This diary entry is part 25 of 29 in Lily's diary dated 12 - June 2022

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m not sure how well this church thing is going to work.

So, today, I went, as Sabby asked.  I was a good girl.  But I could tell Sabby was still embarrassed, because I had my phone and was playing on my phone.  Problem is, I have this little “waifu” game I play – it’s kind of an RPG game but with lots of, well…  women wearing some very elaborate and revealing costumes.  I just like it for the gameplay, but…  I kinda forgot.  So I had my headphones in listening to Babymetal and was playing the game, when Sabby jabbed me with her elbow.  I looked at her, and she whispered at me “play something else.”  I looked around, and the people behind me were smirking.  So I changed to a different game.

Sabby was annoyed.  After church she went all Claire Huxtable on me.  Told me that I embarrassed her, playing a game like that in God’s house, blah blah.  When she finally stopped, I told her that while I didn’t think of the fact that I was in church when I was playing that game, she forced me to go, and if she was going to keep telling her I was embarrassing her or whatever, the easiest thing would be to… well, not force me to go.  Then I wouldn’t embarrass her.

She said the reason she wants me to go to church is because she wants me to learn about God, not play stupid games on my phone.

I retorted that religion is a thing you’re raised with, and I wasn’t raised with it, or more like I don’t know if I was raised with it, so I don’t have any positive or negative memories about it… it’s just a place she drags me for some reason I don’t understand.

She growled and went to her room.

I didn’t get my chocolate pancakes.

I was kind of crying and told Dave I didn’t understand why she was dragging me to church and why she was so mad because I didn’t really want to go.

Dave sighed.

“Lily,” he said, “Remember that Sabby was an orphan.  She told you about her childhood.  Her faith is very important to her because that’s all she had.  She wants to share that with you.  She’s…  not handling this well, I’ll grant that, but you’re not respecting her either.”

“So what am I supposed to do?  Pretend to be interested?  I’m not!  I only go because she makes me.”

Dave grinned.  “Wanna know a secret?”


“Me too.”

My mouth dropped open.

“If you tell her I said that, I’ll deny it.  But if she didn’t insist on it, I probably wouldn’t go.  I prefer to be tinkering on the car or grilling or something.”

“So why do you go?”

He sighed.  “Because even if church is a waste of time, spending time with her isn’t.  And besides, she doesn’t like everything we do together either.  But that’s what it’s about, right?”  He frowned.  “You can fight this if you want.  You’ll probably even win.  But is it worth damaging your relationship with her because you don’t want to spend a morning with the family?”

Sigh.  He had a point.  That’s the thing about Dave.  He’s so easygoing that sometimes you forget that he’s really smart.

“Okay,” I said, “So her faith’s important to her.  Maybe I’m being a jerk.  But I don’t like it.  I don’t like it because I don’t have my memories.  Something happened to me and now I have to build everything all over again.  The pastor’s always talking about how God loves me.  Is that how he shows it?”

He frowned.  “Lily…  is that why you don’t like church?”

“One reason.  I guess.”

He patted my shoulder.  “Let me go talk to Sabby.  You’re going to have to work this out with her.  But…  I’ll see what I can do.”

He went upstairs and the yelling started.  I went and played on my computer.  Sigh.

A half hour later, she knocked on my door and sat down on my bed.

“I’m still upset with you,” she said without preamble.  “You’re being disrespectful.  But…  I didn’t stop to think about why.”

I was quiet.  At least she wasn’t channeling Claire Huxtable anymore.

“God was there for me when no one else was.  I just want to share that with you.”  She was silent for a moment.  “Did you do that today on purpose?”

“Never even occurred to me that it would embarrass you.  Honest.”

She sighed.  “That’s its own problem,” she grumbled.  “You don’t even know why that embarrassed me, do you?”

“Not really, no.”

She deflated.  “I didn’t think so.”

“I was just…  being myself, Sabby.”

“Church isn’t a place where you can be yourself!”, she said, her voice raised, then her eyes widened.  “Oh no.”


She got up and gave me a big hug.  “I have to think,” she said, and left my room without saying another word.

We haven’t talked about it since.  Though Dave did finally take me for chocolate pancakes.  I told him what Sabby said and he patted my hand.  “Lily, Sabby can fly off the handle sometimes, but she always does the right thing.  Just let it play out.”

I couldn’t really answer because my mouth was full of chocolate pancake.

Love you all!!! ❤

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