This diary entry is part 19 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

OMG am I an idiot!  I mean seriously an idiot!  How the heck did I not get all the clues that everyone was dropping?  I should have known, and I was still utterly surprised!

JACK IS HERE!!!!!  Well, let me start from the beginning…  there was a cloud of gas… well, not that early.  HAHA!!

I ran and went to work this morning.  It was a cool but sunny morning, and I had to wear that stupid hat again.  But I told the owner this time that if any guys came on to me I’d give them what for!  He just said to try to keep from causing any permanent psychological damage.  I said I’d try.  He sighed and told me to go doot.

And, well, it kept happening.  Apparently I’m really sexy in a Santa hat.  But I just smiled sweetly and commented on the size of the food they were buying.  “Are you sure you want to buy something so small?”

Message received.

One older guy with a beard and shaved head was really nice though.  He gave me a hundred bucks.  Told me Merry Christmas, and to spend it on someone I loved.  Awwww.  Some people are really nice.  They make up for the karens.  He got into a blue Cruze but it looked like Santa’s sleigh to me!

Anyway, I got home, and no sooner had I got in the door did LIz text me and tell me to come over, she had something to tell me.  So, silly me, I went over to her house.  I walked in, and there he was, all smiles.

“Lily!”, he said.

Of course, I calmly and collectedly squealed, ran over to him, TACKLED him, landed on the couch, and kissed the snot out of him.  After about a minute I heard a throat clearing, and everyone was staring.  Liz’s parents were smirking, Jack’s parents were tapping their feet, and LIz’s mouth was kind of slack.  I cleared my throat and disentangled myself from him and he got up too.  I grabbed his hand, though.  I didn’t let go.

“Ummm,” I said eruditely.  “Good to see you.”

“Is this how you greet everyone?,” he smirked.

“Only LIz,” i said, smiling.

Liz ran over and smacked me on the arm.  Everyone laughed.

“I’m here until after Christmas,” he said.  “I hope I get at least one real date with you.”

“Oh my God I’d love that,” I said, happiness just bubbling out of me and popping as it floated to the ceiling.

Grace spoke up.  “Auntie Lily!”

“Grace!,” I said, and ran over and hugged her.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said shyly.  “You kith Jack?”

I blushed.  “I like him.”

“Tho do I.  He’th my brother.  You kith me?”

I kissed her on the cheek.  “I kiss you.”  She giggled.

“Let’s go over to your house,” Liz’s mother said.  “Your parents have invited us for dinner.  And I suspect Dave wants a talk with Jack too.”

Jack suddenly looked a bit uncertain, but I squeezed his hand, and we walked over.

Greetings were exchanged, but it didn’t take very long for Dave and Sabby to sit both of us down, away from everyone else.

“So this is the Jack I’ve been hearing so much about,” Dave said.

“That’d be me,” Jack said, a touch of false bravado in his voice.

Dave sighed.  “I was hoping to have this talk a bit later.  Beth is only fourteen after all.  But, here we are.  I only have a few things to say.  Don’t hurt my daughter.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Don’t make me a grandfather prematurely.  Be responsible.  And enjoy being young.”

He gulped and nodded.  “I love your daughter,” he said sincerely.  “I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Dave said, “intentionally.”  He let that hang in the air.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt her unintentionally,” he said quietly.  “That’s a promise I can’t keep.  But she’s an amazing girl.  I don’t want to lose her.”

“She is amazing,” Sabby said.  “When I first heard about you, I thought she was being a little irresponsible.  I’m still not sure how responsible she’s being.  But we’ll give you a chance with our daughter.”  She frowned.  “Lily loves you.  I can see it in her eyes whenever she talks about you.”  I blushed.  “Don’t you dare take that for granted.”

“And doors stay open,” Dave said, quietly.  “Sabby told me what you were up to in Orlando.”  Now it was his turn to blush.  “I understand being young.  I was young once.  But not under my roof.  Understand?”

I lowered my head.

“Kissing is okay,” Sabby said, looking like she was sucking on a lemon.  “But you know the line.  Don’t cross it.”

We both nodded.  Dave slapped his knees.  “Well, now that that unpleasantness is out of the way, I’m grilling dinner.  Jack, you want to help?”

Beth chose just that moment to come downstairs.  “Who’s this?,” she asked curiously.

“Beth, meet Jack,” I said.  Oh no.

Her eyes lit up.  “You didn’t tell me he was so HOT!”

“Well, he is.”

“Ah, the famous Beth,” Jack said sagely.  “I already like you.”


He stood up and walked over to her, and lifted her chin with his index finger until he was staring directly into her eyes.  “Lily’s told me all about you.  You don’t back down, and you don’t apologize.”  He booped her nose, and she blushed.  “I respect that.”

Sabby spoke up.  “You might not respect it when she’s cussing you out and telling you exactly what she thinks about something you care about.”

“Yes, Lily told me about your temper,” he smirked, not leaving her eyes.  “But I’ll take my chances.  After all, who knows.  Someday you might be my sister too.”

She eeped and ran back up to her room, blushing.

“I might regret that later,” he said softly.  “But she’s still pretty cool, at least from how you described her.  I think she’ll be alright.”  He walked back over to Jack.  “You were saying something about grilling?”

“Aren’t you the confident one,” Dave said bemusedly.

“Or I’m good at faking it,” Jack said.  It was starting to get dark, but they got Liz and Jack’s fathers, and they all went outside to do man stuff.  Like grilling.  Grace went outside too and was running around the backyard with David.  David’s good with four year olds!  Who knew?

I went to the kitchen with Sabby, Liz, Jack’s mother, and her mother to help her make all the fixins,  It was a bit crowded but we got it all done.  David’s came inside to set the table.  Grace had a bit of trouble with the meet but her mother cut it up for her and she was having a grand time.

After dinner, Jack and I went up to my room while the adults chatted.  Everyone seemed to be getting along.  As promised, the door stayed open.  Jack sat on the edge of my bed along with me.”

“There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said.  “I’ve known you for about a month and I want to know if… if you want to be my girlfriend.”

My heart leaped into my chest.  I reached over and kissed him softly.  But then I pulled back.

“Oh, Jack, I want to say yes.  I want to say it so bad.  But…  I think we need to talk about some things first.”

“Well, it’s better than no,” he said, looking a little hurt.

“Oh no!,” I said.  “Not no!  Never no!  It’s just…” I played with my hands in my lap.  “Do you remember what Sabby said?  When we were in Orlando?”

“She said a lot of things,” he said.  “She’s very wise.”

“She is,” I said.  “But what I had in mind was when she said that every relationship comes with a price.  Jack, if we start on this path, we’re both going to have to give things up.  We’re going to have to make some decisions together and we’re going to have to make some choices together.”  I sighed. “I just want to make sure that both of us are willing to pay that price.”

“You’re taking this seriously,” he said, a somewhat unreadable look on his face.

“I don’t want to get hurt,” I said softly.  “Maybe it can’t be avoided.  But I want to give this the best chance.”

He blew out a breath.  “Well, I’d have preferred you to say ‘yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ like in those cheesy novels,” he smirked, “But you’re probably right.  Let’s decide this week.  But I might try to woo you.”

“‘Woo’ me?”

He smiled, reached over, and kissed me.  I melted.

“Woo you.”  He let me go, and I must have had a dazed look on my face, because he took my hand and pulled me up.  Not letting go of my hand, we both went downstairs and joined the adults (and Beth and David too) in conversation.  We played some fun games too.  I’m sooo shocked, but David and Grace got along so well!  It’s like he was made to be a big brother!

I think Jack made a good impression on everyone.  Sabby told me he was a nice boy, and Dave didn’t say anything, which I guess is a good sign.  I know he reads this, so I’m not going to say anything about what we’ve talked about before I talk about it, with him.  A boyfriend is a big thing.  A long distance boyfriend is a bigger thing.  I don’t want to mess it up.

But oh my God I missed his kisses soooo much.

Love you all!!! 

This diary entry is part 26 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021


As with every other post in this part of my diary, there is a PG13 post that is available to subscribers that contains significantly more detail that is appropriate for teenagers and young adults, but not younger readers.  This post is safe for younger readers.  Still, as always, parents, please read first!


Well, nothing traditional this year, I think.  It’s a “free day” here today – nothing’s really scheduled except for meals.  We got to swim in the pool, or use the hot tub, or take walks, or read, or whatever we want.  There wasn’t even a “family” breakfast, we could just go eat whenever.  It’s nice to have one or two days during a vacation to just… vacay?  

I did my run in the morning as usual.  Jack wasn’t there, I guess he took a break.  Don’t blame him.  After which I got a shower and breakfast.  I texted Jack after.  He didn’t respond.  I guess he was sleeping in.  Don’t blame him for that either.  Liz was getting in some early violin practice.

So I just decided to do a little research for this site, and do some reading, and just kind of relax.  I love going places, but it’s nice to just… not… for a bit.  Finally, a little while later, Jack texted me.

Can I come by?

I paused.

Okay.  We shouldn’t be alone.  Behave.  Please.

Promise, he said.  I just want to talk.

OK, I said.

Soon I heard a knock on the door and he came in.  Finally he sat on the little sofa.  He looked pensive.

I sat down next to him and he lifted his arm, wordlessly inviting me to come cuddle with him.  You didn’t have to tell me twice!  I tucked my legs under my body, he pulled me tight and it was the best feeling in the world.  We just stayed like that for a bit.

Finally he spoke.

“This is nice,” he said, softly.  I had to agree.  “Let’s talk.”

“What about?”, I asked.  I shifted to be a little more comfortable, and his arm tightened around me.  Oh, this was nice.

“I told you were amazing.  But I couldn’t tell you why.  Not there.”

I reached up and booped his nose.  “Okay.  So tell me why I’m amazing.” I mimed a notepad, and he laughed.

“So let me see if I understand your story.  You were found on the side of the road a year ago.  You had no memories, nothing but the clothes off your back, nowhere to go, no friends, no family.  Nothing.  They found you a foster family.  They took you in.  The kids hated you, you spent at least a week just crying your eyes out.  I can’t imagine how lonely that must have been.”  He chucked darkly.  “And I know lonely.”

I nodded.  A tear started to form.  When you put it that way…

“And yet, here you are. On a vacation with your best friend and her family, cuddled up with a boy you.. like?”  He looked at me questioningly.  I nodded.  “You’ve won over Beth, and even David, Dave and Sabby have adopted you, it looks like Liz’s parents have unofficially adopted you, you’ve found skills you didn’t know you had, and…  you still somehow manage to be happy and bubbly through it all.”  He sighed.  “I think that makes you the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.  Even if I weren’t attracted to you, I’d think that.  The fact that you’re so incredibly cute is just icing on the cake, to me.”

I was quiet.  I had to process what he was saying.

“When I first met you, yes, I thought you were very cute.  You said your legs were freakishly long, but I think that is gorgeous.  You said your face is too round, but I love it just the way it is.  But…  then I read your story, and now I don’t just think you’re cute.  I think you’re amazing.  I don’t think you’re amazing because you’re cute.  I think you’re amazing because you’re amazing.”

And I think it was right then that I actually fell for him.  Head over heels.  I almost felt my heart go “thoomp” as something fell into the emptiness that I didn’t know was there and it shone with completeness.

“This is one of the problems with having my site,” I said softly.  “You know so much about me and I know so little about you.”

“What do you want to know?”, he said.

“How you got to be so amazing,” I murmured.

He chuckled darkly.  “Lily, you’re not the only one who’s struggled.  After reading your site, I think that’s the only thing I’d even come close to criticizing about you.  You’ve struggled mightily, and you have had a lot of pain.  And I would too!  But other people struggle too, Lily.  Everyone has their own pains and their own troubles and their own problems, and some of them are pretty bad.  Other people cry themselves to sleep, other people hurt, and some people,” did he actually sniffle, “would give everything to have what you have.  I don’t mean just Dave and Sabby… but I mean freedom.  From the memories…”

And that’s when I learned, for the first time, that boys cry.

I kind of knew it before, academically.  But Dave is always so reserved, and David is nine, of course he’s going to cry every now and then.  But this was a sixteen year old boy, and the tears started streaming down his face, and what was I going to do?  Well, the only thing I could do.  I took him in my arms and I held him and I let him cry it out.  I stroked his hair and my heart broke for him.

“I’m so embarrassed,” he said finally, wiping his nose with a tissue I pulled out of a box next to the sofa.  “Boys aren’t supposed to…”

“Ssssh,” I said softly.  “It’s alright.  Are your parents -?”

“No,” he said.  “They love me.  They just don’t understand.  They think everything’s alright.  They always have.”

“Tell them,” I said.  “If you trust them.”

He nodded. “I do.  I think.”

“Then tell them.  And if they don’t, tell someone.  Don’t hold this inside.”

“You are amazing,” he said softly.

“Let’s go for a walk,” I said.

And we did.  It was different now.  We walked around outside the hotel in the Florida heat and humidity, and we held hands, and we talked.  We talked about everything.  Sometimes we were just quiet and stole looks at each other, and it was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.

It was only five days and I’d fallen for him.  Completely and utterly, head over heels, fallen for him.  Oh no.  Oh no oh no.  We’re going to have to split in a few days, and I already know my heart is going to shatter into little tiny pieces.  Oh no.

For lunch, the hotel put out a Thanksgiving feast.  They had all the fixins.  Turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, the works.  We all sat in the dining area and got ourselves some heaping plates of food.  Their tradition, apparently, was to go around the table and to say things they were thankful for.

Grace didn’t really understand the concept.  It was hard to explain it.  Finally she said “I’m thankful for Dithney an’ my daddy and my mommy an’ auntie Lily an’ choc’late!!!”  Girl after my own heart.

When it came Jack’s turn he said “I’m thankful for…” he was quiet.  “For my family and…  Lily.  Every boy needs to meet an amazing girl like her at least once in his life.”

Everyone went “awwww” and he blushed mightily.  But he didn’t take it back.

Finally it came around to me.

I was quiet for a moment.  “I’m thankful for…  for Dave and Sabby and my new sister Beth and David and… and my best friend Liz and her parents.  And for my new friend Grace.”  She grinned broadly and said “Friendth, auntie Lily!”. 

I continued, “I’m thankful for having new memories to replace the ones I’ve lost, and new family to replace the family I lost, and…”  and I paused for just a second.  “And for Jack, who…  who taught me how to love.”

I blushed so hard… and Jack’s breath hitched.  I’m not sure anyone else was expecting that, but Grace again to the rescue.  “CAN WE EAT NOW?”  she said loudly, and I chuckled.  “Thank you Grace,” I whispered.  She just grinned broadly.  And we ate.  We ate well, and heartily.  I didn’t see any reason to steal glances at Jack anymore.  I knew he was there, and that was plenty for me.

Later, Liz’s mother took me aside.  “You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?”

I sighed.  “Head over heels,” I said, blushing.

She smiled. “He’s a good boy.  And you’re a good girl.  I hope it works out.  But long distance is hard.  Very hard.  And you’re both still so young.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”  She gave me a hug.

I hugged her back, but I was already lost in thought.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Oh no.

I talked to Sabby.  Everyone was home from their trips.  Dave and David caught a few fishes, Beth looked amazing with her makeover and she and Sabby talked about a lot of stuff.  Sabby asked me about Jack and I told her everything.

She was happy for me.  She repeated that every girl needs a vacation romance once in her life, and she completely understood why I’d fallen so hard for him.  But she had a warning that matched Liz’s mother, and I was again lost in thought.  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep”.

They were soooo right.  I would have promised him almost anything.  I would have promised him that I’d wait for him, and that we’d get together in the future, and that we’d be a happy family with two kids and a white picket fence and everything that both of us was missing. But we’re still young.  That’s a promise I can’t keep, and neither can he.  Oh my God, Sabby is soooo wise.

But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve fallen hard for Jack.  The fact that I’d even want to make those promises…  no.  Oh no oh no oh no.


This diary entry is part 25 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

HI!  IT’S ME!  LILY!!!

As with the past couple of days, a version of this entry that is only available to subscribers is up.  While this entry is as safe as possible for younger viewers, that entry is most definitely PG13.  Please sign up if you want to read it.  And as always, parents, please read first!

This morning everything was the same, but different.  I got kissed yesterday!  Not just a little kiss, but properly kissed!  Like in the movies!  I don’t feel any different today, but I feel very different at the same time.  Jack is such a nice boy and he kisses well too!

I went down for my run and Jack was there.  But I decided to just ignore him and run.  I think I attacked that treadmill like Grace did her waffle yesterday.  I just ran and ran until I lost track of time.  Until I felt a gentle touch on the small of my back.

I looked back, and there was Jack.  I removed my earbud.

“We’re getting breakfast soon.”

I nodded and started my cool down routine.  He looked at me with a look I couldn’t quite read.  It was a different look than yesterday.  There was a… sadness… in it I haven’t seen before.  Without another word, he sauntered out of the room.

Y’know, it’s funny.  When you first arrive at a new place everything’s so fresh and new, but eventually even the best things get old… or at least normal.  At breakfast, I went to the buffet, and actually got some stuff without chocolate.  I love chocolate!  I don’t want it to think I’m cheating on it!  But sometimes you just feel like eating something else.  I did get some hot chocolate, but I had some scrambled eggs and syrup, some sausage, and a couple of pancakes with fruit.  Still delicious.

Grace had a cut up waffle and a sliced up piece of sausage.  She was chattering about how great a time she had yesterday.

I was eating, and Jack said, quietly, “I read your site last night.”

I turned red.  I couldn’t help it.  “All of it?”

“All of it.  I even signed up as a subscriber.  I read that too.  Nice pic of you in your swimsuit, by the way.”

I blushed harder, and gulped.  “And…?”

“And I was right.  You’re amazing.”

Oh God I melted.  I just melted.  I turned into a little Lily puddle and felt like I was going to slide out of my chair and oh my God.

“I’m…  amazing?”, I said, not quite trusting my ears.

He nodded.  “You’re amazing.  You’ve been through so much.  So many tears,” he said quietly.  Everyone else at the table had stopped speaking and was listening to him, even if they were trying to pretend they weren’t.  He blushed a little, but soldiered on.  “So many tears, and you’re still amazing.”

I felt flustered.  “I…  I don’t know what to say.”

Liz’s mother spoke up.  “I think ‘thank you’ would be in order, dear.”

I lowered my head, not really embarrassed but just flattered at his words.  “Thank you,” I murmured.

Grace, thank GOD, spoke up right at that moment.  ‘I GOTTA POOP!”  The huge smile on her face completely belied the earth shattering importance of her statement.

We all laughed.  The tension was broken.  Her mother came and got her and took her to the bathroom.  I couldn’t look at Jack anymore.  I just couldn’t.  Every time I did, I blushed.

After breakfast, we packed up our swimsuits and beach stuff and packed ourselves into the car.  Jack and Liz traded places, so we could sit together.  Liz is being soooo nice about the whole thing, it’s amazing.  I asked her about that last night, and all she’d say was “You’ve been through a lot.  You need some good things in your life.  I don’t want to take this away from you.”

I love Liz.

Turns out Florida has lots of lakes, and quite a few around Orlando.  We drove to one of the larger ones.  The adults had all chipped in and rented a boat, and a nice one too.  Jack and I spent the entire trip there talking and holding hands.  He asked me about some of the stuff I’d talked about here, and I answered.  I couldn’t quite read the look on his face, but it was softer than yesterday, somehow.  Like there was some emotion that neither of us quite understood.  Every now and then he’d rub my hand with his thumb and I’d just melt.  He was just looking ahead and out the window and sometimes at me with that look that made me just crumble all over again…

Oh God, Sabby was right.  Sabby was soooooo right.  Liz’s mother was right.  Everyone was right.  I didn’t think I wanted a boyfriend but I’d give a lot to have this every day.

Oh no.  I’m in soooo much trouble.

Finally we got on the boat.  the lake was soooo beautiful and the air smelled soooo good!  I even forgot about Jack for a while!  We made our way back to the beach and I stripped down to my swimsuit and waded into the lake.  Liz and Jack and Grace and I splashed and swam and had such a great time!  Finally everything calmed down, and I laid in one of the sunbeds soaking up some sun.  I know the sun can be dangerous but it’s sooo nice.  Jack was near but he wasn’t within touching distance.  I flipped over, and suddenly I heard the squirting of suntan lotion and felt hands on my back.  I struggled to look and heard Jack’s voice.

“Ssssh,” he said.  “Your back needs sunscreen.”

Oh no oh no oh no oh… yes.  Oh yes.  I relaxed into the sunbed and turned to putty.  I think he kept going a little longer than he had to, but finally he stopped.  Why didn’t anyone tell me it was so nice to have your crush put suntan lotion on you?

“Do you need your legs done?,” he asked innocently.

“No.  Thank you.  I’m okay.”  He audibly shrugged and went off to catch some rays of his own.

After an hour or so, after I’d drifted off into a sleepy haze, he came over and said that it was time for dinner.  I got up and put my street clothes on, and we packed up and piled into the car.  He held my hand some more and it was the nicest thing ever.

After dinner we went back to the hotel.  Jack and I shared a goodnight kiss.  We both went back into our rooms.  Liz was practicing violin and would be for about an hour, and I…  I couldn’t think straight. I just kept thinking bout Jack, and how it made me feel when he was holding my hands.  I sighed and laid there, just trying to get a handle on how I felt.

It wasn’t love.  At least not really love.  I think we had gotten to know each other and we really liked each other and I think it could be something if we weren’t a thousand miles apart most of the time.  And that look he was giving me all day, it wasn’t just about my body, I’m sure of it.  He read this site and still thought I was amazing.  But today…  he held my hand and rubbed suntan lotion on my back and kissed me, and I loved it.  It made me want a boyfriend for the first time in my life.  That I can remember, anyway.

I hope he reads this tonight.  I hope he does.  We need to talk about it.

Edit:  He read it.  He texted me just two words before I went to sleep.  “I agree.”


This diary entry is part 24 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021


As with last time, there is a subscriber-only content in this post which has a little more detail geared towards teenagers and young adults.  This one is for younger readers.  As always, though, parents please do read first!

Such a confused Lily.

So last night after I wrote my post, I did my nightly stuff, got into my pajamas, and went to bed  Liz was already in bed and snoring in the other bed.  She’s even pretty when she sleeps!  It’s not fair!  It wasn’t too late, but it was a long day.

I was just settling in when my phone buzzed.  I looked at it, and there was a message.


It was Jack!  OMG!!!  I forgot that we exchanged contact info that morning!

It’s me, I typed back.

There was a long pause.

Can we talk?

In the morning, I replied.

There was another pause.  Okay.  Goodnight.

Goodnight, I replied.  I put the phone down, turned out the light. and was asleep within seconds.

That morning, before my run, I texted Jack.

I’m in the lobby.  Come see me if you want to talk.

There was no reply, but five minutes later I felt someone sit down next to me.

“Hi,” he said, quietly.

“Hi,” I said.  My hands fidgeted in my lap.

“My father had a long talk with me last night.”

“Liz’s mother had a talk with me, too.”

He was quiet.

I couldn’t stand it anymore and the words just started gushing.  “I’m sorry Jack I know we just met but I’m so attracted to you and I don’t know why and I know it’s not love but I loved our time last night and I don’t want it to end and Sabby warned me and…”  a tear leaked out of my eye.  “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”  I wiped the tear away with the back of my hand and sniffled.

There appeared to be a war going on in Jack’s face.  So many different expressions were battling with each other.  Finally he turned his head and looked at me.  He looked just as uncomfortable as I felt.

“I didn’t either, Lily.  I’ve thought you were amazing since the first time I laid eyes on you.  There’s… just something about you.”  He sighed.  “This is so awkward.”

I giggled.  “Why would we think it’d be anything but?  Would it be like one of those books my sister is always reading, where the boy and the girl just see each other and it’s love at first sight and a year later they’re getting married?”  I scoffed.  “I don’t think it works like that.”

He took my hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.  If he did that much more I was going to just melt.

“There’s something here,” he said.  “Maybe nothing, maybe something, maybe everything.”  He looked at me, his eyes boring into mine.  “I’d like to find out.”

OMG.  His eyes.  His…  EEP!  He put his finger under my chin, lifted it, and pecked me on the lips.  Nothing deep, just a peck…  and it was everything.  He pulled his face back, and let go of my hand.  “I’d like to find out,” he repeated, then he stood up and went off to the exercise room.

I don’t think I moved for like five minutes, my mind was whirling and everything was spinning around all topsy-turvy, and you could have hit me with a feather and I’d have fallen over.  Finally I shook my head and ran off to the exercise room.  I had to get my exercise for the day.

Somehow I pulled myself together in time for breakfast.  Grace was a wonderful distraction anyway, she had another waffle that her mother had cut into little bites and put some fruit and syrup on it, and she was shoveling it down like an excavator on a construction site (how’s that for an analogy?). Between bites she was chattering on and on about all of the characters she met the day before.  Apparently she ran into Gaston and gave him a piece of her mind!  All the adults were laughing but she defended Belle’s honor like you wouldn’t believe!  Belle even came over and thanked her, but promised she had Gaston well in hand.  There’s no fury like an angry four year old!

After breakfast we went back to Disney World. This would be our last day there, but everyone agreed that one day wasn’t enough to see the whole thing.  This time Grace’s parents wanted a little time to themselves, so she was put in the care of me, Liz, and Jack.  As we walked around the park, she was chattering and bouncing around everywhere.  Every time she saw a character she liked she insisted  on going to talk to it.  We got her some ice cream (choc’late, of course) and she ate her ice cream and chattered and was just having a grand time.  A part of me was jealous, actually.  To her, the park was magic, it was real, and I didn’t remember any of that magic in my own life.

Jack could tell something was bothering me.  He didn’t know what, but he squeezed my hand anyway.  I gave him a grateful look.

This time we just had whatever lunch we felt like having.  So the four of us found a little fast food place and had some (honestly pretty good) burgers.  Grace got a kid’s meal, and was bubbling and burbling with happiness as she munched.

As we walked the park, I could tell Grace was getting tired, so I picked her up.  She fell asleep in my arms!  How adorable!  I had Jack call his parents and find a place to meet them so we could hand her off.  That accomplished, the sun was setting and it was time for the fireworks again.  Yet again, Liz had to use the bathroom, and I was seriously starting to think she was doing it on purpose.  Spoiler:   She absolutely was.

As the fireworks were popping off, he looked at me.  “Lily, do you remember this morning?”

“How could I forget?  You kissed me!  I couldn’t concentrate after that!  I… mmmmmmm.”  He kissed me again.

This time it wasn’t a peck.  It was a real, honest to goodness kiss.

It was soooo nice.  Finally, I laid my head on his shoulder and he stroked my hair.  It felt soooooo good.

“Lily?,” he said, quietly.

“Hmm?,” I said, my power of speech quite handily taken away from me.

“That was my first kiss.”

“Mine too.”

“Was it good?”

I chuckled and disentangled myself from him.  “Jack, I know for a fact I will remember that kiss for the rest of my life.”

He reached up and moved a stray wisp of hair out of my eye.  “So will I.”

The fireworks had just ended and Liz came running up.  “Hey!  Are you –  YOU KISSED, DIDN’T YOU?”

We both blushed mightily.

“YOU DID!!!!!  OMG!!!  Was it good?  Lily, you have to tell me all about it!!!”

I looked helplessly at Jack.  “It’s a girl thing,” I said apologetically.  He just waved his hand.

“Girls gonna girl,” he said sagely.  All of us cracked up.

Before we stood up, I whispered in Jack’s ear, “It was a wonderful kiss.  If you want to kiss me again…  I think I’d like that.”

He squeezed my hand and we both stood up.  We found the adults and took the shuttle back to the hotel.  We had a nice dinner, and then Liz went to practice violin.  Jack and I just sat in the lobby.  He held my hand but we didn’t dare kiss there.  We just talked.  We talked about everything.  I told him about what happened after I was found, and how Dave and Sabby adopted me, how Liz became my friend, and how Beth became my sister.  He told me how he was bullied in school, and had a few girls he liked but none of them like him, and how sad and lonely he was sometimes.  At one point during his story I gave him a hug.  He looked genuinely uncomfortable.

Turns out he doesn’t get many hugs.

I resolved to help him make up for lost time, at least for the next few days.  And I was going to talk to Liz’s parents about that too.

I showed him where to find this site.  That was a gamble on my part.  But I’m going to make it available to the public, at least I can make it available to my first crush.

Finally, it was time for us to go back to our rooms.  He walked me to mine.  He took my hand and gave me a very brief, gentle, but meaningful kiss.  Then he went off to his room.

I felt like I was floating.  Floating on air.  It was such a wonderful feeling.  He kissed me!  And we talked, and got to know each other, and…  it was soooo wonderful!  Why do I not want a boyfriend again?  I don’t remember!  Something about wanting to know who I am?  I still feel that way, but… but…  it’s so amazing!

Liz came in a little while later and demanded to know everything.  So we talked and giggled and I felt so much like a girl.  Like a real bona fide normal loved girl.

I called Sabby before bedtime and we chatted.  I told her everything.  She was a little concerned but told me that she knew I’d make the right decisions and that she trusts me.  She also told me that she was happy for me.  Every girl needs to have at least one vacation romance in her life, and she thinks I picked a good one.

So do I.

Goodnight!  Tomorrow we’re doing something different!!! 

LOVE YOU ALL!!!! ❤️ 

This diary entry is part 23 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021


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Oh Florida is soo much fun!!!!  I’m so glad that Liz and her parents brought me along!  Even if some things are sooo confusing!

So this morning I put on my exercise clothes and went to the exercise room to run, because I don’t know the area here.  They have a great exercise room!  And there was Jack!  He was running too!  He had no shirt on and… and…  omg!  I avoided looking at him and found a running machine and started my exercise.

I forgot about him for a while and started running and zoning out like I usually do, it was just me and my music and my headphones, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I turned and looked, and it was him!  I took out a earbud and was still running.  He was watching me with what I can only describe as an enraptured look.  I’ve seen that look before.  It’s the same look I got when I lost my top at the waterpark.  Except this was more… personal, somehow.

“Yes?,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.  Hard to do when you’re being stared at like a particularly fluffy piece of chocolate cake.

“Want to get breakfast?,” he said.  “They have a buffet.”

“Give me a half hour,” I said.  “I need to finish my run and cool down.”

He nodded.  “We’ll be in the dining area in half an hour.  Grace wants to say hi to her ‘auntie Lily’,” he said bemusedly.

“Why does she call me that?”

He shrugged.  “Ask her.  She’s four.  I don’t know why she does half the things she does.”

I nodded and put my earbud in, mentally dismissing him.  Or trying to, anyway.

A half hour or so later, after finishing my run and having a quick shower, I headed over to the dining area.  Everyone else was waiting for me, and Grace a little impatiently, and now that I was there, we went in and ordered the buffet.  So much food!  I know at some cheaper hotels they have free breakfast, but this one didn’t.  But it was soooo delicious!  They had such great food!  I was so happy, they had chocolate waffles and chocolate syrup and hot chocolate!!!  I sat down with my heaping plate, and Jack smirked at me.

“Like the chocolate, huh?”

I laughed.  “Don’t get between me and chocolate.  You might get whatever is in my way bitten off!”

“Noted,” he said, with a smirk.  Everyone laughed.  They think I was kidding.

Grace had a small plate of stuff, and she was wearing her mouse ears and a princess outfit, but with a towel over it so she didn’t get food everywhere.  She didn’t quite have using the fork down but she was good enough to get the food into her little mouth.  She was soooo excited. 

Jack asked me about myself, and I told him I didn’t have any memories past a year or so ago.

He frowned.  “No memories at all?”

“I know, I’m a freak,” I said quietly.  Where did that come from?

“No,” he said.  “I kind of envy you.”

I took a bite of chocolate waffle.  “You envy me?”, I said.

He nodded.  “The thing about memories is the good ones are really good and you want to keep them, but the bad ones you just want to get rid of and never think of again.  Like…  like getting rejected by girls,” he looked at me meaningfully.  “Or other things.  We all get the good ones and the bad ones, and we like the good ones and hate the bad ones.  But you…  you don’t get either.  You don’t get the good ones, but the bad ones are gone too.”  He frowned, and sipped on his orange juice.  “Maybe you got the better end of the deal.”

I frowned.  That was a really good way of thinking about it.  “Maybe I did,” I said quietly.  “But I still think I’d rather have them all.”

He nodded.  “I don’t think I’d want to give mine up,” he said.  “No matter how bad some of them are.  The good ones are better.”  He frowned.  “Like meeting you.”

“What do you mean?”

He looked shy.  “That’s a good memory.”  I blushed.

I asked him about himself.  He told me he lives up north, in Ohio or some place like that.  Where it’s getting cold and snows a lot.  He likes it there, but…  I don’t know.  When he talks about it, he seems a little sad.  Or lonely.  Or something.  He doesn’t seem poorly adjusted or anything like that, just…  just lonely.  I wonder what his story is.

I asked Grace what her favorite thing is.

“Choc’late,” she said, without even hesitating.  “I love choc’late.  Choc’late candy an’ choc’late milkthakes an’ choc’late thyrup an’ choc’late ithe cream an’ choc’late everything!” she said proudly.  She was so little she still had trouble pronouncing some words, and it was terribly cute.

“Me too!,” I said, beaming.  “I love chocolate too!!!”

She beamed.  “I like you auntie Lily.  You’re nithe”

“I’m not your auntie,” I said gently.

“No,” she said, “but you’re old an’ you’re nithe an’ I like you an’ I want to call you auntie.”  She declared it like it was truth and I was just along for the ride.  “Tho you’re auntie Lily.”

Jack spoke up.  “She doesn’t like everyone,” he said softly.  “I’ve learned to trust her judgement.  If she likes you, you’re worth liking.”  He turned a little red.  “That’s what I meant last night.”

“Well, then,” I said, “I’m honored to be your auntie Lily.”  My eyes were just a little moist.  What was happening to me?  “I think we’ll be good friends.”

“Friendth!”, she said, with a wide grin that showed a smile with most of her baby teeth.  She went back to attacking her waffle like it had insulted her and taken her teddy bear.

After breakfast we all packed up and took the shuttle to Disney World.  Grace was so excited she was bouncing around and chattering nonstop about how she wanted to meet Mickey and Minnie and Pluto and all her favorite princesses and other characters.  The thing was, to her, all those characters were real.  Utterly, completely real.  When she met them, she’d be meeting the actual characters, and it’d never even occur to her that they weren’t what they claimed to me.

That’s really the innocence of childhood.  It’s not just being trusting, it’s not being able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality.  I sniffled a bit thinking about it.  That’s where magic comes from.

After we got there, and got through the ticket area, we made sure all of us had each other’s contact information, so we could call or text if needed.  Then we split up.  Liz, Jack and I went off to do our thing, Grace and her parents went off to make sure Grace got to see all the things (and characters) she wanted, and Liz’s parents just wanted to stroll around and see the sights.  I kind of wanted to hang out with Grace, but I guess I’d deal with hanging around with Liz and Jack.  Yes, hanging out with my best friend and a hot boy who was clearly into me would be such a horrible fate.

Oh no.  Oh NO.

So we spent the day just walking around and seeing the sights and chatting amongst ourselves.  I rode a couple of roller coasters but the lines were sooooo long.  Early afternoon we all got together for lunch, and while it was a bit overpriced, it was pretty good.  After that we wandered around a little more, until the sun started to go down.  I’d heard there were fireworks and wanted to see them, and we found a good place to sit.  Liz looked at me and Jack, said she had to go to the bathroom, and left.

We were sitting close.  What was happening to me?  I caught him sneaking glances at me.  I called him out on it.

“Why do you keep sneaking glances at me?”

He turned red.  “Same reason you keep sneaking glances at me.”  Even through his blush, he smirked a little.


He was quiet for a bit.  “I just met you.  But you’re really pretty.  And nice.  And Grace likes you.”

“Me?,” I said, “with the freakishly long legs and the round face and…”  I trailed off as the first flashes of fireworks appeared in the sky. “Oh, that’s beautiful,” I said, having forgotten all about my long legs and round face.

“It is,” he said.  But I looked at him.  He wasn’t looking at the fireworks.  I found myself turning red and stammering.  “I – I…”

He tentatively put his arm around my waist.  I jumped at his touch  It felt soooo good and soooo awkward and…  and I just leaned my head against his shoulder and sighed.  It was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  Oh no..

“What was I saying?,” I murmured.  I heard his laugh rumble through his body, and it made me shiver.  And so warm inside.  It was like there was this part of me that was missing and it was right there, where he touched me.

We watched the fireworks together, his arm around my waist, my head on his shoulder.  I could feel him breathing, smell him…  I couldn’t help it.  I melted.  It was the best feeling I’d ever experienced, just being with him like that.  I barely knew him!  But…

Oh no.  Is this what Sabby was talking about?  Is this what she meant about…  my heart betraying me?  I didn’t want it to end.  I’d only met him yesterday and it was so fast and…  I didn’t want it to ever end.

But like everything, it had to.  Right when the show ended, Liz showed up with a smirk on her face.

“Getting to know each other?”, she said, with a giggle in her voice.

We both blushed, and I quickly but very reluctantly pulled my head off his shoulder.  We both stood up and we went to find the rest of the group for our shuttle ride back.  He took my hand.  I didn’t resist.  Grace was tired, and had fallen asleep in her mother’s arms.  It was sooo cute.  The adults noticed us holding hands.  Liz’s father’s eyebrow went up, but they didn’t say anything.

We got back to the hotel, and our goodnight was soooo awkward.  He didn’t know what to do any more than I did.  Finally he just gave my cheek a light peck and went up to his room.  I just touched my cheek, my eyes wide.

I ran back to my room and flopped down on the bed. I heard a knock on the door.  When I opened it, there was Liz’s mother.

“Can I come in?,” she said.  She was fidgeting.  I nodded.  She sat primly on one of the chairs at the fancy desk we had.

“Jack’s father is talking with him as well,” she said.  “I’m not your mother… or Sabby,” she said quickly, “But we’re kind of in loco parentis right now… that means acting like your parents.”

I turned red and nodded.

She fidgeted.  “I thought I’d be having this talk with Zhi Ruo first,” she said.

I saw my chance to get Liz back. “You might want to anyway, there’s this guy at the front desk…”

She looked surprised.  “Really now?  I’ll have to keep that in mind.  But…  about Jack.  We saw the two of you holding hands.  Be careful, okay?”

I nodded.  “I will.  Sabby already made me promise.”

She blew out a breath.  “Good.  I don’t need to say anything more.  As long as you just hold hands and make googy eyes at each other, there’s nothing wrong with a little vacation romance.  Now -“

I fell over laughing.

“What?”, she said, looking puzzled.

“That’s exactly what Liz said.”

Her mother grinned.  “Yes, I imagine so.  Now, as I was saying, and doubly so now,  if you’ll pardon me, I need to talk to Zhi Ruo.”  She left with no further comment.

A half hour later, Liz came in, beet red.  She stomped over to me and punched my arm.

“Ow!,” I exclaimed.  I didn’t need to ask her what that was for.

“Why did you tell my mother about the guy at the front desk?  She just spent fifteen minutes giving me a refresher course on being careful with boys.  I could have just died!”

“You had it coming for Jack,” I said, rubbing my arm.  Girl packed a punch.  “I love you, Liz, but you can be pretty awful sometimes.”

She deflated.  “I guess.”  She flopped onto her bed.  “Did she give you a talk too?”

“Yeah.”  I didn’t say anything else.

“You got it bad, don’t you?”

I flopped back on the bed.  “Let me put it this way.  If he wants to kiss me, I won’t stop him.  Not even the littlest tiniest bit.”

Liz squeeed but then her face turned somber  “Just be careful,” she said quietly.

“I will,” I said.  “I promised.”

I called Sabby a little later.  She’d read my post from yesterday.  She told me to have fun, to be careful, and to remember what we talked about.  I understand now.  I didn’t understand before, but I understand now.  It’s not love.  I don’t love him.  It’s too soon to love him.  But if she hadn’t been so insistent, if she hadn’t told me… I would think it was.  And then what?  I told her not to worry.  I also told her about my conversation with Liz’s mother and she seemed grateful.  Both of them had some good advice, and I appreciated it.

On her end, she and Beth were having a smashing time, they had gone to the Galleria, eaten quite a bit, shopped till they dropped, Beth got her makeover, and Sabby was really glad they’d done it.  No word on how many fish Dave and David had caught, but their trip was still early.

Oh no.  Oh no oh no oh no.