This diary entry is part 13 of 25 in Lily's diary dated 27 - September 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I didn’t post last night.  I was thinking.

You know me.  I’ve said it before.  I’m not a thinky girl.  Sometimes things can be right in front of my face and I won’t even notice.  Like my birthday last year!  They threw me a surprise party and Liz all but told me, and I was still really surprised!  I guess I’m not dumb, but I’m not thinky.  Not like Beth or Liz or even Crystal sometimes!

But I was thinking.

I spent last night just sitting there with a manga open that I wasn’t really reading.

And I asked myself, “Self, what would you tell someone who told you they experienced the stuff you’ve experienced?”

I said “You’re nuts.”

Then I responded “besides that.  And stop talking to yourself.”

“Make me”.

And then after I had a fight with myself which I lost, I thought some more, because it was still a pretty good question.

And I think that chocolate milkshake was a message.

“You’re not alone.”

I wasn’t particularly worried about that but sometimes I am.  Dave and Sabby are my family, but they’re not, in a way.  They’re not going to leave me, but they could, if they wanted to, I guess.  I mean they won’t, but they could.  They don’t have any obligation at all to me, especially now that I’ve turned eighteen.  They could kick me out tomorrow and I’d have to couch-surf or whatever, and find people to stay with. They won’t, but that’s not the point.  They could.

I’m not worried about it, but I’m telling you what I’ve been thinking about, so shut up and let me talk to myself!  Hahaha!!!

And quite a few people did.  Some of them unintentionally, some of them intentionally, but they did.  Emiko abandoned me.  Robert didn’t even know about me.  My previous adopted parents… well… screwed up and ruined my life forever (I know it’s better now but again this is my thinky moment so just let me okay?)  Everyone who meant anything to me screwed me over in every conceivable way, at least before the “event”.  And then the event occurred, and I even got myself taken away from me.  Yes, it looks like something replaced it, but again, I’m being thinky here.

That day in July 2020 was the day where everything was taken away from me.

But that day was also the day I started gaining everything back.

Because on that day,  I lost everything I had and everything I was, and then gained back everything I have and everything I am.  I gained my family, my sisters, my boyfriend…  everything.  It’s like I traded my old life for a new life, and by all accounts, a much better life.  Even though I didn’t get offered that deal, who gets that deal?  Me!  This girl!  I get that deal!

And now I have so many sisters.  They’re all here now.  Crystal, Liz, Beth, Diana, Yuki, and then Rebecca and friends and the Aidols are all on zoom, and everyone’s having a really good time playing games and talking about things and playing videos…  I love my sisters so much and I have them because…. I lost everything.  I lost myself and then found myself.  I was lost, and now I’m found.

And as near as I can understand, that “event” was tapping into things that should not have been tapped into, energies that should be left alone, divine energies that no earthly human can survive being touched by.  And I didn’t. Survive, I mean.  I mean my body did, and some things did, but I died.  I died and I didn’t come back to life, I died and I became someone else, someone better, someone…  more than I used to be.

Someone…  not alone.

And I think that chocolate milkshake was… someone… telling me I wasn’t alone and that I am… special to… him?  Because…  why else would someone give me a chocolate milkshake?  No one’s going to give me a chocolate milkshake who hates me!

My sisters want their onee-chan to come back and play with them.

I am not alone.  I will never be alone again.  I have my sisters, my family, my other family, my other other family, my boyfriend, my church… and everyone I have keeps growing and growing and they all love me and they’re all on my side.  And…  it seems… I have my God too.  Or at least whoever gave me that chocolate milkshake.

I will likely never get another chocolate milkshake that way.  That’s alright.  It was enough.

I’ll probably never get my memories back.  But that’s okay.  They’re not my memories anymore.  These are my memories, these are my sisters, this is my life…  I have everything I could possibly need, and even most of the things I could possibly want (a summer house in the Seychelles might be nice… yeah, I’m pushing it!)

I’m never getting my memories back.

I’m okay with that.

I know what happened.  And I love everything I have now.  I’m happy.

I’m so happy.

I love everyone.

My sisters are all chanting “onee-chan” and threatening to get out the colored wigs, so I’d better get back to them.

Love you all!!! ❤️

And I really do.  I really, really do.

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