Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!
Today was boring! Boringly boring! David is still in deep doo-doo, he’ll be lucky to get any of his electronics back before he’s 30! I hope he learns something! Otherwise, it’s been cooling down a little bit! Yay!
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have my memories! I look at little ones like Allison, and I feel a little lost, because she is such a happy girl, and I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy like that. And Sabby was talking about kissing Beth’s owies and putting bandaids on them, and I don’t remember my owies being kissed! It seems like a nice thing! Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have my memories, and sometimes I’m sad. I wish I could remember! It’s nice to see little ones all happy and well taken care of and loved, but did someone love me? Did someone kiss my owies and tuck me into bed and take me on vacations that I thought I’d remember forever, and don’t? I don’t mind most of the time, but it makes me feel cheated sometimes. Like there’s something I had and I lost, but I don’t even remember what I lost, much less what I had.
But what do I do? Do I sit here all pouty and think about everything I lost? Or do I think about everything I’ve gained? Would I know Sabby and Dave and Beth and Liz and even David if I hadn’t lost my memory? Would I have a nice family I live with and who adopted me and who love me? Maybe I would, but I don’t know! I don’t know anything!
I wish someone would tell me, though! I wish someone would knock on the door, who looks like me, and tell me I’m their long lost daughter and they’ve been looking for me everywhere, and they would come in, and talk to all of us, and tell me what happened to me. And we’d hug and they’d give me pictures and promise that I could see them whenever I wanted and I’d have a whole different family, too. And…
And. I’m crying now.
It doesn’t bother me a lot. But I’m human! I’m a Lily, but I’m human! And being human hurts sometimes!
Anyway, I need to go huddle beneath the blankets and cry it out. I’m sorry. I’m not a bubbly, happy Lily tonight. Maybe tomorrow.
Love you all, anyway! ❤️