This diary entry is part 1 of 29 in Lily's diary dated 15 - September 2022

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I never lie to y’all, and I won’t start now.  Last night was hard.  Really hard.

You know me.  I’m a pretty happy and cheerful girl.  Sometimes people tell me I should be a cheerleader, and I think that’d be fun except I can’t dance at all!!!  You saw my April Fools video – that stunk!  But sometimes things do get a little too much, and I kind of feel that way right now.  It’s too much.  Beth has problems with jealousy, but I envy her sometimes.  A lot.  She never had to worry about being adopted, or losing her memory, or being found at the side of the road, or finding her birth parents, or..  all of the stuff that’s happened to me.  Yes, so far it’s turned out okay, but it’s not fair, I shouldn’t have had to deal with any of it in the first place.

And it all started because of one selfish and irresponsible man and one gullible woman.

Robert (I refuse to call him my father, my birth father is as good as he’s getting) seems to have changed, he seems to have grown up.  Apparently having a daughter will do that to a man – or at least a normal one.  But…  that daughter should have been me, right?  I should have been the daughter that straightened him out, but I never got that chance.  I don’t blame Emiko for that, but the fact that he didn’t know really is all on her.  Maybe he would have done the right thing if she’d told him.  Maybe he wouldn’t.  But we’ll never know now, will we?

So here I am.  My life is pretty good.  I know it is.  But I still feel like I’ve been cheated out of something big, something important.  My… my birth parents (I almost said my real parents, but they’re not, they gave that up a long time ago).  It’s not fair.  None of it was ever fair.  Life paid me back pretty well for the injustice… but it was still an injustice.  And it still hurts.  A lot.

I’m going to go cuddle Marie and I may or may not cry a little.

The good news:  It rained tonight!  hard!

Love you all!!! ❤

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