This diary entry is part 20 of 31 in Lily's diary dated 09 - March 2022

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

You know I say that every day… and even on the YouTubes.  It’s become kind of like my catchphrase.  And… it’s me!

I’m still sad today.  Maybe even a little depressed.  I had such a good time in Ohio.  It’s not like we did anything hugely amazing, like in Orlando.  We didn’t go to a theme park, or anything like that – I don’t even think there was one open in Ohio.  Jack was telling me about a lot that used to exist, and they closed.  Aww.  But Jack was there, and he’s like my other family now.

After I got home from work yesterday, Sabby just kind of took me in her arms and soothed me.  It was sooo nice of her.  I was sooo sad.  After I cried it out a bit, she told me she wasn’t going to lecture me, I was learning my own lessons.  But that she’d always be my mother.

Oh God I cried again.

I talked to Jack too, after I wrote last night’s entry.  It was…  nice.  Different, somehow.  It’s like he’s become a part of me.  Sigh.  I guess this is the life I chose – or the life that chose me, and I just have to deal with it.  I love him.  I love him soooo much.  I can’t imagine being without him now.  But I have to, for at least a while longer.

But I’m such a lucky girl, y’know?  I have sooo much family.  So many people who love me.  So many people that I love.  I have a boyfriend, lots of sisters, two mothers… well, three, if you count Jack’s mother.  She’s not a mother in law yet but she could be!  I…  I’m just a lucky girl.  Even though it’s hard, I’ve never forgotten that.

After work today, Sabby took me out for chocolate.  Just me and her.  We talked.  A lot.  She has accepted that I’m growing up now, and she’s treating me more like an adult than a teenager.  I love her soooo much.  I think having her is almost worth losing my memory.


I did ask her why she doesn’t seem to want me to model.

“Lily,” she said, “You are a beautiful young woman.  You almost certainly could model if you wanted to.  Your body type is in high demand.  But…  do you really want to go through a large part of your life only being seen for your body, and then being discarded when it stops being as beautiful?  Beauty fades, Lily.  If you were to just model to make a few extra bucks to do what what you really wanted, well, okay.  Maybe you could even make a lot of money at it.  But don’t forget who you are, Lily, and make sure you value who you are, and not what you look like.  okay?”

I thought for a bit.  I think I understand what she’s trying to tell me.  Maybe I could make some money modelling.  But if that’s all I am… than that’s all I will be.  Ever.  And… and I have plenty of money right now.  I don’t have to do it if it’s not something I really want to do.  Do I really want to do it?

I don’t know.  But she’s right.  That’s not a good career for me.

School starts again tomorrow.  Life goes on.  And I will see Jack again.  I know it.

Love you all!!! ❤

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