This diary entry is part 14 of 28 in Lily's diary dated 25 - July 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So this morning we all piled in the car and went to church, and Crystal and her parents were there.  She looked like she’d been crying, but she dressed in her new outfit and she was really pretty.  She’s actually really pretty, it’s just the haunted eyes, I guess.  The sermon today was about fresh starts, and halfway through she ran out sniffling.  I went out after her.  Her parents looked a little grateful, they were going to but I just whispered that it’s time to be a big sister.

They don’t really seem to mind that I take that role sometimes.  It’s not that they’re neglectful, but there are things you can talk to a big sister about that are a bit harder with your parents.  They seem to understand that.  They’re not bad parents…  I think a bit over their heads sometimes.  She can be a handful.

I found her crying in the corner of the narthex, on one of the red plush benches.  I sat down next to her and she clung to me.

“Do you… do you think it’ll ever get better?”, she asked.  “I…  I… ” snif “He’s talking about fresh starts, and…  and…  it’s all ruined.” She sniffled some more.  “It’s all ruined and I’ll never get it back.  Any of it.”  snif  “I’m ruined!”, she said, and started crying again.

I hugged her and thought for a bit.  “You’re only ruined if you think you’re ruined,” I said.  “Why do you think you’re ruined?”

“Because…  because I’m… I’m not a…”

Oh.  There it was.

“And you think no one will want you now.”

She nodded.

“Who told you that?”

“No one..  I…  I just…”

“You just what?”

“I…  I didn’t want any of it to be like this.  I wanted to meet someone and fall in love and get married and have two and a half children and… and that’s all gone now!”, she wailed.  Well, she wailed quietly, we were still in a narthex.

“You still can,” I said.  “Those two men already took a lot from you – don’t let them take more.  Meet a boy and fall in love and get married and have your two and a half children.  In fact…  you know… you should talk to Sabby.”


“Her story to tell… but she’s a lot like you.”

“She.. she is?”

Is this what’s been bothering her all this time?  I mean, I don’t blame her, but…

“She is.  I think I can tell you this much – she was a lot like you, and then she met Dave, and she knew she wanted him the moment she met him, and she won him over, and they’ve been married for years now and are very happy.   It’s not about your past, Crystal… it’s about your future.  Don’t let your past ruin you.”

She sniffled.

“It’ll be okay, Crystal. I promise that any boy worth having won’t care, he’ll just be happy to have you.”

Church let out at that moment, and my family and her family made a beeline for us.

“Are you okay?”, her mother asked her.

She wiped her eyes and smiled a little.  “I’m better.”

Her mother gave me a hug.  “Thanks for being her sister.  I… I wish we’d given her one now.”

Then there’d be two… no… don’t think like that.  “I take my sisters seriously.”

Crystal impulsively hugged me, and then they got up to go out to the car.  I looked at Sabby.  “She… she might have a question about how you met Dave.  Please tell her the story if she asks.”

“That’s a bit personal, Lily.”

“Please.” I said.  “She needs to understand that…  that she can still have the life she wants.  Even after…”  I let my voice trail.

Sabby’s face turned to one of understanding and she nodded.  “Let’s get some chocolate pancakes.”

And…  we did.  And they were delicious.

It was a boring and very hot afternoon.  It was too hot to go on a date with Jack to any place outdoors, so we just chatted onlilne and I talked a bit to Grace too, who’s having a pretty good summer break.  She likes her new house and has made some new friends too.  Yay Grace!!!

Last year around this time we left for Japan, but we’re leaving next week this time.  I’ll be home for Lily day!  Though I don’t know if we’re doing anything except the “shoving in of Chocolate” ceremony.

I love my sisters.  Have I told you that?  All of them.  Every single one.  Beth, Ai, Rebecca, Liz, Crystal, Diana…. even Allison.  All of them.

And you all too!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

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