Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It was a quiet day, finally.  Beth and I studied a little more for the TSI – I think I’m finally getting the hang of factoring.  Seems like there should be an easier way, but maybe it’s like Japanese – there are easier ways but not easier for everyone, so they just try what works for everyone, regardless of what actually works the best.  But I think I’ll pass.  I hope I’ll pass.  I haven’t had to do a real test in a long time, but I’ll have to get used to it, I guess, the tests are coming fast and hard now.

I emailed my birth father’s wife.  I told her that while I have reservations, I’m willing to talk to him, but asked her why it was her who messaged me and not him?  It felt like he didn’t want to and she was forcing the issue.  She replied back with a simple answer – he doesn’t know yet.  She found his name and put the pieces together – he was in New Orleans at the same time Emiko was, etc.  So she’s not 100% sure, but it could be him, and she wanted to discuss it with me before she opened that can of worms with him.  So I don’t even know if he wants to talk to me.  I responded back and said as much.  She just replied with two words.  “He better.”

It’s not so much that she’s on my side, as if there were sides to take anyway, but it’s more that she doesn’t seem like she wants to let him get away with shirking whatever responsibility he has.  I won’t ask for money.  Honestly, I don’t need it, and that ship has sailed a long time ago.  And any money should have been paid to the people who raised me, and I don’t even know who they are.  I won’t call him “daddy” and glomp onto him like some needy girl.  That ship’s sailed too and Dave’s all the daddy I need right now.  But…  I guess it’s as much for him as it is for me.  I want to know, and he needs to know.  He wasn’t responsible.  Just because he didn’t know how irresponsible he was doesn’t mean he was responsible.  He needs to face that irresponsibility.  If he’s even the type of person who can.

If he had known, would he have taken responsibility?  Would he have run?  Or… would he have pressured Emiko to do something… irresponsible herself?  I need to know.  That’s why I’m agreeing to meet him.  Even though I don’t, in my heart of hearts, want to.

Maybe he’ll surprise me.  I hope he does.  I fear he won’t.

But the funny thing is:  I’ve missed out on almost as much of my life as he has.  Isn’t that awful?

Anyway, I’m not going to stress about it.  I’ll stress about it when the time draws closer.  Right now I have a test to study for.

Love you all!!! ❤

HI! It’s me! Lily!

And today was Lily Day!!!  Yay!!!

But they did it a little differently this year.  Last year they said I could do anything I wanted, but Sabby didn’t think that made a whole lot of sense this year, and considering Yuriko Day and my birthday coming up, I kind of agreed.  I want to be wanted, not so much spoiled, y’know?  So instead, this morning, they took us all into a very crowded living room (my family, all the girls who stayed over, Liz’s parents, and even Emiko and her family and ojiisan and obaasan and Ai and Jack and Grace and everyone else on zoom).  And all Dave and Sabby did was say that it was one year since the last Lily day, that they didn’t at all regret adopting me, and that they were very proud of me.  And they started a new ceremony – the shoving in of the chocolate.  I had to open my mouth and they fed me a piece of chocolate, with all the ceremony of being knighted by the Queen.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry hysterically.  I just settled for blubbering a little and hugging everyone in the room.

And then we went for chocolate pancakes.  Well, My family and all the girls did.  Everyone else, well, that would have really taxed the pancake place, I think!  Allison’s mother came to pick her up, though.  Sadly she can’t really eat pancakes.  But I think she’ll get a grilled cheese sandwich later!

I talked to Sabby about my birth father.  She said of course she’d support whatever I decided, and I wasn’t wrong to kind of resent him, but he was a young man at the time, and he didn’t have a clue about me.  So, maybe I should at least hear him out.  Maybe I should.  But…  I still… I don’t know.  I don’t like the idea of not meaning anything more to someone than a faint echo of a good time seventeen years ago.  I mean, I guess I can understand a little how he feels – finding out seventeen years later you have a daughter you never even knew about has to be…  a bit of a shock.

Maybe he would have done the right thing if he’d known.  I guess there’s only one way to find out.

So this afternoon Beth and I studied for the TSI, after all the girls made their way home.  I missed them!!!  It’s so much fun playing games and chatting about boys (such as it is, we’re careful when Allison’s around) and the piles are very warm and smell like girl (and sometimes things other than girl when someone’s had tacos… eww).  But life goes on.

I’m sooo happy to have all the friends and family that I do, though, and I just keep finding more friends and family, and my life is sooo different than it was even a year ago!  I went to Japan, and found out who I was, and met family I didn’t know about, and there’s still more to discover!!!  So many people I love!!!  Life is hard sometimes but as long as I have my family and friends, it’ll be fine!!!  Lily day isn’t just about me.  It’s about everyone who loves me, and everyone I love.  I hope every year has a Lily Day.

And to the random person who mailed me – Liz isn’t pregnant.  ???? She just had the same thing I did.  I told her that and she cracked up so hard.  She says, and I quote:  “There’s a certain thing you have to do in order to get pregnant and I dumped the last guy who tried!”  So hah.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Sabby was telling me about these things there used to be called “Soap Operas”.  They were… television programs that would be run during the day when housewives were home (back when that was more of a thing) and they were called that because they used to run soap commercials.  I don’t know if they really exist anymore, I guess they do, but I have no idea where I’d find them.  I said that, and Sabby told me I was making her feel old.  Well, she is!!!

But just to young people like me, I guess.  To Ojiisan and Obaasan, she’d be young.

Anyway, she was telling me how they’d kind of careen from one crisis to another, with people marrying, divorcing, being born, dying, etc., sometimes with no concern given to plot holes, and sometimes they’d have something at the end she called a “cliffhanger”, where they’d have some plot point that would come up, and then it’d end on an organ chord.

My life is a soap opera.

So today I got an email.  See, I made a mistake.  A huge mistake.  I actually wrote the name of my birth father on my blog.  Well, his wife was doing a google search, and found it.  And she thinks her husband is my birth father.  She wrote me an email and told me that, and told me about him.  Then she asked me if I wanted further information or to meet him.

I…  don’t know if I do.

She did say that he is a marketing director at a company somewhere.  I guess that would make sense.  It was the business folks that partied hard in college, right?  I guess he’s done alright for himself, not rich but not poor either, kind of like Dave.  He married right out of college and his daughter is about Beth’s age, give or take.  She seems nice, and he didn’t know, but…  but I was just a good time to him, you know?  At least Emiko had to carry me to term and birth me.  She knew me.  All my birth father knew was that Emiko, well…  let him do what he wanted to her.

Do I want to get to know him?  I don’t know.  I don’t think so.  But it might still be good to know about his medical history, etc.  I’m…  torn.  And a little sad.  Of all the people in my life, he’s one of the most impactful, and he never even knew I existed.  Maybe it’s not fair to him, maybe none of it was, but it’s not fair to me either!!!

Anyway, the girls are over, and they’re really loving my stories about Japan.  They really love the bunnies!  They want to go to ookunoshima now!  Maybe someday we can all go, but…  maybe even for me it was a once in a lifetime thing.  I hope not, but…  but it might be.  That makes me sad.  I loved it there.  In fact, all of this makes me sad.  But tonight’s not a night for sadness.  But sometimes sadness doesn’t care what night it is.  I wish my birth father’s wife hadn’t mailed me.  But she did, and now I have to deal with it.

All the girls do love their presents, though.  Allison’s wearing her bunny ears!!!  Now we’re going to make the first pile in three weeks!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So this evening, I started studying for the TSI test.  It’s not too hard for reading, and obviously I’m pretty good at writing (I write so much here!) but math…  I don’t know.  Linear algebra is hard!!!  But I guess now I have something to work on for the next few days.  Beth has it nailed, though, girl is so smart!  She knows a lot of math that I don’t!  So she’s teaching me some!  I don’t know if she knows calculus, but she’s probably on the pre-calculus level!  I…  can make a graph!  Yay me?

I’m usually a pretty confident girl, but I’m not too confident right now.  School.. is not really something I remember, and I’ve never been to a real one.

Tomorrow all the girls are coming over and I’ll tell them about Japan!!!  I know Allison’s really looking forward to hearing about it!  I got them all something!!!  But I’m not telling what, because sometimes they read this!!!  Liz got a bit sick too, but that’s what it is, she’s feeling better now and she’ll be over tomorrow too!!!

I’m tired!  I’m going to walk Marie and go to bed!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And I’m back to the grind!  I ran this morning!  And I’m waaaaay out of practice!  Awwww!!!  So I have to run more!!! I didn’t run much when I was in Japan, though I did a lot of walking, and then I was sick…  but I gotta keep my girlish figure somehow!!!

I don’t even know what that means.  I’m a girl, so by definition, my figure is girlish, right?  Maybe I’ll ask Jack.

Haha!

And then I went back to work.  The owner was happy to see me, and I brought back some souvenirs for him too.  I got him a maneki neko!  A lucky cat!  They sit in a shop with a beckoning paw and are supposed to bring good luck and fortune.  He loved it!  It’s sitting next to the lotto tickets now!  I told him about Sabby wanting me to go to school, and told him my schedule might be seriously messed up.  He understood and said that’s what happens with high school and college students, but he’ll try to work around it.  He’s always taken care of me, but we’ll see.

So I have so much to do!  Beth is going to take these classes too, so we have to take a TSI test, Sabby has to fill out some forms, and so does the guidance counselor or something from the nearest high school.  I have to do that very soon in order to enroll, so we’ve scheduled that for early next week.  They have a sample test I’ll take tomorrow and then spend the weekend boning up on things I don’t know.  I think I’ll do okay on writing.  After all, I write here all the time, and it’s good!

Beth is better at algebra than me, so maybe she can work with me.  Algebra is easy!  If I have n pieces of chocolate, and I eat two, how many pieces of chocolate do I have left!  It’s a trick question!  I ate n pieces!  I’ll have zero left!  Hahah!!!

I’m a little nervous about it, but oh well.  Sabby’s not wrong, and it’s her way of making sure I have an education that will help me get into college.  I’ll take the SAT test at the end of the year.

Beth and I might be going to school together!!!

The good news though is for dual credit courses 12 credits are free!!!  Sabby was happy about that, too!!!

Also as I said next week I get my real license!  Yay!!!

Oh so much to do!!!  But at least I feel better!  Dave celebrated by grilling tonight!  Oh YUM!!! Ai is jealous!!!  Allison was reading all about my trip to Japan too!  Now she wants to go!  Maybe someday she’ll go to Japan and she’ll get attacked by rabbits!  It’s fun!  But she was telling me also about a dance camp she went to.  She’ll have to show me a dance!  I can’t dance!  I’m good at a lot of things, but I’m clumsy.  Last time I tried, I ended up breaking something!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

An early post!  I’m feeling a lot better now!  My fever broke last night and I was all sweaty!

Sabby wants me to stay home today just to be safe, and I I could certainly use the rest, but I had a nice lunch and am just kind of puttering around the house in my (not telling!) pajamas and making a nuisance of myself.  I have been reading the Harry Potter books more – I finished Prisoner of Azkaban.  Interesting!  JK Rowling made quite a world!!!

I can think of a few spells I’d like to use on karens!!!

But life goes on.  Tomorrow I’m going back to work, but Sabby wants me to register for classes at the local community college!  So she and I are doing all the paperwork today.  We’ll see how that turns out!  Also, I think next week, I’m getting my real driver’s license!  The one where I don’t have to have Dave or Sabby in the car with me!  They’re fine with that, they think I’m a pretty responsible driver.  I am!  I’ve got too much stuff to do to crash into things!

Though I’d better not drive with NyQuil!  Hahah!!!

So it looks like I’m going to have a really busy few weeks!  Glad I got getting sick out of the way now!!!  I…  need to talk to the owner where I work.  If I’m going to ACC, I might have to work around classes and stuff.  I may even need to just focus on classes for a while.  But I’m okay with that.  Work is fun but if I have to choose, well, Sabby wants me to focus on school.  That could solve the problem with college too, because if I take a couple of years of community college, I can transfer into a “real” college without worrying about my other transcripts!!!  Yay!!!  They don’t have music classes, but they do have Japanese classes!!!

Oh, I have other news too!  The lawyer called me today, and said that… oh, I can’t tell you here, yet.  But I’ll have news soon!  Maybe good news!  He didn’t want to bother me on my vacation, though.  I like our lawyer!  He’s nice!!!

I talked to Ai today!!!  She misses me!  I miss her!  But I’ll see her on Christmas!  Maybe I’ll order KFC to make her feel at home!!!  I gave her a virtual pat on the head and she laughed!!!

And I talked to Grace too!!! I told her I was looking forward to seeing her!  She’s so happy to be seeing her auntie Lily!  She’s so cute!

And I have… other reasons to be happy to see Jack!!!  I’m blushing!!!

OMG so much stuff happening!!!  It’ll be fun!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

OMG I’m so embarrassed!!!

Last night I took some nyquil, and, well, I guess I’m sensitive to it!  I wrote a blog but fell asleep in the middle.  Sabby walked in, saw me, and published it!!!  Bad Sabby!!!

But it was funny!!!  I made no sense!! Davemobile!  Ponies farting rainbows!  Haha!!!

Oh well.

I’m still sick, but I’m feeling a little better.  Sabby’s been taking good care of me!  Chicken soup!  Ice cream!  Chocolate ice cream!  I should get sick more often!!!  Haha!!!  I haven’t been too hungry but that’s how it is when you’re sick.  Chicken soup is soooo good though!!!  Especially when Sabby makes it!

I’ve been reading Beth’s Harry Potter books.  They’re good!  Poor Harry, he’s like the butt of life’s joke, sometimes, isn’t he? I just finished Chamber of Secrets!  Poor Ginny too!!!

Anyway, sleep time!  And no nyquil for me!!!

Love you all!!! ❤