Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

After I wrote the last post, I just went into my room and huddled under the blankets and cried.  I guess Beth heard me because I felt someone climb in next to me and wrap their arms around me.  I couldn’t help it, and I cried harder.  She didn’t say anything, I don’t think I’d have wanted to, but she let me bury my head in her chest and just stroked my hair as I cried it out.

I have a sister.

And I guess that’s my answer, really.  I hate not being able to remember, I hate not having the memories of being a child, of having my owies kissed, but I have a sister I wouldn’t have met otherwise.  A sister who lets me bury my head in her chest and cry it out, who doesn’t say anything to me and just lets me cry, who doesn’t mind if I make her pajamas all sloppy with my ugly crying.  Only afterwards did she ask me what was wrong.

I just looked up at her and made myself a little more comfortable, and said “Nothing.”

“But,” she said, “You were ugly crying, all over me.  It can’t be nothing!”

I smiled at her and wiped the tears out of my eyes.  “It was something, but it’s nothing now.”

She looked at me confused.

I reached up and stroked her hair.  “You’re my sister,” I said, as if that explained everything.

She still looked confused.

“I was sad because I didn’t have my memories and I can’t remember my family.  But…  I wouldn’t know you,” I said, quietly, and cupped her face with my hand.  “So nothing’s wrong anymore.”

Finally she nodded.  “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” I said.  I yawned.  “But I’m tired.”

She sat up and let me put my head in her lap.  “God knows you’ve been there for me,” she said.  “Go ahead and sleep.  I brought a book.”  She opened the book with one hand and started reading, while she stroked my hair with her other.

I giggled.  “That is so you, Beth.”  She laughed quietly.

And I slept.  Every now and then she’d remove her hand to flip a page, but otherwise, I was just lulled into a peaceful haze of post-cry sleepiness.  And it was wonderful.

I’m still a little sad.  But I have Beth.  It turned out okay.

It started raining and storming a little later that night.  Beth’s lap was so warm and safe.  I never even noticed.

Love you all!!!  And especially Beth!!! ❤️