This diary entry is part 19 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

OMG am I an idiot!  I mean seriously an idiot!  How the heck did I not get all the clues that everyone was dropping?  I should have known, and I was still utterly surprised!

JACK IS HERE!!!!!  Well, let me start from the beginning…  there was a cloud of gas… well, not that early.  HAHA!!

I ran and went to work this morning.  It was a cool but sunny morning, and I had to wear that stupid hat again.  But I told the owner this time that if any guys came on to me I’d give them what for!  He just said to try to keep from causing any permanent psychological damage.  I said I’d try.  He sighed and told me to go doot.

And, well, it kept happening.  Apparently I’m really sexy in a Santa hat.  But I just smiled sweetly and commented on the size of the food they were buying.  “Are you sure you want to buy something so small?”

Message received.

One older guy with a beard and shaved head was really nice though.  He gave me a hundred bucks.  Told me Merry Christmas, and to spend it on someone I loved.  Awwww.  Some people are really nice.  They make up for the karens.  He got into a blue Cruze but it looked like Santa’s sleigh to me!

Anyway, I got home, and no sooner had I got in the door did LIz text me and tell me to come over, she had something to tell me.  So, silly me, I went over to her house.  I walked in, and there he was, all smiles.

“Lily!”, he said.

Of course, I calmly and collectedly squealed, ran over to him, TACKLED him, landed on the couch, and kissed the snot out of him.  After about a minute I heard a throat clearing, and everyone was staring.  Liz’s parents were smirking, Jack’s parents were tapping their feet, and LIz’s mouth was kind of slack.  I cleared my throat and disentangled myself from him and he got up too.  I grabbed his hand, though.  I didn’t let go.

“Ummm,” I said eruditely.  “Good to see you.”

“Is this how you greet everyone?,” he smirked.

“Only LIz,” i said, smiling.

Liz ran over and smacked me on the arm.  Everyone laughed.

“I’m here until after Christmas,” he said.  “I hope I get at least one real date with you.”

“Oh my God I’d love that,” I said, happiness just bubbling out of me and popping as it floated to the ceiling.

Grace spoke up.  “Auntie Lily!”

“Grace!,” I said, and ran over and hugged her.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said shyly.  “You kith Jack?”

I blushed.  “I like him.”

“Tho do I.  He’th my brother.  You kith me?”

I kissed her on the cheek.  “I kiss you.”  She giggled.

“Let’s go over to your house,” Liz’s mother said.  “Your parents have invited us for dinner.  And I suspect Dave wants a talk with Jack too.”

Jack suddenly looked a bit uncertain, but I squeezed his hand, and we walked over.

Greetings were exchanged, but it didn’t take very long for Dave and Sabby to sit both of us down, away from everyone else.

“So this is the Jack I’ve been hearing so much about,” Dave said.

“That’d be me,” Jack said, a touch of false bravado in his voice.

Dave sighed.  “I was hoping to have this talk a bit later.  Beth is only fourteen after all.  But, here we are.  I only have a few things to say.  Don’t hurt my daughter.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Don’t make me a grandfather prematurely.  Be responsible.  And enjoy being young.”

He gulped and nodded.  “I love your daughter,” he said sincerely.  “I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Dave said, “intentionally.”  He let that hang in the air.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt her unintentionally,” he said quietly.  “That’s a promise I can’t keep.  But she’s an amazing girl.  I don’t want to lose her.”

“She is amazing,” Sabby said.  “When I first heard about you, I thought she was being a little irresponsible.  I’m still not sure how responsible she’s being.  But we’ll give you a chance with our daughter.”  She frowned.  “Lily loves you.  I can see it in her eyes whenever she talks about you.”  I blushed.  “Don’t you dare take that for granted.”

“And doors stay open,” Dave said, quietly.  “Sabby told me what you were up to in Orlando.”  Now it was his turn to blush.  “I understand being young.  I was young once.  But not under my roof.  Understand?”

I lowered my head.

“Kissing is okay,” Sabby said, looking like she was sucking on a lemon.  “But you know the line.  Don’t cross it.”

We both nodded.  Dave slapped his knees.  “Well, now that that unpleasantness is out of the way, I’m grilling dinner.  Jack, you want to help?”

Beth chose just that moment to come downstairs.  “Who’s this?,” she asked curiously.

“Beth, meet Jack,” I said.  Oh no.

Her eyes lit up.  “You didn’t tell me he was so HOT!”

“Well, he is.”

“Ah, the famous Beth,” Jack said sagely.  “I already like you.”

“Why?”

He stood up and walked over to her, and lifted her chin with his index finger until he was staring directly into her eyes.  “Lily’s told me all about you.  You don’t back down, and you don’t apologize.”  He booped her nose, and she blushed.  “I respect that.”

Sabby spoke up.  “You might not respect it when she’s cussing you out and telling you exactly what she thinks about something you care about.”

“Yes, Lily told me about your temper,” he smirked, not leaving her eyes.  “But I’ll take my chances.  After all, who knows.  Someday you might be my sister too.”

She eeped and ran back up to her room, blushing.

“I might regret that later,” he said softly.  “But she’s still pretty cool, at least from how you described her.  I think she’ll be alright.”  He walked back over to Jack.  “You were saying something about grilling?”

“Aren’t you the confident one,” Dave said bemusedly.

“Or I’m good at faking it,” Jack said.  It was starting to get dark, but they got Liz and Jack’s fathers, and they all went outside to do man stuff.  Like grilling.  Grace went outside too and was running around the backyard with David.  David’s good with four year olds!  Who knew?

I went to the kitchen with Sabby, Liz, Jack’s mother, and her mother to help her make all the fixins,  It was a bit crowded but we got it all done.  David’s came inside to set the table.  Grace had a bit of trouble with the meet but her mother cut it up for her and she was having a grand time.

After dinner, Jack and I went up to my room while the adults chatted.  Everyone seemed to be getting along.  As promised, the door stayed open.  Jack sat on the edge of my bed along with me.”

“There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said.  “I’ve known you for about a month and I want to know if… if you want to be my girlfriend.”

My heart leaped into my chest.  I reached over and kissed him softly.  But then I pulled back.

“Oh, Jack, I want to say yes.  I want to say it so bad.  But…  I think we need to talk about some things first.”

“Well, it’s better than no,” he said, looking a little hurt.

“Oh no!,” I said.  “Not no!  Never no!  It’s just…” I played with my hands in my lap.  “Do you remember what Sabby said?  When we were in Orlando?”

“She said a lot of things,” he said.  “She’s very wise.”

“She is,” I said.  “But what I had in mind was when she said that every relationship comes with a price.  Jack, if we start on this path, we’re both going to have to give things up.  We’re going to have to make some decisions together and we’re going to have to make some choices together.”  I sighed. “I just want to make sure that both of us are willing to pay that price.”

“You’re taking this seriously,” he said, a somewhat unreadable look on his face.

“I don’t want to get hurt,” I said softly.  “Maybe it can’t be avoided.  But I want to give this the best chance.”

He blew out a breath.  “Well, I’d have preferred you to say ‘yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ like in those cheesy novels,” he smirked, “But you’re probably right.  Let’s decide this week.  But I might try to woo you.”

“‘Woo’ me?”

He smiled, reached over, and kissed me.  I melted.

“Woo you.”  He let me go, and I must have had a dazed look on my face, because he took my hand and pulled me up.  Not letting go of my hand, we both went downstairs and joined the adults (and Beth and David too) in conversation.  We played some fun games too.  I’m sooo shocked, but David and Grace got along so well!  It’s like he was made to be a big brother!

I think Jack made a good impression on everyone.  Sabby told me he was a nice boy, and Dave didn’t say anything, which I guess is a good sign.  I know he reads this, so I’m not going to say anything about what we’ve talked about before I talk about it, with him.  A boyfriend is a big thing.  A long distance boyfriend is a bigger thing.  I don’t want to mess it up.

But oh my God I missed his kisses soooo much.

Love you all!!! 

This diary entry is part 18 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So after I wrote that post, I took a shower and went to work.  The boomies and rain kept up for quite a while, but it’s actually a little relaxing – a little scary though when walking or riding to work.  After I got to work I put up my umbrella though, and the owner gave me a little Santa hat and told me it was part of my uniform for the day.  My pretty hair!  But it’s alright, I didn’t mind.  He doesn’t ask too much of me.

Oh, yeah, that was a terrible idea.

I think about ten guys told me they knew what they wanted for Christmas, and it was behind the counter.  I gave the owner some stinkeye, and told them I knew what I wanted for Christmas too, and it was to not be told I was someone’s Christmas wish.  Owner overheard but I think he thought, how does that saying go, discretion was the better part of valor, and left it be.  If he made me wear it, and made me listen to customers being creeps, then he could put up with me being a bit snarky.  No snark for Karens, but snark for creeps.

NOt gonna lie, though, a little tiny bit flattering, though.  My heart belongs to Jack, though.  Oh my GOD how the heck did I get so sappy??

Speaking of Jack, that silly billy still isn’t telling me anything.  GRRR.  But he seems really excited to go, and says I’ll really like my Christmas present.  I said he doesn’t have my address.  He said it doesn’t matter, I’ll get it tomorrow.  I wonder how he’ll pull that off?

I feel like I’m missing something really obvious and big.  Maybe I’m just a big silly billy myself.  Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Beth seems to be missing Crystal, but I told her that she’ll be back, and isn’t she glad she went to the homeless shelter now?  Oh man, she gave me such horrible stinkeye.  I thought I was going to burst into flames!  But then she agreed.  I told her maybe she should go tell Sabby she was right.

That didn’t go over well, but a little later, I saw her hugging Sabby, so maybe she took my advice after all.

Well, hopefully tomorrow’s not too eventful.  Just work and dinner and all that fun stuff.  Maybe I’ll spend some time with Liz.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 17 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It’s Saturday, but I can’t run today!  It’s storming!  BOY is it storming!  It’s storming so hard that the storms have storms!  BOOM!!!  BOOM!!!!  HAHAHA!!!

But it’s good.  We don’t get a lot of rain here, it all comes in big bursts like this, then fills up all the reservoirs and we get to drink for another few months!

So I didn’t write last night.  We had a family night, and it was the last night that Crystal would get to spend with us for the holidays, and, well, we did family stuff.  We played games, and watched a movie, and Crystal was sad that she’d have to go.  I gave her a hug and told her that she’d even be my sister if she was somewhere else, and she just glomped me.  And she hugged Beth too!  I don’t know if she’s quite as close with Beth, but they’re getting along great now.  That’s all we ever wanted for Beth.  And, truthfully, it’s all we wanted for Crystal too.  Would she have revealed what she did if she didn’t feel safe?  I haven’t asked her, but I don’t think so.  She’ll come back after the holidays and we’ll do more school!  Soon she’ll have a house, and then I guess her parents will have to decide whether to keep this arrangement or send her back to public school.  I kind of hope they don’t send her back to public school.  She pretends to be strong, but she’s a little fragile.

Jack’s really being cagey.  He says his family is going somewhere for the holidays, but he refuses to say where.  I know I can trust him, but he doesn’t usually keep things from me!  I hope he tells me soon, it’s driving me nuts!  And he hasn’t said anything about my present either!!!  AAAARRRGGG!!!  I have to figure out what to get him, but he hasn’t told me his address yet.  What a mess!  I know if he were here what I’d give him!  But I’d love it too!!!

I guess they’re going wherever it is tomorrow, though.  I hope he tells me when he gets there!

Well, I’d better shower and get off to do some doot dooting and karen wrangling!!!  I’m not taking any time off for the holidays – I only work weekends anyway.  I might even ask for a few extra hours, since I’m on break.  The owner has a few other employees, but he always seems grateful for whatever we can give him!  What we don’t work, he has to!

I think I’ll post again tonight, since I didn’t last night!  We’ll see!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 16 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So it was finally a somewhat quiet day.  We have school today and tomorrow, and then starts Christmas break!  YAAAAAYYY!!!!  I can’t wait!!!!!  Though it’s just like adults and working from home… what’s really all that different?  I dunno.  But it’s a break anyway!  YAAAAAAYYYY!!!

Crystal will go back to her parents for break.  I’ll miss her.  But sisters can’t be separated by time and space, only chocolate!  Girl better not touch my chocolate!  She’s clinging to me a bit, but I don’t mind.  She’s still a bit vulnerable.

Oh oh oh…  I guess they found a witness!  They are actively investigating her case.  I guess they got enough evidence to get a warrant, but they haven’t made an arrest.  Homeless people can be hard to find.  I guess she’d better stay away from the shelter for now. 

I don’t have much else to talk about today, and thankfully!  It seems when I have a lot to talk about, there’s some drama going on, and I hate drama.  But I seem to attract it like honey attracts bees, or something like that.  Sabby’s busily planning for Christmas.  There’s food to make and decorations to put up (still) and presents to buy and Sabby’s just flitting around like a little hummingbird.  She’s made for this kinda stuff!

After dinner she gave me a hug and told me I’m a good girl.

“What was that for?”, I asked.

“You’ve had a rough few weeks,” she said.  “I think we all have.  Sometimes it just needs to be said.”

“What’s so good about me?”, I asked honestly.  “I’m just an emotional, overdramatic teenager who can’t seem to decide between silly and depressed.”

“You mean you’re a teenage girl,” she said, smirking.  “Name one teenage girl you know who doesn’t fit that.”

I frowned.  I couldn’t.

“You’re growing up,” she said, a little sadly.  “You’re different than you were when I found you.  But that’s okay.  You’ll be different again in another year, and in another year after that.  But as long as you don’t stop being Lily, you’ll be alright.”

I’m happy tonight.  The world is an awful place, but I have my family, my silly billy, flawed, lovely, wonderful family.  And I’m happy.  I’m going to go say goodnight to Beth and Crystal now and maybe we’ll do some hairbrushing too.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 15 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So Crystal did come back today.  She seemed a bit subdued, but I just gave her a big hug.  She tensed a bit but then relaxed into it.

“I still understand,” I said.

“I know,” she replied.  “Do you even understand…”, her voice trailed off.

“A little.  There’s a guy rotting in jail right now because of something he did.”  I frowned.  “Turns out I know martial arts.”

“Will you teach me?,” she asked hopefully.  “If I’d known…”

“I’m not good enough,” I said.  “But I’m sure we can work something out.  But, I’ve got something very important to ask you.”

“What’s that?”, she asked as we walked over to the couch.  I sat down next to her.

“Well,” I said, play-thinking.  “I was thinking, and it seems to me that there’s something we can help each other with.”

“What’s that?”, she asked.

“Well, it seems that you’re in need of a big sister, and I don’t have enough younger sisters…”

“But you have a lot of younger sisters!  You have Beth, and Mika, and Aika…”

I shook my head furiously.  “Not enough younger sisters,” I repeated.  “There’s no such thing as enough younger sisters.  And, well, I was wondering…  do you want a big sister?”

Her eyes widened, and she launched herself at me.  “Oh yes!  I’d love a big sister!!! Maybe if I’d had a big sister…” she sniffled.

“I can’t promise everything will be okay,” I said as I pulled her off me.  “But I’ll do my best”

“Oh, wait,” she said, “you mean you? Well, I’d have to think about it…”  But she was smirking.  I punched her arm.

“Well,” I said.  “The first order of business as a new younger sister of mine is to learn how to brush each others’ hair.  Beth and I do that all the time and it’s wonderful.”  I smiled.  “But we can do that tonight.  I think you have some schooling to do.”  Sabby chose just that moment to walk in with some books.

Other than that, it was a pretty normal day.  We did school and had lunch and Beth and Crystal did some more bonding over schoolwork.  Crystal still seemed a bit sad, but I think she’ll get through it. She’s a strong girl, had been through maybe as much as me, and, well, she has me as a big sister now.  She has everything she needs!

I’m modest, did I ever say that?  I’m a silly billy.

Dave came home a little later, he and Bob had a job site to go to.  Dave always says good help is hard to find, and I guess they had to clean up after someone’s mistakes again.  Seem the job of an engineer is equally split between making good decisions and cleaning up after people who made bad decisions.  But Bob got it taken care of, and Dave seems happy.

Christmas is in ten days!  But it’s not really gifts I’m looking for.  I have everything I need, and more besides.  I just want a day where everyone I love is in one place and we all are one big huge happy family.  That’s all I want.  Too bad Jack can’t be here.  I miss him.  I miss his touch.

But we still chat.  Sometimes for a long time.  He’s actually really smart!  He’s sensitive but he isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being a silly billy.  It can hurt for a bit but I love that.  He loves how I look and seems to adore my body, but he tells me over and over again that it’s my heart he loves, and I believe him.  Maybe that makes me a silly billy too, but I believe him.

Look for the helpers, Mr. Rogers said.  Look for the people who make the world better, and you can’t go wrong.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 14 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It’s morning!  You get a bonus post!  Are you happy?

Jack was worried about me a bit last night, and I love him for it.  It’s been a little hard – does anyone get any rest around here?  But he reminded me of that quote from Contact – “The only thing that makes the emptiness bearable is each other”.  Sure, bad stuff happens, I hate it, and I don’t know why.  But we have each other.  I’ve got Jack, and Sabby, and Beth, and the whole gang.  And Crystal’s got her parents, and us now (I’m her big sister if she wants one), and the church and the pastor are helping her too.  Maybe some people are terrible, but some people are good, and like Mr. Rogers said a long time ago, look for the helpers.  Maybe that little girl died in a tornado.  But people looked for her and found her body, after the tornadoes left.  That counts for something, right?  Maybe not enough, but something, anyway.

Sabby says Crystal is probably coming around this morning for school.  She says to just treat her normally and let her talk if she wants.  School is kind of a fluid thing anymore – sometimes it happens at unexpected times, and sometimes it doesn’t happen at expected times, and that’s okay.  I’m looking forward to seeing her.  She’s a good kid.  I hope she can have a good Christmas, anyway.

Dave did give her father a job, by the way.  I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but Dave owns his own engineering business.  He’s out sometimes doing jobs, but he works from home a lot of the time too.  He used to go to an office, they tell me, before the virus hit, but after it hit everyone just works from home now unless they have to go out on a job, and he can save all that money he was spending on an office.  I guess that’s how Sabby affords the occasional shopping trip with Beth.  As you can imagine, their family is in quite a bit of turmoil right now, but they seem to be survivors, I think they’ll be okay.  All we can do is be there.  He had to talk to the rest of his team to make sure they would be okay with it, but everyone gave the thumbs up, and, well, Bob’s employed now.  I guess the church is going to set him up with a place to rent while they get on their feet.  I’ll miss having Crystal around as much, but I hope we can keep spending time together.

It’s funny how the world is full of such bad and such good, all at the same time, isn’t it?

I’m going to go run now.  I hope Crystal comes over.  I really want to give her a hug.  I won’t tell her everything will be alright.  But I’ll tell her that we’ll all do our best to help everything to be alright.  And that’s the important thing.  Isn’t it?

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 13 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

A very sad Lily.

Crystal wasn’t around today, she was spending time with her parents.  Because they’re staying at the pastor’s house, he knew about it at about the same time as everyone else, and he put them in touch with a therapist, which is a great idea.  In fact, it’s Allison’s mother!  How does that work!   But that might have to wait a bit, I hear that Allison’s family is still battling the virus.  And that there’s a particular VP out there that needs a smacking.

Well, don’t do it, but that doesn’t mean that VP doesn’t deserve it.  You just don’t drag people into work when they’re sick.

But I was reading a news article, too, about some tornadoes that happened up north, and they were pretty bad, too.  I was particularly sad because of a picture of three little girls in their “safe place”.  One of them died fifteen minutes later.

Crystal thought she was in a safe place too.

I don’t know what else to say.  I have to say that it’s nice of the pastor and the church to take care of Crystal and her family, and to make sure Crystal gets some help too.  And it’s nice of the homeless shelter to try to do nice things for homeless people.  You can’t really fault them for trying.  But Crystal got hurt in the very place she was supposed to be safe, and so did those little girls.  Someone took their picture.  Who has to bury her now?

Should a parent ever have to bury a child?

I hope Crystal comes back soon.  I want to give her a hug.  I want to tell her everything’s going to be okay.  But how do I tell her something I’m not even sure I believe myself?

Is this what it feels like to be an adult?  I don’t think I like it very much.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 12 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Why, oh why did I have to make a comment about there being no drama?  Why?

It started innocently enough.  We stayed up way too late last night with our slumber party.  We played all sorts of games – truth or dare got boring, and we went on to “never have I ever”.  We asked a few questions, then of course, the dreaded question for all teenage girls that aren’t me came up, “Never have I ever….  kissed a boy.”  Crystal’s face turned somewhat terrified, and she lifted her hand very hesitantly.  Beth called her on it.

“You’re lying!”, she said, giggling.  But at the look on Crystal’s face, the giggle left her.  “Crystal?  Are you okay?”, she asked.  Crystal shook her head, and her lower lip was trembling.  “You’re not okay,” she said.

“Crystal, what’s wrong?,” I asked.  She just shook her head.  She said something inaudibly.

“What?,” I asked.

“I didn’t want to, ok?”, she almost shouted.  She stood up.  “I didn’t want to!  He made me!”  She ran out of the room.

I looked at Liz, then at Beth.  “I think we should wake Sabby up,” I said quietly.

Liz nodded.   I went over to Sabby’s room and knocked on her door.  The door opened slightly and a bleary-eyed Sabby asked me why I woke her up.  Well, “asked” is a nice way to phrase it.

“Something’s wrong with Crystal,” I said.  Her door shut, and then a few seconds later, she came out in a bathrobe.  We went into Beth’s room, and we all told her what had happened.  It didn’t take long for Sabby’s face to turn concerned, then thunderous, then she turned around and went downstairs.

Crystal was sitting on the couch, her head in her hands, quite clearly having a panic attack.  Or at least that’s what Sabby told me it was, after.  We sat down, Sabby on one side of her, me on the other.  It only took a touch before she grabbed onto Sabby and started wailing.  “I didn’t want to!  He made me!  He made me!”  Sabby patted her on the back, and told me she had this.

“Is she going to be okay?”  Liz took that opportunity to give me a quick hug and exit quietly out the door.

Sabby frowned at the crying girl in her arms.  “Maybe not for a while.  But we’ll do everything we can.”

“What’s going on?”

“I have an idea.  But she’ll tell you when she’s ready.  Please don’t push.”

I nodded.  I went back up to my room.  I guess the slumber party was over.

The next day, I went downstairs, and Sabby was sprawled out on the couch, and Crystal was clinging to her like her life depended on it.  Any other time I’d think that was sweet, but there was something going on I didn’t quite understand.  I had to go to work, though.  And so I did.

When I got home, the mood in the house was pretty dark.  Sabby and Crystal weren’t there.  Beth was in her room.  Finally Sabby came home, and Sabby took me and Beth aside.

“We had to take her to her parents and call the police,” she said.  “Someone, well, hurt her pretty badly.  At the shelter.”

‘Was she -“? Beth asked.

Sabby nodded quietly.

Oh no.  Oh no oh no oh no oh no.

“Her parents didn’t know, and she didn’t tell them.”  She sighed.  “We had to go down to the station to make a statement.”  She frowned.  “She might want to talk.  She might not.  But you have to be strong.  For her.  Her parents are devastated, as you can imagine.   She’s going to stay with them for a day or two, she needs her mother.  She’ll be back, she still needs school.”

I understood.  I remember how much I needed Sabby when that guy assaulted me.  And how much Beth was bothered by it.

I guess I can tell you the rest of the stuff that happened.  I went to work, I was tired, I was sad, I came home, dinner was quiet…  I didn’t feel like writing last night, and I didn’t.  It hurts too much.  I want to go to Crystal, and hug her, and tell her everything’s alright, but I can’t fix this.  I can’t even come close to fixing this.  I think Crystal will come back soon, and I think we’ll have a lot of talking to do if she wants to, and I think I’ll be the best big sister I can, and… and…

And I hate living in a world where things like this can happen to a girl like Crystal.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Liz is coming over now.  And I’ll be honest – I think there will be crying.  A lot of crying.  And I’m not sure who will cry more.

This diary entry is part 11 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

 Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m a Lily!  I’m a Yuriko!  Maybe I’m a red spider lily!  I don’t know what kind of Lily I am!  I know!  I’m a Smith Lily!

So this morning I did my run and went to work.  When I got there I gave the owner the biggest hug and even a little kiss on the cheek.  I’ve never seen him turn so red!  But he’s been so nice to me, especially with that bonus, he deserved it!  I told him to pass it on to his wife too!  He was speechless!  He just told me to get to work, with a little smile on his face.

It was a typical day at work.  Doot dooting, Karens, unhealthy food, all that.  I don’t know what to say about work.  It’s just work.  I do it, I go home, I get paid, even though the owner’s really nice!

When I got home, Liz came over, and we spent some time together.  Crystal was off spending some time with her parents, which was nice.  I miss Liz!  We haven’t talked that much since we got home from Orlando, but it was nice to spend some time with her!  We gossipped about Jack, but she seemed a little cagey for some reason.  I wonder what’s going on there.  But still, we played games and had loads of fun.  Her parents came over, and we all had dinner together.  It was nice.

After her parents left, Crystal came back, and I introduced them.  Soon all four of us, me, Liz, Beth, and Crystal were playing games and gossipping and having all sorts of fun.  Crystal has a really sharp and sarcastic wit!  I’m not really the greatest at that, people tell me I’m too kind, but she actually had to rein it in a little.  She did have us rolling around laughing though when she talked about some of the people she met at the homeless shelter.  She gave them nicknames, like “Old Beardy” and “King Hobo”.  It’s funny, you don’t think much about how different they can be, but she had so many stories.  Some weren’t really good, but I guess it all worked out.  Occasionally there was a flash of pain in her eyes, but she covered it up with a laugh. I hope we can talk about that someday.

Liz is staying over and the four of us are having a slumber party.  Beth learned her lesson, and made sure Crystal was aware of it too.  No humiliating dares.  But we did play “truth or dare”, and it was funny, especially because Crystal just chose dare each time. She explained that after what she’d been through the past few months, there wasn’t much we could toss at her that would embarrass her.  Sadly, I believed her.  I took a bit of time to write this, but back to the fun!

Hey, I can’t have a drama filled day every day, right?

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 10 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So, as you can see from the title, today was Sabby’s birthday.  I had such a hard time figuring out what to get her, but I figured it out.  I’ll tell you how it went later in the post.  Also, I hear that Allison’s family’s having a rough time with the virus.  Poor Allison. We need to invite her over at some point – after all that’s run its course.  The virus sucks.

So it was a normal Friday.  Everyone was excited that it was the end of the week.  Crystal seems to be adapting, little by little.  She and Beth are still working on their lessons together, and there seems to be a grudging respect.  Turns out Crystal is pretty smart!  Whether Beth smart or not, I don’t know, but she can hold her own!  Sabby gave them some pretty hard math work and they were competing to see who could solve it first!

After school, I went and put on some nice clothes (not quite as nice when I first met Emiko, but nice enough) and Sabby made a very nice dinner.  I didn’t know she could make Japanese food, but she made ramen!  With the soft boiled eggs and seared fish and everything!  (we still have some fish left over from Dave and David’s fishing trip.)  She’s a great cook.  Anyway, Emiko showed up as dinner was being finished, with her husband and two daughters.

Her husband was a tall, older man with full hair and a kindly face, maybe a little younger than Dave, his name was Bill.  His daughters were 10 and 9, named Mika and Aika.  They looked so much like me!  I asked Emiko what their names meant.  She said “Beautiful flower” and “Lovely flower”.  Seems she really liked flowers.

Nothing wrong with that!  I think David was really taken with them.  I hadn’t seen him look like that since Allison.  I nudged him and said “Those are my half-sisters”.  He just nudged me back and said “They’re not mine.”  What could I say to that?

So we sat down to eat – Emiko seemed really surprised at the quality of the ramen, and even Crystal was slurping it down greedily.  Emiko asked about Crystal, and we just said she was a family friend who was staying with us for a while.

Crystal wasn’t having any of that, though.  “I’m homeless.  I’m staying here for a while so my parents can get back on their feet.”

Sabby cast one of her trademark glares at Crystal.  “You’re not homeless, Crystal.”

She frowned.  “This isn’t my home.  Thank you for taking me in, but this isn’t my home.”

Sabby frowned, but let it drop.  Crystal went back to inhaling her ramen.

Bill broke the silence.  “Well, you can just imagine how surprised we were when we found out my wife here had a daughter sixteen years ago.”

“She didn’t tell you?”, I asked, surprised.  Emiko looked really embarrassed but didn’t say anything.

“Not a word.  When she told me a week ago that she was going to meet you, I was floored.  I had no idea!”

“Well,” I said diplomatically.  “I imagine it wasn’t the easiest topic to bring up.”

Emiko nodded, still looking embarrassed.  “It was never the right time.”

“Well, you know now,” Sabby said.  “Mika, Aika, why don’t you tell your half-sister a little about yourselves?”  Kind of a hamhanded way to change the subject, but it worked nonetheless.  I felt like there was a little bit of tension between Bill and Emiko regarding the topic.  Regarding me.

Mika and Aika took turns telling us about themselves, their favorite subject at school, etc.  David was enraptured.  Great.  After they were done,  I told them about myself too, how I knew martial arts and the piano but didn’t know why.  They seemed like decent kids.  Bill even seemed decent, just a little put out at not being told about me.  Can’t say I blame him, but the past is the past.

After dinner, Dave went and got a cake, and brought it out with one candle.  “Tonight is Sabby’s birthday,” he announced.  “Let’s all sing the song?”

So we sang the song.  Gifts would be given later.  But everyone got a piece of cake, which Mika and Aika were very enthusiastic about.  The cake was chocolate.  Girls after my own heart.

After dinner we retired to the living room and just chatted about stuff.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Emiko did tell me I have grandparents in Japan, though, and invited me to come along the next time she went back home.  She thought it was important that I knew where I came from, even if a little.  Like I was going to say no!  But that would be sometime next year.  Guess now I need to work more at learning Japanese.

Eventually, they all left.  My half sisters seemed like decent kids.  But I didn’t quite know what to make of Bill.  He seemed nice enough, but he didn’t seem all that happy to meet me.  I guess I understood.  I’m her child.  Not his.

Finally it was time for presents to Sabby.  Everyone handed her a nicely wrapped box except for me.  She opened them happily.  Dave got her a glass flower (which she loved).  Beth got her a nice necklace, which she immediately put on, and David had obviously had help, because he got her a bubble bath.  After all the gifts had been given, I cleared my throat.

“Sabby,” I said, “I didn’t buy you anything.  But in Japan, it seems that it’s a tradition on special days like this to write a letter and then read it out.  I wrote you a letter.”  I went and got the letter.  “I know it doesn’t sound like much, but give it a chance.”

I opened the letter and cleared my throat.

“Sabby, I don’t know what your age is now, because you won’t tell me.  I know that you’re one year older now than you were a year ago.  And a little over one year older from how old you were when I was found on the side of the road.”  I sniffed. “I still remember that day like it was yesterday.  How you came and got me from the hospital, and took me to the store to get some necessities, much like you did Crystal yesterday.”  I looked at Crystal meaningfully, then went back to my letter.  “I remember coming back to your house, and you showing me the guest room, which you turned into my room that very night, and me being soo confused and soo scared and not knowing who I was or even what my name is.  I remember two things about that night:  you didn’t name me, and you didn’t leave me.”

Sabby sniffled.

“I chose the name Lily that night, and you called me that from that day forward.  And I cried.  I’ve cried harder, but I’ve never cried as long.  And you were always there.  You held me, and talked to me, and you let me cry, and you… ” my voice broke, “you helped me through what was certainly one of the worst times of my life.  That I can remember anyway.

“And then you took me shopping. I remember that day too.  I had been crying for so long and so hard my stomach hurt and I didn’t have any tears left, and you took me shopping.  It’s not about the things you bought me, but that’s when you made me a part of your family.  It took me a long time to accept that, but that was the first time we really spent together, and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”

I paused, and wiped my eyes.  “Sometimes we fight and have harsh words, but I’ll never forget what you did for me, and what you still do for me, and… and you’ll always be my mother.”  I put the letter down, ran over, and hugged her.

She hugged me back, her body shaking.  “You were right about the Japanese letters,” she said, wiping her eyes.  “Thank you, Lily.  I loved everyone’s presents, but…. thank you.”

Crystal just looked at me, a tear running down her face.  “You… you do understand.”, she said, quietly.

I nodded.  “I do,” I said, just as quietly.

She jumped up and ran over to me, and glomped me.  “You understand,” she sobbed, “You understand.”

I just patted her back.  “I do,” I said softly.

“Lily,” Sabby said, with much emotion in her voice.  “I will never regret adopting you.”

I just smiled wanly and sat back down, after Crystal disentangled herself and did the same.

Finally, Sabby went to take a bath.  Not an angry bath this time, but a happy, birthday bath.  Dave went up too, looking eager for some rea… oh.  Well, after Jack, I guess I can’t say much.  Looks like she was going to get another present that wasn’t for our eyes.

Crystal and Beth and I sat and talked until a few minutes ago.  We didn’t really have a slumber party, but the three of us had some serious girl bonding time, with hair brushing and games and all that fun stuff.  Crystal’s defenses were finally coming down, and there was light in her eyes at last.  After all, I understood, and she knew I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.

I really did understand, and now she knew.

Her parents are going to spend some time with her tomorrow, and she’s really looking forward to that.  After all, even though they had had some hard times, they’re still her parents and she still loves them.  But she has a home for now, and maybe now she could start to heal.

Love you all!!!