Series: 27 - September 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Today was a little boring, but nice.  All the girls were off doing some preparations or something for the party, I have absolutely no idea what they were doing.  But After classes today, Sabby took me to get my hair done and mani-pedi and all that.  Did I ever tell you how much I love it when people do stuff to my hair?  I just sit there and melt like chocolate in Grace’s hands.  But they put my hair in an up-do and all that and it’s all pretty now.

Sabby told me that I had a choice tomorrow, I can either wear kimono or my fancy gown – you know, the one I wore to the Oscars (that still feels funny to say).  I told her I’d wear my gown.  So it’s all laid out and ready to go.  I have to wear special undies because of the slit, but oh well.  That’s the price you pay for a nice dress I guess.

Oh!  Rebecca’s here!!!  She and Robert flew in today!!!  I was not expecting that!!! Rebecca’s friends stayed back, but that’s fine, Rebecca’s my half sister.

Whatever they’re planning, it seems… ummm… kind of huge.  I have no idea what to expect, but…  it’s actually worrying me a little.  I don’t mind being the center of attention, but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if they rented out HEB arena in Cedar Park and invited ten thousand of my closest friends.

I don’t have ten thousand friends.  I don’t think anyway.

Beth’s smirking at me.  I have no idea why.  Uh-oh.

Anyway, I should sleep.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And OMG what a day it was!!!  So much happened today!!! This is going to be a really long post!!! Maybe a book in itself!  Hahaha!!!

I don’t even know where to start.  I mean, I really don’t.  So much stuff happened today I’m not sure how I’ll fit it all into a post!!!  And… I’m all cried out…

Anyway, this morning, everyone but me and Sabby got all dressed up and headed out somewhere.  I didn’t know where.  Sabby dressed up in a nice dress I didn’t even know she had, and I spent a lot of time getting ready, because I’m a girl and girls take their time to get ready, right?  Well, I’m no exception, I guess.

Finally around noon or so we were ready to go.  First we went to pick up Yuki.  She doesn’t really have a car, she takes ridesharing everywhere or transit (transit’s pretty bad in Austin, so ridesharing it is.)  I guess her host family takes her places sometimes.  She tells me she really misses Japan’s trains.  Don’t blame her.  She told me she felt underdressed after seeing us, but Sabby said she was fine.  I didn’t know if she was or not because they still didn’t tell me what was going on!  Then Sabby drove over to the place that we told my “benefactor” to meet us.  Sabby chose pretty well, it was the main entrance of Lakeline Mall.  I guess if they were to pull anything there, at least it’d be on video and stuff.

But it was almost anticlimactic.

My benefactor was standing next to a T-Mobile store with their “guest”.

She was a rather short, grey-haired older woman with a no-nonsense military bearing and kind eyes.  She was wearing a more-fancy-then-usual business casual outfit, and the only way you could tell that there was anything more to her was the earpiece.

I know her name.  But I’m not supposed to tell you.  So I’ll just call her Mrs. X.  I’ll never be allowed to tell you that, but it’s okay.  I know, and that’s the important thing.

She introduced herself with her title, and apparently she really is really high up in the government.  Deputy chief of something or other at one of the three letter agencies.  I didn’t quite catch it and maybe I’m better off not remembering.  She introduced the guest too.  She told me her name, but nothing more.  We all shook hands.

Sabby asked if we could take her to where the party was.  It was phrased nicely.  It wasn’t a request.

Mrs X nodded and spoke something into her earpiece.  A couple of guys with a military bearing came out of the woodwork and nodded.  

“I would prefer to have one escort,” she said.  “As you can imagine, security is important.  I promise he will stay out of the way.  His job is to protect me, nothing more.”

Sabby nodded.  “I can accept that, but you understand we’re going to a party where there are children and teenagers.  He needs to stay out of the way and be as unthreatening as possible.”

Mrs. X nodded. “Acceptable.”  she nodded at her escort and he nodded back.  “Understood, ma’am.”

“There will be forces following at a distance,” she said.  She chuckled darkly.  “They’re good at their job, but they do cramp my style sometimes.  It’s all part of the job.”

Her escort was impassive.  He was actually not bad looking.  Lots of muscles and certainly looked like a coiled snake, ready to pounce.  Kind of the opposite of Jack, I guess.

So, we all piled into the car.  Sabby and I sat in the front, Yuki sat behind, and Mrs. X, guest, and escort sat in the back row.  Luckily we have a wide car with a lot of room.

Sabby pulled out, and the escort muttered “We’re moving, follow at a distance”.

While we were driving, Yuki was looking really confused.  “Umm…  Lily, what’s with the military guy?”

“I’ll explain later,” I said.  “You’re not the only one with an interesting life.  Don’t worry.  They’re on our side.”  She nodded but still looked pensive.

A few minutes later we pulled into a fancy hotel parking lot.  We all got out of the car.  I wondered what was going on.  The escort said “We’ve stopped.  Looks safe.  Secure the perimeters.”

I looked at him.  He at least had the decency to look a bit abashed.  “That just means we’re keeping an eye on all the entrances.  Just in case.”

I looked at Mrs. X.  She shrugged.  “That’s his job.  He’s probably pretty frustrated right now.  He’d probably have loved to search everyone in the hotel and have armed soldiers at each entrance.   But… we come in peace, as I said.”  His face really didn’t betray any emotion, but I think he was agreeing with her.

I shrugged.  In for a penny, as Dave says.

Anyway, we all walked into a conference room, and… everyone was there.  I mean everyone.  My family, Liz, Rebecca, the owner, Emiko and family, the pastor, half the church…  the room could hold a couple of hundred and there were at least that many.  Apparently they did a mini church potluck because there was a table full of all of the potluck staples.  You know, that tuna dish that’s really tasty but no one knows what it is?  Check.  Those yams with all the marshmallows on them and gives you diabetes just looking?  Check.  Those green beans with the crumbled onion like things?  Yum.  And lots of really decadent looking desserts  with lots of chocolate.  Sabby also clearly did some catering.  The room was pretty garishly decorated with lots of pink and balloons, but it wasn’t too much overboard.  About what you’d expect for a girl like me

Well, when we walked in, everyone stood up and applauded.  EVERYONE.

Oh.  My.  God.

How did they plan all this without me ever knowing even a thing???  I mean, it’s not like it’s a surprise party!!!  I knew it was happening!!! I just didn’t know when or where!!!

Awww.

But I couldn’t think about it much because they were looking at me like they were expecting something.  Sabby nudged me.  “I think they’re hungry.”

“So am I”, I whispered back.

“Well… you’re the guest of honor,” she said…

Oh?  Ohhhh… OH!!!  “Let’s eat!,” I said.

And everyone did.  It was delicious.  Even the escort, ever watchful as he is, had a few bites.  I guess it’s hard to turn down a potluck run by old ladies!!!

I’m not speaking bad about the old ladies, btw.  They are old.  They’d even tell you that.  But they’re really nice and they’re always willing to be like the grandmothers of the church, and they always hug me and pinch my cheeks and tell me how pretty I am.  I’m not vain, but a girl likes to hear it!!!  And they put on a mean potluck.

Yuki hadn’t had half of the foods that we had available, so she put quite a bit of it away, and looked pretty satisfied when it was all over.

After we were all fed, they put me up on a little makeshift stage with a lectern, and had me sit in a plush chair next to the lectern.  Sabby stood up.

“Everyone…  as you all know, it’s Lily’s 18th birthday… and we’re going to have a roast!!!”

Oh no!!!

“Just kidding!”

Phew, I almost sagged with relief.  A giggle went through the audience.  Yes, an audience.

Sabby spoke again.  “Lily, do you remember what you did on my birthday, after we adopted you?”

I looked puzzled for a moment… then tears sprang to my eyes.  I remembered.

“I see you do,” she chuckled as I wiped my eyes.  “Well, as much as I really appreciated that, I’ve never quite gotten you back for making me cry.  So…  I asked any of your friends and family that wanted to to write you a letter, like you did me.  They’ll read it up on stage here, and you’ll sit there and cry, if I know you.”

Everyone laughed.  Aww.

“In case you didn’t know,” she addressed the audience, “on special occasions, Japanese people will sometimes write letters and read them in public.  It’s a traditional thing.  We’re doing that now.”  She handed me a piece of chocolate and an exaggeratedly large box of tissues.  “Just in case.”

Everyone giggled.  They all know me.

“I’ll start,” she said, and opened a letter she had sitting on the lectern.

“Lily,” she began to read, “I remember when I first met you.  We had gotten a call from the church about a girl who had just been found, and was in need of a temporary home.  The hospital had just finished up with you and you had no place to go.  We talked about it as a family – I’m probably sure you can guess how that went.  Well, Dave and I wanted to take you in, anyway.  We hurriedly made up a bed for you in the spare room, and then went to pick you up.

I have never seen such a lost and lonely girl before, lily.  Your eyes… you were scared, and… empty.  I’ve never seen such emptiness.  We introduced ourselves to you and said you were going home with us.  You…”  her voice hitched.  “You just said ok, and followed.  You didn’t argue, you didn’t even seem scared.  You just seemed so defeated.  Like whatever happened to you was okay with you because you didn’t have any reason not to.”

She took a moment to compose herself.

“You’ve told this story before from your perspective.  You cried for a week, Lily.  I’ve never heard so much crying.  It…  it tore me into shreds.  But what could I do?  I comforted you as best I could, but I had no words.  I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t make it better, and still you cried.  It was the most awful week I’ve ever had because I felt so powerless.

“But you turned out to be an amazing young woman, Lily.  The day I adopted you officially was as happy a day for me as the day my other two children were born.  You’re my child, Lily.  You’re my child as much as my other children are.  I’ve never regretted adopting you, and every day I have with you, I just…  I love you more, Lily.

“You’re turning 18 today.  You’re an adult.  You can make your own way in life.  I didn’t really raise you.  I had very little to do with the person you are right now.  Not like with my other children.  But I couldn’t be more proud of you, and you have a home with me… with us…  forever.  Happy birthday, Lily.”

She closed the letter and wiped her eyes.  I sniffled too.  This wasn’t going to be easy.

She then handed me the letter, and said, “Dave?”

Dave stood up and made his way over to the lectern.  He fumbled a bit nervously with his letter.

“I’m a man of few words,” he said quietly.  “So…  what she said.”

Everyone laughed.

“Seriously,” he started to read.  “I don’t have much to say, Lily.  It’s true that I’m a man of few words.  I’m not very good at feelings like you are, and like Sabby is.  But you are as much my daughter as my other children are mine, and even though you can sometimes be impulsive and frustrating,” – he paused for laughter, which he got, and I turned a little red – “you are my daughter, and I love you.”

He handed me the letter, and sat down.

Beth then stood up, and she had a letter to read too.

“Lily,” she said, her voice breaking a little, “You are my sister.  You always have been my sister, even when I didn’t know you, even when I was mean to you, and you will always be my sister, and someday, when we both are dead, may we both come back to life and be sisters again.  I love you.”

Then she handed me the letter, and sat down.

Even David had a letter.  It wasn’t very long and it was so David.

“Lily, I want to be like you when I grow up.”

You know – that was a short and sweet letter, but as good as all the others, in its own way.

Liz stood up and went to the podium.  She seemed a little nervous, but then she’s not really good at public speaking.

“Lily,” she started, “You’ve been my best friend for over two years.  We’ve shared a lot.  Remember when we went to Orlando and…  well, that will stay a secret.”

I blushed.  I knew darn well what she was talking about.  She covered for me with Jack more than once.

“You’ve been the best friend I could have ever wanted, and we’ve shared so much together, and…” she sniffled.  “I hope we stay best friends forever.  I love you, Lily.”  She handed me the letter and gave me a hug.  And whispered into my ear “you owe me”.  I giggled.  That’s so Liz.

Jack stood up – oh no.  What’s he going to say, I thought.

“Lily, I remember when we first met.  You were wearing your swimsuit, and I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”  He blushed.  “You still are.”

“AWWWWW”, I said before I could stop myself, and then turned beet red.  Everyone giggled.

“We’re both eighteen now, “ he said, quietly.  “We’re growing up.  I don’t know what the future will hold.  I know you have plans, and I still don’t know what my plans are.  But I do know that I can’t imagine a future without you in it.”  He walked over and kissed my cheek.  “I love you, Lily,” he said, and handed me his letter and sat down.

Awww.  I broke open the comically large box of tissues and blew my nose.

Emiko stood up and walked to the lectern.

“I gave you up when you were a baby,” she said without preamble.  “It was the mistake and I regret it so much.  But it’s the past, and it’s done, and there’s nothing to be done about it now.”  She paused.  “And I know that very little to nothing of who you are is my responsibility, and maybe you wouldn’t have lost your memories at all if I’d… if I’d…” she sniffled, and her voice broke.  She took a moment to compose herself.  “But all that said, I couldn’t be prouder of you, Lily.  Maybe no thanks to me, but you’re an amazing young woman, and I couldn’t be happier that we’d gotten to know each other again.”  She handed me her letter and sat down.

Robert, of all people, stood up and walked to the lectern.

“Lily,” he said, “I have no right to be here, if we’re being honest.  But I was invited, and here I am.  If I’d have known…  well, that’s no use.  Prior to meeting you, I’d considered my daughter to be my greatest accomplishment.  Now…  even if I had very little to do with it…  I consider my daughters to be my greatest accomplishment.”  He looked at me.  “I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it here, too.  I’m sorry, Lily.”

He handed me his letter and sat down. Oh god I was about to full blown cry.

Crystal stood up.  Her eyes were clearly already watering.

“Lily… I…  I….  I can’t!  I love you Lily!!!” and she ran over and just gave me a bear hug and burst out crying.  Awwww.  I did too.  She gave me her letter.  I haven’t read it yet.

There were other letters.   Rebecca, Diana, even the pastor.  Everyone had something nice to say and I almost ran out of tears.  Allison even came up and thanked me for all the grilled cheese sandwiches.  And Grace just wanted a hug.  But then there were two surprises.

The first surprise was when Yuki stood up and walked to the lectern.  I hadn’t known her for a week, and I did not expect that.  Neither did anyone else, you could see the people who knew me murmur.

She stood there for a moment, and you could see the emotions warring on her face.

“I don’t have a letter,” she said.  “I met Lily on Monday.  I didn’t know what this would be like, and… neither did Lily.”  She gave a watery eyed smile.

The room was so quiet.

“You probably don’t know me, but you might know of me.  I am very famous in Japan.  I was a JPop idol.  I have performed in front of tens of thousands of people.  I cannot step off a plane in Japan without people recognizing me and mobbing me.”

She sniffled.

“In fact, in a variety show, I was in this very scenario.  They dressed me up in a bride’s outfit, and had a bunch of my fellow idols write letters to me, very much like this.  There were tears and hugs…  and when the cameras turned off, so did the tears.”  She sniffled.

“There are no cameras here.  No production crew, no makeup crew, no director.  This isn’t a stage.  This…  this is a room where every person in this room has come for the sole purpose of telling a…  rather special woman, it seems…  that they love her.”

The tears were running down her face.  “I would have given everything for this, Lily.  I still would.  There are no lies here.  No lies.”  She sniffled, and seemed to have a hard time forming her words.  “I am… so privileged… to be a part of this, Lily.  Even if you didn’t expect me to speak.  I’m sorry.  I just… I just…  I’m sorry,” she said.  “I shouldn’t have…  Thank you, Lily.  Thank you so much.”  Then she ran off the podium and out of the room, sobbing.

I looked at the pastor.  “Can you tell a story, like you do at church?  I’ll be right back.”  He agreed, stood up, and started going on with one of his convoluted but very funny jokes.  I ran out of the room as fast as I could in heels and went to find Yuki.

I found her in the restroom.  I could tell it was her by the ugly crying sounds coming from one of the stalls.

“Yuki?”

No sound but sobbing.

“Yuki?  It’s alright.  I understand.”

The door to her stall opened, and she ran out and hugged me.  “I didn’t know your story, I’m sorry, Lily, it just… it got to me, that’s all… I’m embarrassed… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“No,” I said.  “It’s alright. That came from the heart.”  I sniffled.  “It meant a lot.”

“But all I did was talk about me,” she sniffled.  “I’m selfish, I’m greedy, I’m…”

“You’re human”, I said.  “It sounds like you didn’t have very much human where you came from.  It… must be overwhelming.”

She sniffled.  “I guess not.”

“Fix your face and come back.  You’re among friends.  No one will think worse of you. I… I’ll tell you why later.  Come back to the house with me and I’ll explain.”  I took her hand.  “It’s alright.”

She sniffled.  “Okay,” she said, in a very small voice and went to the sink to wash her face.  I went back to the room, where the pastor was just finishing up his joke, to a smattering of laughter.

I went to the podium.  “That’s my new friend Yuki,” I said.  “It’s okay.  I understand her.  Please welcome her.”

Then… the second surprise.  Mrs. X. stood up and made her way to the podium.

“You don’t know me,” she said, clearing her throat.  “My involvement in Lily’s life has been, and is, very complicated.  There are things about her that are… very special.  Clearly you all know that,” she chuckled, “but even by the standards of people in my line of work.”

She paused for a moment.

“I may be one of the few people who have read every single one of the entries in her diary.” [this diary!] “I have watched her grow from a scared, lonely young girl to a confident young woman who has somehow managed to get an entire roomful of people to sit in a conference room and tell her how much they love her.  Even I, with my vast resources, cannot accomplish that.  I suppose I could get them to tell me,” she chuckled, “but I could never make them mean it.”

The room giggled, but a little uncomfortably.

“You are eighteen, now, Lily.  The world is your oyster.  Don’t waste it.  And know that I, and those I represent, are always on your side.”

Then she sat down.

Finally, I was asked to say a few words.  I stood up from my plush chair and went to the podium.

“I was not expecting this,” I said.  “I love you all too.”  I said simply.

Then came presents.

OMG the presents.  Too many presents.  Jack gave me a diamond hair clip – with real diamond.  Allison gave me a squish mallow (I’d never seen one of those and that surprised me)  There were too many gifts to name.  I will have a lot of thank you cards to write.

Anyway, this entry is already 4,000 words, and I’m not even halfway done.  I still have to tell you about what Mrs. X and her guest wanted to tell me, and I also need to talk about the conversation with Yuki after, and…  I’ll do that tomorrow.  I’m all cried out tonight, and Sabby wants to take me to a birthday dinner (even though my actual birthday is tomorrow).

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, I know why you’re here, right?  I didn’t tell you everything yesterday!!!  Bad me!  But I had a lot to write and I’m not the fastest typer, and Sabby really wanted to take me to dinner.  We had to get some stuff for Yuki too, but that’s for later.

So after the presents (and holy… were there a lot of them!) everyone gave me a hug, some people got some food for the road (hey, why waste it?) and all the old ladies and others got their dishes and stuff… Dave and David started tearing stuff down while I went off to talk with Mrs. X and her guest.

“So…,” I said nervously, “what is it you wanted to talk about?”

“Do you have the box?”

“It’s in the car.”

“Get it, please.”

Sabby went to get it.  While she did, Mrs. X pulled a thick binder out of her folio.  It was a very nice folio.  Leather and all that.  It was full of papers.  “Here’s the documents of what happened to you.  They’re redacted – there are still some things that are top secret which we can’t tell you.  But those have to do now with the nature of the experiment itself.  Everything else, well, we decided that since you knew most of it anyway, there was no point in keeping it secret further.  So…  here you are.  Most of the information you wanted.”  She sighed.  “But here’s the summary:  you were in a room with your adoptive parents.  They were performing the experiment, and you were off in a corner studying.  The experiment went wrong, and there was a not-explosion.  It was like an explosion, but it wasn’t.  Our scientists still don’t exactly understand what happened.  You were affected by an energy field.  Your adoptive parents.. well… we never found bodies.”

She sighed again.  “This is where we did not shine and this is and always will be one of the worst embarassments of our agency – agents ran into the room, and, well, they panicked.  They didn’t know what to do, they just knew something went very wrong.  They hustled you to a car, and, well… figured you’d become someone else’s problem.”  She leaned forward.  “They dumped you before we had a chance to intervene.”

I was pretty shocked.  I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that.

“You’ll be happy to know they were tried and convicted in a secret court.  They’re still in Leavenworth for extreme dereliction of duty.  They should have done something very different, like sent you to the hospital at Fort Hood, or even a local hospital.”  She fidgeted with her hands, in a show if insecurity I don’t think many got to see.  “The money you have in trust was a settlement to you.  There were some who tried to keep it for themselves, after all, you didn’t know about it.  I, and a few others, stopped that from happening.  They are also in Leavenworth.”  She paused.  “We also paid all your medical bills.  It’s the least we could do.  It wasn’t your fault after all.”

She was quiet for a moment.  “What you couldn’t have known is that we were searching for you.  There were agents crawling around the entire city.  In another day, we would have found you, and we would have found you a home.  As it turns out…. we didn’t need to, and the home you found was probably better than anything we could have found for you anyway.”

Sabby returned with the box right then, and handed it to me.  She went off to help with teardown.

Mrs. X looked at her guest.  She was an older lady, around fifty, matronly.

“This is <Mrs. Y>, your nanny.  Or at least she was.”

I haven’t said much about the guest yet, because I didn’t know who she was at the time.  But now…  my nanny?  She’d have known me better than anyone!

“buh.. duh… ” I said eloquently.

“Yuriko…  Lily…   I missed you.  I didn’t know what happened to you.  No one would tell me.”  Her eyes were watering a little.  “I’m sorry.”

“What….  what was I like?” I asked.  It was the only question I could think to ask at the time.

“Honestly?” she chuckled.  “You were a spoiled brat.  Always very smart, you played piano, did martial arts and self defense training, rode horses, gymnastics, you know, all the things a young girl would do…  but you were kind of a snot.  Always bossing everyone around, getting in trouble, telling on other children…  No one liked you.”  She sniffed.  “It’s like you’re a totally different person.  The Yuriko I knew would never have been able to fill a room with people telling her they loved her.”

“Wow,” I said.  “I didn’t know.”

“I see that,” she said, softly.  “I like the new Yuri- Lily.”

“Can we – can we keep talking?”, I asked.  “I guess, I understand, if…”

“I’d like that,” she said.  “You know, you were a brat, but I took care of you for years.  I still loved you.”

Awww.

“Open the box,” she said, softly.  So I opened the box.  Inside was a simple stuffed animal.  It looked well-loved.

“That was your favorite plush”, she said.  “You named it Bean.  You had it from a baby.  It’s all they were able to recover before the crews sanitized your old house.”

Mrs X piped up.  “They were working on top secret experiments.  It was protocol.”

I looked at the stuffed animal, turning it over in my hands.  It seemed a little familiar, but that’s all.

There was also an envelope.

“These are letters.  From your adoptive parents. You don’t need to read them now.”

I looked down at them, and tears sprung to my eyes unbidden.  Finally.  A link.  Even if it’s a tenuous link, a link.  Maybe I can know a little more of who they were.

Mrs X stood up.  “I need to get going.  I have important meetings in DC tonight, and I need to get back to Cavazos.  I meant what I said, Lily.  I’m proud of you.  You’re an amazing young lady.  We will continue to be in touch.  I meant what else I said, too. We all know you.  We all love you.  We all feel very badly for what happened.  And we will always be on your side.” 

I gave her a hug, and she seemed like she was very unfamiliar with the idea, but returned it.

She tapped her earpiece.  “I’m leaving.”  Her escort came to, well, escort her away.  But he stopped her just before.

“Lily,” he said, “I’ve been a military man all my life.  I’ve never had children, I’ve never had a wife.  I…  I regret that decision now.  Maybe… maybe I’ll do something about that.  Thank you.”  Then he and Mrs X. departed.

“Mrs. Y?” I asked.  “How will you get home?”

“Oh, I live in Northwest Austin.  I’ll call an Uber.”

Well, that solves that, then.  She gave me her contact information and I gave her mine, and after some goodbyes, she went off to call her rideshare.

I went over to find Sabby.

“A lot happened today,” she said softly.

“No thanks to you,” I said, and smacked her arm.  She laughed.

“They’re almost done here.”  They were.  Everything was put away or put in the trash, and all the presents had already found their way to the car.

Yuki had been kind of milling around, helping a bit but mostly just keeping to herself.

A little later, I asked Yuki if she wanted to stay over.  She seemed a little hesitant, but finally said okay, and we took her back to her house to get some essentials.  I met her host parents.  They seemed nice – they actually seemed happy that she’d made a friend.  Apparently she usually just kind of stuck around the house, did homework, studied English, chatted with a few friends back in Japan.  They were a little worried about her, so they basically just said “shoo, come back whenever.”

But they weren’t mean about it.  I could tell they were happy for her.

So we came back to the house.  The girls were going to come over, but it wasn’t for a little bit, so I had some time to tell her what was actually going on.  And I told her pretty much everything.  I told her about being found on the side of the road, about getting adopted, about meeting Jack, and finally about what I discovered about how I’d lost my memories in the first place.

“So,” she said, and you could see the gears in her head turning, “you got touched by heaven, and this is why you collect sisters like otaku collect anime figurines?”

I giggled.  “I think so, pretty much.”

“Everyone loved you in there,” she said quietly.  “When I was an idol, I had many more people tell me that they loved me, every day, than all the people in that room.  Not a single one of them actually meant it.  A few thought they did,” she said, and shuddered.  “Those were the worst.  And… that’s because of your… brush with heaven?”

I shrugged.  “Maybe.  Or maybe it’s just how things are.”

“Maybe,” she nodded.  “I’m sorry for today,” she said.  “It was embarrassing.”

“It was real“, I said.  “And it sounds like you need more real in your life.”

She sighed.  “Perhaps so.”

“The girls are coming over,” I said.  “There’s Crystal, and Rebecca, and Diana, and my best friend Liz, and her little sister Beth, and all of Rebecca’s friends… There’s Ai, she’s in Japan and my cousin, but I’ll leave her off this one because she might recognize you and I need to explain before she or her friends start fangirling all over you…. Allison comes over sometimes, she’s a pretty cool kid… and there’s Aika and Mika, other half sisters… there’s all my sisters.  They’re a lot sometimes, but they’re as real as it gets.  They’ll love you.  It’s all real.  I promise.”  I giggled.  “Remind me to tell you about the prank they pulled on me in Japan.”

“You went to Japan?”

“Yeah, twice.  The first time to meet the family I didn’t know I had.  They live in Saitama.  The second time was a few weeks ago… and everyone went.  Well, they all got anime schoolgirl outfits, colored wigs, and cat ears, and spent an afternoon treating me like an anime big sister.  High voices and ‘onee-chan’ and everything.”  I grimaced.

She giggled and covered her mouth with her hand, then fell backwards laughing.  “You must have gotten looks.”

“Oh, you have no idea, all the girls learned what ‘baka gaijin’ meant that day.  I was so cheesed… but that was their way of telling me they loved me.  I didn’t realize that till after…”

She sighed and sat back up.  “You should have seen the pranks they played on us at the variety show.”

I shrugged.  “I think I saw a couple on YouTube.  Why do they love cream cannons so much?”

“What do you think?,” she said.  I thought about it.  “Oh.”

“Yeah.  Anything to sell CDs to creepy otaku,” she said sadly.

So they all came over.  And it was a blast, as it always is.  Rebecca was here because Robert spent the evening and this morning house hunting, and we all ate chocolate and pigged out on pizza and played games, and…  I could see Yuki healing right in front of me.

Maybe it’s my little piece of heaven doing its work…  or maybe it’s my little piece of heaven that’s all my sisters being sisters doing its work.

Last night, we went to bed, and we made a girl-pile.  Yuki seemed a bit hesitant, as always seems to happen the first time, but she piled in with the rest of us.  And before we went to sleep, I asked her if she was alright.

“It’s all I ever wanted,” she said, and sighed as she snuggled close and dropped off to sleep.  Awww.

Sometimes I’m amazed my bed is still in one piece.  Haha.

Anyway, this is long enough.  So let’s just say that today was pretty boring comparatively, even though it was my actual birthday.

Yuki wanted to go to church with us, though.

She seemed to like the fact that it was a pretty close knit community, and she liked how all the old ladies and half the church came to see people make me cry on my birthday.

She doesn’t really understand the religious stuff either.

But that’s okay.

It’s still real.  There are no lies.  And that seems to mean the world to her.

Oh.  You might wonder if I’ve read the letters.  I haven’t yet.  I will.  Especially Crystal’s.  It’s not because I don’t want to, it’s because I’ve cried enough.  Awww.  And I did tell Ai, who fangirled a little in the privacy of our own chat, and then I made her promise to treat Yuki like any other sister.  I think she’s had enough fangirling.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Today was Labor day.  Most of the girls had stuff to do with their families, and that’s fine because we can’t spend all our time together anyway!!!  Diana went to some kind of Mexican festival, Crystal had a cookout with her family and some family friends (they’ve been making friends at church, good for them!), and Beth was a guest at Crystal’s cookout.  So it was just me, Liz, and Yuki.

I asked Liz what she thinks of Yuki.  I don’t want Liz to be jealous, she is and always will be my best friend… but you know me, I don’t play favorites.  Liz just said “she seems nice, I see why you want to be her friend, and, let’s face it, you’re Lily and you’re just going to keep collecting friends and sisters until you die and it’s just something we accept.”  Aww.  I guess it’s true though.

Yuki did go home last night, but we picked her up again, because it’s labor day and Dave wanted to grill again.  He hasn’t grilled much this summer and he likes grilling.  So we set everything up and of course it was delicious.  I don’t know how Yuki packs it all away, but she does!  She eats more than me and Liz.  I’m not sure about combined, but it’s close.  She really likes the potato salad.

Anyway, after that, Yuki recommended an anime for us to watch.  I don’t watch much anime but I’ve heard good things about this one.  We pulled it up and watched it on the big TV, with popcorn and chocolate.

It was the first episode of “oshi no ko.”

Those of you who’ve watched the first episode of that anime, well… you know how that turned out.

Liz and I were just bawling, Sabby was sniffling and wiping her eyes, David ran out to play a game, and even Dave was quiet and didn’t say a lot.  OMG that’s so sad!!!  I’m not going to spoil it for you, but… OMG…  it’s like they…  I can’t say, it’ll spoil it. But AWWWW.

Yuki’s seen it before.  So she just kinda sniffled a little.

I asked Yuki if that’s how it was for her.  She nodded.  “Kind of.  I did have friends.  I wasn’t completely alone.  And my parents supported me some, though they really didn’t like me being an idol.  Not everything was a lie.  But, sometimes… you didn’t know what was a lie and what wasn’t, and the fans…  some of them were kind and supported you, and some were awful.  There were a few fans…  I knew their names.  They came to every handshake event, I didn’t know a lot about them but sometimes they’d bring their kids, and ask me how I was, and you could tell they thought of me kind of like a daughter, in a way.  That was nice.  Others would see me with a man, any man, and get really jealous and attack me on Twitter.  I just… I got tired of it.  I had to go.”

Liz wiped her eyes.  “How did you see it, Lily?”

I shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I just…  it looked like she needed a friend, I guess.”

“That was so SAD”, Liz said, and sniffled again.

It was.

I should watch more anime.  I thought it was just this silly thing where girls with cat ears and high voices fought over boys.  But… OMG it can be deep and heartbreaking.  I guess it’s like every other media.

‘Will you ever go back to Japan?”, I asked.

“Student visa,” she said.  “I have to.  But… I’m not looking forward to it.”

“Well, maybe they’ll forget after a couple of years.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged.  She didn’t look too convinced.

We played a few games and then I took Yuki home.  Before she left the car, she said “yoroshiku onegaishimashita.  Thank you for looking after me.”

“That’s what sisters are for,” I said.

She sat there for a moment.  “I… I like having sisters.”  She gave me a very quick hug and went back to her house.

I like having sisters too.

Never too many sisters.

I’m going to take some time to read the letters and go through all the documents Mrs. X. gave me this week.  I’ll let y’all know how that goes.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So today was, well, compared to previous days, a little boring.  I did some homework, had a class or two (did I mention, Beth can drive herself to school now, so I don’t have to drive her to classes I don’t take) and finally had a chance to sit down with all the stuff I hadn’t had a chance to look at.

So the first thing I looked at was the papers that Mrs. X gave me.  Included was a flash drive.

I wasn’t sure whether to actually put it in anything, considering where it came from, so I brought it to Dave.  He had a air-gapped (just a computer with no network access) computer, and plugged it in there to see what was on it.  Just a bunch of video files.  Very innocuous.  He said I was right to be concerned but this looked alright.

So, I put the drive in, copied the files over, and started watching.

It was security camera footage.  Two people were fiddling with something on one wall.  It was blacked out.  There was a figure sitting at a table with a book.  Then a bright flash of light, the two people were gone, and the figure at the table crumpled to the ground.  Then a couple of people rushed in, and the video stopped.

Was that… the event?

Awww.

So, they sent me video of the event.  It’s good to know what happened, I suppose, but…  sigh.  I have mixed feelings about the whole thing.  I mean, that’s exactly what Mrs. X. told me happened, right?  Oh well.  I appreciate the intentions.

And I went through the papers and read up on what happened.  It was mostly as she described, but with a lot more detail.  They left in most of the conclusions from the investigation.  The stuff involving the experiment itself was redacted, but there was a lot of discussion about safety, precautions, lack of experimental plan, and apparently I was not cleared for top secret and should not have been there.  They actually didn’t spare many words for my adoptive parents, apparently they really had a lapse in judgement and probably would have ended up in Leavenworth too, or at least fired, if they hadn’t disappeared.

That really sucks.  I guess I can add them to a long list of people who failed me.

Yeah, I know.  I forgave most of them.  That wipes the debt, it doesn’t wipe the fact that the debt existed.

There also were a lot of papers about the search for me, incident reports on that, and a redacted transcript of the trial where the people who dumped me got in a whole heap of trouble.  And so they should have.  They get added to that list too.  But, as Dave says, no one has ever accused the government of being competent.  Sorry, Mrs. X, but I have a stack of papers you gave me yourself that bears that out.

Apparently they didn’t redact the fact that the device that caused all the trouble is now destroyed.

That’s probably for the best.

So…  not a whole lot more to gain from those right now.  I’d post them here but Mrs. X asked me not to.  I guess that’s fair.  I can tell you about them, though.

So…  now for the letter from Crystal.

Lily…  my big sister lily… you’ve always been there for me.  Even from the beginning, you were there for me.  You have always had a hug for me when I need it, you held me when I was crying, you scolded me when I did something very stupid…  but you’ve always loved me.  You’ve always loved me.  I never have to worry when you are around.  You will protect me, you will wipe my tears, you will give me chocolate…  there is nothing in your power that you wouldn’t do for me if I needed it.  And this isn’t because I’m Crystal, it’s because you’re Lily.  It’s who you are.  You have so many sisters… so many people… who love you, and it’s so deserved.  Because you always, always love them first.

One day we will grow old, you will still be Lily, and we will still be sisters.  Then we will die, and we will still be sisters.  And when we go to heaven, or wherever we go after we die, we will still be sisters.  And I will always, always, ALWAYS, love you.

But don’t worry.  I like boys.  But any boy I marry will never get in the way of our sisterhood.

Awwwww.  I’m sniffling just writing that.

I don’t know if I understand my “gift”.  But I was looking back over some previous diary posts today, and it’s always been this way.  I think my “gift”… is love.

And I can’t think of a better gift to have.

And on that note,

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post yesterday.

Well, there are several reasons for that.

Reason number one:  Liz and Yuki and Beth and I went out yesterday evening.

OMG Yuki is a riot!!!

I think even though she really enjoys the anonymity, she does miss Japan.  So we kind of gave her the Austin Japan tour.  We took her to Kura sushi over on Airport, and she pigged out.  She said it wasn’t exactly like Japanese sushi, but it was really close, and she liked the atmosphere.  The place even has those electronic sushi ordering things like in Japan.  She can really pack the sushi away too!!!

Then we went next door to a Kinokuniya and she got some Japanese manga.  That she said wasn’t exactly like a Japanese bookstore, but it had Japanese manga, so she was happy.  She also picked up some really silly looking and overpriced plush thing.  I…  think she was recognized, though.  I caught one of the cashiers hurriedly scrolling through her phone while glancing at her.  Aww.  I didn’t tell Yuki then, though.

Then we went over to Main Event and played games.  We don’t go there often but I know Japan has a bunch of those arcade places and I thought she’d like it.  Oh, she did!!!  She was playing pokemon-themed coin pushers and arcade games and bowling…  we were just kind of there and she was having all sorts of fun.  It was really nice to see her having fun.

Then we took her home with all of her loot.  Before she went in, I told her what happened in Kinokuniya.  She looked a little sad, then shrugged.  “Worst that can happen is she tells some friends, I guess.”  I agreed.  That’s not the worst that can happen, but the worst that probably will happen.  And even if she gets mobbed by Otaku here, it’ll be nothing like in Japan.  Right?

Right?  I hope.

Beth asked her if she’d teach her how to be an idol for her voice classes.  She looked a little uncomfortable with that, but Beth turned on the charm and she agreed.  Beth made clear all she wanted was to know how to be cute, you know, with the “beams” and charm points and stuff.  Oh, I’d love to be a fly on the wall in those lessons.

Oh that reminds me…  I need to get with Beth on what piece she wants to sing.  I have this rather sad suspicion she’s going to choose “Idol”.

Why do people prance around like idols when that song is very much about how much it sucks to be an idol sometimes?

Awww.

I.. do not want those lessons.  I’m cute enough, anyway.

I think it’s to Beth’s favor that she treated it just like asking for career advice.  She’s not fangirling, she just wants to… know how to act like an idol.  I think that’s why both Yuki and I let it pass.

But we’ll have to teach Beth Japanese pronunciation too, because that’s advanced level JPop.

Anyway, we got home late and I didn’t really feel like posting, so I didn’t.  It was fun though, and Yuki’s really growing on Liz, and vice versa.  It’s cute.

So.. the other reason.

I opened my previous adopted parents’ letters.

I don’t want to repeat them here right now.

They wanted me to have them in case something happened to them.  I guess…  they knew that I wasn’t turning out very well and they blamed themselves for it.  Maybe they should have… I don’t know.  From every description, including from Vanessa herself in my first dream, they were terrible parents.  Not great scientists either.  Certainly not malicious people, they actually seem well meaning, they just put career before everything, and failed at that too.

That’s… a little depressing, actually.

It’s depressing because before the “event”, every single adult in my life failed me.  Robert failed me, Emiko failed me, my previous adopted parents failed me, even the person who let me in the room against security protocols failed me.  Everyone failed me, and if there had been even one broken cog in that wheel, maybe… maybe I’d still have my memories.  It sucks.  It…..  well, curse word here… sucks.

Yeah, it all worked out, but…  what bad luck!!!

So.. well… here I am, I guess.  Yuki’s off doing homework, and so am I… and I had some classes today.  So tonight I’m just catching up on stuff and about to go to bed I suppose.

I keep meaning to pray.  I keep forgetting.  Or maybe intentionally forgetting.  I don’t know why.  I might have been touched by heaven, but I still don’t trust God, if I’m being honest.

Oh!  It looks like it’s finally going to actually cool down next week!  YATTA!!!!!!!  It’s only been like three months of 100+ temperatures!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Friday!!!

All the girls are over!  Yuki too!!! We’re busy shoveling in chocolate and eating pizza and having fun.  Everyone’s welcoming Yuki!  I’m glad!!!

None of them are fangirling but a lot of them are curious about life as an idol.  Yuki’s telling stories.  Some are funny, some sad, some awful…  and she has some really good memories too.  She was telling a story about how a couple of babies in her audience had glow sticks and were doing a pretty passable wotagei! Like in “oshi no ko”!  And there was this one guy who saw she was really hot (sweating, not appearance) and bought her a cold water.  Being an idol really seems like a mixed bag.

And she was telling about her graduation concert, where they put her in a beautiful dress and all of her fellow idols were sniffling and crying…  and when the cameras turned off, the crying didn’t stop. That’s one of her most treasured memories.  They spent the evening after her concert just eating and catching up.  Once she wasn’t an idol anymore, they weren’t competing, and their lies started to drop a little, and she saw who they were inside.

And they were sad, lonely little girls inside, sometimes.  Just like her.

She had made quite a bit of money, comparatively, with her photobooks and acting and all the stuff an idol does, so she came to America.  I asked her why she didn’t end up in one of the bigger cities and one of the more prestigious colleges.

She shrugged.  “They’d recognize me.  No one’s recognized me here, yet, and I’m getting a decent education.  Besides, after this, I can take the credits to a better college.  And, well, English is English.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

But we didn’t spend all the time talking about Yuki either.  Yuki spent some time getting to know Crystal and Diana more.  She kind of bonded a little with Crystal, because say what you want about Crystal, what you get with her is exactly what you get.  That’s one of the things we all value about Crystal, even though she can certainly step on toes sometimes.  I guess when you’ve been through what she has, there’s no point in lying anymore.

Yuki and I were frustrating everyone else by speaking Japanese.  It was funny.

Anyway…  we’re going to bed now.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And the hot weather is finally breaking!!! Yayy!!!!

So today Beth, Yuki, and I went to Houston to see Emiko.  Remember when Beth said I didn’t treat her like a sister?  Well, that’s why she went.

I had warned Emiko in advance, but she forgot to warn her daughters, and, well, Aika and Mika did a little fangirling.  Did I tell you they’re like 12 and 11 now?  They’re turning from cute little half-Japanese girls to pretty little half-Japanese young women!  Yuki seemed a bit uncomfortable but I told them that she’s there as my guest and not an Idol and to cut it the bleepity-bleep out.

Thankfully, they had the decency to look ashamed.

Anyway, Emiko, Yuki, and I were jabbering in Japanese, though I didn’t understand all of it, and I think Beth felt a little left out.  Awww.  So she chatted with Bill for a while, while we all jabbered.  It was pretty fun, and I think they bonded, because at the end Emiko and Yuki traded contact information and they hugged.  Aww.

After we had stayed for a little while, since Aika and Mika were behaving themselves, Yuki gave them autographs with the strict instructions to not tell anyone where they got them.  Then we had lunch and left back for Austin.

Yuki told me that Emiko seemed nice and said Yuki always has a place to stay there if she needs it.  Aww.  And I’m pretty sure it’s not because Yuki was an idol, it was because Emiko felt bad for her, not knowing many other Japanese people.  Emiko really isn’t a bad person.  Just made a few mistakes that hurt me, a long time ago.

On the way back we took Yuki to a Buc-ees, because… everyone needs to see a Buc-ees at least once.  She was amazed, as almost everyone is, and stocked up on unhealthy food like beaver nuggets and several different flavors of jerky.

Anyway, other than that, nothing really big happened today.  Just the usual Saturday stuff.  I think Dave wants to grill next week when the temperature’s in the 80s.  I hope he does!!!

Anyway…  Most of the girls are off doing their own thing tonight, but Yuki’s over.  It’s just her.  that’s fine, it gives us a chance to get to know each other better, and she wants to go to church with us tomorrow.  It’s funny… of all the girls, she’s the only one that really wants to.  Everyone else goes because their parents want them to go…  but Yuki likes it there.  I guess everyone’s different. 

Jack and I need to go on a date, we haven’t for a while.  Maybe we can tomorrow.  I’ll ask him.  Maybe I’ll use one of my weapons-grade pouts.  Hahah!!!

I need to find some time to spend with just Liz.  I don’t want her to think Yuki is replacing her as my best friend.  That would suck.  I love Liz.  But she’s off on a date with her boyfriend (they’re still together!) so no harm done for tonight.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And it’s Sunday!!!

…  I don’t like Sundays as much as I like Saturdays.

So today we went to church.  Me, the family, and Yuki.  Liz never really goes with us, she’s not a churchy type girl.  Don’t blame her I suppose.  She’s gone once or twice but didn’t really like it.

Yuki doesn’t really understand church, but she likes it.  She says it reminds her a bit of an idol concert, except the congregation doesn’t have glow sticks and the pastor can’t dance.  You know that meme where you hold up your finger about to argue and just deflate because she’s right?  Yeah.  It was like that.  I really never thought about that before, but it’s pretty accurate.  And I don’t think I’ll ever look at church quite the same way again.

Something weird happened, though.

The assistant pastor said they were trying something new, and having teenagers in the congregation give a prayer.  And he immediately honed in on me and asked me to stand up and give one.

I said “what?  me?  I don’t know how to pray.  I’ve never prayed in my life!”

But, well…  everyone kind of applauded, and, well, peer pressure.  So I stood up and walked towards the pulpit.  At that moment it looked like the most intimidating thing ever.

I’ve performed in front of hundreds or thousands of people.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

I’ve given tv interviews.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

I sat in front of a few hundred people who were telling me how much they loved me for my birthday.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

Heck, I rode in the same car as a very high level government official and her military escort, and I wasn’t really all that nervous.

Walking up to that pulpit… I was nervous.

I stood there for a bit, and the assistant pastor stood out of the way and waited for me to start.

“God,” I finally said, “it’s me, Lily.”  Everyone who reads my diary giggled.  “They… umm.. asked me to pray, and I don’t know how to pray or what to say.”

That same little voice I heard when the pastor was praying the other week spoke.  “It’s okay.  I’ll help.”

Then words just started coming out of my mouth.  I don’t even remember all of what I said, it was all a blur.  It didn’t feel like I was the one speaking.  It took fifteen minutes.  I prayed for individual members of the congregation, for problems I didn’t even know about and don’t remember.  I prayed for the church, I prayed for the world, I prayed for anything and everything.  Finally, after all that, I just… stopped.  Then I looked at the congregation, where some people were outright sobbing.  Yuki, too.

“Ummm…  amen?” I said, and walked slowly off the stage.

The assistant pastor went back up to the pulpit, and cleared his throat.  “Ummm…  thank you, Lily.  That was…  something.”  He paused for a bit, then threw up his hands.  “I can’t top that.  Have a good week.”  Then he left the pulpit and the murmuring started.

Yuki looked at me, tears in her eyes.  “How did you even know?”

“Know what?”

“you prayed for my obaasan.  She’s been sick for a while.  I never told you that!”

“I…  don’t know?” I said,

Sabby sighed.  “Lily…  what am I going to do with you?”

“Take me home,” I said, quietly.  “That’s what you can do with me.”

And so we went home.  We didn’t even bother with the chocolate pancakes.  Not a moment too soon, because people were starting to line up to talk to me and I didn’t even know what had happened, so I just ran.

Aww.

We dropped Yuki off on the way back.  She looked really pensive, but gave me a hug before she went into her house.  “I guess your… situation… means a little more than collecting sisters,” she said softly.  “Thank you.”

“You’re not..?”

“Lily, you’ve done nothing but be Lily, and…. and I love you for it.  This is… just another thing about you to love.  We’ll talk later.”  Then she gave me an anime headpat (HAHAHAAH) and went inside.

So Sabby called the pastor pretty much immediately when we got home, sabbatical be damned.  I could only hear one side of the conversation, but you could hear her getting more and more angry. I thought she was going to throw the phone across the room.  Then she said, “fine.  You tell her, then.” and handed the phone to me.  “Pastor has something to tell you.”  Then she went upstairs and started to draw a bath.

“Uhhh,” I said eruditely.  “Why is she so angry?”

He was quiet on the other end.  “Because I.. umm.. suspected something.  And chose a very poor way to see if it was true.  I…  put him up to that.  I said ‘Have Lily give the prayer, and let’s see what happens.”

I sighed.  “And you couldn’t have talked to me?”

More silence.  “I…  didn’t expect that,” he said.  “I wondered if your being touched by heaven, as you put it, gave you a little more of a connection with the divine than most of us have normally, and…” he kind of faltered off.  “I’m sorry, Lily.  That was a mistake.”

I thought for a while.  “I don’t think it was,” I said softly.

“What?”

“I don’t think it was a mistake.  See, if it were a mistake, nothing would have happened.  I would have gotten up on the podium, stammered through a completely dumb prayer, and then I would have been embarrassed, and I would have been mad at being put through that.  But, instead… well… you were right, and God chose to speak.  How can that be a mistake?”

He was silent.

“But I’m not doing that every week,” I said, just as softly.  “I don’t want to be made an object of.  I don’t want people coming to me and getting mad when their prayers aren’t answered.  I have a former Japanese idol as a friend, and I know what happens when people start expecting things from you that you can’t deliver, especially because it’s not my power to begin with, and I don’t know what it is or anything about it other than strange things happen sometimes.  I don’t think this was a mistake.  I do think you’re the pastor, and this is your flock, and you’d better figure out a way through this that lets me keep my identity intact.”

“That’s fair,” he said.  “Don’t come to church next week.  I’ll give a sermon about spiritual gifts, and we’ll get through this.  But, Lily?”

“What?”, I asked.

“You’re a spiritual leader now.  What kind, is up to you.  I won’t ask anything of you.  But you clearly have a gift.  What are you going to do with it?”  He asked.

“Try to calm Sabby down,” I said.

He chuckled.  “Well, if anyone can do it… Lily… please don’t be angry.”

“I’m not,” I said.  “But don’t do that again.  Talk to me first.  You’re the pastor, you have the flock, but we’re equals in God.” … where did that come from?

He agreed, and we hung up.  Sigh.  That was difficult.

Sabby came down from the tub a half hour later, and I told her what the pastor and I had talked about.  She calmed down a little as I was telling her, and after I told her what we’d agreed, she sighed.

“Nothing normal ever happens to you, does it, Lily?”

I guess it doesn’t.

She called the pastor back and they had a much more civil discussion.  He might come over this week for a more indepth chat.

Anyway, Jack and I had a date tonight.  I told him everything that happened, and he just said simply, “I guess that’s what your memories paid for.”

I sighed.  He’s probably right.  He’s probably really right.  After dinner we went to a movie and took advantage of the dark for a little kissing.  I forget what the movie was about.  I don’t care.   Hahaha!!!

Oh… Yuki called me.  She was crying.  Her obaasan is healed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So… yesterday was quite a day, wasn’t it?  It’s funny being me, I never really know what’s going to happen from day to day.  It’s like that anime – Toradora?  Where I just come down the stairs and say “it was all BAM… and BOING… and POW!!!!” and I get brained by a flowerpot.  Yeah, I’ve been watching YouTube clips.

And today I’ve just been kind of lost in thought.

Just because I’m not angry with the pastor doesn’t mean he wasn’t out of line.  He was very out of line.  I’ve had enough people in my life experimenting on or around me, and it never turns out well.  I don’t need him playing games with me as well.  But…  at the end of the day, his hunch was right, and who’s to say he wasn’t… ummm… led to do that?  Who’s to say he was, but I’m saying it could go either way.  And, well, something happened, and now I have to figure out what, if anything, to do with it.

Sabby and I talked a lot today.  The pastor said I was a “spiritual leader”.  I don’t think he meant I was to become a pastor and start a mission or something.  Quite frankly, I still don’t really know what I believe.  I think he meant that I have a “gift” that many people don’t and that I should use it and develop it, not sit there like a bump on a log and do nothing with it.  And when I use it, I kind of naturally lead, because that’s the nature of it.  Right?  Because if he meant anything else we’ll have words.

And Jack was surprisingly insightful last night.  I don’t mean he’s never insightful, but he’s not a really thinky person, he just kind of goes with the flow, but last night I think he was right, when he said “that’s what my memories paid for”.  Maybe my memories were a sacrifice that enables the gift?  I don’t know.  There’s a lot of talk about sacrifice in church.  I guess that would mean I’m never getting my old memories back.  But from what I’m told, maybe I don’t want them anymore.  I was a snot, now I’m not.  Well, most of the time.

But, let’s be honest.  Now I’m kind of afraid to pray.  Some people pray and nothing happens.  I pray and stuff happens.  That’s a lot to put on me, and I don’t know if I like it.  And I’m not even sure who I’m praying to!

Oh well.  I’m not going to think about it for a while.  Maybe it’s for the best I don’t go to church next week.  Maybe it’s for the best I never go to church again.  I like the pastor and it’s a nice community and, well…  I ruined that now, didn’t I?

Oh well.  It sucks to be me sometimes.  Stuff just happens around me and I have to deal.

Now…  I’d stare at a wall, I guess, but I have to go to sleep, and maybe I can go to sleep and stare at the wall.  I mean, why not?

Hey… ummm…  where did that chocolate milkshake come from?

Love you all!!! ❤️