Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So yesterday I went to the prom with Jack.

It was… well…  I’ll explain.

Jack picked me up, even gave me flowers.  He didn’t have to do that (I mean, he really didn’t have to do that, I’m not really one for the kinds of token gestures), but I accepted them anyway.  They were pretty and smelled nice.  He even gave me a nice corsage and put it on my wrist.

He cleans up nicely, he wasn’t wearing a tux but a very nice suit, and I’ll take that.  Tuxes are overdone anyway.

Anyway, we got there, and it was, well, a typical prom.  Students just kind of milling around, inexpertly dancing, you know, kind of how you’d expect a prom to go.  Jack and I had a couple of dances, and, well, it kinda went south.

I saw a group of girls hovering around a phone and looking at me.

Crap.  They recognized me.

“Jack?”, one came up to him.  “Your girlfriend is train onee-chan?”

I sighed.  “Yes, I’m train onee-chan”.

Then they literally squeed, and soon I had a crowd of girls around me, and it kept getting bigger.  Apparently someone started showing people the music video, and I heard the chants of “onee-chan! onee-chan!” from the YouTube of that time they played that greeting video of mine in the arena…

I signed a bunch of autographs.  And a few guys were slapping Jack on the shoulder and going “Lucky dog!  She’s HOT!”

Sigh.  I admit I was blushing a little.

I went outside and just kind of stood there.  I wasn’t mad or anything, but I wasn’t really happy either.  I guess I kind of brought it on myself, but I can’t even go to a prom with my boyfriend without being mobbed.

I guess that’s how Yuki feels, right?

Anyway, Jack came out and stood next to me.  We were at a facility that, well… didn’t have any really great scenery, but the air smelled really nice.. and so did Jack.

“I’m sorry,” he said, sadly.  “I didn’t know that would happen.”

I sighed.  “I should have expected it.”

“This isn’t Japan…”

“No, but you’d be surprised how many weebs there are in high schools.”

“I guess.”

He was quiet for a bit.

“I just wanted to give you a good time.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“No, but…”

“It’s not your fault,” I said, turning to him.  “This is just what it means to be me… and what it means to be with me, and…  well…”

“I wouldn’t still be with you if I couldn’t accept that.”

“I know,” I said, a little morosely.

He reached over and grabbed my hand.  It was warm.  I just kind of leaned into him.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Let’s go back inside,” I said, softly, after a little while.  “This is who I am.  This is who I always will be.”

And, so we went back inside.  There was a little more murmuring, but then it quieted down and we had a few more nice dances.  I did meet a couple of his friends.  I wouldn’t say we hit it off, but they seemed decent enough.

And then came time for the prom king and queen.  And guess what?

I’m prom queen.

I’ve never even set foot in that school before.  But apparently all the girls who know who I was voted for me.  Some popular girl was really, really pissed off, but hey.  I had nothing to do with it.  I didn’t campaign or anything.  I just sat in a train while my sisters took the mickey out of me (I think that’s how you say it).  So I just accepted the crown, acted as demurely as I could, and then… well.. that’s it.

At least Jack got to be prom king too.  He’s not very popular but the same girls decided that if I was going to be queen, he was going to be king, and… that’s that, I guess.

The popular girl tried to confront me, you know, like in those stupid high school movies, but I just sighed and waved my hand, and those girls just came and took her away.  Just like that.  I don’t know what they did with her but I didn’t see her again.  I think she’s alright, they’re just high school girls… they probably forced her into a car and drove her home.

She smelled of booze anyway.  What kind of school is that?

Good to be the queen.

So, eventually we went home.  I don’t feel like making this a subscriber only post, so…  let’s just say we did some stuff together that would make it one if I told you and leave it at that.  I missed him.  I really missed him, and it’s been too long.

I know it’s my fault.  It’s all my fault.  I was the one who told him he needed to buckle down and take his studies seriously if he wanted to be with me, because I wasn’t going to be with someone who couldn’t take care of our kids.  I’m the one who somehow became a minor celebrity in Japan, and apparently amongst the Texas weeb community.  And now he’s taking his studies seriously and I’m taking my studies seriously and we don’t have as much time with each other as we used to, and when we do try to have a nice evening together I get recognized.

And September is coming fast.  Very fast.  Way, way too fast.  And then I’ll go to Japan, and he won’t… and what will become of us?

I mean, I think we’ll still be together… but…

I guess I wouldn’t blame him if it all became too much for him at some point.

It was a nice memory.  I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  And yet… it was another last.  All the lasts are coming together and piling up and pretty soon will come the last hug and the last kiss and the last subscriber post, and I’ll be on a plane to Japan and he’ll be driving to whatever college he settles on here, and…  and that’s it.  At least for a while.

I wish I didn’t feel so sad and helpless every time one of these lasts hits.

Anyway, today I spent all my time practicing.  I think I’ve pretty much got it.

Yuki’s friends have their tickets now, and we’re pulling some of the futons out that we scrounged up for when the aidols came over, and, well…  it’s going to be a full house for a while.  I don’t know what kind of visa they needed, but Yuki got it all sorted.  I had no idea she was so efficient.

And David already got “the talk”.  Two Japanese women staying with us, he’d better keep that bathroom door closed.

Speaking of the aidols… Minami is still having a blast in the after-school friends idol light music club.  She’s been checking in every now and then, and she’s having a great time.  She says it’s hard work but they’re all looking out for each other and having lots of fun singing and dancing.  She and Miki have become pretty good friends (even though Miki is her senpai) so they’re extra-special looking out for each other.

I’m glad.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post yesterday because I was so busy.  Jack’s prom is tomorrow, so I had to get my hair and nails done…  I mean, my hair will probably be a bit messed up anyway, but it’ll be better than it was!!! Also, lots of practicing, Yuki and I went to rehearse with the orchestra.  It went pretty well, I’m getting better at it.  It’s a pretty challenging piece, but more musically than technically.  Basically I was wiped by the time the day ended, so I just went to bed.

Not a whole lot of news today.  Yuki’s idol friends are coming late next week.  I can’t wait to meet them!  She told me their names, and I looked them up – they’re pretty famous in Japan.  I’m not starstruck, but it’s still pretty cool.

The girls are over tonight so back to the fun!!!  Diana found a drummer for her band.  So they need one or two more people, but maybe she can pull it off.  Girl is driven.

I may not post tomorrow.  I’ll be at Jack’s prom.  I’m a little nervous, but not really.  Other than the fact that I’ll be spending time with Jack (and we haven’t spent a lot of time together lately) it’s not like it’s actually important or anything.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

What a weird week it’s been!!! So weird!!!  I mean, on Monday, we get an eclipse.  On Tuesday, garbage bins grow legs and walk down the street. Today, well… nothing too weird happened.  A bit of rain this morning, then it became partly cloudy, and the clouds were really pretty.

Unlike yesterday, when they were just annoying.

I don’t really mind a storm.  I don’t like that kind of storm.

Liz is still a little scared of storms, but she’s been getting better.  She doesn’t call me in the middle of it with a trembling voice anymore.  But I think she still hides under her blankets and shivers a little.

Well, they can be a little scary.

We’re all growing up, aren’t we?

I try not to think about that, but it’s unavoidable.  We’re all growing up.  All of us.  Even the adults, they’re still growing too.  I mean, Sabby wanted to keep her drumming a secret, and then one day, BAM.  She’s a drummer.  She made it very clear that was a one-off and she has no interest in getting back into being in a band, but… she did that for me.  She’s grown up a lot too, especially when she tells me how she used to be, a long time ago, before she met Dave.

And I guess that could have been me, too.  Well, maybe.  Maybe my “gift” would have made that impossible.  But maybe not?

Crystal tried to off herself two years ago.  And now she’s running around trying to get a band off the ground and showing a prodigious talent on guitar.  Who would have thought it when she was laying on a hospital bed with beepy machines and things coming out her nose, and we were all both angry and crying?

Who would have thought Beth would mellow out how she did from when we first met and she bullied me and was very mean to me?  Now we’re as close as real sisters.  We still brush each others’ hair every night and we know things about each other that no one else does.  I mean, I don’t talk much about the hair stuff, but we still do it most nights, and we still zone out just like we always have.

Even David?  He still has his “girlfriend” and they’re showing no signs of separating.  Kid’s like eleven now.  Remember how much trouble he used to get into?  Well… he kinda still does.  But you can tell he’s growing up, too.  He’s less boy and more man now, if that makes sense.  Maybe in a couple of years he’ll be protecting me.  I don’t know.  Well, I’ll be in Japan, but you know what I mean.  I heard him one night on his games telling one of his playing buddies that if they talked bad about me he’d go over to their house and date their sisters.  Or mothers.  Whatever, he was really crude about it, but you could tell he was seriously defending me.  He doesn’t let people talk bad about me or Beth when he’s around.

He didn’t say “date”, actually, but I didn’t tell Sabby.  It was a nice thought, even though it was really crude.

He got a big hug for that, whether he wanted one or not.  He didn’t at first, but, well, he’s a boy and his head is at about chest level, and, well, I let him squish my floppy bits a little with his head.  He stopped struggling, haha!!!  But I think out of shock more than anything.

Anyway…

This weekend’s going to be a really busy and a bit weird weekend, too.  Hope everything works out.  Jack and I have been doing our dancing lessons, and we’re getting okay at it.  He won’t be embarrassed, and neither will I, and that’s about all we can hope for, I guess.

Well…  time for bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

BOOM!!!! FLASH!!! BOOM!!!! BOOM!!!!

Lotsa storms today!  Some this morning, some this evening… I didn’t even get to run.  Don’t you love it when you put the garbage out and the wind blows the bins all over the place?  And then you have to go outside and chase yours down, sometimes as it’s scooting away from you like it hates you?

Well, it’s garbage.  Maybe it does.  Maybe it resents you for throwing it away and wants you to get really wet.

Eclipse yesterday, storms today…  a little normal weather would be nice!  But it’s okay!  We need the rain!!!

Apparently Crystal’s been asking around her school to see if there’s anyone who wants to play in her band.  No takers yet.  But her school is pretty large, so… maybe she’ll find someone.  I feel bad about what we did, but I don’t at the same time.  It’s not fair to anyone.

Jack has his prom Saturday night.  Yuki tried to teach me how to dance.  She ended up teaching me how to idol dance, which is something very different.  So Sabby took Jack and I to a dance lesson today.  She says if I’m going to get dressed up and go to a prom, I’m not going to embarrass her by not knowing how to dance.  I guess we’re at the bare minimum now to not embarrass each other, but we’re going a couple more times this week.

I hate going out in the rain, but sometimes you have to.

But otherwise, not a lot going on.  Still studying (but not as hard as I did for the SATs), still practicing, still…  Lilying, I guess.  What’s Lilying?  Well, being me, I suppose.  I’m pretty good at that.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And today was WEIRD!!!!

So around noon we all went outside and watched the moon take a bite out of the sun, and it just kept getting darker and darker and darker…  and then the lights went out!!!  It was cloudy, but there were enough breaks in the clouds that we could see the sun, and it looked like a moonlit night, but it was like the moon had a big hole in it!  It looked so weird!!!  And there was a bright spot on the bottom of the sun while the moon was over it!  Dave said it was a prominence or flare or something.

It was like it was night, but it wasn’t.  Everything was quiet.  All the neighbors were out looking at the sun too…  I don’t think I’ll ever forget that.  It was amazing.. but so weird!  And when it finally hit everyone on the street was going “WOOOOOOWWWWW”.

And then a few minutes later it was all over and things went mostly back to normal.

The next eclipse is in 2044.  But that one I probably won’t see.  Maybe I’ll see the one in 2045, but it won’t come anywhere near here.  I mean, who knows where I’ll be by then.  Maybe I’ll have kids of my own to give glasses to and tell them to NOT LOOK AT THE SUN.

Anyway, other than that, I practiced a lot today, but not a whole lot else got done.  It was like a holiday in some ways.  It’s not every day the sun goes out.  I can see why ancient people thought it was an omen.  It certainly has that feeling to it.  I actually felt a little off while it was happening.  Like something was happening that was an affront to nature.  Even though that’s the pinnacle of nature…

And then it started storming.

Umm…  I think I’ll go to bed early tonight.  Today was just so weird.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Looks like it will be cloudy for the eclipse tomorrow!  Aww!! Well, that just means the sky will get REALLY dark for a little while.  Maybe it’ll be like night for four minutes.  Still should be interesting.

We went to church today.  The pastor announced Joe and Anathema’s engagement.  Everyone applauded politely – even the (soon-to-be) ex-wife of the guy who attempted to, well, assault her.  I don’t know if she’s forgiven or not, but she seems resigned to the situation.  She at least seems to realize that it’s not really Anathema’s fault.  No one forced him to do any of the things he did.  (For his part, he’s still rotting in jail, and it looks like that will be the case for the foreseeable future.)

I stood up and did my thing.  I had a message but I don’t remember most of it.  It had something to do with forgiveness again.  Something that seems to be on God’s mind lately.  But Dave has been feeding me bad jokes, so after, I fit one of those in too.  Something about a catholic chicken.

Anyway…

After that the girls were over for band practice… and we didn’t practice at all.  We got some sweets and chocolate and tea and basically pulled a K-on.  We wanted to talk about our future.  I don’t think I mean just the future of the band, I mean… our future.  The whole thing.

Beth and Crystal and Diana and I sat around the table and talked it all out.  I said that I was going to Japan in a few months and they had to figure out how to do without me.  Crystal just looked at me with doe eyes and started bawling.  All I could make out between her (very deep) sobs was that she didn’t really care about the band, she just wanted her big sister.  I started crying too.  After all that, we talked seriously about what we all wanted to get out of the band, and it turned out that Crystal was the only one that really wanted anything out of the band… just as I suspected, honestly.  Beth likes to sing, but she’s not too keen on playing guitar, and Diana doesn’t really care about the band at all, she just cares about Crystal, and all of us think Crystal’s far too good (or at least has too much potential) to be held back by us.  Frankly, Diana wants to be a cook/chef.

So the band basically broke up.

It’s not because we don’t want to be sisters anymore, it’s because we want to be sisters more than we want to be a band, and… it’s just not working out.  Crystal has to make this work on her own.  But… she has all of our support, and she knows that.  So she seems this weird combination of heartbroken and raring to go.  We told her we’d help her find new members, and even help write songs and stuff when we have time, but…  our heart isn’t in it and she doesn’t really deserve that.  Especially as good as she has the potential to be.

I’m not heartbroken at all, at least not about that.  My heart was never really in it.  I’ve got too many other things going on.

Beth said she might stick around because she does like to sing, and she is Crystal’s best friend, but they’re going to have to be the core of something new.

The first casualty of time…  and there will be many more, even in the next few months.

So we all went out and had a farewell-to-the-band dinner.

I think we did something good.  Playing drums was fun.  But…  it’s not what I want to be doing.

Oh well.

Everyone’s home now.  Everyone has school tomorrow, but it’s eclipse day so it’s gonna be a weird day.  A really weird day.

Anyway…  I guess I should to to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I was going to go on a date with Jack tonight, but he had to work!  Apparently we’re seeing an influx of people who want to see the eclipse, and the stores are a madhouse right now!  It looks like it might be cloudy, but there are still a lot of people who want to see it get dark for a few minutes, even if they can’t directly see the sun.

Next time, I guess.

So not too much interesting happened today.  The weather was very nice temperature wise but cloudy, so we spent some of the day outdoors.  We all took a walk and took Marie with us, and when we got to the dog park she had all sorts of fun with the other dogs.  It’s always fun to see how they all interact.  Most dogs there just want to play and be friends.

Maybe they’d feel differently if we were on their turf, but the dog park is neutral territory – everyone gets to have fun.  Well, except when there’s a Karen around, but that hasn’t happened in a while.

Actually, Karens have been leaving me alone lately.  I wonder why.

We had our post-mortem for the concert last week, the girls and I.  And Sabby too, actually.  The consensus was it went pretty well but we’re not really a band.  Problem is, I’m not sure, in our current configuration, that we’ll ever actually be one.  I’m heading off to Japan.  The rest of the girls will be around for a bit longer, but they’ll have to find a drummer.  And, let’s be honest, we’re doing this for Crystal.  It’s not like we hate it – it was kind of fun dressing up like a rocker chick and whaling on the drums for a few songs – but everyone but Crystal and maybe Beth are just doing it because we love Crystal.  There’s no shared passion or goal there… and I think it shows.  I haven’t said this to the rest of the group yet… maybe they read this but I don’t think they do.

And it’s not like we can just pull one out of thin air, either.  This is temporary.  Definitely for me, and maybe for the others too.  Crystal needs to find some people who want to be in a band with her, because they want to be in a band, not because they love her.  She’ll never be able to reach her (surprisingly considerable) full potential if she’s with people who are holding her back, for whatever reason.

Like I said, I haven’t said it in quite that way.  But they feel it too.  That sense of cohesion isn’t there.  We’ve got sister vibes, not band vibes, and it’s really showing.

Still, I really love Diana and Beth because they learned stuff just to support Crystal.  Diana’s not the hugest fan of bass guitar, but she’s practicing diligently and isn’t too bad, actually.  Beth, well, she does like singing, but I’m not sure she’d put as much into it as she is if it weren’t for Crystal.  and me, well…  I have stuff to do, and practicing the drums doesn’t fit into any of my plans.  At all.

Oh well.

Crystal will outshine all of us (in her chosen field, she’s not going to outshine me on the piano).  Far outshine us.  She needs to find people who are on her level.  That’s… really… not us.

Though Beth loves Crystal.  She might give it her all anyway.

Anyway…  I guess enough of that.

I remember, what was it, two years ago or so, when Crystal tried to, well…  off herself.  She’s come so far since then.  I mean she still has her moments and she’s not exactly the most bright and cheerful person… okay, well, she’s actually a bit of a downer sometimes.  But she loves all of us, and she finds ways to tell us that all the time.  She tries hard not to bring us down, but she also doesn’t hide her pain anymore.  We accept her for that.  That’s what sisters are for, right?

She’s sworn off men for a while, though.  The last one… well..  that soured her bad.  But she says it’s not permanent, she just wants to get her head on straight first.

okay…  bed time. 

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I went to see the conductor today!!!  We did a playthrough of the concerto.  It didn’t go well, but no one expected it to.  Usually the first few rehearsals never quite go right while everyone figures out what goes where.  Mostly my fault, but I at least knew all the notes and was competent enough.  The conductor said it wasn’t a big deal, and I good enough we can work through it.

Yuki came with me and brought the arrangements for her songs.  After she sat patiently through my part, she handed the parts and scores out.  And… they read them!  I mean, it wasn’t perfect, but they got the hang of it pretty quickly.  Yuki said she wants to talk to the conductor about how things are a little different with j-pop, but she was pretty happy.

The conductor seemed impressed too.  He said they were good arrangements.

As we were going home, she told me how impressed she was that I got to perform with an orchestra like that.  I said she’s going to get to do the same thing, but she said it wasn’t the same thing.  She’s just singing and dancing, what I do takes skill.  I guess I couldn’t argue that.

Her idol friends are coming in a couple of weeks and they’ll stay for a month or so, long enough to do the rehearsals and perform.  That should be interesting.

And that rumor is ALREADY on LINE.  How the….  how do they know it so quickly?  Japanese otaku are already saying they want to buy tickets.  And not a small number of them, too.  Austin should give me a medal for promoting tourism.  They’re saying “Yuki and train onee-chan are having a concert!!!”

Geez…  Well, so far I haven’t had an actually obsessed otaku go after me yet, but sadly, there may be a first time for everything.

Jack’s prom is next Friday.  I’m not really nervous or anything, but… I’ve never been to a prom.  And I haven’t really met many of Jack’s friends at school.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  But he says it’ll be alright, he only says good things about me.

THAT’S WHAT I’M WORRIED ABOUT!!! Grrrrr….

Anyway, my dress is ready and I’ve got a hair appointment and everything, so it should be fine.

Okay!  It’s Friday night and most of the girls are over.  I’m full of pizza and chocolate, now time to play games, watch anime, do hair brushing and nails, and giggle until Sabby slams open the door and tells us to go to bed.

That happens a lot more than either Sabby or I would like…

Oh… ummm… wait.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DANCE!!!!

OH NO!!!

Yuki is (or at least was) a professional dancer.  Maybe I’ll ask her, but it’s also maybe not her kind of dance…

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Looks like it might be cloudy for the eclipse!  AWWWW.

Anyway, it was a quiet day.  Just practicing and, well, practicing.  Did I mention practicing?

There’s not much to talk about today.  It was a boringly boring day.  I don’t always like them, but interesting days seem to be a bit annoying lately, and there are far too many of them.  So I’ll take a quiet day.  For once.  It was a boring day yesterday too, I didn’t even post.

I guess I’m going to go to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️