This diary entry is part 22 of 28 in Lily's diary dated 22 - April 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!.

And Lily isn’t very happy today.  Lily is pretty upset, actually.

Lily went to church this morning.

Church usually isn’t so bad.  We walk in, little old ladies hug me and pinch my cheeks and tell me how pretty I am, Little old men shake my hand and tell me how pretty I am but in a slightly less than grandfatherly way (but that’s how old men are so I don’t worry too much about it), we go to our pews, some people sing stuff and want us to sing too, and then we listsen to the pastor talk for a while.

Usually I don’t understand much he says.  he talks in platitudes.  “Love one another”, “love your neighbor”, all that kind of thing.  It’s not usually so bad.  But today he talked about God’s love, and how it meant he had to kill his son.

And, umm.

It sure seems like every time God loves someone they get hurt, doesn’t it?

God loved Jesus.  And Jesus died.  That just seems to be the story.  Whatever God loves, dies.

The pastor keeps saying God loves us.

And, well…  here I am.  Maybe I’m not dead.. .but my memories are.  He certainly took his price from me, didn’t he?

I didn’t really feel like doing much today.  We went to Harbor Freight and the auto parts store and bought some tools to put the engine back together, but my heart wasn’t really in it.  I just went up to my room and stared at the wall for a while.  I took a nap! I never take a nap!  Sabby gave me a bit of grief about it, you know how she always wants me to do useful stuff, but I just kind of shuffled some stuff around and went back to bed.  She didn’t try to stop me this time.

She just bought me a shake and I found it next to my bed when I woke up again.


It helped a bit.  Chocolate fixes everything.  And chocolate bought by family because they care about you fixes even more.

But I’m still sad.

I go to church because they’re like family.  There’s the pastor, who’s kind of a silly-billy but his heart’s in the right place.  There’s Mrs. White, who just lost her husband and now the church is rallying around her to make sure she’s taken care of – she doesn’t have anyone.  There’s old Mr. Johnson, who comes to church every week without fail reeking of strong cologne, but you know the church is all he has and everyone treats him like their grandpa (he’s not one of the “slightly dirty” ones).  There’s the Miller family, where everyone always seems a bit stressed out, but that’s what happens when you have two young boys.  There’s Crystal and her parents, who come to church every week because the pastor was really helpful and they see him as kind of family too.  I don’t mention it but sometimes we go out to eat after (and sometimes we just get chocolate pancakes as a family).  You get to know everyone, and it’s like a little family.  Diana and her mother go too.  Sometimes when we have a sleepover on Saturday night Crystal and Diana come with us and then go home with their parents.  But we usually have Friday night sleepovers…

I don’t mention any of that because it’s boring!  But it happens!

But God?

He’s kind of a jerk, don’t you think?

I guess it’s time for bed.  Hope there’s no storms, lightning might strike me.

Love you all!!! ❤

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