This diary entry is part 22 of 29 in Lily's diary dated 07 - January 2022

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

A little sad.

No, there’s no drama right now.  So far things are just humming along.  But last night as we were about to go to bed, Crystal seemed a bit sad.  I took her down to the living room and asked her what was going on.

She put her knees up to her chin.  “I was just… remembering.”

“Remembering what?”

“What it was like to…  be as innocent as Allison.”

Awwwww.  Poor Crystal.  I patted my lap and she crawled in.  I played with her hair a little.

“What do you think it means to be innocent?,” I asked softly.

She sniffled.  “I don’t know.  To… not know?  Things I shouldn’t know.  But I know.”

I thought.  “I don’t think that’s what it means to be innocent,” I said after a little while.  Crystal seemed to be relaxing, but she was sniffling a little.

“Then what does it mean?”

“I think innocence is a state of mind.  Did you… want those things?”

“No!,” she said, scandalized.

“Of course you didn’t,” I soothed.  “So why would you lose your innocence if someone forced them on you?”

“Because…  because…” she sighed.  “I don’t know.”

“The person who did that is the one without innocence,” I said.  “Not you.  You’re an innocent fourteen year old girl someone committed a crime against.  Victims of crime are by definition innocent.  Don’t you think?”

She sniffled.  “It hurts,” she said, and started to cry.

I just rubbed her back.  “It’ll get better,” I said.

“That’s what my therapist says too,” she said, wiping her eyes.  Her eyes were drooping.

“Don’t let him take your innocence from you, too,” I said softly.

She nodded.  We went upstairs and went to sleep.  She seemed a bit more at peace, and all of us made a nice, warm girl-pile.  I love girl-piles.  As small as she is, Allison took up the most space, and ended up sprawled out on all of us.

When I got back from work, Crystal was getting ready to be picked up by her parents, so she gave me a hug.  “Thanks, Lily,” she said quietly.  “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“I’m always your older sister,” I said, and hugged her back.  She gave Beth and Allison a hug too, and her parents showed up right then to pick her up.

I asked Allison if she had a good time.  She said she did, but she’s looking forward to seeing her mama again.  Understandable.  Sabby made her a grilled cheese sandwich and some juice, and soon her mother was there too to pick her up.  I hugged her, and she was off too.

After dinner, I told Sabby about Crystal last night.  She sighed.  “You’re a good sister, Lily.  But I worry a little about her.”

“At least she’s getting help now,” I said, frowning.

“She is… but sometimes I hate living in a world where a girl her age has to worry about losing her innocence because of someone else’s crime.”

I sighed.  “Any cookies left?”

What luck, there were a couple.  Chocolate chip, too.  My favorite.

It was fun having Liz and Allison and Crystal around.  We all had fun doing girl stuff together, and hopefully we were good examples for Allison.  I’m glad I have so many sisters.

Love you all!!! ❤

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