This diary entry is part 5 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 18 - December 2022

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Last night I was thirsty, so I went downstairs for a glass of water, and I found Sabby already sitting there, just kind of staring into space.  She had a cookie but it was clear she hadn’t eaten much of it.

So I just made a couple of mugs of hot chocolate instead.  I gave her one and sat down across from her.  She sipped it but didn’t say much.

I sat there and sipped mine as well.

“He’s right, you know,” she finally said softly.  I didn’t respond.

“You’re not supposed to have favorite children,” she said after a moment.  “You’re supposed to love your children all the same.  Having favorite children makes you a bad person.”

“You have a favorite child,” I said softly.

She sighed.  “Not really.  But David…  he’s my son.  I love him.  But… but I never really wanted a boy.  Boys… are dirty and smelly and break things.”

I sighed.  “And take advantage of young girls who have foster parents who don’t take care of them.”

She cringed.  I mean, actually winced.  “That hurt.”

I didn’t say anything.  I sipped my hot chocolate.

“But you’re probably right,” she said sadly.  “It’s not fair to him.  I’m hard on him.  I always yell at him and tell him what he’s doing wrong and leave him to do things by himself and then yell at him when he doesn’t do it right.  Or… when he rebels.  And now…  now he’s almost their age.”

“I…  I’m not the nicest to him either,” I said sadly.  “I don’t hate the kid, but…  but he’s not like the girls.  He’s harder to get along with, I guess.”  sip

“You have an excuse,” she said, “though it’s not a good one, really.  He’s your little brother.  That’s what little brothers do.  They annoy their big sisters and maybe grow up to be decent men, and…  I don’t have an excuse.  He’s my son.  He’s not my little brother, or one of my boyfriends.”

“Have you considered a therapist?”

She sighed.  “No.  But…  maybe I should.  Clearly I have some…  resentment.”  She finished her hot chocolate and gave me a hug.  “Don’t ever change, Lily.  You are one of the most gullible and oblivious girls I know… but you understand people better than anyone I know.  That’ll get you far.”

I guess that’s a compliment.  Heh.

She went upstairs, and I washed out the mugs and went upstairs too, and back to sleep.

She went to her shop this morning, Beth and I went to classes, but after dinner Sabby and Dave took David aside and had a very long talk with him.  I don’t know exactly what they said, but I’m pretty sure it was something like “You were out of line, but you were right.”  And Sabby hired an online tutor for David for the rest of the year.  It’ll cost a bit, but at least he’ll get the one on one attention he needs.  Then maybe next year it’s private school.

It’s for the best.

Good for David for standing up for himself.

I think I know what to do for Sabby’s birthday, but I need to talk to everyone.

Love you all!!! ❤


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