This diary entry is part 25 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

There is subscriber specific content in this post.  As usual, it isn’t necessary to the story.

Let me say it right now.  Sabby was right.  I don’t know why I doubt her.  She was right.  She’s always right and it annoys the snot out of me sometimes.

So as you can see by the topic above, Christmas was today.  I guess that’s pretty obvious, right?  December 25?  Christmas?  Yay me?

We got up early because David couldn’t wait, and we sat around the tree in our pajamas and opened presents.  I got Beth a new makeup kit and hairbrush, which she seemed to appreciate.  David got a new game, which of course he liked.  I made sure to check with Sabby about what kind of game to get him, though, and it couldn’t be too expensive, it’s not like I had infinite money to play with.  I got Dave a grilling set, which he loved!  And Sabby… well… it’s so hard to shop for her.  The letter worked so well for her birthday but that’s kind of a one shot thing.  I bought her a sterling silver charm bracelet, and put all sorts of charms on it that showed her what she meant to me.  I put a heart, a charm that said “mom”, and a very pretty translucent glass charm on it.  She loved it.

“Mom?”, she said, with hope in her eyes.  The symbolism of that word wasn’t lost on her.  I just nodded.  She launched herself at me and we hugged it out.

“Does that mean I get to be Dad?,” Dave said.  I giggled.  “Hit me with your best dad joke and we’ll think about it,” I said.  He laughed.  “Of course!,” I said, and hugged him too.

But they got me stuff too!  Dave and Sabby got me the piano, so I didn’t expect anything else from them!  But they got me lessons too!  I’ll be working with a teacher!  I guess that’s part of schooling but still nice!  Beth got me a very pretty necklace that said “Lily” on it, and of course I hugged her.  David had help yet again, I know he did, because he got me some assorted bangles and hair clips.  He got a hug too, whether he wanted it or not.  True, I don’t usually wear bangles, but the kid thought of what I’d like rather than what he’d like, so credit where credit’s due.  I put a couple on.

After everyone else exchanged presents, we had a big breakfast – Sabby had been cooking some more.  She cooked and she cooked till her cooker was sore!  We had pancakes and eggs and toast and all sorts of yummy stuff.  Even chocolate syrup!  After breakfast we cleaned up all the wrapping, and there was a knock on the door!

It was Grace, with her parents!

She hugged me!  She loved her present!  It was just a toy from the convenience store but she was holding it sooo proudly.  “Thankth, Auntie Lily!”, she said, and she handed me something too.  It was just a piece of paper with a child’s drawing of her and “Auntie Lily” on it, with a heart and a smiling yellow sun, but it was perfect!  I thanked her, of course, and immediately put it on the fridge.  She went back to Liz’s house with her parents, but I think my heart grew three sizes!

Anyway, Dave and David turned on the TV to watch some parade or something.

Sabby grabbed lots of paper plates (yeah, yeah) and put cookies and brownies and treats and all sorts of stuff on them, covered them with cling wrap, and she and I trekked over to Liz’s house wearing Santa hats.  “Merry Christmas!,” we yelled, and Liz’s mother looked surprised. 

“You didn’t have to -“

“I made way, way more than we could eat,  Here, we have snickerdoodles, and sugar cookies, and brownies, and, oh!  I read that you have something in Ohio called buckeyes!  I made some of those too!,” Sabby said cheerfully as she handed the plates off.

“I want a buckeye!  I want a buckeye!”, Grace said excitedly.

“Well, thank you, and Merry Christmas to you too,” Liz’s mother said happily.

I handed Liz her present (and after yesterday, I need to get her back!) and she gave me a hug.  I got her a set of fancy chopsticks.  She loved them.

I waved at Jack, and he waved back.  As we were leaving, Grace was already tearing into the buckeyes.  Oh, that poor family once the sugar hit…

Anyway, I don’t know how to describe the rest of the day.  It was just a lovely Christmas.  Dave and David watched a football game, Sabby made a huge dinner with turkey and all of the good stuff, while Beth and I sat at the kitchen table, ate cookies, drank juice, and just chatted about everything and nothing.  We had a huge dinner, and after, we watched a Christmas movie.  Dave wanted “Die Hard”, but Sabby vetoed that, and we watched Home Alone instead.  What a silly movie!

Christmas is amazing.  The day starts out so quiet, and throughout the day, everything slowly wakes up – children pop out of their houses playing with their new toys, traffic on the freeway starts to get louder again, and the world starts up.  But for that few hours, that few wonderful hours when everyone wakes up, the whole country, the whole world, is quiet, celebrating everything that’s important to them.

Tomorrow is back to normal.  Jack and I are going to spend the evening together after I get off work.  They leave a couple of days from now.  I’ll miss Jack.  But I won’t be heartbroken like last time.  We’ll see each other again.  Now I know it.  We’ll see each other again.

Love you all!!! ❤

This diary entry is part 10 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 06 - December 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So, as you can see from the title, today was Sabby’s birthday.  I had such a hard time figuring out what to get her, but I figured it out.  I’ll tell you how it went later in the post.  Also, I hear that Allison’s family’s having a rough time with the virus.  Poor Allison. We need to invite her over at some point – after all that’s run its course.  The virus sucks.

So it was a normal Friday.  Everyone was excited that it was the end of the week.  Crystal seems to be adapting, little by little.  She and Beth are still working on their lessons together, and there seems to be a grudging respect.  Turns out Crystal is pretty smart!  Whether Beth smart or not, I don’t know, but she can hold her own!  Sabby gave them some pretty hard math work and they were competing to see who could solve it first!

After school, I went and put on some nice clothes (not quite as nice when I first met Emiko, but nice enough) and Sabby made a very nice dinner.  I didn’t know she could make Japanese food, but she made ramen!  With the soft boiled eggs and seared fish and everything!  (we still have some fish left over from Dave and David’s fishing trip.)  She’s a great cook.  Anyway, Emiko showed up as dinner was being finished, with her husband and two daughters.

Her husband was a tall, older man with full hair and a kindly face, maybe a little younger than Dave, his name was Bill.  His daughters were 10 and 9, named Mika and Aika.  They looked so much like me!  I asked Emiko what their names meant.  She said “Beautiful flower” and “Lovely flower”.  Seems she really liked flowers.

Nothing wrong with that!  I think David was really taken with them.  I hadn’t seen him look like that since Allison.  I nudged him and said “Those are my half-sisters”.  He just nudged me back and said “They’re not mine.”  What could I say to that?

So we sat down to eat – Emiko seemed really surprised at the quality of the ramen, and even Crystal was slurping it down greedily.  Emiko asked about Crystal, and we just said she was a family friend who was staying with us for a while.

Crystal wasn’t having any of that, though.  “I’m homeless.  I’m staying here for a while so my parents can get back on their feet.”

Sabby cast one of her trademark glares at Crystal.  “You’re not homeless, Crystal.”

She frowned.  “This isn’t my home.  Thank you for taking me in, but this isn’t my home.”

Sabby frowned, but let it drop.  Crystal went back to inhaling her ramen.

Bill broke the silence.  “Well, you can just imagine how surprised we were when we found out my wife here had a daughter sixteen years ago.”

“She didn’t tell you?”, I asked, surprised.  Emiko looked really embarrassed but didn’t say anything.

“Not a word.  When she told me a week ago that she was going to meet you, I was floored.  I had no idea!”

“Well,” I said diplomatically.  “I imagine it wasn’t the easiest topic to bring up.”

Emiko nodded, still looking embarrassed.  “It was never the right time.”

“Well, you know now,” Sabby said.  “Mika, Aika, why don’t you tell your half-sister a little about yourselves?”  Kind of a hamhanded way to change the subject, but it worked nonetheless.  I felt like there was a little bit of tension between Bill and Emiko regarding the topic.  Regarding me.

Mika and Aika took turns telling us about themselves, their favorite subject at school, etc.  David was enraptured.  Great.  After they were done,  I told them about myself too, how I knew martial arts and the piano but didn’t know why.  They seemed like decent kids.  Bill even seemed decent, just a little put out at not being told about me.  Can’t say I blame him, but the past is the past.

After dinner, Dave went and got a cake, and brought it out with one candle.  “Tonight is Sabby’s birthday,” he announced.  “Let’s all sing the song?”

So we sang the song.  Gifts would be given later.  But everyone got a piece of cake, which Mika and Aika were very enthusiastic about.  The cake was chocolate.  Girls after my own heart.

After dinner we retired to the living room and just chatted about stuff.  Nothing earth-shattering.  Emiko did tell me I have grandparents in Japan, though, and invited me to come along the next time she went back home.  She thought it was important that I knew where I came from, even if a little.  Like I was going to say no!  But that would be sometime next year.  Guess now I need to work more at learning Japanese.

Eventually, they all left.  My half sisters seemed like decent kids.  But I didn’t quite know what to make of Bill.  He seemed nice enough, but he didn’t seem all that happy to meet me.  I guess I understood.  I’m her child.  Not his.

Finally it was time for presents to Sabby.  Everyone handed her a nicely wrapped box except for me.  She opened them happily.  Dave got her a glass flower (which she loved).  Beth got her a nice necklace, which she immediately put on, and David had obviously had help, because he got her a bubble bath.  After all the gifts had been given, I cleared my throat.

“Sabby,” I said, “I didn’t buy you anything.  But in Japan, it seems that it’s a tradition on special days like this to write a letter and then read it out.  I wrote you a letter.”  I went and got the letter.  “I know it doesn’t sound like much, but give it a chance.”

I opened the letter and cleared my throat.

“Sabby, I don’t know what your age is now, because you won’t tell me.  I know that you’re one year older now than you were a year ago.  And a little over one year older from how old you were when I was found on the side of the road.”  I sniffed. “I still remember that day like it was yesterday.  How you came and got me from the hospital, and took me to the store to get some necessities, much like you did Crystal yesterday.”  I looked at Crystal meaningfully, then went back to my letter.  “I remember coming back to your house, and you showing me the guest room, which you turned into my room that very night, and me being soo confused and soo scared and not knowing who I was or even what my name is.  I remember two things about that night:  you didn’t name me, and you didn’t leave me.”

Sabby sniffled.

“I chose the name Lily that night, and you called me that from that day forward.  And I cried.  I’ve cried harder, but I’ve never cried as long.  And you were always there.  You held me, and talked to me, and you let me cry, and you… ” my voice broke, “you helped me through what was certainly one of the worst times of my life.  That I can remember anyway.

“And then you took me shopping. I remember that day too.  I had been crying for so long and so hard my stomach hurt and I didn’t have any tears left, and you took me shopping.  It’s not about the things you bought me, but that’s when you made me a part of your family.  It took me a long time to accept that, but that was the first time we really spent together, and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.”

I paused, and wiped my eyes.  “Sometimes we fight and have harsh words, but I’ll never forget what you did for me, and what you still do for me, and… and you’ll always be my mother.”  I put the letter down, ran over, and hugged her.

She hugged me back, her body shaking.  “You were right about the Japanese letters,” she said, wiping her eyes.  “Thank you, Lily.  I loved everyone’s presents, but…. thank you.”

Crystal just looked at me, a tear running down her face.  “You… you do understand.”, she said, quietly.

I nodded.  “I do,” I said, just as quietly.

She jumped up and ran over to me, and glomped me.  “You understand,” she sobbed, “You understand.”

I just patted her back.  “I do,” I said softly.

“Lily,” Sabby said, with much emotion in her voice.  “I will never regret adopting you.”

I just smiled wanly and sat back down, after Crystal disentangled herself and did the same.

Finally, Sabby went to take a bath.  Not an angry bath this time, but a happy, birthday bath.  Dave went up too, looking eager for some rea… oh.  Well, after Jack, I guess I can’t say much.  Looks like she was going to get another present that wasn’t for our eyes.

Crystal and Beth and I sat and talked until a few minutes ago.  We didn’t really have a slumber party, but the three of us had some serious girl bonding time, with hair brushing and games and all that fun stuff.  Crystal’s defenses were finally coming down, and there was light in her eyes at last.  After all, I understood, and she knew I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her.

I really did understand, and now she knew.

Her parents are going to spend some time with her tomorrow, and she’s really looking forward to that.  After all, even though they had had some hard times, they’re still her parents and she still loves them.  But she has a home for now, and maybe now she could start to heal.

Love you all!!!

This diary entry is part 13 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Eight days to Orlando!!!!!!!

I shouldn’t have done that, I got through work today with some caffeine, but even though I’m young, I’d still rather be bright eyed and figuratively bushy tailed (I don’t have a tail) than sleepwalking through the day.  After I got home from work I took a nap.  I feel a little better now.  Still, I won’t do that again.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I absolutely would.  But I’ll try not to, anyway.

We had so much fun, last night!  Beth had the bright idea to play “truth or dare”, and we all agreed.  I learned a lot more about Liz than I wanted!  I lucked out though!  I have no memories!  So I’d always choose “truth”, and then they’d ask me a question, and I’d say “I don’t know”, and it’s the truth!  Ever kissed a boy?  I don’t know!  Most embarrassing moment?  Musta been that talk Sabby gave us!  Both Beth and Liz ended up forcing a rule change that any “I don’t know” from me gets turned into a dare.  At that point it devolved into making me do silly dances and other silly stuff.  I drew the line when Beth wanted to make me do something truly embarrassing.  I don’t even have that kind of underwear!!!  And even if I did, I’m not walking down the street in it!  Thankfully, Liz took my side on that one, and told her that if she kept that up, She’d have that dare next time Liz got to ask her.  She gulped and took it back.  I just had to shout “I’m a teapot” instead, and that woke up a ticked off Sabby.  At that point it was lights out.  Fine by me, I was tired anyway.  We ended up in a big ol’ snoring girl pile.

Beth and I are gonna have to have a little talk, I think, though.  That kind of crossed the line.  Liz isn’t holding it against her, but I could see on Liz’s face.  That was a bit too much like the old Beth.  We really need to have a conversation.

After I took my nap, Dave told me he was going to teach me how to change the oil and tires in my car.  Probably past time anyway.  So he grabbed Beth and David too, and we trudged out.  Dave already had the car in the driveway.  He showed me how to lift it up (that’s a neat little machine!), remove the drain plug, change the filter, put the drain plug back, and pour in more oil.  Easy!  Changing a tire is also easy – just have to remember to loosen the little nuts before lifting the car, and tighten them again before rolling off.  I have nearly enough money in my account to pay for driving lessons!  Yay!  But we’ll do that after I get back from Orlando.

Tires are heavy!  But cars are heavier!  Still, good to know.  He also had Beth and David change a tire for good measure.  David had a bit of trouble because of how heavy the tires were, but it’s more important that he know than to be able to do it well for right now.

Afterwards, we had a nice dinner.  I love spaghetti, even though it’s sooo messy!  It tastes soooo good!  Especially with mushrooms and lots of parmesan.  Sabby can really cook!  She made garlic bread too!  OMG that’s soo good!

After dinner, Dave took me aside for a little talk.  It was kind of similar to the one Sabby gave me, but it was from a man’s point of view.  I won’t go into details because this isn’t a PG post, but it was good to know.  Men are more complicated than they look!  It’s a little awkward, but I’m glad they’re telling me all of this.  It’s better to know it when you need it.

Anyway, no staying up tonight.  I have to work tomorrow!  Then next weekend I go to Orlando!  SQUEEEEEE!!!!

Love you all!!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 7 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  The one and only!

14 days to go to Disney World!  I’m soooo excited!  So much!  I can’t believe how much I’m looking forward to it!  Roller coasters!  Lots of sugary stuff!  Chocolate that looks like mouse ears!  Liz!  Who knows what else!  It’s so much fun!  Sabby is still fussing over me a little, she’s made a list and checked it twice and is telling me not to be naughty, but nice!  I’m always nice!  I’m a good girl!  Except when I prank Dave!  Muahahaha!

But she worries anyway.  I guess I don’t blame her.  Momma Bear gonna mom.

You might wonder why I don’t call her “mom” and Dave “dad”.  Well, there’s a simple reason for that.  I love that they’ve taken me into their family, and they treat me as much like a daughter as I have any right to expect.  More, even.  And I love them, more than I’ve ever been able to express.  But they’re not my “real” parents.  I have a mom and a dad out there somewhere, though I don’t know who they are.  Are they alive?  Are they dead? Did they abandon me?  Did they want me?  I don’t know.  I wish I knew.

Maybe someday I will meet my real mom and dad and they will have had a good reason for having left me by the side of the road.  Maybe they were in the hospital, or dead, and whatever hurt or killed them is the same thing that caused me to lose my memory.  Maybe they loved me as much as Dave and Sabby, and we’ll meet and hug and I’ll have two more parents.  And if that someday happens, it kind of cheapens it to have two moms and two dads, don’t you think?

Or maybe they just abandoned me, or didn’t want me, and erased all traces of themselves just so they’d want nothing more to do with me.  I hope not, but it’s possible.  And if that happens, then, well, Sabby and Dave become mom and dad, and to hell with my real parents.  I hope it’s not the case.  I hope with everything I am that they do love me.

Sabby was an orphan too.  She understands.  She knows what it’s like to not know your real parents, and that it leaves a hole in your heart that others can’t live in.  She gets it.  That’s why she never pressures me.  She knows she’s Sabby, and Dave is Dave, and that doesn’t mean I love them any less.  I always, always will, even if I find my real parents and they love me too.  Always.

I don’t like to think about it.  I like to be a happy Lily, going to the park and twirling around with my new haircut.  I like to be bubbly and cheerful and happy and fun to be around, and I like to make new memories with the people who care about me now.  But sometimes I do lie awake in bed and wonder.  Who are they?  Who am I?  Why did they hurt me like this?  What did I do to deserve it?  Why don’t I know and why is no one telling me?  But then I look around my room at all the nice things Dave and Sabby have given me, even though they didn’t have to.  And I’ll cry.  Both at the loss, but at what I’ve found too.  Maybe losing my memory and my parents is the best thing to ever happen to me.

And that hurts just as much.

I had to work today, but the rest of the family went to watch Allison play a baseball game.  I’ve never been to a baseball game.  Is it fun?  They went to the park and Allison really whacked that ball!  It went flying and she ran and ran.  She was soooo happy!  After the game Sabby dragged David over to Allison and made him apologize to her.  She was so happy at whacking the ball that she forgave him.  I don’t think there’ll be any cute kid crushes in the near, far, distant future, or ever, but at least she doesn’t give him the stink eye anymore.  That’s something.

Then they all went to a chain restaurant and had dinner.  I was still working, but that was okay.  I still had leftover grilled meat I could put in the microwave and it’s just as good the second time around!

So we start another week.  More school…. oh!  I forgot!  Remember that $20 bill that Sabby keeps trying to give me back?  Well, somehow she got hold of my bank account info, and guess what I found in my account?  Point to Sabby.  Why is it that they’re so much better at these kinds of things?  Dave got me so good with that cayenne pepper, and Sabby is just a force of nature, I can’t keep up!  I’m not sure I want to try anymore.  Not to say I won’t jump (hah) at the chance to get Dave back if it comes up, but maybe I should just admit defeat.  Maybe next time he’ll put chocolate in a little cage, light a blowtorch, and tell me to back off or the chocolate gets it.  I wouldn’t put it past him.

I love chocolate too much.  No, I don’t.  No such thing.  I’d marry it but I don’t want kids that melt in the bathtub.  Hahaha.  Guess it’s a boy for me.  Someday.  But he’d better not get between me and my chocolate!  He can have hobbies, and prank me, and joke with me, and be a silly billy all he wants.  But he touches that chocolate and it’s the doghouse for him!  Hahah!!!

I’m only somewhat kidding.  Poor guy.

I’ve been thinking about boys.  I still feel like I’m not ready for a boyfriend or anything.  But…  there’s this emptiness inside me I can’t explain.  It’s like there’s a piece of me that’s missing and only someone who loves me that way will ever fill it.  Will someone kiss me someday?  What will it be like?  Will it be fun?  I don’t know.  Maybe someday I’ll find out.  I hope at least the first time it’s all sweet and romantic.

I should go!  Beth needs her hair brushed!  Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 4 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me, Lily!  And I HURT!

Let’s just say cayenne pepper doesn’t just hurt going in and leave it at that.  Dave got me so good.  Credit to him.  I haven’t decide if I’m going to escalate, but he sure does give as good as he gets.  Maybe I’ll find a prank that’s a little more jokey and a little less scary.  But hey, it was Halloween.

It’s…  what, 17 days to Disney World?  I lost count but it sounds right.  My tablet should be arriving any day!  Sabby’s going to buy Beth one too!  She’s not getting David one, though.  He’s too young, and he doesn’t need another excuse to be irresponsible with his electronics.  I still don’t know what she’s going to do with Beth, but they’re both really looking forward to it.  I’m glad.  Both Sabby and Beth seem to feel like their relationship isn’t going as well as it used to, and they need this time together.  Plus, I’ll be at Disney World!!!  It’s not exactly like I’m left out!

I think Dave is going to have a fishing trip with David.  They’ll camp out somewhere and get up early and catch the fishes.  If they’re successful, we’ll have fish for dinner for days!  If they’re not, well, at least it’s bonding time for the two of them.  It makes me happy that they’re making the effort.  You know, that’s how you can tell a bad parent from a good parent.  Both good parents and bad parents make mistakes.  Sometimes a lot of mistakes.  Sometimes good parents can hurt their children deeply.  But the difference is that good parents try.  They listen to their children when they are hurt and course correct if they have to.  And both Sabby and Dave are course correcting.  That’s what makes them good parents.

I think if someone truly loves you, almost anything can be forgiven.  And if they don’t, almost nothing can.  Probably a little bit of an exaggeration, but I think it’s right.

I talked to Sabby and I think I’m going to get my hair done this weekend with a new hairstyle.  I can’t wait!  I like my hair as it is because it’s easier to maintain, but it’s kind of boring.  I like being cute!  And if I don’t like it I can always go back.  I’ll post a picture too!!!  Maybe not the same day, but soon!!!

Anyway, I need to go to bed!  Bed is so nice!  It’s soft and warm and when the sheets are freshly washed, smells so nice!  I like bed!  But I like brushing Beth’s hair too!  And when she brushes mine!  I love having a sister, did I say that??  And chocolate!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 11 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi again!  It’s me!  Lily!  Silly Billy Lily!!!

I’m feeling loads better today.  Yesterday was hard, but Sabby helped me get through it.  I love her!  Dave also took me aside and told me to tell him if I ever need anything.  He’s not a hugger like Sabby, but he is a gentle man and I love him too.  If I ever have a boyfriend or a husband, I hope he’s like Dave!  Nerdy, balding, lovable, huggable, gentle, kind, silly…  all those things and more.

Oh, if Dave reads this I’ll be embarrassed!  But I hope he does anyway.  He should know.  He’s a silly Billy, but he’s my silly Billy.  Well, I guess I can share him with Sabby.  Haha!  Don’t kill me Sabby!  I’m kidding!!!  I won’t share!  hahaha!  Kidding again!!!

No, seriously, I was serious about not wanting a boyfriend, and particularly not a married one I consider like a father.  I could never see him that way.  But I love him dearly anyway.

Last night was movie night again!  This time we watched a movie called 50 First Dates.  It was about a woman who had no short term memory.  It hit really home to me, and I cried again.  That poor girl!  But she found a man who loved her anyway and was willing to put up with a lot to be with her.  I hope maybe I find someone like that someday!  But I hope more that I find my memory.  That’s a lot to ask of a boy!  It’s one reason I don’t want a boyfriend.  It’s asking too much, I think.  I’ll be a single woman with lots of cats and nieces and nephews and cousins!

But is that what I really want? No!  No more sad!  Not today!

But you know what the best thing was?  Beth came up and cuddled with me.  Beth!  The girl who hated me when Dave and Sabby first found me!  She crawled up next to me, looked into my eyes, and asked “is it like that for you?”

“Not completely, but pretty close,” I replied.  She was warm and smelled like fruit.

She snuggled into me.  “I’m sorry,” she said.  “I shouldn’t have been so mean.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close.  She looked up at me and cupped my face in her hand.  “You can be my sister,” she said, quietly, but in a manner like the proclamation of a queen.  A cute, awkward woman-child queen.

I sniffled and wiped away a tear.  I think Sabby was about to blow a gasket, she was so surprised.  But before she could say anything, Beth was asleep.

Sabby’s mouth snapped closed.  “She’s always wanted a sister, you know.”

“I didn’t,” I whispered, and my hand found its way to Beth’s hair of its own accord.  Her hair was stringy, but also soft.  She shifted and mumbled softly.

Sabby smiled.  “I bet you didn’t know you wanted one either.”

I shook my head.  “I didn’t.  But…  but, I’m glad.”

Sabby smiled.  “So am I.”

David tried to jump on us but Dave “headed him off at the pass”, grabbed him, and took him squealing to his room.  “Bedtime for you, champ.  Let’s let the new sisters have some time to themselves.”, I heard, as they receded up the stairs.

Sabby kissed both of our foreheads, and went up to tuck David in.  I got a pillow and stuffed it under my head, careful not to disturb Beth.  My new sister.  My… new sister.

Oh God I’m gonna cry again.

I didn’t move until I had to.  Until I absolutely had to.  Add another precious memory to the ever growing list.   Of the time I gained a new sister.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 10 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me, Lily!

Sabby saw my post yesterday.  I forgot about that.  I guess that’s one of the problems with having a public diary.  but it’s okay.  I guess if I truly didn’t want them to know, I wouldn’t have said (or typed) it out loud.

After I wrote that post, I took a shower, got back in my pajamas, and went back to bed.  I never go back to bed, but there’s nothing else I really wanted to do.  A half hour later, Sabby knocked on my door and came in.

I had the blankets pulled up to my chin, and she didn’t say anything.  She sat down on the side of my bed and scooped me up into her arms.  I couldn’t help it.  I cried it out.  I think I spent like fifteen minutes just blubbering like a baby.  It would have been embarrassing if it didn’t feel so good.  Crying feels good, you know.  It’s like you take all of your awful feelings and hurts and pains and just let them out, and everything’s so much clearer afterwards.

I don’t know what I would do without Sabby.  I think she’s my second best friend.  Or maybe my co-best friend.  Liz would have been uncomfortable.  Sabby wasn’t.  Don’t worry, Liz!  I love you too!  But you can’t fill the same role Sabby does, and I would never ask you.  I never asked her to, either.  But she does.

She doesn’t understand.  She knows she doesn’t.  She can only guess what it’s like to be me, and probably not well, either.  She doesn’t know what it’s like to have your entire life be nothing but a blank.  But she was there.  She held me, and let me cry.  That really counts for a lot, y’know?  I love her, and she loves me.

I guess all I can do is try to make the best life I can out of what I have, and hope someday that I find answers.

Anyway, Sabby gave me a kiss on the forehead, and told me I could stay in bed for a little longer, but she wanted to take me somewhere.  I asked her where, and she said she didn’t care.  She said that if I don’t have memories, we were going to make some together.

I know I said I loved Lily Day.  I loved the presents, I loved the pancakes, I loved the waterpark.  But you’ll never know how precious that gift is, the one of memories.  Far more precious than anything anyone’s ever given me – that I can remember, anyway.  Those of you who have good memories, I envy you so much.  And those who have bad memories, I kind of envy you too.  Not the memories, but the fact that you have them.  They did shape you, right?  They may be bad, but they’re yours.  I’d even take bad memories over none at all.  I know, I might feel differently otherwise, but it’s how I feel, and I get to feel how I feel!

Sabby took me to a Korean food place, just the two of us.  We ate Korean BBQ and had boba tea, and we talked about a lot of different things.  I actually don’t remember what we talked about.  But I’ll never forget that we went.  I’ll never, ever forget that we went.

I did tell Sabby that I was thinking about learning Japanese, and she’s all for it.  She thinks Spanish might be more useful, but I said they already teach that in school.  I told Liz later, and she asked why not Chinese?  I didn’t really have an answer.  Maybe Japanese is more interesting.  But I told her if she wants to try to teach me some Chinese, she’s welcome to.  I’m a little nervous about how enthusiastic she was about that idea.  They’re both hard languages.

Later that night, at dinner, I looked around the table at everyone.  I looked at Dave, such a silly, gentle, kind, middle-aged, balding man.  I saw Sabby, a pretty, older woman showing her age but carrying it well.  I saw Beth, a young girl who is just learning what it means to be a woman, and I saw David, a little hellian who I’m sure will grow up to be a decent man.  I even saw the cat sitting on the floor washing its butt.  And I ate some of the delicious food Sabby prepared, and I couldn’t help but smile.  I had a tear in my eye, but I smiled too.

I saw my family.

Yes, these are my new memories.  This is my home now.

And you all are my family too!

See you tomorrow!  Love you all!!!!  ❤️

July 26, 2021

This diary entry is part 6 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me again!  Lily!

You know how after you have a really great day, no matter how good the next day is, it’s never as good?  That’s how today was.  But it was really good in its own way.  Today we went to church.  It was boring, but I brought a book and browsed twitter.  Twitter is a horrible awful place, but why not.  Full of lots of people who think they know what they’re talking about but don’t.  I guess that’s me too, but I know I don’t.

After church, Dave wanted to watch the Olympics, but I tried on the dress Sabby bought me.  It fit perfectly and it’s so gorgeous on me!  Maybe sometime soon I’ll post a pic.  I also got some pics of the waterpark too but I have to transfer them to the computer and upload them.  Maybe I’ll post those soon, too.  Honestly, I usually dress pretty modestly, but a swimsuit is for swimming, and who wants wet clothing!  Plus I think I look pretty good in one.  Liz looks better, though.

After I tried on the dress, Sabby and I went to the park, and we walked, and talked.  It was a little hot, but it wasn’t quite noon yet, and I think Sabby just wanted a little time with me.  She asked me if I liked the Lily day, and I hugged her so tightly!  I told her I loved it!  And I did, truly I did!  She smiled, but she seemed preoccupied.  I asked her what’s wrong.

She was quiet for a while, as we walked together.  The grackles and blue jays were making a ruckus in the trees.  I guess they were getting it out of their system before it got too hot to do anything but hunker down in the shade or try to find water.  Life must be hard as a bird.

“Lily,” she said, “I talked to the social workers this week, and…  you don’t have a birthday.  No one knows who you are or how old you are.  The state won’t let you learn how to drive or have a job without proof of who you are.  They had to pull a lot of strings just to get you into school…”

I felt sad.  “What am I going to do, Sabby?  I can’t live with you forever!”

She stopped and turned to look at me, and grabbed my hands.  “A situation like yours is not just unusual, it’s almost unheard of.  A girl, just appearing out of nowhere, with no documentation, no missing person’s report, no memories, no accent, even.  You could even be a citizen, they just don’t know.  They don’t know what to do.  We’re going to hire a lawyer and see if we can find a way to get around this.”

Her eyes pierced into me.  “But Lily, I don’t want you to worry.  You have a home with us for as long as you need… or want… it.”

I couldn’t help it.  The tears started flowing and I clung to her like my life depended on it.  “I love you, Sabby,” I almost wailed.  “I love you!”

Sabby returned my hug.  “I love you, too,” she whispered.  She’d never said that to me before!  I cried even harder.  What is it with me and crying?  Finally I disentangled myself from her and we started walking again.

“One of the solutions might involve legally adopting you.  Would you…  be okay with that?”

I sniffled.  “I’d… be more than okay with that.”

She smiled.  “Let’s see what the lawyer says.  Did you like the cake?,” she changed the subject.

I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone I like anything more ebulliently (how do you like that big word?  I wonder how I learned it) than I told her I loved the cake.  I positively gushed.  And I’m not a gushy girl!  And then I told her I loved the pancakes, and the waterpark, and the dinner, but most of all I just loved spending time with… my family.

“Sabby?”, I asked.

“Yes, Lily?”

“If I ever remember who I am…  I won’t forget you.  You’ll still be my family.”  I sniffled.  “You’ll always be my family.”  My lip quivered.  “Always and forever.”

Now the tears were in Sabby’s eyes.  I’ve never seen her cry before.  I didn’t this time either, but it was a close thing.  She grabbed my hand and squeezed, and not much more was said until our walk was done.

It was a quiet day otherwise.  Dave enjoyed his sports, I set up my new computer, Sabby made a wonderful dinner, Beth was out with friends, and David was quietly (for once) playing video games in his room.  I am such a lucky girl, even though I still wish with everything I had to have my memories back.  If I ever had them at all.

But what a weekend this was!  What a wonderful weekend this was!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️