This diary entry is part 27 of 28 in Lily's diary dated 31 - January 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So back to normal today, well, as close to normal as it gets for me, I guess.

I got a decent sleep and I’m still pretty exhausted, but it’s a lot better, thankfully.  Went for a run this morning, I haven’t done that in a few days for obvious reasons.  Of course Marie was pretty happy to see me and we cuddled last night.  And, um…  otherwise pretty quiet.  I went back to practicing my cute little tushy off, and my fingers too while I’m at it.  I’m out of practice but thankfully didn’t forget everything.  I still have to go see the conductor later this week.  Thankfully I still have a couple of months before we start really preparing.

Kind of regret losing the practice time, but it was worth it.  I guess.

I really do have mixed feelings about a lot of stuff.  I mean, all the really odd stuff seems to happen to me.  Not that I’m really complaining because most of it is pretty cool, but still.  I guess I’m not meant to live a life of relative obscurity.  I mean, I’m not as well known as Miki, but…  I may have affected more people.

I guess that’s just what I do though.  Part of being an ark.  Or walking shrine.

I still don’t entirely know what all that’s about.

Anathema wanted to chat today, so I made a little time, and we… chatted.  I’ve never seen her so…  confused.  Usually she’s so confident and ready to take the world – and other things – by the horns, but…  she really does seem to have turned over a new leaf.

She’s so entirely besotted by Joe that the poor girl can’t even think straight.

To Joe’s credit, he’s being very fair about the whole thing.  He’s not leading her on, and he’s not rejecting her.  He’s not pretending there’s something there isn’t, and he’s approaching the whole thing very cautiously.  Apparently he  still doesn’t entirely trust her, her “change of heart”, as it were, is still far too recent.  And I can’t really say I blame him.  I don’t think I would either.

She’s frustrated, but I just said “what do you expect?  Did you expect there would be no consequences?”

“I deserve that for calling you selfish, don’t I?”

“Maybe, but I would have said that anyway.  You’ve found yourself a good one.  Don’t screw it up.”

“I KNOW,” she said, almost growling.  “What do you think I’m afraid of doing every minute of the day?  Screwing it up!”

“Well, tell him that!”

…  she hadn’t thought about that.

She’s so used to playing games, she’s not sure what to do with a guy who doesn’t play games.

I think it’ll be alright.  Joe doesn’t strike me as the type to not be fair or to play games.  As long as she can keep working on being honest with him and gaining his trust, I think it’ll work out.  He’s never had a girlfriend (from what he said), so this might be new to him as well.

But he’s still coming over every night and sweeping her apartment, and very nicely rejecting her advances.

So… Yuki and I have been the object of a lot of chattering in the idol group.  Apparently it isn’t the same anymore, and mostly in a good way.  Miki keeps telling them I’m a walking shrine (when I wish she wouldn’t!) and now a couple more girls from the idol group are chatting with me.  Nothing deep, just “Hi how are you today was fun” kind of stuff.  Not all, but that’s fine.  I don’t know what I’d do if every single girl I met was like that.  I’m really afraid at this rate that I’ll lose touch with some of them and the whole thing will just become too big to manage, and then what?  I avoided the whole idol thing for a reason.

Oh well.  Maybe there’s a reason.

Tomorrow is Diana’s birthday.  We’re celebrating it this weekend.  I’m sure everyone will have fun.

They still haven’t figured out the surprises.  I don’t think they will.  Though Beth is pretty smart and she’s starting to put the dots together.  I’ve already told her if she does, to keep it to herself.

Okay, I guess I should go to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

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