This diary entry is part 5 of 25 in Lily's diary dated 29 - November 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Silly Billy LIly!!! Remember that?  I’m still a silly billy… I guess.  But I’m an older silly billy.  Or something like that.

It’s funny, isn’t it.  How things are sometimes.  I was thinking about Crystal and her guitar and how we’re all kind of banding together to support her… and how awful it is that Crystal feels the need to be so driven in the first place.  But is it really all that different for any of us?  I mean, why do any of us do the stuff we do?  Sometimes it’s because it’s fun, but sometimes it’s because we don’t know how to do anything else, and sometimes it’s out of self-interest or even desperation.  I don’t even know if Crystal likes the guitar.  I know she’s learning it, and she’s driven to learn it, and she has reasons to learn it, but does she like it?  I don’t know.  She’s never told me.  I’m not sure she knows, herself.

It’s not a bad skill to have, don’t get me wrong.  Even if she doesn’t really like it, it won’t hurt for her to know how to play it, and to have a little background in music that she didn’t before…  but if she’s doing it out of desperation I don’t know how much it’ll take.

I don’t know if it’s really desperation, but I don’t really know what else to call it.  It sure sounds like desperation to me.

So I’m actually not even sure how long our little band is going to last.

Maybe she’ll grow to like it, though, even if she doesn’t.  Music does have a way of growing on you, even if you sometimes don’t like the particular instrument you choose.  People don’t like one type of music or other, but I’ve never heard of anyone – not anyone, not one person, who hates music completely.  How could they?  How is it possible to completely hate all forms of music?  That’s not how we’re wired.  So maybe it’s that Crystal doesn’t like the guitar, but maybe would like something else.  Or…. maybe she really does like the guitar.  Or maybe just the idea of being in a band.

I dunno.  I’m not her therapist.  Thankfully.  I love the girl but she’s too much for me, in that way, anyway.

Personally, it’s going to be a while, but I’m this weird combination of looking forward to, and absolutely dreading, getting up on a stage (no matter how small) with nothing but bandmates and a set of drums.  It’s funny.  I don’t really get nervous when playing piano.  Even if it’s in front of a large auditorium with a full orchestra.  I mean, a little nervous, but it’s just something I do, I guess.  But…  sitting behind a drum set?  I think I’d be nervous.

But I’m still practicing.  She’s my sister.  I promised her something.  I keep my promises.  I didn’t promise her forever, but when she’s ready to play, I’ll be there with drumsticks and black lipstick and a little dorito sticking out of my head and…  well… you know what I mean.  I keep my promises.  I always keep my promises.

And of all of us… well…  I really am the most accomplished musician.  Liz might be better.  But…  she didn’t play a concerto.  Yet, anyway.  I’m hearing rumors for next spring that there might be a Tchaikovsky violin concerto in her future.  It’d be so fun to do a double feature with her.


Love you all!!! ❤️

Series Navigation<< November 5, 2023November 7, 2023 >>