… not good at his job and I’ve heard things about how he, well… wasn’t good with his daughter and his son got convicted of something. I don’t like the other guy because he’s just kind of a jerk. I mean, I get why people do, but I just don’t like him. Will I vote for him, though? Well, umm… maybe. You can be a jerk and still do a good job.

I mean, the nicest people in the government tend to be the least competent, right?

Anyway, that’s all I’ll talk about with politics. Sabby and Dave have a lot stronger opinions, but I won’t share those her.e That’s not what this diary is for!!!

Speaking of this diary… the time of ending is fast approaching. The time of endings, and beginnings. We have maybe one or two big events coming up, then… well, it’s gone.

I popped over to Japan this morning to have more lessons with Miki and the choreographer. I’m… not a great dancer, but I’m getting good enough that I don’t feel embarrassed. So that’s something. I’m talking to the producer about costuming, but they think the cosplay uniforms they were all wearing are sufficient. I think so too. This time I brought back some dango and everyone’s been chewing on it all day. Mochi is the best!!!

Love you all!!!

From the creator:

Both Lily and I are glad that that shooter no longer exists and did not accomplish his goal.

But don’t you think that just makes him a double loser?

Chocolate Fixes Everything!

Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me1 Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Love you all!!!

From the creator: