This diary entry is part 2 of 25 in Lily's diary dated 28 - October 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The weather is finally breaking!  Next week we’ll have highs in the 70s!  I might even have to break out my track suit or hoodie in the morning!!!  I can’t wait, it’s been a very hot summer!!!

Summers in Texas aren’t the best.  Winters are great!!!  Well…  except for maybe three days in January.

So it’s a Monday.  Mondays aren’t great.  You know, like in that movie, “sounds like someone’s got a case of the Mondays!”.  I can’t remember the name of the movie, though.  Some creepy guy with a red stapler talking about married squirrels.  Oh well.

I’m not really depressed.  I mean, I’m happy enough, I guess.  I’ve got all my sisters and we’re spending lots of time together, and everyone’s getting along pretty well.  Rebecca’s even moving to Dallas or thereabouts really soon!  (she’s been packing and getting ready for the move for a couple of weeks now – they have a lot of stuff).  I’m…  not really all that happy with some things, though.  I mean…  that thing that happened in church.  Why should I be happy about it?  I mean, some people did get helped by it, and great, but it turned me into some kind of prayer warrior or something and now I feel a little guilty that I don’t pray for people, but what if I do and nothing happens?  What if I say I’ll pray for someone and forget to pray for someone?  What if whoever prayed through me never does it again and I stand there like an idiot?  It’s too much responsibility!  I don’t want to!  I don’t want any of this!

But a lot of things have happened to me that I don’t want and didn’t choose.  None of it’s fair and sometimes I wonder whether I really like God after all.  Even though he seems to have taken a personal interest in me for some reason, I still wonder.

But…  maybe it was him that gave me that chocolate milkshake, so I guess it’s something after all.

I just want to live life as a teenage gi – I mean woman.  That’s all I want right now.  I want to spend time with my sisters and boyfriend and go shopping and buy cute shoes and eat stuff that’s way bad for me, and maybe go to class and…  do class stuff and take lessons and… just be normal.

But life doesn’t really seem to have “normal” in mind for me.

And I hate that, really.

Love you all!!! ❤️

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