This diary entry is part 15 of 27 in Lily's diary dated 08 - February 2022

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It was not a good day.

Sabby and Dave got home this morning, and immediately called David and me into the living room.  She sat us down went off.  I wasn’t the object of her wrath, but I was there because I was, well, involved, I suppose.  She told David that while it was good that we sorted it out, that his behavior was absolutely inexcusable, and he was not getting his games or console back for two weeks.  He tried to protest but Sabby wasn’t hearing any of it.  Finally he stomped off to his room and Sabby sighed.  I just sat there.


“Yes, Lily?,” she asked, still seeming a bit peeved.

“I don’t think I want to be in charge anymore.”

“Well, you’re the oldest, and that comes with being the oldest.”

“Look, Sabby,” I said, “Maybe I’m the oldest, but I had to call you just to get David to even start to listen to me.  He doesn’t respect me.  We’ve never really gotten along.  I don’t dislike him, he’s my little brother, but all he’s ever done is get in trouble.  I even got angry with him yesterday, and I never get angry!”

Sabby sighed.  “Do you really think that you being put in charge is just for David or Beth?  It’s for you, too.  Having to lead people who don’t want to be led is a life skill, and it’s important to learn.  Just like being led by people you don’t want to lead you is a life skill that David has to learn.   How do you think you could have handled it differently?”

“I don’t know,” I said.  “I really don’t.”

“Well,” she said, “for one thing, you called me.  I’m not saying you were wrong to, but what could you have done so that you didn’t have to call me?”

“I don’t know.”  And I wasn’t lying.  I really didn’t.

“You didn’t feel like you had any authority.  So you didn’t act like you had any authority.  You used my authority.  Again, you weren’t wrong to, but David didn’t respect you because of that.  You’re always trying to get along with people, you aren’t very good at taking charge when you need to.  I had already given you all the authority you needed, and told David that.  You could have exercised it.”

“How?  He told me to pound sand when I told him to study instead of playing games.”

“And you could have told him that if he didn’t start studying like he was supposed to right then that you were going to take all of his games and put them outside with a sign that says ‘free games here’.  You could have just gone to the garage and flipped the breaker to his room.  You could have told him that you weren’t going to order lunch until he did all his studying.  You could have…”

“I get it!”, I said, raising my voice.  “I get it.  I failed.”

“You didn’t fail,” she said softly.  “But you could have handled it differently, too.  Sometimes leading is about making decisions that people don’t like, but know are your responsibility.”

“So what do I do?”

She sighed.  “Do you remember how I dragged Beth over to the homeless shelter?”

“How could I forget?”

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to think of something similar to do with David.  You’re right that he’s gotten away with far too much, though he’s grown up some lately.  I’ll think about it.  Oh,” she said, “I almost forgot.”  She rifled around in her purse, and pulled out a couple of bills.  “Here.  That’s for babysitting.”

“I wasn’t -“

“If it weren’t for you I’d have had to hire a babysitter anyway, so I might as well give it to you.  You could use it anyway.  Besides, you earned it.”

“But I failed -“

“Everyone’s fed, still alive, and the house is still standing.  When you’re my age and have kids your age you’ll take that as a win.  Now go study.”

I did.  I still had that presentation on internal combustion engines to finish.  And I wanted to spend a bit of time in the lab too.

I was thinking about what Sabby said all day.  She’s right.  I’m not very good at taking charge.  I just go along with whatever, and that works most of the time, but it didn’t really work yesterday.  Maybe it’s time I be the older sister, and not just Lily.

Now if I can just figure out what that means.

Love you all!!! ❤

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