This diary entry is part 6 of 18 in Lily's diary dated 32 - February 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So, yes, Sabby had a little time available to book her chest, and, well, I used it.  She just did her Sabby thing, you know, just letting me cry.  It helped a little.

I don’t know why I get this way, sometimes.  It’s like sometimes the world just hits me and I don’t know what to do with it.  I look at all my sisters and I just want what’s best, and, well, I can’t always do much.  It seems sometimes that I can do more than most, but that’s still not a lot.  I think their lives are a lot different because of me, but… Crystal is still very damaged, Liz is sometimes still very lonely, Yuki is still very disillusioned, Miki is very…  well, I don’t know how to describe what she is, but I don’t think happy  is a good word for it.  I guess… it’s like those people who think they have everything they want, and then they wake up in the morning and while everything around them has changed, they haven’t.  Right?  Miki wanted to be an idol, she became and idol, and, well, it’s not like it’s better.  Just different. Like I’ve done many things that people could (and maybe should) be very envious of, but to me, it’s all the same.  I’m still the same Lily I was before I went to make an idol video, before I went to the Oscars, before I had that concert, before I met Jack…  I’m still the same Lily, just some things are different around me.

But I’m still Lily.

But I’m not always the same Lily, either, right?  I mean, I’m a little different because of Crystal, because of Liz, even because of Beth and David.  I’m still the same me, but… they did affect my life, a little.  Maybe it’s that it’s not the things you have or the things you do or all the things that people think they should be envious of, but instead it’s about the things that can actually change you, that can actually heal you.  And things really can’t do that.  I mean, not having some things can certainly cause damage, but beyond that, having more or different things isn’t going to help much.

Like with Miki.  Yuki was very wise when she told the girls to hang on the things that really are to be treasured.  Like each other.  And that evening they were different.  They seemed to be getting along a little better, seemed to be just a little happier.  I think that’s because they forgot they were idols.  They were just a bunch of girls who liked, or at least mostly tolerated, each other, eating hot pot and chattering about stuff girls (in any culture) talk about.

People can cause damage… but they can heal too.  And they’re the only thing that can heal, really.  Spa days are nice.  They can’t heal.  Not unless you’re going with a bunch of girls and can share the experience.  Right?

Don’t envy what I have, people.  Seriously.  Don’t.  Don’t want to be me, don’t wish you were me, don’t think I have everything perfect and all put together, because I don’t.  But I have family, and I have sisters.  If you want to envy something, envy that.  And then go find some of your own.  It’s the only thing that can heal.

Speaking of sisters, Yuki is over tonight.  We just made a quick video for Miki.  A couple of Miki’s coworkers are in touch with us too, they’re asking Yuki for advice.  I think that’s pretty cool.  Yuki doesn’t feel quite as put upon, and she still feels like she’s giving fellow idols support.

Apparently one or two of the after-school friends idol light music club are still not too keen on me, but I don’t care.  Not everyone can be a sister.  But they’d better not pull some crap or I’ll take a trip back to Japan and deal with it myself.  I’ll take the longest trip anyone has ever taken to give someone an anime bump on the head.

And don’t think I’m kidding.  I’m not.

Well, about the bump, maybe.  Everything else?  Dead serious.

Love you all!!! ❤️

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