This diary entry is part 9 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Crying Lily!

Sabby read my post yesterday, and told me she wanted me to listen to something.  She went to YouTube, and chose a video.  It was a song from the ’80s called “Somewhere Out There”.

Oh my God, I don’t know if I’ve ever cried so hard.

Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight

Someone’s thinking of me, and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there, someone’s saying a prayer

That we’ll find one another, in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are

It helps to think we might be wishing, on the same bright star

And even though the night wind sings a lonesome lullaby

It helps to think we might be sleeping underneath the same big…

I can’t.  I just can’t.  It’s too much.

Anyway, I listened to that, and halfway through, I was just bawling.  The kind of sobs that stop being sobs and just turn into these terrible wails that just dont stop.  Sabby was right there, though, and I clung to her like my life depended on it. It kind of felt like it did.

It hurts.  It just hurts.  Are my parents out there?  Do they love me?  Did they love me?  Did they take me places to eat?  Did they take me on vacations?  Did they take me to the park and kiss my owies when I fell off the jungle gym?  There’s this huge part of me that I just don’t know, and it hurts so, so much.  What do I do?  How do I even cope with this?  I love Dave and Sabby and I’m sooooo grateful for them but they’re not mine.  What’s mine?  What did I have that I forgot?  Where are they?  Where are they?  WHERE ARE THEY???

Mom!  Dad!  WHERE ARE YOU?