Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!
So remember that karen yesterday? Jack told me that she went to Grace’s school and complained about getting kicked out of her party. She demanded… well, it wasn’t clear what she was demanding, but she demanded something. The principal said that he had no ability to control what happens off school grounds. Well, as it goes with karens the world over, that didn’t sit well, and, well, she was eventually trespassed from the school. Her kid wasn’t, but she’s not allowed to go in anymore without permission in advance.
Grace is six! Allison is turning ten! David is turning eleven! Everyone’s getting big!!! And, of course, I’m only a few months away from being 18.
Me… being 18. I don’t feel like I’m about to turn 18. Sometimes I feel like that lost fourteen year old girl sitting in my room crying my eyes out because I don’t have a family or anyone. Sometimes I feel like that lost fourteen year old girl that Sabby took on a shopping trip, when I had no more tears left and all I could do was just walk around like a zombie. But… look at me now! I’m so different! But… but I’m still the same. Still lost, sometimes. Still so very lost.
But found too, I guess. I always say that I was found by the side of the road. Because I was! I was walking down the road and they found me! And a lot of people took care of me, and I ended up with Dave and Sabby… and they took care of me. The doctors took care of me, the church and the pastor took care of me (that’s how I found Dave and Sabby… or they found me), and the social workers took care of me.. an.d.. .and even my “benefactor” somehow. Even though I don’t have any idea who he or she is, they still helped me to get the trust fund that I didn’t know I would have gotten (and apparently some people tried to take from me), and they greased the wheels a little behind the scenes in ways I don’t understand. And Liz, my best friend, found me too… or I found her… and now she’s my little china doll and I’m her teddy bear and sometimes when she’s sleeping over and it’s storming I”ll pull her slightly shaking body to me, and she relaxes and we go to sleep. She tells me that she feels safe when I do that, like no storm can touch her. And for her part… well… she’s really warm and feels like a big, nice smelling, heated pillow.
That’s the sweetest thing, don’t you think?
I hope she finds the same with her boyfriend.
She’s not really afraid of all storms, but this is Texas, and some storms, well, they’re scary.
But the point being, I’m lost, but I’m found too. We’re all growing up. Life ebbs and life flows and soon I’ll begin the next chapter of my life. Whatever that is.
But I’ve got everyone I care about and everyone who loves me, so… so it’s good. Right? It’s good.
Some days, though… I have to tell myself that. Over and over.