Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Okay, you get a few exclamation points today.  But things aren’t quite back to normal, so…  maybe that’s all you get.  We’ll see.

So today Beth and I went to see Crystal.

She was awake and somewhat alert.  They didn’t let her have her phone because, well… so she seemed bored out of her mind.  Beth ran over and… well… would have glomp-hugged her, but it’s a hospital, so she just sat next to her and cried.

Crystal looked uncomfortable.  As well she should!

All Beth said was “how could you, Crystal?  How could you?”

Crystal was quiet for a moment, and then sighed.  “I’ll talk,” she said.  “But not here.  I’ve already got enough people trying to head-shrink me.”  And a tear formed in her eye.  “It… it just got too much.”

“I’m your best friend,” Beth almost spat.  “Or at least I thought I was.  You’d better talk,” she said, quietly.  “If you do that again… I’m done.  I’m not ever crying that hard again.  You’d better do everything in your power to not ever do that again.”

Crystal choked up.  Her lower lip trembled.  She grabbed Beth’s hand.  But she didn’t say anything.  What could she say, after all.  Beth looked her in the eyes, and after a few seconds, nodded, squeezed her hand, and walked out of the room, looking like she was about five seconds away from fresh tears.  I had to go to her.  But first, I had to talk to Crystal.

I sat next to Crystal, and was quiet for a bit.

“I didn’t notice,” I finally said.  “I’m supposed to be your big sister, and I never noticed.”

“You didn’t,” she said.  “But that’s not your fault.  It’s not like I put a huge sign on my head with blinking lights and speakers.”

“I’m not a good big sister,” I said morosely.  “I’m sorry.”

She sighed,  “You were a fine big sister.  And besides, even if you weren’t, not being a good big sister wouldn’t land me here.  You think you’re that important?”

“Well, I was hoping I was at least a little important,” I said.

“It’s not about you,” she said.  “You’ve always been good to me, but you’re…  you’re…  what’s that word.  Solip…. solip.. .solipsistic.  The world doesn’t revolve around you, Lily.”

“No, but my friends and family are my world,” I said.  She flinched a little.

“Point,” she said quietly.  “They are.  You’ve always treated your friends like your family.  I…”  she sniffled.  “I took that for granted.”

I took her hand.  “I’ll be a better big sister if you’ll be a better little sister, okay?”

“Deal.”

“And if you ever do that again, I’ll finish the job myself.”

She smiled wanly.  “Thanks for having my back, Lily.”

“I think Beth’s having another breakdown in the waiting room.  I’m serious, Crystal.  Don’t ever do that again.  Okay?”

She nodded.  “I promise.”  She grimaced.  “I wasn’t counting on surviving, but now that I did… dying isn’t fun.  I don’t think I like it.”

I squeezed her hand and walked out.

Beth was in the waiting room, and barely holding it together.  I took her back to the car and let her cry it out before we headed home.

She should be released in a day or two.  Then, I guess, one day at a time.

Am I solipsistic?  What does that even mean?  Let me look it up…  oh.  It means I think the world revolves around me, just as she said.  I don’t know.  I don’t think so.  Maybe?  It’s more that the world revolves around me and my family.  But isn’t that the case for everyone?  Maybe…  maybe not being solipsistic is part of being a better big sister.

Or maybe just a better person in general.

Maybe I couldn’t have noticed.  But I’m not sure I even tried.  And that’s where I was a bad big sister.  We all have sleepovers and play games and go to the mall and do all the fun things that girls do, but… that just makes me a fun friend.  Not a good big sister.  I’ll have to work on that.

But… Sabby did take me aside and thanked me for being a very good big sister to Beth.  I guess so.  She needed me and I was there.  So I guess there’s that.  I’m not completely awful.

Diana went to visit her later in the day.  We kept her up to date.  She was worried too, of course, but while they’re friends, they’re not best friends like Beth and Crystal.  But she was happy when Crystal woke up like the rest of us.  She’s a good kid.

And where in the world did Crystal learn such a big word?  Geez!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi, It’s me.  Lily.

Crystal woke up.

She’s…  not really in a good state right now.  The docs said she shouldn’t have any brain damage, but she might not be herself for a while.  I guess whatever she overdosed on did cause her some damage that she’ll have to recover from.  but she did wake up.

Her parents were there, fortunately.  None of us were, but that’s alright.  If anyone’s going to be there, it should be them.  It certainly shouldn’t be me.  I never noticed, I don’t deserve to talk to her.  I wonder if she’ll ever forgive me.  I wonder if I’ll ever forgive myself.

Her parents didn’t notice to, to be fair, but they’re her parents.  They have to figure that out.  But…  I’m not even sure I deserve to be called her sister.

I don’t know what was said when she woke up.  I’d like to think that her parents were very happy and didn’t try to ask her too many questions right now.  It’s a time for celebration, I think, not for recrimination.  I’m sure they’ll all have some very pointed conversations at some point.

And so there should be.

She needs a lot of love.  And a good smack.

Anyway, I’m exhausted.  We’re all exhausted.  Crystal’s not ready to go home, and probably won’t be for a little longer.  She might need a wheelchair or something for a while – we don’t really know yet.  But I guess we’ll take it as it comes.

And thank you to you, the reader, for letting me talk to you about this.  But I don’t feel like doing my usual outro today.  Maybe we’ll be back to normal tomorrow.  Maybe.

Hi, it’s me. Lily.

Not many exclamation points today.  I’m not in that kind of mood.

After the post last night, I went over to Beth’s room, and just held her as she wailed.  I mean, seriously wailed.  I’ve never heard her cry that hard.  She just… lost it.  Eventually I crawled into bed with her and she kept crying until she fell asleep, probably just out of pure exhaustion.  I held her, but I couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t get a lot of sleep.

Jack and Liz came over this morning, he took the day off, bless him.  I guess “My girlfriend’s honorary little sister tried to kill herself” is a pretty good excuse.  And then it was my turn to wail.  Jack has seen me… many ways.  Some I don’t want to talk about right now.  He’s seen parts of me no one else has…  physically as well as emotionally.  But he’s never seen me cry like that.  Not even last week when I was so upset about war.  I have… cried like that.  Or come close.  But not in front of Jack.  He handled it well, but I could tell he wasn’t really comfortable.  I don’t blame him.  At least he was there when I needed him.  He and my best friend.  That’s why Liz is my best friend.  They kinda tag-teamed – Liz would hold me while Jack got tissues, Jack would hold me while Liz went to use the restroom…  I love them for that, so much.  It took a long time for me to get cried out,

It seems all we’re doing right now is crying.  This morning Beth looked like a zombie, but at least she was holding it together.  Her parents…  well, they’ve been crying.  You could see it.  We almost had to force them to take a shower.

Crystal was so… full of life.  She had such a hard life, but it takes a spunky girl to handle Beth like she did.  She’s always been strong, always… well, seemed strong anyway.  Life threw so much stuff at her, and she survived, and even seemed to thrive.  But I guess it became too much.  I guess.  We knew she was being bullied but we thought she was handling it okay, and you know her, she gives as good as she gets.  Her parents always supported her, well, as much as they could.  What finally did it?  What finally pushed her over?  Was it one thing, or was it a bunch of little things all stuck together until that one last thing was just too much?

I hope I get to ask her.

She’s still in a coma.  The doctors say she’s not getting any worse, but isn’t much better either.  They’re hopeful, though.  They say she should pull through, but these things just take time.  I’ll be sure to let you know when she wakes up.

I’m going to slap that girl so hard.  Then I’m going to hug her and tell her I love her and that I’m so so so sorry that I didn’t know and that I’m a horrible big sister and that if she ever does that again I’ll finish the job myself.  Kidding.  I think.

I hope she’ll be okay.  I really hope she’ll be okay.  I want her to be okay.  I need her to be okay.  I…  I love her.  She’s my sister.  I love her!!!  Don’t die, Crystal!!! Please don’t die!!!

Hi. It’s me. Lily.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day, except that evening we got a phone call from Crystal’s parents.  They found her in the bathroom, with pills around her, and.. not responsive.  She was breathing, but barely.  They called the EMT and got her to a hospital and, well, they managed to save her.   She’s alive.  But she’s in the hospital right now, and she’s in a coma.

They say she should be alright, but the next day or two are really critical.

Today we went to the hospital to see her.  She was lying in a bed, with all sorts of tubes and beeping monitors and… her parents were there.

I didn’t know what to say, or think, or do.  Her father hadn’t been sleeping.  He just sat there with a blank look on his face.  Her mother was asleep next to him in a chair, but you could see she’d been crying.

I’m…  numb, right now.  I don’t know what to say.  What can you say?  She’s been through so much, and we didn’t even know.  None of us knew.  If we’d known we would have tried to help.  She talks to a therapist too, Allison’s mother.  I guess she didn’t know either, because if she did, she’d have done something.  How did we not know?  How could we have known?  What could we have done differently?

It’s not fair, is it?  Life isn’t fair!  How bad does it have to get for a fourteen year old girl to… to do that???

I’m home now.  I’m waiting for news.  So is Beth.  Dave and Sabby managed to convince Beth’s parents to come to the house and get at least a little sleep.  They didn’t want to, but…  what were they going to do?  The hospital promised to give them a call with any news, and we’ll drive them over.

Will it ever be the same for any of us ever again?

I hear Beth sobbing.  I need to go.

I’m sorry, Crystal.  For not being a good big sister.

I can’t post tonight, sorry.  There’s been an emergency.

Something happened to Crystal.

I need to go, Beth is pretty inconsolable right now.

She’s alive, but… it’s bad.  Really bad.

 Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Crystal’s birthday is coming up!!!  I remember when we met her – do you remember?  She was homeless and Sabby made the family go and volunteer at a homeless shelter, after Beth copped an attitude because of a church event to help the homeless.  Beth mouthed off to Crystal, who hit her in the face with some food.

Sabby invited them for dinner, and Beth and Crystal became best friends, and I gained a sister.

It doesn’t seem like that long, does it???

Beth deserved it, and even she kinda agrees with that now.  She really was a jerk, and Crystal… well, she’s had a tough life and doesn’t respond well to jerks.

And then, do you remember, how it turns out she was… abused… at the shelter?  Well, let’s just say the guy who did it has a home now for a very long time, whether he wants it or not.

Yeah, she’s had a hard life.  A lot harder than any of us.  And sometimes it shows.  She’s not having the best time of school, I guess she ran into some bullies, and…  well, bullies don’t like it when you do things like shove food in their face.  But she hasn’t really said much.  She seems okay when she’s over at our house, but…  but I worry about her a bit sometimes.

I should think of something special to get her for her birthday.  But I’m not really good at that.

She’s… pretty.  Like, actually, really pretty.  But sometimes I wonder if, for someone who’s had as hard a life as she has, that’s a bad thing or a good thing.

I guess I need to get to thinking.

Well, otherwise… it’s a Thursday.  Sabby made a really really good dinner tonight, and I’m still full.  Marie even got a few bites, and she loves human food.  But she doesn’t get it often.  Dogs don’t have the same nutritional needs as people do, and their food is designed for them.  But a few bites here and there don’t hurt.  Except chocolate.  No chocolate for dogs.

Cat and Marie have taken to chasing each other around the house now when they get bored.  That’s hilarious.  I don’t talk much about Cat but she’s around, just… doing cat things.  You know, washing her butt, that kinda thing.

Anyway, gotta go!!!  Marie needs walked!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It’s hump day!!!

Whatever that means.

I guess it means that Wednesday is the middle of the week, so Thursday and Friday are over the hump!!!

But for me it was just another day.

I saw some really cool clouds tonight!  There were some storms down by the city…  with lightning and everything!  But nothing here. Aww.  Next week is supposed to be really cool though!  High of 70!  Yaaaay!!! I’ll take Marie for a very long walk, she’ll love it!!!

But then it’s not hard to keep a dog happy.

About as easy as keeping a boy happy!

Hahaah!!!!

Well… no, I’m not comparing a boy to a dog.  Jack has less hair!  Hahaa!!! Kidding!!!

It really is pretty easy to keep Jack happy, though.  Which is good.  Girls are complicated!!!  I know some girls, well, like girls, and… that seems like a lot of work!!!

Speaking of Jack… he’s…  thinking about what he wants to do in college, and stuff.  I don’t think he’s thought about it seriously before, but his school is a pretty good one and they’re trying to get him to think about it…  you know, I don’t really know what he likes to do!  We should talk about it, I think.  I should think about the same thing.  It’ll be a bit different for me, though, what with Sabby’s cookie business and all that.  But we’ll figure it out.

Oh… I’m not going to LA over Thanksgiving.  Maybe some other time.  Sabby reminded me that last year I didn’t spend Thanksgiving with the family, and she’s not going to put up with that two years in a row, especially when next year I’ll be an adult.  I guess I understand.  Maybe on spring break, or around new year.  We’ll see.

Okay!  Bedtime!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Back to school for me!!!

Awww!!!

But I don’t mind school.  At least this doesn’t treat me like I’m dumb, like high school kinda did.  So yay!!!

I wonder how Allison is liking her Quest stuff.  I should ask her.

Well… no big news today.  Dave and David have been working pretty hard on the shop, and it’s shaping up.  The electricians are doing their thing, the plumbers are doing their thing, and apparently the roof needs a little patching too.  Not a big deal, but they have their work cut out for them.  Marie got taken outside to play today, and she had a great time.  It’s a lot cooler outside now so we can do that.  We played a vigorous game of “catch the ball”.  I throw the ball, she catches it, repeat.

Oh!  Dave told me a funny joke!  How do you kill a programmer?  Give him a shampoo bottle!

Get it?  Lather!  Rinse!  Repeat!  But no way out of the loop!  Hahaha!!!

Poor programmer.

But he’ll have really really clean hair!!!

Haahaha!!!!!

Dave said that in practice, running out of shampoo would be an exception,, and the programmer would crash.

Hahahaaha!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s funny!!!!

Oh, Jack likes his job.  It’s a lot of work, but he’s got an okay manager, and it pays alright, so… it’s a job, but he says the one in Ohio was worse.  Partly because they have snow!  Aww!!!

Well, anyway.  Stuff is happening, but very slowly.  So I guess I’ll go walk Marie, brush Beth’s hair, and then we’ll go to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It’s a HOLIDAY!!!

Columbus Day!!!

Jack got the day off from school!  I got the day off from school!  Beth got the day off from school!  EVERYONE got the day off from school!!!

Well, Jack did work some today.  But after he was done, Liz and Beth and Jack and I went to the mall!!!  We haven’t been there for a while.

I… don’t think it’s Jack’s favorite place.  Oh, don’t get me wrong.  He didn’t complain, and he walked with us, and we held hands, and he liked the food court, but..  all us girls were bouncing around trying on dresses and body wash and all sorts of other stuff, and he… well…  just tagged along.  With a little, unreadable, smirk on his face.

I asked him what he was thinking.

“Oh, nothing much.  You girls seem to be in your element here and…  I can’t figure out why.  I mean, all you’re doing is running around, trying stuff on, and…  how can that be fun?”

That actually made me stop and think.  It’s not a bad question.  What’s fun about going to the mall and trying stuff on?

But then I thought about how Beth tries stuff on and I try stuff on, and Liz tries stuff on, and we giggle and say how cute it is and maybe even buy something, and…  it’s about the friends.

Going to the mall by myself isn’t fun.

“Oh,” he said.  And he seemed a bit happier.  I asked him why.

“Because you’re including me,” he said.  “I’m a guy and trying stuff on and doing all the girl stuff at the mall isn’t fun…  but I love you for trying to include me anyway.”

I giggled and dragged him over to the “secret store”, and… well… tried some stuff on, and asked him for his opinion.

You ever see how a dog, when they’re really happy, let their tongue loll out?

Maybe jack will never be the same.

Hahaha!!!!!

Don’t tell Jack, but I bought something in secret!!!

In “Secret”!  If you get my meaning!

Hahaha!!!!!

Anyway, I’m home now.  Jack had to go home and do some stuff with his family.  I’ll see him soon.

Marie needs a walk!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So it was mostly just a normal Sunday today.  The rest of the family went to church, I went for a run and took Marie for a walk.  After that, we all went to the pancake place and had a nice breakfast.  Yay!!!  David and Dave went off to the shop to do more work, and I just did some work on this website, and some other stuff.  A lot of stuff has been going on, it was nice to have a little quiet.

Jack came over a little later with Grace and we took a walk.  It was nice.  We held hands and Grace kept running ahead and jabbering like a madgirl.  It was cute.  But she started getting tired and we had to carry her home.  She fell asleep on my shoulder.  Aww!!!!  It was a nice walk, though, and somehow it was nicer than some of the “real” dates we go on.  I mean, I like those but… this was nice too.

Dave grilled tonight and Jack and Grace ate with us,, and Liz came over too.  Grace loves his grilling too!!!  But then, who doesn’t?

It was a nice day.  A nice, quiet day.  And we need those sometimes.

Love you all!!! ❤