This diary entry is part 16 of 31 in Lily's diary dated 16 - October 2022

Hi, it’s me. Lily.

Not many exclamation points today.  I’m not in that kind of mood.

After the post last night, I went over to Beth’s room, and just held her as she wailed.  I mean, seriously wailed.  I’ve never heard her cry that hard.  She just… lost it.  Eventually I crawled into bed with her and she kept crying until she fell asleep, probably just out of pure exhaustion.  I held her, but I couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t get a lot of sleep.

Jack and Liz came over this morning, he took the day off, bless him.  I guess “My girlfriend’s honorary little sister tried to kill herself” is a pretty good excuse.  And then it was my turn to wail.  Jack has seen me… many ways.  Some I don’t want to talk about right now.  He’s seen parts of me no one else has…  physically as well as emotionally.  But he’s never seen me cry like that.  Not even last week when I was so upset about war.  I have… cried like that.  Or come close.  But not in front of Jack.  He handled it well, but I could tell he wasn’t really comfortable.  I don’t blame him.  At least he was there when I needed him.  He and my best friend.  That’s why Liz is my best friend.  They kinda tag-teamed – Liz would hold me while Jack got tissues, Jack would hold me while Liz went to use the restroom…  I love them for that, so much.  It took a long time for me to get cried out,

It seems all we’re doing right now is crying.  This morning Beth looked like a zombie, but at least she was holding it together.  Her parents…  well, they’ve been crying.  You could see it.  We almost had to force them to take a shower.

Crystal was so… full of life.  She had such a hard life, but it takes a spunky girl to handle Beth like she did.  She’s always been strong, always… well, seemed strong anyway.  Life threw so much stuff at her, and she survived, and even seemed to thrive.  But I guess it became too much.  I guess.  We knew she was being bullied but we thought she was handling it okay, and you know her, she gives as good as she gets.  Her parents always supported her, well, as much as they could.  What finally did it?  What finally pushed her over?  Was it one thing, or was it a bunch of little things all stuck together until that one last thing was just too much?

I hope I get to ask her.

She’s still in a coma.  The doctors say she’s not getting any worse, but isn’t much better either.  They’re hopeful, though.  They say she should pull through, but these things just take time.  I’ll be sure to let you know when she wakes up.

I’m going to slap that girl so hard.  Then I’m going to hug her and tell her I love her and that I’m so so so sorry that I didn’t know and that I’m a horrible big sister and that if she ever does that again I’ll finish the job myself.  Kidding.  I think.

I hope she’ll be okay.  I really hope she’ll be okay.  I want her to be okay.  I need her to be okay.  I…  I love her.  She’s my sister.  I love her!!!  Don’t die, Crystal!!! Please don’t die!!!

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