This diary entry is part 18 of 26 in Lily's diary dated 30 - December 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The word of the day is… bittersweet, I think.

Ever since I had that thought last, I see things a little differently.  I’m not depressed, but I’m… I’m a little sad.  Every thing that happens, I think this might be the last time it happens like this.  There are so many girls here right now.  We’re all having so much fun, we always have fun.  We go shopping and play games and eat chocolate and tell stories and giggle and say “sharekoube” and…  and then one day I’m going to go to sleep and I’ll wake up and it’ll all be gone.  If I don’t go to Japan for school, I’ll go to school somewhere, and then that will be gone someday too, and…  everything I have, everything I love… it all goes away, someday.

And it all happens so fast, too.  It seems like just yesterday, I was sitting in this room not even knowing my own name, not knowing anything about who I was and how I got here.  I remember the day I was adopted, it was one of the happiest days of my life.  And I’ve had other happy days too, and I’ll have happy days like that in the future.  But every day of happiness requires a sacrifice, right?  Just like my happiness now required a sacrifice.  It’s…  a lot.  Sometimes the sacrifices are a very high price.  Sometimes they’re just little things too.  But they’re always a sacrifice.

Christmas is in a few days.  Hopefully, it’ll be full of fun and laughter with lots of friends and family.  And then it will be over.  And it will be gone.  Maybe next year I’ll be celebrating Christmas at a KFC with new Japanese friends.  Maybe I’ll fly home for Christmas.  Maybe Jack will come visit me.  Maybe a lot of things.  But Christmas as it is now?  It’ll be over.

As many things are already over, and many things will be over in the future.

I can’t really cry right now.  I can’t.  There are too many people here.  I…  it hurts, though.  It really hurts.

Maybe we just enjoy the time we have.

Liz is over tonight, too.  Minami and Yuki are over at the shop with Sabby and David doing a “dress rehearsal” for tomorrow night.  We picked up Yuki’s parents this afternoon, and they had one of her old idol dresses, and it fits Minami pretty well.  I guess..  they’re doing this.  I’ll go tomorrow and cheer everyone on.

David’s really picked up the sound and light stuff, btw.  He’s really good at it.

Like I said, it’s not a big venue.  But it’s sold out.  Yuki’s happy because she can always use spending money.  She’s got some money saved away from her time as an idol but would rather not use it if she can help it.  Don’t blame her.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

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