Category: Diary

This diary entry is part 21 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m trying something a little different today.  There is subscriber specific content stuffed into this post.  It won’t unlock unless you’re a subscriber!  But don’t worry, as with before, you can still enjoy the story without it, and if you’re under thirteen, you should.

So I didn’t see Jack much today.  I guess his family went down to the big park downtown and had lots of fun.  I hear Grace loves the park!  She was running around and playing games and tired her sweet little self out!  I guess Jack can’t spend all his time with me, but I had plenty to look forward to!  I was nervous all day!  Why?

Anyway, I was fussing over what to wear.  Sabby even took me to get a very nice dress.  A woman dress.  I mean, I’ve had some nice dresses, but they were dresses girls or teenagers would wear.  This one is black and slinky and covers everything but I feel so… nice… in it!  She also took me to do up my hair and have my makeup done, and oh my God do I look good!  Even David’s mouth dropped open when he saw me!  She told me not to get it dirty, and to be careful, and to have fun!

Jack came over in a higher end rideshare!  He was wearing a suit!  He was so yummy!  I mean, he looked so good!  He took one look at me and forgot his words… he just looked me down… and up… and I couldn’t help it, I blushed!  It was how he was looking at me, like I was the only girl in the room!  He finally found his words but told me I looked very nice and I told him he looked very nice too.

We got into the backseat of the rideshare – I guess the driver saw how we were looking each other and said “No funny business, okay, kids?”  We both blushed, but nodded.

Where did he take me?  OMG the arcade!  The one over on 183!  It wasn’t too crowded, thankfully (we still have to be careful of the virus) but we went bowling and played arcade games and it was so much fun!  I’ve never been there!  He paid for all of my games, the silly billy!  I told him he didn’t have to, but he said “I’m not paying for your games because you’re a girl, I’m paying for your games because you’re my girl.”

“But we’re not -”

“We are tonight, at least,” he said.  “Let me do this for you.”

How could a girl say no?

After we got tired of that, we went to a steakhouse, one with outdoor dining, and he told me to order anything I wanted.

“How are you paying for all of this?,” I asked.  I was genuinely worried.

He shrugged.  “It seems my parents like you.”

“They do?”

“They don’t say much,” he said, “but they are grateful for you helping to improve our relationship.  Family is important to them, we’re Chinese but we’re also, well, family.  They felt really bad when they realized… how things were.”

“Are they better now?”

He nodded.  “We’re working on it.  Things don’t change overnight.  But they’re trying.” He shrugged.  “That’s all I can ask.”

Well, I felt bad ordering the most expensive thing, so I ordered something decently expensive but not too much so.  A nice steak and some fixins.  He had something with seafood.  I asked him about that.

He shrugged again.  “I’m Chinese.  I like steak, but I was raised on fish and seafood.”

“I wonder what I was raised on,” I said quietly.

“Maybe you’ll find out someday,” he said.

We ate our food in relative silence.  Not nervous silence, but companionable silence.  The steak was sooo good!  After that we were letting our food digest so we could eat dessert.

“So,” he said, “what did you want to talk about?”

“What do you mean?”

“You said there were things you wanted to talk about before you could say yes.  What were you thinking about?”

I sipped on my tea, and thought.  “What will college be like?,” I said finally.  “I don’t know where I’m going – I don’t even know if I can go.  And I’m sure you have some idea of where you want to go, and I bet it’s not here.  How would we make it work for at least six years?”

“You are taking it seriously,” he said.  “I hadn’t thought that far.”

I stared him right in the eye.  “I love you,” I said.  “Sabby wasn’t lying.  I could easily see being with you forever.  You’re so nice, and easy to talk to, and gentle, and…  and perfect.  But… but with some couples. the price isn’t clear.  The price is clear here.  I’ll have to move to Ohio, or you’ll have to move here, to Texas, or we might find another place, but… but that’s the price.  That will always be the price.  Can we pay it?”

“I love you too,” he said.  “But college is a couple of years away.  And we’ll live apart at least until then.  I don’t think either of our families are moving.”

I lowered my head.  “I just don’t want to be one of those couples who are apart forever, and who take forever to get married, and…  and…  I know we’ll have to wait a little while and I know we’re young but…  but I want family.  I don’t want to… I don’t want to be abandoned again.”  A lone tear brimmed on my right eye.  Damn tears.

His eyes went wide.  “Oh.  I see.  I hadn’t thought of that.  I understand now.”

“You do?”

He took my hand.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

“But -”

“No,” he said, a note of urgency in his voice.  “I’m not going anywhere.  I don’t know what’s going to happen in a couple of years.  But this area has quite a few good colleges.  I think I heard of one or two.”

I giggled in spite of myself.  One of the top colleges in the country was downtown.

“But there’s also distance learning, at least the virus gave us that, and… ” he frowned.  “I was about to make a promise I might not be able to keep.  Let me think about how to say this.”

I waited patiently.  He’s so cute when he thinks.

“Okay,” he said.  “I promise I’m not going to make any decisions without at least discussing it with you.  I promise that if we’re not going to work, we’ll leave each other mutually, but as long as you want me, as long as you want to make this work, as long as you keep loving me like you are and working at it… at us…  I’m not going anywhere.”  His face turned resolute.  “I think I can promise that.”

I thought for a moment.  How could I ask for more from him?  Was I being unfair?  I don’t think I was, but…  but there’s nothing else I could ask.  I couldn’t ask for a better promise than that.  Anything more wouldn’t be fair.

But…  but it was enough.  It was enough.

I put my hand over his.  “Yes,” I said quietly.

“Huh?”, he said as eruditely as I often am.

“Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

He smiled, a genuine smile.

“I’ll promise the same thing,” I said softly.  “Any less wouldn’t be right, and any more wouldn’t be fair.  But I’ll promise that.  As long as you put as much into this as I am, I’m not going anywhere.”  I frowned.  “It’ll be hard,” I said.  “What do we do when it gets rough?”

“I guess…  we get through it?”

I shrugged.  “That’s all we can do.”

The server came at just that moment.  “Would you like some dessert?,” she said.

He smiled, a dazzling smile.  “What’s your richest, most chocolatey dessert?  And how big a slice can you give her?”

I melted.  Oh my God, I melted.  I can’t think of a more perfect thing to say immediately after he becomes my boyfriend.

And OH MY GOD was that a delicious piece of cake.

Anyway, after that, we took the rideshare back home.  I kissed him goodnight and his rideshare took him back to his hotel.

I was floating.  Seriously floating.  Sabby took one look at me.  “You said yes, didn’t you?”

I blushed and nodded.  “I did.”

“You know the risks, right?”

“We didn’t make any promises we can’t keep.  All we promised was to try, and not abandon each other as long as the other person was making the effort.”

She wrapped me in a hug.  “It’s going to be hard.”

“It is,” I said.  “I hope it’s worth it.”

“So do I,” she said.  “You could have chosen worse.  Just… I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Neither do I,” I said, and we let each other go.

“Oh, and Lily?,” She said, smirking.

“Yes?”

“Your dress is riding up.  I’d almost think you put it back on in a hurry.”

I blushed furiously and pulled it down.  “Sabby -”

“I trust you, Lily.  Don’t violate that.  Alright?”

“We went no further than we did in Orlando.  No risk”

She sighed.  “Just…  be careful, okay?”

“I promise,” I said.

[/um_loggedout]

Oh, that was such a nice time.  And I feel so good.  I love him so much.  My… my boyfriend.

My boyfriend.

My…  my wonderful boyfriend.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 20 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Well, I wasn’t sure what I was going to spend this week doing, and I’m still not all that sure what I’m going to spend this week doing.  I know I’m going to be spending lots of time with Liz and Jack and their families, but…  nothing’ really planned.  I guess that’s a good thing.

Jack is actually staying at one of the new hotels they built over on the tollway.  I guess they could have stayed at Liz’s, but there are four people and that can get crowded, especially because one of them is four.  But they came to see Liz’s family, so they’re spending most of their time there.  But there’s lots to do here, too!  Today we all went to the waterpark!  I haven’t been there in a long time!  And when I say we all went, I mean we all went.  Jack’s family, and Liz’s family, and my family.  We even invited Crystal.  It got crowded.  But fun!  Jack and Liz and Beth and Crystal and I were all splashing around and squealing and sliding all over!  I jumped on Jack’s back and rode him like a horse!  Yeehaw!  It was funny!  But after I whispered something in his ear he wasn’t expecting, it became a little less funny.  For him.

It was still hilarious.  It would have been mean if I didn’t have every intention of following through.

Grace was having a grand old time in the kiddie pool. 

After we dropped Crystal back, we all went home.  Sabby took Jack and Liz and Beth and I to the mall, so we could buy presents.  It was crowded!  I had that hundred dollars that guy gave me, and a little bit from the bonus the owner gave me, and it was fun!  I had to hide some things from Jack!  I told him he’d get them on Christmas.  He play-pouted, but he then did the same to me, so it all balanced out.  We all wore masks but it was still fun.  Just meant we’d have to save the kissing for home!

I’d tell you what I got Jack, but he reads this, so nope!  You’ll find out when he does!  But he’ll like it!  I know he will.

I had dinner at Liz’s house with Jack and his family too.  It was nice.  Dinner is a little quieter at Liz’s house, but still delicious and everyone seems to like me.  After that, Liz, Jack, and I went up to Liz’s room to play a board game.

Then Liz had to use the bathroom.  She pointedly told us that her stomach kind of hurt and it would probably be about fifteen minutes.

I love Liz!

Jack and I spent that entire fifteen minutes kissing.  It was wonderful.  I can’t go into much more detail without making this a subscriber post, but it was wonderful.

Oh I missed him so much.  So, so much.

Liz came back, and we did play a couple of games, before I had to leave, and so did Jack.  What a wonderful day.  Jack wants to take me on a real date tomorrow.  A real date!  I can’t wait!  What should I wear??

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 19 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

OMG am I an idiot!  I mean seriously an idiot!  How the heck did I not get all the clues that everyone was dropping?  I should have known, and I was still utterly surprised!

JACK IS HERE!!!!!  Well, let me start from the beginning…  there was a cloud of gas… well, not that early.  HAHA!!

I ran and went to work this morning.  It was a cool but sunny morning, and I had to wear that stupid hat again.  But I told the owner this time that if any guys came on to me I’d give them what for!  He just said to try to keep from causing any permanent psychological damage.  I said I’d try.  He sighed and told me to go doot.

And, well, it kept happening.  Apparently I’m really sexy in a Santa hat.  But I just smiled sweetly and commented on the size of the food they were buying.  “Are you sure you want to buy something so small?”

Message received.

One older guy with a beard and shaved head was really nice though.  He gave me a hundred bucks.  Told me Merry Christmas, and to spend it on someone I loved.  Awwww.  Some people are really nice.  They make up for the karens.  He got into a blue Cruze but it looked like Santa’s sleigh to me!

Anyway, I got home, and no sooner had I got in the door did LIz text me and tell me to come over, she had something to tell me.  So, silly me, I went over to her house.  I walked in, and there he was, all smiles.

“Lily!”, he said.

Of course, I calmly and collectedly squealed, ran over to him, TACKLED him, landed on the couch, and kissed the snot out of him.  After about a minute I heard a throat clearing, and everyone was staring.  Liz’s parents were smirking, Jack’s parents were tapping their feet, and LIz’s mouth was kind of slack.  I cleared my throat and disentangled myself from him and he got up too.  I grabbed his hand, though.  I didn’t let go.

“Ummm,” I said eruditely.  “Good to see you.”

“Is this how you greet everyone?,” he smirked.

“Only LIz,” i said, smiling.

Liz ran over and smacked me on the arm.  Everyone laughed.

“I’m here until after Christmas,” he said.  “I hope I get at least one real date with you.”

“Oh my God I’d love that,” I said, happiness just bubbling out of me and popping as it floated to the ceiling.

Grace spoke up.  “Auntie Lily!”

“Grace!,” I said, and ran over and hugged her.  “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said shyly.  “You kith Jack?”

I blushed.  “I like him.”

“Tho do I.  He’th my brother.  You kith me?”

I kissed her on the cheek.  “I kiss you.”  She giggled.

“Let’s go over to your house,” Liz’s mother said.  “Your parents have invited us for dinner.  And I suspect Dave wants a talk with Jack too.”

Jack suddenly looked a bit uncertain, but I squeezed his hand, and we walked over.

Greetings were exchanged, but it didn’t take very long for Dave and Sabby to sit both of us down, away from everyone else.

“So this is the Jack I’ve been hearing so much about,” Dave said.

“That’d be me,” Jack said, a touch of false bravado in his voice.

Dave sighed.  “I was hoping to have this talk a bit later.  Beth is only fourteen after all.  But, here we are.  I only have a few things to say.  Don’t hurt my daughter.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Don’t make me a grandfather prematurely.  Be responsible.  And enjoy being young.”

He gulped and nodded.  “I love your daughter,” he said sincerely.  “I wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Dave said, “intentionally.”  He let that hang in the air.

“I can’t promise I won’t hurt her unintentionally,” he said quietly.  “That’s a promise I can’t keep.  But she’s an amazing girl.  I don’t want to lose her.”

“She is amazing,” Sabby said.  “When I first heard about you, I thought she was being a little irresponsible.  I’m still not sure how responsible she’s being.  But we’ll give you a chance with our daughter.”  She frowned.  “Lily loves you.  I can see it in her eyes whenever she talks about you.”  I blushed.  “Don’t you dare take that for granted.”

“And doors stay open,” Dave said, quietly.  “Sabby told me what you were up to in Orlando.”  Now it was his turn to blush.  “I understand being young.  I was young once.  But not under my roof.  Understand?”

I lowered my head.

“Kissing is okay,” Sabby said, looking like she was sucking on a lemon.  “But you know the line.  Don’t cross it.”

We both nodded.  Dave slapped his knees.  “Well, now that that unpleasantness is out of the way, I’m grilling dinner.  Jack, you want to help?”

Beth chose just that moment to come downstairs.  “Who’s this?,” she asked curiously.

“Beth, meet Jack,” I said.  Oh no.

Her eyes lit up.  “You didn’t tell me he was so HOT!”

“Well, he is.”

“Ah, the famous Beth,” Jack said sagely.  “I already like you.”

“Why?”

He stood up and walked over to her, and lifted her chin with his index finger until he was staring directly into her eyes.  “Lily’s told me all about you.  You don’t back down, and you don’t apologize.”  He booped her nose, and she blushed.  “I respect that.”

Sabby spoke up.  “You might not respect it when she’s cussing you out and telling you exactly what she thinks about something you care about.”

“Yes, Lily told me about your temper,” he smirked, not leaving her eyes.  “But I’ll take my chances.  After all, who knows.  Someday you might be my sister too.”

She eeped and ran back up to her room, blushing.

“I might regret that later,” he said softly.  “But she’s still pretty cool, at least from how you described her.  I think she’ll be alright.”  He walked back over to Jack.  “You were saying something about grilling?”

“Aren’t you the confident one,” Dave said bemusedly.

“Or I’m good at faking it,” Jack said.  It was starting to get dark, but they got Liz and Jack’s fathers, and they all went outside to do man stuff.  Like grilling.  Grace went outside too and was running around the backyard with David.  David’s good with four year olds!  Who knew?

I went to the kitchen with Sabby, Liz, Jack’s mother, and her mother to help her make all the fixins,  It was a bit crowded but we got it all done.  David’s came inside to set the table.  Grace had a bit of trouble with the meet but her mother cut it up for her and she was having a grand time.

After dinner, Jack and I went up to my room while the adults chatted.  Everyone seemed to be getting along.  As promised, the door stayed open.  Jack sat on the edge of my bed along with me.”

“There’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask you,” he said.  “I’ve known you for about a month and I want to know if… if you want to be my girlfriend.”

My heart leaped into my chest.  I reached over and kissed him softly.  But then I pulled back.

“Oh, Jack, I want to say yes.  I want to say it so bad.  But…  I think we need to talk about some things first.”

“Well, it’s better than no,” he said, looking a little hurt.

“Oh no!,” I said.  “Not no!  Never no!  It’s just…” I played with my hands in my lap.  “Do you remember what Sabby said?  When we were in Orlando?”

“She said a lot of things,” he said.  “She’s very wise.”

“She is,” I said.  “But what I had in mind was when she said that every relationship comes with a price.  Jack, if we start on this path, we’re both going to have to give things up.  We’re going to have to make some decisions together and we’re going to have to make some choices together.”  I sighed. “I just want to make sure that both of us are willing to pay that price.”

“You’re taking this seriously,” he said, a somewhat unreadable look on his face.

“I don’t want to get hurt,” I said softly.  “Maybe it can’t be avoided.  But I want to give this the best chance.”

He blew out a breath.  “Well, I’d have preferred you to say ‘yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ like in those cheesy novels,” he smirked, “But you’re probably right.  Let’s decide this week.  But I might try to woo you.”

“‘Woo’ me?”

He smiled, reached over, and kissed me.  I melted.

“Woo you.”  He let me go, and I must have had a dazed look on my face, because he took my hand and pulled me up.  Not letting go of my hand, we both went downstairs and joined the adults (and Beth and David too) in conversation.  We played some fun games too.  I’m sooo shocked, but David and Grace got along so well!  It’s like he was made to be a big brother!

I think Jack made a good impression on everyone.  Sabby told me he was a nice boy, and Dave didn’t say anything, which I guess is a good sign.  I know he reads this, so I’m not going to say anything about what we’ve talked about before I talk about it, with him.  A boyfriend is a big thing.  A long distance boyfriend is a bigger thing.  I don’t want to mess it up.

But oh my God I missed his kisses soooo much.

Love you all!!! 

This diary entry is part 18 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So after I wrote that post, I took a shower and went to work.  The boomies and rain kept up for quite a while, but it’s actually a little relaxing – a little scary though when walking or riding to work.  After I got to work I put up my umbrella though, and the owner gave me a little Santa hat and told me it was part of my uniform for the day.  My pretty hair!  But it’s alright, I didn’t mind.  He doesn’t ask too much of me.

Oh, yeah, that was a terrible idea.

I think about ten guys told me they knew what they wanted for Christmas, and it was behind the counter.  I gave the owner some stinkeye, and told them I knew what I wanted for Christmas too, and it was to not be told I was someone’s Christmas wish.  Owner overheard but I think he thought, how does that saying go, discretion was the better part of valor, and left it be.  If he made me wear it, and made me listen to customers being creeps, then he could put up with me being a bit snarky.  No snark for Karens, but snark for creeps.

NOt gonna lie, though, a little tiny bit flattering, though.  My heart belongs to Jack, though.  Oh my GOD how the heck did I get so sappy??

Speaking of Jack, that silly billy still isn’t telling me anything.  GRRR.  But he seems really excited to go, and says I’ll really like my Christmas present.  I said he doesn’t have my address.  He said it doesn’t matter, I’ll get it tomorrow.  I wonder how he’ll pull that off?

I feel like I’m missing something really obvious and big.  Maybe I’m just a big silly billy myself.  Guess I’ll find out tomorrow.

Beth seems to be missing Crystal, but I told her that she’ll be back, and isn’t she glad she went to the homeless shelter now?  Oh man, she gave me such horrible stinkeye.  I thought I was going to burst into flames!  But then she agreed.  I told her maybe she should go tell Sabby she was right.

That didn’t go over well, but a little later, I saw her hugging Sabby, so maybe she took my advice after all.

Well, hopefully tomorrow’s not too eventful.  Just work and dinner and all that fun stuff.  Maybe I’ll spend some time with Liz.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 17 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It’s Saturday, but I can’t run today!  It’s storming!  BOY is it storming!  It’s storming so hard that the storms have storms!  BOOM!!!  BOOM!!!!  HAHAHA!!!

But it’s good.  We don’t get a lot of rain here, it all comes in big bursts like this, then fills up all the reservoirs and we get to drink for another few months!

So I didn’t write last night.  We had a family night, and it was the last night that Crystal would get to spend with us for the holidays, and, well, we did family stuff.  We played games, and watched a movie, and Crystal was sad that she’d have to go.  I gave her a hug and told her that she’d even be my sister if she was somewhere else, and she just glomped me.  And she hugged Beth too!  I don’t know if she’s quite as close with Beth, but they’re getting along great now.  That’s all we ever wanted for Beth.  And, truthfully, it’s all we wanted for Crystal too.  Would she have revealed what she did if she didn’t feel safe?  I haven’t asked her, but I don’t think so.  She’ll come back after the holidays and we’ll do more school!  Soon she’ll have a house, and then I guess her parents will have to decide whether to keep this arrangement or send her back to public school.  I kind of hope they don’t send her back to public school.  She pretends to be strong, but she’s a little fragile.

Jack’s really being cagey.  He says his family is going somewhere for the holidays, but he refuses to say where.  I know I can trust him, but he doesn’t usually keep things from me!  I hope he tells me soon, it’s driving me nuts!  And he hasn’t said anything about my present either!!!  AAAARRRGGG!!!  I have to figure out what to get him, but he hasn’t told me his address yet.  What a mess!  I know if he were here what I’d give him!  But I’d love it too!!!

I guess they’re going wherever it is tomorrow, though.  I hope he tells me when he gets there!

Well, I’d better shower and get off to do some doot dooting and karen wrangling!!!  I’m not taking any time off for the holidays – I only work weekends anyway.  I might even ask for a few extra hours, since I’m on break.  The owner has a few other employees, but he always seems grateful for whatever we can give him!  What we don’t work, he has to!

I think I’ll post again tonight, since I didn’t last night!  We’ll see!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 16 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So it was finally a somewhat quiet day.  We have school today and tomorrow, and then starts Christmas break!  YAAAAAYYY!!!!  I can’t wait!!!!!  Though it’s just like adults and working from home… what’s really all that different?  I dunno.  But it’s a break anyway!  YAAAAAAYYYY!!!

Crystal will go back to her parents for break.  I’ll miss her.  But sisters can’t be separated by time and space, only chocolate!  Girl better not touch my chocolate!  She’s clinging to me a bit, but I don’t mind.  She’s still a bit vulnerable.

Oh oh oh…  I guess they found a witness!  They are actively investigating her case.  I guess they got enough evidence to get a warrant, but they haven’t made an arrest.  Homeless people can be hard to find.  I guess she’d better stay away from the shelter for now. 

I don’t have much else to talk about today, and thankfully!  It seems when I have a lot to talk about, there’s some drama going on, and I hate drama.  But I seem to attract it like honey attracts bees, or something like that.  Sabby’s busily planning for Christmas.  There’s food to make and decorations to put up (still) and presents to buy and Sabby’s just flitting around like a little hummingbird.  She’s made for this kinda stuff!

After dinner she gave me a hug and told me I’m a good girl.

“What was that for?”, I asked.

“You’ve had a rough few weeks,” she said.  “I think we all have.  Sometimes it just needs to be said.”

“What’s so good about me?”, I asked honestly.  “I’m just an emotional, overdramatic teenager who can’t seem to decide between silly and depressed.”

“You mean you’re a teenage girl,” she said, smirking.  “Name one teenage girl you know who doesn’t fit that.”

I frowned.  I couldn’t.

“You’re growing up,” she said, a little sadly.  “You’re different than you were when I found you.  But that’s okay.  You’ll be different again in another year, and in another year after that.  But as long as you don’t stop being Lily, you’ll be alright.”

I’m happy tonight.  The world is an awful place, but I have my family, my silly billy, flawed, lovely, wonderful family.  And I’m happy.  I’m going to go say goodnight to Beth and Crystal now and maybe we’ll do some hairbrushing too.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 15 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So Crystal did come back today.  She seemed a bit subdued, but I just gave her a big hug.  She tensed a bit but then relaxed into it.

“I still understand,” I said.

“I know,” she replied.  “Do you even understand…”, her voice trailed off.

“A little.  There’s a guy rotting in jail right now because of something he did.”  I frowned.  “Turns out I know martial arts.”

“Will you teach me?,” she asked hopefully.  “If I’d known…”

“I’m not good enough,” I said.  “But I’m sure we can work something out.  But, I’ve got something very important to ask you.”

“What’s that?”, she asked as we walked over to the couch.  I sat down next to her.

“Well,” I said, play-thinking.  “I was thinking, and it seems to me that there’s something we can help each other with.”

“What’s that?”, she asked.

“Well, it seems that you’re in need of a big sister, and I don’t have enough younger sisters…”

“But you have a lot of younger sisters!  You have Beth, and Mika, and Aika…”

I shook my head furiously.  “Not enough younger sisters,” I repeated.  “There’s no such thing as enough younger sisters.  And, well, I was wondering…  do you want a big sister?”

Her eyes widened, and she launched herself at me.  “Oh yes!  I’d love a big sister!!! Maybe if I’d had a big sister…” she sniffled.

“I can’t promise everything will be okay,” I said as I pulled her off me.  “But I’ll do my best”

“Oh, wait,” she said, “you mean you? Well, I’d have to think about it…”  But she was smirking.  I punched her arm.

“Well,” I said.  “The first order of business as a new younger sister of mine is to learn how to brush each others’ hair.  Beth and I do that all the time and it’s wonderful.”  I smiled.  “But we can do that tonight.  I think you have some schooling to do.”  Sabby chose just that moment to walk in with some books.

Other than that, it was a pretty normal day.  We did school and had lunch and Beth and Crystal did some more bonding over schoolwork.  Crystal still seemed a bit sad, but I think she’ll get through it. She’s a strong girl, had been through maybe as much as me, and, well, she has me as a big sister now.  She has everything she needs!

I’m modest, did I ever say that?  I’m a silly billy.

Dave came home a little later, he and Bob had a job site to go to.  Dave always says good help is hard to find, and I guess they had to clean up after someone’s mistakes again.  Seem the job of an engineer is equally split between making good decisions and cleaning up after people who made bad decisions.  But Bob got it taken care of, and Dave seems happy.

Christmas is in ten days!  But it’s not really gifts I’m looking for.  I have everything I need, and more besides.  I just want a day where everyone I love is in one place and we all are one big huge happy family.  That’s all I want.  Too bad Jack can’t be here.  I miss him.  I miss his touch.

But we still chat.  Sometimes for a long time.  He’s actually really smart!  He’s sensitive but he isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being a silly billy.  It can hurt for a bit but I love that.  He loves how I look and seems to adore my body, but he tells me over and over again that it’s my heart he loves, and I believe him.  Maybe that makes me a silly billy too, but I believe him.

Look for the helpers, Mr. Rogers said.  Look for the people who make the world better, and you can’t go wrong.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 14 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It’s morning!  You get a bonus post!  Are you happy?

Jack was worried about me a bit last night, and I love him for it.  It’s been a little hard – does anyone get any rest around here?  But he reminded me of that quote from Contact – “The only thing that makes the emptiness bearable is each other”.  Sure, bad stuff happens, I hate it, and I don’t know why.  But we have each other.  I’ve got Jack, and Sabby, and Beth, and the whole gang.  And Crystal’s got her parents, and us now (I’m her big sister if she wants one), and the church and the pastor are helping her too.  Maybe some people are terrible, but some people are good, and like Mr. Rogers said a long time ago, look for the helpers.  Maybe that little girl died in a tornado.  But people looked for her and found her body, after the tornadoes left.  That counts for something, right?  Maybe not enough, but something, anyway.

Sabby says Crystal is probably coming around this morning for school.  She says to just treat her normally and let her talk if she wants.  School is kind of a fluid thing anymore – sometimes it happens at unexpected times, and sometimes it doesn’t happen at expected times, and that’s okay.  I’m looking forward to seeing her.  She’s a good kid.  I hope she can have a good Christmas, anyway.

Dave did give her father a job, by the way.  I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but Dave owns his own engineering business.  He’s out sometimes doing jobs, but he works from home a lot of the time too.  He used to go to an office, they tell me, before the virus hit, but after it hit everyone just works from home now unless they have to go out on a job, and he can save all that money he was spending on an office.  I guess that’s how Sabby affords the occasional shopping trip with Beth.  As you can imagine, their family is in quite a bit of turmoil right now, but they seem to be survivors, I think they’ll be okay.  All we can do is be there.  He had to talk to the rest of his team to make sure they would be okay with it, but everyone gave the thumbs up, and, well, Bob’s employed now.  I guess the church is going to set him up with a place to rent while they get on their feet.  I’ll miss having Crystal around as much, but I hope we can keep spending time together.

It’s funny how the world is full of such bad and such good, all at the same time, isn’t it?

I’m going to go run now.  I hope Crystal comes over.  I really want to give her a hug.  I won’t tell her everything will be alright.  But I’ll tell her that we’ll all do our best to help everything to be alright.  And that’s the important thing.  Isn’t it?

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 13 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

A very sad Lily.

Crystal wasn’t around today, she was spending time with her parents.  Because they’re staying at the pastor’s house, he knew about it at about the same time as everyone else, and he put them in touch with a therapist, which is a great idea.  In fact, it’s Allison’s mother!  How does that work!   But that might have to wait a bit, I hear that Allison’s family is still battling the virus.  And that there’s a particular VP out there that needs a smacking.

Well, don’t do it, but that doesn’t mean that VP doesn’t deserve it.  You just don’t drag people into work when they’re sick.

But I was reading a news article, too, about some tornadoes that happened up north, and they were pretty bad, too.  I was particularly sad because of a picture of three little girls in their “safe place”.  One of them died fifteen minutes later.

Crystal thought she was in a safe place too.

I don’t know what else to say.  I have to say that it’s nice of the pastor and the church to take care of Crystal and her family, and to make sure Crystal gets some help too.  And it’s nice of the homeless shelter to try to do nice things for homeless people.  You can’t really fault them for trying.  But Crystal got hurt in the very place she was supposed to be safe, and so did those little girls.  Someone took their picture.  Who has to bury her now?

Should a parent ever have to bury a child?

I hope Crystal comes back soon.  I want to give her a hug.  I want to tell her everything’s going to be okay.  But how do I tell her something I’m not even sure I believe myself?

Is this what it feels like to be an adult?  I don’t think I like it very much.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 12 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Why, oh why did I have to make a comment about there being no drama?  Why?

It started innocently enough.  We stayed up way too late last night with our slumber party.  We played all sorts of games – truth or dare got boring, and we went on to “never have I ever”.  We asked a few questions, then of course, the dreaded question for all teenage girls that aren’t me came up, “Never have I ever….  kissed a boy.”  Crystal’s face turned somewhat terrified, and she lifted her hand very hesitantly.  Beth called her on it.

“You’re lying!”, she said, giggling.  But at the look on Crystal’s face, the giggle left her.  “Crystal?  Are you okay?”, she asked.  Crystal shook her head, and her lower lip was trembling.  “You’re not okay,” she said.

“Crystal, what’s wrong?,” I asked.  She just shook her head.  She said something inaudibly.

“What?,” I asked.

“I didn’t want to, ok?”, she almost shouted.  She stood up.  “I didn’t want to!  He made me!”  She ran out of the room.

I looked at Liz, then at Beth.  “I think we should wake Sabby up,” I said quietly.

Liz nodded.   I went over to Sabby’s room and knocked on her door.  The door opened slightly and a bleary-eyed Sabby asked me why I woke her up.  Well, “asked” is a nice way to phrase it.

“Something’s wrong with Crystal,” I said.  Her door shut, and then a few seconds later, she came out in a bathrobe.  We went into Beth’s room, and we all told her what had happened.  It didn’t take long for Sabby’s face to turn concerned, then thunderous, then she turned around and went downstairs.

Crystal was sitting on the couch, her head in her hands, quite clearly having a panic attack.  Or at least that’s what Sabby told me it was, after.  We sat down, Sabby on one side of her, me on the other.  It only took a touch before she grabbed onto Sabby and started wailing.  “I didn’t want to!  He made me!  He made me!”  Sabby patted her on the back, and told me she had this.

“Is she going to be okay?”  Liz took that opportunity to give me a quick hug and exit quietly out the door.

Sabby frowned at the crying girl in her arms.  “Maybe not for a while.  But we’ll do everything we can.”

“What’s going on?”

“I have an idea.  But she’ll tell you when she’s ready.  Please don’t push.”

I nodded.  I went back up to my room.  I guess the slumber party was over.

The next day, I went downstairs, and Sabby was sprawled out on the couch, and Crystal was clinging to her like her life depended on it.  Any other time I’d think that was sweet, but there was something going on I didn’t quite understand.  I had to go to work, though.  And so I did.

When I got home, the mood in the house was pretty dark.  Sabby and Crystal weren’t there.  Beth was in her room.  Finally Sabby came home, and Sabby took me and Beth aside.

“We had to take her to her parents and call the police,” she said.  “Someone, well, hurt her pretty badly.  At the shelter.”

‘Was she -“? Beth asked.

Sabby nodded quietly.

Oh no.  Oh no oh no oh no oh no.

“Her parents didn’t know, and she didn’t tell them.”  She sighed.  “We had to go down to the station to make a statement.”  She frowned.  “She might want to talk.  She might not.  But you have to be strong.  For her.  Her parents are devastated, as you can imagine.   She’s going to stay with them for a day or two, she needs her mother.  She’ll be back, she still needs school.”

I understood.  I remember how much I needed Sabby when that guy assaulted me.  And how much Beth was bothered by it.

I guess I can tell you the rest of the stuff that happened.  I went to work, I was tired, I was sad, I came home, dinner was quiet…  I didn’t feel like writing last night, and I didn’t.  It hurts too much.  I want to go to Crystal, and hug her, and tell her everything’s alright, but I can’t fix this.  I can’t even come close to fixing this.  I think Crystal will come back soon, and I think we’ll have a lot of talking to do if she wants to, and I think I’ll be the best big sister I can, and… and…

And I hate living in a world where things like this can happen to a girl like Crystal.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Liz is coming over now.  And I’ll be honest – I think there will be crying.  A lot of crying.  And I’m not sure who will cry more.