Today’s changes are to April 27, 2024 and August 29, 2024. Both of these changes revolve around Yuki.
In the first entry, I decided to change some of the “tell” to “show”. I’m still not completely happy with it, but now Yuki actually talks to Lily about her graduation instead of Lily just recounting the conversation after the fact..
And in the second… I at least partly corrected a huge mistake. I made Yuki’s English very broken and bad, even though she’s not really that way in the rest of the story. Even if I allow for Lily cleaning up the grammar a little in the retelling, I still think I did Yuki a huge disservice. So I changed the grammar to have fewer (but not no) mistakes. The mistakes she made before would be appropriate for an Asian language, but you have to be really bad at English to screw up quite that bad, and Yuki has shown (even from the beginning) to be reasonably competent.
I may yet go back and fix it just a bit more (as well as maybe running Miki’s Japanese past someone who speaks it better than I do) but I’ve been feeling these changes are necessary for a while now.