Hi! It’s me! LIly!
And as promised, there was no church today.
I kinda missed it and I kinda didn’t, if I’m being honest. It’s always nice to go and say hi to the old ladies and get my cheeks pinched, but after last week, I’m not sure I like it there much anymore. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be, but it was kind of a traumatic experience. In a way, anyway. Sabby did pick up Yuki, though, and she went with them. Sabby likes Yuki. She doesn’t like everyone, so I’m happy about that.
Apparently the sermon was about spiritual gifts and how everyone has a role to play in a functioning community, and that people are to be treasured for their gifts and allowed to flourish, not used and beaten down. That was nice of him. I hope they listen. There isn’t anyone else in the congregation with those kinds of gifts, but I learned that in some sects there are prophetesses and other folks who have a direct line to God like I seem to sometimes. So my kind of gift isn’t unheard of, but it’s really rare in my sect. Maybe I should find one of those prophetesses.
Liz came over while everyone was gone and we watched another episode of “Akebi’s Sailor Uniform” – this one was about getting to know her new friends. It’s really a beautiful anime, with gorgeous backgrounds and everyone’s so happy and cheerful, most of the time. This episode had the famous lip balm scene, but it was pretty innocent, and a little funny.
Sometimes you just want to live in another world, you know what I mean?
Anyway, after everyone got back, Sabby wanted to talk to me.
She read my entry the other day and asked me if I was really worried about them kicking me out.
I said, obviously not. I even said so in the entry.
She paused, for a bit. “What did you mean we’re your family… but we’re not?”
Sigh. I shoulda not said that.
“I meant,” I said slowly, “that you adopted me, but you didn’t give birth to me. We don’t share genes or anything physical.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No!”, I said. “Why should it? My biological parents abandoned me. You didn’t!”
She was quiet. “I remember when I was put in a foster home,” she finally said. “After my parents… well…” She was quiet a little longer. “I cried. Like you did. Almost as hard. And I never really thought of them as my parents. I mean, they took care of me, as best they could… they even kind of loved me… but they weren’t my parents. I wonder, sometimes, if that’s how you feel about us.”
“You knew your parents,” I said. “You remember them. I don’t. Well, I do now, but I didn’t. It’s different.” I glomped her. “Why on earth would you think I didn’t think of you as my parents?”
“You said…”
“I ALSO said I was being thinky and not to take me seriously! So let me be thinky and don’t take me seriously!”
She sighed. “Alright… I just…”
“Well stop it!”, I said. “You know when you adopted me, I adopted you too?”
Her eyes widened. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Well think of it that way,” I snapped. “I didn’t have to say yes. I mean, you might have anyway, but I still didn’t have to. But I did. And I’ve told you how I feel lots of times. So just cut it out and don’t take it personally when I’m trying to figure out my life after a rather strange and…. somewhat traumatic event!” I glomped her again and she returned my hug. “OK?”
“Fine,” she said, but with a smirk. “Did you just go Claire Huxtable on me?”
I frowned. “I don’t think I could pull that off. But I did go Lily Smith on you. It’s almost as bad.”
She giggled and went off to do what Sabbies do on a Sunday. I think we’re alright.
I went out with Jack this afternoon.
I like – no, I love Jack. He always treats me well, he’s never said or done anything offensive or awful, he’s the sweetest guy… and… and…
And.
We talked some today. I think the stress of knowing we’re going to have to make a decision that’s coming up like a freight train is starting to wear on us. Sabby told me two years ago, when I first met him, that one or both of us was going to have to give up something to be with each other… and it’s starting to become clear to both of us what that means. If I go to school in Japan, then… he’s probably not going to go to school in Japan, and… and…
I don’t want to think about it.
Neither of us know how to solve this right now, absent the “nuclear” option, which I don’t think either of us are ready for.
Long distance relationships can work. Long distance relationships literally halfway around the world… well, that can work too. But how well? Neither of us know.
On the bright side, he did see his career counselor, and he told me he’s thinking of taking up electronics engineering. That’s a pretty cool job, I did a little of that myself with that lab Dave set up in the garage (which David still uses a lot, he’s pretty good at that stuff). But he needs to pick up some more math and stuff. I think he can do it, he just has to put his mind to it.
He’s not a dumb boy. He’s pretty smart even. Just a bit unmotivated sometimes.
But I told him that when he has a good job then we can have a couple of kids, and I hear making kids is pretty fun.
He blushed hard. And his mother called and asked what I told him, because apparently he’s studying. That was my turn to blush.
Anyway, enough of that, I guess. Back to class tomorrow.