Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Friday.

Usually we’d have girls over, but Beth didn’t want to tonight.  I mean, Crystal is still in her program, and Beth didn’t really want to have Diana over, so it’s just a family night.  Liz is over but Beth isn’t really being social, so it’s just me and Liz.

I’m a little worried about Beth, actually.  She’s not herself.  Sabby found her a therapist and she has an appointment for next week.  She didn’t want to go, but she folded really quickly.  Another sign that something’s wrong.  Usually when Beth doesn’t want to do something, there’s yelling and stomping and name-calling.  But she just kind of wilted and went back to her room.

But we had dinner, and watched a movie, and now it’s nearly time for bed, and that’s, I guess, tonight.

Liz and Marie are best friends now.  Whenever Liz comes over Marie bounces over to her and demands to be petted, and Liz just play-wrestles with her until she gets tired of it and brings a toy.  Then it’s a game of “throw the toy” for a bit, and then everyone’s happy.  While we were watching the movie, Marie was on Liz’s lap, sleeping.  That was really cute.

Cat wasn’t anywhere to be found.  As usual.

It’s a busy weekend.  Our party is on Sunday.  everyone’s coming over.  Even Emiko and Aika and Mika.  Ai says she’s interested, so I’ll do a virtual tour for her.  I asked her what she’d dress up as, and she said Konata from Lucky Star.  I didn’t know she was Otaku.  Well, maybe she’s not, but she knows Lucky Star!!!

I’m looking forward to Ai flying here around Christmas!  It’ll be fun!

Dave hasn’t gotten me back yet.  Oops.

Love you all!!! ❤

 Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Today’s one of those days where there’s not much going on.  You know.  Run.  Walk Marie.  School.  Homework.  Dinner.  Just the usual stuff.

But of course I’m watching Dave like a hawk, and he’s just smirking at me.  I know he’s gonna get me!  I shoulda never pranked him!!!  But.. I always say that.

Jack’s okay with me wearing a cheerleading outfit for Halloween, but he says I have to model it for him privately later.  That made me blush, but I’ll do it!!!  He can come to the party, yay!!!  Dave came home with a bunch of wood panels and stuff and we’re going to make a haunted house in the backyard!  That’ll be fun!!!  But a lot of work, we’ll probably be spending all Saturday on it.  We’ll go to the Home Depot maybe tomorrow and pick up lots of haunted house decorations!!!

Well, short entry tonight!  That makes up for the long ones I write when something big is going on!!!  I’ll go walk Marie and go to bed.  Maybe storms in the morning!  BOOM!  Hahaha!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So remember how I was saying that I haven’t pranked Dave in a while?

I got a terrible, awful idea.

But I thought it might be too much.  So I ran it past Sabby.  She said I’d better not do that if I ever want to see Jack again, but she suggested an alternative, which was almost as funny.

So after dinner I sat Dave and Sabby down, and told them I got Jack pregnant.

Hahaha!!!!!

At first Dave looked shocked, then angry, then…  the wheels started turning.  Sabby was just falling over laughing.

“You got me,” he said, “I owe you one”.

Ooops.

Well, I guess it’s been a while.  I just hope he leaves chocolate alone.

Yes, you guessed it, the prank was originally going to be telling him I was pregnant, but Sabby was probably very right, considering the very angry look on his face before he figured it out.  She said it’s playing with fire, and, well… she’s always right.

In other news, Halloween is coming up!  We did the decorations a little while ago – Dave didn’t fall off the ladder, so it was a success.  We’re going to throw a Halloween party for everyone on Sunday, it’ll be fun.  I’m going to wear my cheerleader outfit!  I’m sure Jack won’t mind, it’s Halloween, after all, and at least it’s not a maid costume!  I wonder what he’ll dress as.. if he can come, anyway.

I talked to Sabby about finding someone for Beth to talk to, and she agreed.  She’s going to ask Allison’s mother for a referral.

Bedtime, Marie is whining.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Well…  there was another tornado last night.  The good news is… not here.  Up around Jarrell, I guess.

Back in the 90s there was apparently a very strong tornado in Jarrell.  The tornadoes seem to like Jarrell for some reason.  Poor Jarrell.

But we just got a lot of wind and rain and boomies.  But this morning the weather was really nice, so there’s that.  I took Marie out for a walk and it was really cool and damp and nice.

Marie’s getting big.  We need to get her spayed soon.  Poor Marie.

Beth kind of isn’t the same right now.  She’s still withdrawn and sullen.  Not angry or salty or anything like that, just… quiet.  I take her to class and the car rides are really quiet, and…  I don’t know.  I think Crystal’s near death affected her a lot more than she’s saying.  Maybe I should talk to Sabby about getting her someone to talk to.  I’m not sure she’s depressed…  just really affected.

I’m not going to be a bad big sister to Beth too.

Jack got a promotion!  They moved him up from cart pusher and bagger to cashier!  Now he’s doot dooting too!!!  It’s a tough job at a big store like that, but I’m sure he’ll do fine!!!

I should go through his lane and buy some embarrassing items!  That’ll be funny!!!

Okay, I’m going to go talk to Sabby about Beth.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And it STORMED!!!!

It went BOOM!  And rained!!! And more BOOM!!! LOUD booms!!!!

Jack told me Grace was kinda scared!  Texas storms aren’t like Ohio storms!!!  But they know how to take care of Grace, it was fine, she’s asleep now.

I haven’t heard from Crystal, but that’s expected.  She’s doing her thing.  I hope she comes out better afterwards.

Other than the storms, today was quiet.  Beth and I went to class.  Oh did I tell you we had midterms???  We did well!!!  Which is surprising considering the stuff that went on last week.  But it turned out alright.

Beth still seems a bit subdued.  And a bit cuddly.  Aww.

Anyway, Gotta go.  Now that the storms are over, Marie needs to go out, and it’s time for bed.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It was a quiet Sunday.

I decided to go to church with the family, but only because I wanted to ask the pastor a very specific question.  And, honestly, I’m not sure he appreciated it, haha!

After services, he was in front of the lectern shaking hands, and when it came my turn, he looked surprised.  “Lily!  I’m surprised to see you,!”, he said.

I just nodded.  “I wanted to ask you a question.”

“What’s that?”

“I have a little sister.. not Beth.. who, well, tried to kill herself.  What…. what happens to her?”

He frowned.  “Let me greet all these people, and then we’ll talk.”

So, I waited patiently as the “pastor hand shaking line” grew shorter and shorter.  So did the family.

He finally beckoned me over.

“So…  what happens to her.”  He sighed.  “Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Huh?” I said eruditely.  “You don’t know?”

“Truth is, Lily, there’s a lot we don’t know.  We’ve got the Bible, which tells us some things, we think, anyway.  We’ve got prayer.  We’ve got theology..  but at the end of the day, it’s all a mystery.  But what I can tell you is…  that’s the girl who was homeless right and we had stay over at our house for a little while, right?”

I nodded.

He shook his head.  “Girl’s had a hard life.  And…  she got assaulted while she was homeless, right?”

I nodded again.

“Well, I’ll say this.  God is merciful.  He knows what she’s been through.  I… I think she’ll be alright.”

“But you don’t know.”

“I’ll tell you a secret, Lily.  I don’t know too much more than you.  I can recite the Bible and come up with interesting things to talk about every Sunday and I try to help where I can, but…  at the end of the day, none of us will know until we die.  All I can say is I have faith that God will judge us fairly, and hope that he’ll judge us very unfairly.  After all, we all want better than we deserve, right?”

I lowered my head. “I guess,” I said quietly.

He patted my shoulder.  “Don’t be a stranger, Lily.  I know church can be boring, but…  we all love you here.  And tell Crystal to not be a stranger too, alright?  We miss her.”

Suddenly I felt very small.  I just smiled wanly and we left.

I was quiet on the drive home, but I was pleasantly surprised when we stopped for pancakes.

Chocolate pancakes are YUM.

But after we got home I changed out of my nice dress and into some more sensible clothes, and just kind of sat in my room and thought for a while.

Maybe I haven’t been fair, either.

I don’t know how I feel about God, still.  And any God who’d send Crystal to hell for being tormented is no God of mine.  But the pastor has been nothing but nice to me, and my family, and Crystal, and even the homeless.  He seems to be trying, and I crapped all over them just because I was bored.  Maybe…  maybe I was selfish.

I don’t know if I want to go back to church, but maybe I should think about it.

This evening Dave grilled.  It was nice.  It’s always nice when he grills.  Jack’s family came over too, and Grace and Jack and David and Beth and I (and Lily and Marie) played around in the backyard until it was time for them to go.  It was nice.  Our families don’t spend enough time together.

Bedtime.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It’s Friday.  And I’m so glad this week is over.  It was awful.

Diana came over today.  She went right up to Beth’s room, and the door closed, and I didn’t see them since.  I guess I understand, Crystal is both of their friend.  I went over to Liz’s house, and we’re having a chill night.  Her parents got some snacks (heavy on the chocolate, bless them) and we’re eating snacks and… just being with each other.  There’s not really a whole lot of talking, I think we’re both just kinda talked out.

But it’s nice being with her anyway.

Tomorrow, Jack and I are spending some time together.  I don’t know what we’ll do.  I guess we’ll think of something, we always do.  And maybe Allison will come over with Milo soon for a doggie playdate.  Crystal’s going to be out of communication for a couple of weeks while she does her intense therapy thing.  I do hope it helps her.

I don’t have to walk Marie tonight, someone else is doing that.  After all, I’m over at Liz’s.  But it is bedtime, so I guess we’ll do that.

Love you all!!! ❤

HI! It’s me! Lily!

Normal?  I don’t know.  But we’re back to something.

So Crystal is starting her treatment.  Poor girl’s been through a lot, I hope this treatment works for her rather than makes things worse.  But I guess we’ll see.  Everyone seems agreed that she doesn’t get nearly as much of a choice as she would otherwise – You know that’s technically illegal?  Stupid, I know, but it is.  But they’re going to treat her rather than prosecute her, so that’s good.

Beth seems a little sullen and withdrawn, though.  Poor girl’s been through a lot.  Maybe she could stand talking to someone too.  But you know her, she’s stubborn.  She did give me a hug, though, and thanked me for being there for her.  That’s something, I guess.

I mean, I appreciate that at all, but I’m still not really sure I deserve it.

Crystal’s parents are also now on the social workers’ radar.  I guess that makes sense.  But Dave and Sabby, and her parents, have been having a lot of conversations I’m not privy to.  All Sabby would say is “No one makes the best decisions 100 percent of the time, and her parents are no exception.”  I guess so.  I mean, were there alternatives to a homeless shelter?  Maybe there weren’t, but were there?  I don’t know.  A lot of her trauma seems to stem from that experience.  I’m not blaming them for it, but I can sure see how Crystal might not want to open up.  If Dave and Sabby were to somehow end up in a homeless shelter and drag me along with them, would I resent it?

I don’t know, and that’s the whole point, right?

I guess maybe it’s none of my business.  But it does give me a lot to think about.

Tomorrow’s Friday.  Diana might come over, but I feel like it’s going to be a bit more somber than usual.  Maybe I’ll spend some time with Liz if she’s not busy.  I still need to give her a big hug for letting me wail on her shoulder.  And chest.  And arms.  And lap.  Sigh.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So Crystal is released today – except she’s not.  They’re going to make her do an intense inpatient therapy thing for a couple of weeks.  I hope it helps.  I guess it can’t hurt – but famous last words.

Beth thanked me today for being a good big sister too.  I guess.  I mean I don’t feel like it, but I guess I’ll take it for what it is.  Beth’s not the type to lie.  In fact, I’ve never seen her actually lie.  So if she says I’m a good big sister, well…  I guess I am.  Right?  I still wonder, though.  It’s been a rollercoaster few days – and not the fun kind.

Oh well.  Like Dave always says, it is what it is.

Anyway, not a long post today.  I’m exhausted.  I think I’ll just walk Marie and go to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤