Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Our band stinks!!!

But it’s getting better.

Everyone’s actually been practicing… which actually surprises me a little.  No one’s actually given up yet.  I mean, there’s been a lot of stuff going on this holiday, but Crystal came prepared and she’s been really making progress.  She…  she’s passable now.

I don’t mean good.  She really can only do like three chords, but she’s shifting through them pretty well and seems to be getting comfortable with her instrument, so that’s good.

I’ve been looking back on my posts, and there are so many things I talked about and then let drop.  Some of them were just because life got in the way – I mean, i wanted to learn how to make chocolate, and I got all the stuff, and never really did!  I should go back to that.  Thankfully, baker did, so we still have homemade chocolate, but it’s not like I’d make!  Baker’s a baker, I’m a connoisseur!!! Haha!!!

Minami’s got her audition this week.  I hope it goes well.  I think it will.  She told me she had a big blow up with her mother, and called her father and basically told him that if things didn’t change, she was going to leave soon and if she did she might not talk to either of them much ever again.  He kind of blew her off…  so, well, she might have to call that bluff.  I guess we’ll see how it turns out.  I wonder if Yuki’s parents would take her in.

I wonder if that’s a good idea.  But they do seem nice and they seem like they’d at least support her.

He doesn’t seem horrible, it’s just… he’s got his work and that’s what he does.  He doesn’t really pay much attention to things that go on at home.  But neglect is its own form of abuse, right?

Things are pretty quiet at the shop.  They were bustling for a while, with Christmas and the concert and everything, but now they’ve quieted down.  Sabby had to talk to cat-girl – again – she dressed up for Christmas.  She wore a festive red and green ribbon, and, well….  nothing else.  It covered everything but just barely.  At least it was more than a few inches wide.

Girl just doesn’t seem to get the concept of don’t piss Sabby off.

Sabby puts up with it, though, because, as I’ve said, man does she drive the business.  That was one of our higher grossing days.

Sigh.  It feels like we’re making a deal with the devil, though, sometimes.

I wonder if someday Sabby will be like “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em”, and that’s when I’ll just throw my hands up and ride off into the sunset, never to be seen again.

Dave’s birthday is coming up soon.  I wonder what we’ll do…

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, back to the grind.

I was looking back on more of my posts today… was I really like that?  Was I that…  young?  Or annoying?  Or…  lots of things, I guess.  I feel so different now.  I guess I feel like an adult, with adult problems… even if you adults would say “you don’t have adult problems, you’re just a stupid young girl”.

Maybe so, but my problems are important to me.

I tried so hard to do different things.  I tried doing YouTubes, I even did a twitch stream, I did lots of things to try them out… and this diary’s the only thing that stuck.  Maybe it’s because with them I was trying to be something I’m not, and here… I’m never something I’m not.  I’m just Lily.  I’m not a streamer, I’m not a video personality, I’m… Lily.

And I seem to be at my best when I’m talking about my life… and my friends.

Maybe it’s because my friends are the only really important thing I have.

There’s Liz… my best friend ever who knows me almost as well as I know myself…  has been there almost as long as my actual family… Beth… my sister in everything but name and even in name…  there’s Crystal, my little sister who’s been through so much and is one of the strongest girls I know… and Diana, for whom family is so important and her culture means so much to her.  There’s Rebecca, my half sister who I just got to know…  she’s pretty well off but doesn’t let it go to her head…  Ai, my cousin who is so Japanese and such a sweetheart too…  and so many others as well… all of them my sisters and my friends…  and they’ve been the only constant in my story.  Every day I think I say something else about my sisters, or my parents, or someone else that’s really important to me.  That’s what it’s all about, that’s what it’s always been about.

And Liz and Beth always remind me that somehow I make peoples’ lives better just by existing.  I mean, look at Minami.  she came here to Texas kind of a mess, and so sad because she saw how my family was and how broken hers was… and somehow she left with an audition with a Japanese recording studio…  and I know I didn’t have anything really to do with it, but somehow I also had everything to do with it.  And that happens all the time.  Yuki gets to be an idol a little bit here and she seems so much happier than when I met her… Crystal is such a broken girl but she’s also so strong and I’ve watched her blossom since the first time I met her, when she smushed food in Beth’s face (Beth deserved it!).  And Beth too… she’s learning to sing now and she wants to be in a band, and she’s gotten so much better with her jealousy…

I’m not really taking credit for it… but the aidols told me I was like a walking shrine, and maybe… maybe that’s what walking shrines do.

And of course there’s Jack, too…  who I love in a very different way, but just as much.  None of the girls will ever be allowed to touch me like he is allowed to.

Some days I wonder who will be there for me, when I’m there for everyone else… and then one of my sisters gives me a hug or talks about something silly with me or makes a girl pile and cuddles up to me and lets me hold them like a big teddy bear… and I know they’re there for me too and they love me too.

That’s what it’s all about, that’s what it’s always been about, ever since I started this diary, and before.  I’ve done a lot of things.  I helped start a business, I started going to community college classes, I performed piano in front of a lot of people…  but the only thing that really matters… and ever will matter…  are the people I know, the people who I love, and the people who love me too.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! it’s me! Lily!!!

So we took the aidols to Houston today.  It was bittersweet – they had a good time and they said they really liked spending time with all of us.  The aidols hadn’t really hung around many gaijin and they like how expressive and warm we can be.  They also think we’re a bit intimidating.  Maybe we are.  But they all gave us a hug before we went home, and I stopped in to say hi to Emiko and her family too for a little while.

I was looking through my old posts, and I feel a little sad.  It’s funny how much I’ve changed in the past couple of years.  I used to be so bright and cheerful and happy… I still am, but not in the same way.  I’d bounce around the mall and just be happy… and now I’ve got stuff to do and things to think about and a rapidly approaching graduation that frankly scares me.  And there were a few things that I talked about that I mentioned were going to happen and never talked about again.  Like David learning a language, for example.  I never told you how that turned out!  Basically, he tried for a few weeks, got sullen, and Sabby just gave up.  That was around the time she sent him to the summer camp too for the first time.

But they kind of gave up on trying to make me all mechanical too, so it all evens out.  Even though I did rebuild that engine.  I guess that was just a matter of necessity, though.  The engine needed to be rebuilt, and it was a good learning experience.  But I could say the same about David – he went to Japan and knew very little Japanese, and he could have learned a lot more!

I’ve written so much stuff here I’m compiling it into a kind of book!  So there will be some changes here once that’s done.  I’ll let you know how that turns out.

And I wonder when I’m going to stop posting here.  I can’t do it forever.  Eventually I’ll just have too much life.

Aww.

Maybe you’ll miss me.

Anyway…  I’m tired.  And a little lonely.  It was nice having four girls sleeping in here every single day.  They’d chatter or say “sharekoube” or just fall asleep and it was nice to hear them breathe.  They mostly didn’t girl-pile but that’s okay.  It was still nice having them here.  I’ll miss them.

But onwards.  There are a lot of things coming up.  There’s the culture festival, and sports day, and…  oh wait.  This isn’t an anime.  But there is a concert I need to prepare for, actually two, and then there’s Beth and the band, and applying to Meiji, and…  and it was a nice holiday, but it’s over.  Time to move on.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

2024!  How about that!!!

So this morning we got up early – well, some of us did, the adults were pretty fried.  We got bundled up (it was pretty cold) and went to a nearby park to watch the first sunrise. It’s not something we usually do in America, but we have five and a half (Yuki stayed over) Japanese people here, so I thought it’d be a nice thing to do.

And, actually, it was.

It was like all the possibility of the year was in that sunrise.

Sometimes the Japanese do pretty cool stuff, I think.

So after that, we went back, and crashed some more.

We had a late breakfast.  They would have visited a shrine, but there isn’t one.  I let them bow and clap at me, and they were surprisingly not embarrassed to do it. I was, but I knew they weren’t doing it to me, they were doing it at me, and if nothing else, we know I represent someone, so it was fine.  I didn’t ask what they prayed for.  They didn’t tell me.  But sometimes that’s how it works.

I felt a little left out.  I can’t really bow and clap at myself.  I can’t have a shrine visit when I am the shrine.  Aww.

2024 will be a year of change.  I will graduate.  I will probably go to college.  Maybe even in Japan.  Something… will happen with Jack, and neither of us knows what.  And who knows what kind of stupid things those those Very Smart People in charge of countries will do.

But there’s no point in worrying.  Things will happen or they won’t.  At the end of the day… 2025 will come.  It is inevitable.  It’s just what our situation will be when it does that’s up in the air.

Tomorrow we’re taking the girls down to Houston to spend a day with Emiko.  I hope they have fun.  Emiko will take them to the airport.

I’ll miss them.  They’re fun to have around.  I don’t want them to miss me… but I hope they do.  You don’t miss people you don’t care about.

They spent much of the day packing their stuff up and getting ready to leave.  Minami was a little teary.  I asked her why.  She just said that she’ll miss being around a real family that cares.

I understand.  Maybe more than she thinks.

I did ask her why she doesn’t feel the same way about Mariko’s… or Yuuko’s… or even Ai’s family.  She just said they treat her fine, but they’re Japanese.  People don’t really work that way there.  They treat her like…  their daughters’ friend.  Not family.  That’s sad.

Love you all!!! ❤️