This diary entry is part 19 of 28 in Lily's diary dated 04 - October 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Wonderful Lily!  Beautiful Lily!  Intelligent Lily!  Modest Lily!

Well, today didn’t start out too interesting.  I ran, I did all the morning stuff, I ate, I did all the afternoon stuff, but since it was Friday, after she got home from school, Liz came over.  She’s going to spend the night.  Say hi, Liz!

Hi, Liz!

Smart aleck.   Wisegirl.  hah.  Anyway, if you wonder if she knows I post here, well, this should remove all doubt.  She’s watching me post now, and I already asked her, so it’s okay if I post this.   What I’m about to post, I mean.  I don’t know why she’s letting me, but…

I’m tired of hiding

Oh, okay.

Anyway, Liz came over, and after we had a delicious Sabby dinner (which I insisted I be able to help with for once) we watched a movie.  We watched Spanglish.  It’s about a young girl and her mother, and her mother takes a job as a nanny at a wealthy family in Malibu, taking care of her good-hearted but spoiled daughter.  Her daughter starts picking up some mannerisms from the wealthy but dysfunctional family, and finally, after the little girl says “I need some space”, she says “No space between us”, and they leave.  It’s about a girl and her mother, with the subplot of hidden problems in a relationship between the husband and wife of the wealthy family.

About three quarters of the way, Liz starts sniffling, and runs up the stairs.  They pause the movie, and I go to follow her.  I find her in my bedroom, crying her eyes out.

I sat next to her put an arm around her waist, and asked what was wrong.  She leaned into my shoulder and kept crying.  I know enough about dealing with, and being, a crying person that I knew she’d answer in her own time.  Finally she sniffed and started talking.

She told me about how she loves her parents, and they love her, but they’re always so distant, and she’s not even sure why they love her.  Do they love her because she’s their daughter?  Or because she’s their ticket to being taken care of in the future?  She told me about Chinese culture, and how their families tend to be very close-knit, but with everyone knowing what their role is, and she…  her heart is broken.

That….  I don’t know why I didn’t use those words.

And when she sees Dave and Sabby, who are imperfect and clumsy and strict, but warm and loving, and how close our family is, she gets so jealous sometimes and just…

Sometimes I’ll spend hours crying until I fall asleep, and no one knows.

Liz… you didn’t tell me that.


No Liz, I….  hang on a moment.

Okay, I’m back.  I had to give Liz a big hug, and then I had to take her downstairs and have her talk to Sabby.  Privately.  She’s still talking to Sabby now.  I’m her friend and I love her but I think this one is for Sabby.  Oh, wait.  They just left.

Oh, I hope this works out.  I really hope this works out.

I’m going to wait for them to return, and Liz is going to snuggle with me tonight.  We are going to cuddle up and I am going to hug her and she is going to know what it feels like to have true warmth in her life.  I’m sorry, Liz.  I’m sorry I didn’t notice before.  I’m so sorry.

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