This diary entry is part 2 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So yesterday we went to church.  People are all concerned about that variant of the virus that’s going around.  It just doesn’t seem to be going away!  But we’re all vaccinated, and we’ve done everything we can do.  Sabby thinks we need to just live our lives normally.  I don’t know how I feel, but I trust her.  Beth and David aren’t old enough to be vaccinated yet, but so far so good.

In my state the governor has said no more mask mandates.  I don’t mind wearing a mask, but it’s uncomfortable in the hot weather, so I wear one if I need to.  But I’m glad he left it up to us.  I see what’s happening in other states and I’m glad I was found in the one I do.  Even if it’s hot sometimes.

This is all normal to me!  I was found last year in the middle of the “first wave”, and everyone wore masks and social distanced, and I have no memories before, so I don’t know any different.  Sabby tells me about how things were before, and it sounds so gross!  People should at least wear masks if they’re actually sick and sneezing and coughing!

But I don’t want to talk about that.  People get angry for some reason.

After church Dave and Sabby proclaimed that we were going to have a family afternoon.  Beth and David grumbled a bit – I think Beth wanted to go see her friends, and David just grumbles all the time anyway, but they were firm.  I don’t mind!  I like family afternoons!  I like family! They asked us what we wanted to do, and the kids were sullen about it, so I suggested we go to the local game place.   They thought about it, but said no, because David would just run off, and Beth would tell her friends where we are, and that wouldn’t be family, would it?

I thought it would be fun, but after thinking about it, They were right!  They are wise!  Or they know their kids.

Beth had had enough at that point and stomped upstairs, she wanted to see her friends!  David was antsy, he wanted to play on the computer.  Dave and Sabby were not happy with either of them, and it turned into a bit of a row with yelling and stomping and slamming doors.  David ended up grounded from all electronics, and Beth can’t see her friends for a week.

After it all calmed down, it was just me and Dave and Sabby in the living room.  Beth and David were both in their rooms sulking.  They’d come down eventually.

After an awkward silence, I cracked a joke.  “I guess fighting is doing something as a family?”

Dave didn’t seem too pleased with that, but Sabby smirked.  Dave knew he was outnumbered.

“Why don’t we play a game?,” Sabby said.  So we got out a board game.  We started playing.  Dave isn’t all that great with board games, but Sabby’s pretty good.  About halfway through, David and Beth came down and wanted to join.  We finished out the game, and then they joined us in the next one.

Before we knew it, it was dinnertime.  Beth and David had their sentences commuted to time served, and Sabby made dinner.  Did I tell you she’s an excellent cook?  She is!  I love her cooking.

I love being part of a family.  Even the bad parts.

When it was time for bed, Beth and I brushed each others’ hair.  It is so nice to have your hair brushed.  We talked about things until our eyes started to droop, and then we went to bed.  I think I would miss having a sister.  I love her already.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 4 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi again!  It’s me, Lily!

I found a pic of me and Liz.  There’s not much of a background because we were in one of those photobooth things.  We took it very soon after things started to reopen.  I think it really captures us nicely!  Liz likes to dress nicely, she is always wearing a nice blouse and beautiful skirts and shoes.  Me, that’s my favorite dress, and I wear it all the time (Not when I go running, though.) Liz is the bubblier of the two of us, I’m much more steady, I think.  Maybe not having many experiences I can remember is helpful.

Last night we watched “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”.  It was funny, but very silly.  Dave thinks the reason I didn’t like “Blazing Saddles” so much was because it had a lot of old things that I didn’t understand – both because I’m young and because I don’t have memories that would help them make sense.  He explained that Mel Brooks was lampooning some things from the ’70s and earlier that were a terrible thing, and I didn’t understand that it was a parody.  So don’t be too hard on me!

After the movie and the younger children went to bed, Dave and Sabby and I talked for a while.  They said it’s okay for me to post what we talked about, so I will.  I asked them why they took me in.

They were quiet for a little while.  Finally Sabby said, “Do you know why we go to church every Sunday?”

I was confused.  “To..  worship God?”

“Well,” she said, “That’s one reason, I suppose.  But the real reason is that it’s not fair.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s not fair,” she said, with a little venom in her voice.  I’d never heard her like this.  “It’s not fair that we all have to live in this world when it sometimes sucks so badly.  It has good things, true, but…”

She was quiet.  I didn’t feel comfortable talking right then.

“We go to church because we want to know.  We want to know why life is sometimes so good and sometimes hurts so much.  We don’t have many places to go for answers, so we go to church.  We ask you to go too, because, maybe you can find an answer there for yourself.”

“But what does that have to do with why you took me in?”

Sabby was quiet again.  “Because it’s not fair to you either.  You didn’t ask to lose your memory.  You didn’t ask to be found on the side of the road.  You didn’t ask for any of this.  What would have happened to you?  Maybe you would have found a good family.  Maybe you wouldn’t have been taken advantage of.”  She smiled.  “But you’ll never know.  That’s why we took you in.  Because it wasn’t fair.”

“I don’t understand.”

She gave me a big hug.  “You don’t have to.  Maybe you will in time.  Go to bed,” she said, gently.  “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

“But I’ve got nothing big planned!”, I protested.

“You’re going to wake up, and you’re going to live through the day.  That seems like a big day to me.”

I couldn’t argue with that.  So I went to bed.  And I had a hard time sleeping.  I was thinking about what could have happened to me.  I don’t know why I lost my memory, and it hurts sometimes.  But I guess it all worked out.  I love Dave and Sabby with all my heart.  I hope they never break it.

Well, that’s a downer.  I can’t be a happy girl every day, right?  But she’s right.  It’s a big day.  I have all my chores done, I got in my run, so after I shower, I guess I’ll find something useful to do.  I’ve been thinking about learning how to make videos on YouTube, maybe I’ll give that a try.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 1 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m new to blogging.  I don’t know what I’m doing, or what to write.  One of my friends set this up for me, and my doctors tell me that writing might help me to remember, so here I am!  I don’t know what to say, but Sabby (my foster mother) thought I should start by telling my story.  So, here goes.

My story starts a year ago.  The first thing I remember was walking down the side of a road.  I remember my clothing was ragged and stained, and I wasn’t feeling great.  That’s all I remember.  I didn’t know my name, where I lived, anything.  It was so scary.  I did remember how to talk, and all that important stuff, but nothing else.

A police car stopped.  They asked me for ID, but I didn’t have any, and I didn’t know who I was.  Finally they took me to the hospital.  I was fine physically, but they couldn’t just toss me out.  There were no records of me.  No one knew who I was, and I didn’t know where I was, and obviously, didn’t know anyone.

They called a family from a local church that the doctor was friends with, and I went home with them.  There was Dave, the father, Sabby, the mother, and a couple of children a little younger than me.

I had such a hard time adjusting.  The children hated me, even though the parents tried their hardest to help as much as they could.  They gave me a nice room, with a soft bed, and I will always be so grateful to them for that!  But I was still so sad.  I stayed in my room for a week, only coming out for meeting with the social workers, to eat, and to shower, and I think I cried through it all.  I had lost the most precious thing that I could possibly lose.  Myself.  They got some spare clothing from people in their church, and while it fit me, it wasn’t mine, and that made me cry even harder.

But I couldn’t cry forever, and soon they took me shopping for clothing.  They bought so many things for me!  There were dresses, and tops, and jeans, and even underwear!  Maybe not the absolute prettiest clothes, but they were nice and I liked them!  I asked Sabby why they did all those things for me.  She told me that I needed it, and they could, and do they need another reason?  I hugged her so tightly, I think her ribs are still bruised.

Soon I had to go to school.  I didn’t want to go, as I didn’t know anyone.  I didn’t even know myself.  But they told me that it was important for a girl my age to go to school and be with other children my age, especially with my lack of memory.  So I went to school, even though it was mostly online because of that virus that’s going around.  It was so overwhelming at first!  But soon I met Liz, who became my best friend.  I was a novelty at first, the girl with no memory, but most of them actually accepted me!  Yay me!  Liz and I do everything together, and I don’t know what I would do without her!  I think I love sports and I want to try out for them, but I have to wait until sports come back after summer break.

That’s my story.  I still have no more memory of who I am than I did on that day.  It hasn’t been easy.  But I met my family (even the children grew to tolerate me!), I met my friends, I have a place to sleep, food to eat, and clothing to wear, and I even got to choose my own name!

Now I am on summer break.  My family won’t let me be lazy and sleep all the time (and I love to sleep!) so I have to do something useful with my time.  Is this something useful?  I think so.  But Sabby tells me I need to keep busy.  She is going to take me and Liz to get our hair and nails done later today (my state is pretty much entirely reopened, thankfully).  She thinks girl time is important.  I really love her, did I say that before?  I do!  I love her, and Dave, and everyone else!  And I love getting my hair done!  So I will write again soon.  Love all of you!   ❤️