This diary entry is part 5 of 24 in Lily's diary dated 24 - June 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So things are quiet.  Last night I didn’t post because we decided to have a game night, plus I’ve been thinking a little.  Well, I’ve been thinking a lot.  You know me, I’m not really a thinky girl.  Not like Beth.  Beth’s the thinkiest girl I know, and sometimes I think it makes her miserable.  I’m happy not being thinky!  Except… sometimes, I’m thinky anyway.  Maybe that just comes with being human.

It’s funny how I’ve done so many things that most people don’t get to do.  I’m part owner of a business, and a reasonably successful one too (even though Sabby does more of the management stuff and I just do what I can).  I’ve been to the Oscars and even got on television (very briefly!).  I’ve been interviewed for local news.  I get to do all this amazing stuff, and…  and it really doesn’t change a whole lot, does it?  Like on Saturday, I had a pretty amazing concert.  It went so well, I played in front of a lot of people, many of them strangers, it was fun and I had a great time and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life (hopefully, I know more than most how transient memories can be), and I woke up the next morning, and nothing had really changed.  Everything changed around me, but I was still Lily.  Lily, the gullible, goofy, slightly insecure half-Japanese seventeen year old girl.  On Friday I was the same as I was on Sunday, and what happened on Saturday had nothing to do with either.

Is that how it’s going to be for the rest of my life?  Will I always be chasing after one thing and then the next thing and then the next thing after that, and after each one nothing will be different except I have something else to chase?

How will I ever know when I’ve actually found something?

When can you actually sit back and say “I’ve done what I came here for?”  Can you ever?

I have so many fun things coming up.  I’m going to Japan again with the family, maybe more concerts, college is coming up? Or not?

Life is full of questions, but are there ever really any answers?  Or does every answer just lead to more questions?  Does every accomplishment just lead to more goals?

Why am I here?

It can’t just be to consume chocolate.

Though…  that’s not a terrible reason for being, I guess.

Love you all!!! ❤

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