Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!!

I went to the doctor today!!!  He said I’m recovering fine.  I can move around better today, all the swelling seems to have receded, and he said my concussion is a lot better.  He says I shouldn’t be alone for a couple more days but I should be okay by the weekend.  Maybe I’ll still be a little sore, but he just says some ice and some advil and I’ll be good as new.

I have Liz’s recital coming up.  I think I’ll be fine for that.  After all, I get to sit down at the piano. Right?

Anyway, I’ve been teasing something important.  Y’all might think this is the most important thing ever, but to me…  I have so many weird things happen to me that this is kind of, well…  expected, I guess.  Not normal, but expected.

I wasn’t really unconscious when I was out.

I had what they call a “near death experience”…  though I was told that I wasn’t near death, but it was a good chance to yank me out of my body for a while so we could have a chat.

Who’s “we”?

Well, me and God, of course.

Of course.  How could it be any other way?

I can’t really tell you everything we talked about.  Partly because it’s personal, and partly because, well, we didn’t always use words.  But I know who he is now.  He’s… what’d you’d expect, and, well… not.

He lives in a place where time both doesn’t matter, and does.  I can’t really explain that, and he said there aren’t really words in any language to explain that concept, nor can there really be words.  Not in the way we know, anyway.  When my first adopted parents opened that gateway, they tapped into energies they don’t understand.  I didn’t really completely understand the explanation, but it wasn’t really energy they tapped into.  It’s just that when that realm interacts with ours, it manifests as an energetic burst, because that’s where creativity comes from.  It’s the realm of creation, and our realm is the realm of created, and when creation impinges on created, well, stuff happens.  Lots of stuff.  Nuclear reactor or even explosion type stuff, but different types of energies.

My first adopted parents were, well, “made to pass on” was how he put it.  It’s not so much that they died, but that they were directly hit by the energies of creation, and a part of the energies of creation is destruction, so they were, well, destroyed.  I wasn’t because I was on the periphery of the gateway, and because I was an innocent bystander.  But he figured he could use that, so he, well, how did he put it… “imprinted” me.  I have a small gateway to the creative realm inside my head.  For all intents and purposes, I am a gateway into the created realm.  They were destroyed not only because of what they’d opened, but because of the fact that they’d opened it.  That is not for human use right now.  Maybe someday.  They’re not the first to have discovered that, and the previous discoverers met the same fate.  They didn’t go to hell or anything, but they can’t stay here.  Not with that knowledge.

He said that someday I’ll die, but…  I can’t be killed.  I asked him why, and he just shrugged.  He said the creative realm only accepts destruction when it’s in place to make something even better, and because I’m a direct gateway, I can’t be made better, so I can’t be destroyed.  My body will still age out like any other body, but there’s a reason I’m a gateway to the creative realm, and he won’t allow it to be destroyed by the forces of evil that are always attracted to it.

By which I mean, I know why I’m a karen magnet now.

He said I actually did die that day… sort of.  But it was as I kind of suspected… only parts of me died, and then were replaced by other, better things.  Like that gateway.

The thing about the creative realm, he said, is that while it attracts evil, it also attracts good.  That’s why I’ve had so many improbably good things happen to me ever since I was found.  It’s also why I’ve ended up with my share of, well, car accidents, karens, and other odd things that probably could have destroyed me if I were anyone else, but I somehow survived all of it mostly unscathed.  Well… I know how, now, I guess.

So, the most important question:  I asked who he is.

He wouldn’t tell me.


He did say that I can think of him as Jesus if I want, and I wouldn’t be wrong.  But there’s a lot more to him than that, and he doesn’t want me to get caught up in Christian worship culture, etc., because that kind of tends to force people into boxes, and my gift is not meant to be forced into a box.  It’s meant to free people from boxes, like I did Anathema.

And then he showed me heaven.

I…  really can’t describe or explain it.  I really don’t want to.  Except to say that if everyone knew that was awaiting them when they died, maybe they wouldn’t hate this life so much.

He told me a lot of things, some of which kind of blew my mind, but I really can’t say much about them.  Some things were just for my ears.

I did ask him what that lycoris radiata is that I found on my chest that one night and is sitting on my shelf (you forgot about that, didn’t you?)  He said I’d find out soon enough, it’s a gift to make up a little for everything I’ve been through.  He said it might make life a little bit easier in a few months.  I wonder what he meant by that.

I also asked him about the milkshake.

He said he wanted to give me a milkshake.


Well, maybe he’s not such a bad guy.

Anyway…  that’s what I found out.  There’s a lot more but I’m going to keep it to myself.  For now, anyway.

I did tell Liz, though.  She just listened thoughtfully, said “only you, Lily”, and dragged me to the shower.

I guess I smelled.

Talk to God, then get dragged into the shower by your best friend.  I guess life doesn’t stop happening after you die.

I think she’s envious of my floppy bits, though.  Aww.  Hers are just fine, I don’t know what she’s complaining about.  She didn’t honk me, but she kind of jiggled them around and said “you’re so lucky.”  No, not that way, silly-billies, just in a curious “I wonder what it’d be like to have these” way.

Am I though?


Love you all!!! ❤️

From the creator:

You’re just fine, Liz.  Your boyfriend is very happy with what you have.

But… I can’t imagine girls don’t think that way sometimes.