This diary entry is part 11 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  LIly!

I don’t know what happened the past couple of days.  I really don’t.  I was just humming along, looking forward to going to Disney World, and bam.  One song and everything falls apart.  I wasn’t expecting that, either.  It’s just like everything hit at once and I had nothing to do but to ride it out.

I didn’t mention what I spent the rest of the day doing, yesterday.  I think I spent it grieving.  I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I think it fits.  I cried, and I laughed, and I thought about all of the things my “real” parents and I might do.  Liz came over a little later, she actually reads my site too!  I wonder about this site – I share so much about myself, but people seem to love it!  They… they seem to love me.  What did I do to deserve it?  Is that karma?  Did I gain a family and friends that love me, at the cost of everything I previously was?  Was that worth the price?

That’s a real question.  The answer might even be yes.

Anyway, Liz and I talked.  We talked, and we talked.  She really does care.  She doesn’t know what to say or do half the time, and she has her own demons, but she hugged me and we talked some more, and I started to feel a lot better towards the end of the night.  I don’t know who I was.  I don’t know who my “real” parents are, I don’t know if I had friends, I don’t know even how I got that little scar on the webbing between my right pinky and ring finger.  But I do know who my family is now, and who my friends are now, and…  and it doesn’t take away the fact that I love them, I love all of them, and they love me.

Maybe I’ll grieve again someday.  I told Liz that Disney World might be difficult for me in some ways, to watch all of the children running around having fun with their parents.  She told me she understood.  That maybe I can’t have it back, but I can make new memories, and she wants to make them with me.  And so do her parents.  That’s enough.  That’s plenty.

And I have all of my Internet friends, too.  The people who read this, and laugh with me, and cry with me, and log in the next day and the day after to see what else went on in my life, with my story, and that’s good too.  Friends all over the world who love me as well.  Who else can say that?  And all I have to do is be me.  So many other personalities, on YouTube, on TikTok, all those places, who try to be someone else and pretend to have a perfect life and hide all of their problems, but you know my life and my family and my problems, and you love me anyway.  What more could a girl want?  To know her real parents, maybe, of course, but at least I’m loved.  What else is there, really?

11 days to Disney World!  YAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love you all!  Really!  Really truly!  Love Dave, and Sabby, and Beth, and even David, and Liz, and Allison, and Liz’s parents, and all the people who have come together to make my story what it is.  And my real parents, and my real siblings, if I have any, my previous friends who I don’t remember but am sure I loved, the cat, everyone!  Love each and every one of you!  Because you make me who I am!  And maybe someday I’ll find out more!  Who else can say that someday they might have twice the family to love them???

Maybe not.  But a girl can hope.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Series Navigation<< November 9, 2021 – Out Where Dreams Come TrueNovember 11, 2021 – The Mouse Approacheth >>