Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!!

I went to the doctor today!!!  He said I’m recovering fine.  I can move around better today, all the swelling seems to have receded, and he said my concussion is a lot better.  He says I shouldn’t be alone for a couple more days but I should be okay by the weekend.  Maybe I’ll still be a little sore, but he just says some ice and some advil and I’ll be good as new.

I have Liz’s recital coming up.  I think I’ll be fine for that.  After all, I get to sit down at the piano. Right?

Anyway, I’ve been teasing something important.  Y’all might think this is the most important thing ever, but to me…  I have so many weird things happen to me that this is kind of, well…  expected, I guess.  Not normal, but expected.

I wasn’t really unconscious when I was out.

I had what they call a “near death experience”…  though I was told that I wasn’t near death, but it was a good chance to yank me out of my body for a while so we could have a chat.

Who’s “we”?

Well, me and God, of course.

Of course.  How could it be any other way?

I can’t really tell you everything we talked about.  Partly because it’s personal, and partly because, well, we didn’t always use words.  But I know who he is now.  He’s… what’d you’d expect, and, well… not.

He lives in a place where time both doesn’t matter, and does.  I can’t really explain that, and he said there aren’t really words in any language to explain that concept, nor can there really be words.  Not in the way we know, anyway.  When my first adopted parents opened that gateway, they tapped into energies they don’t understand.  I didn’t really completely understand the explanation, but it wasn’t really energy they tapped into.  It’s just that when that realm interacts with ours, it manifests as an energetic burst, because that’s where creativity comes from.  It’s the realm of creation, and our realm is the realm of created, and when creation impinges on created, well, stuff happens.  Lots of stuff.  Nuclear reactor or even explosion type stuff, but different types of energies.

My first adopted parents were, well, “made to pass on” was how he put it.  It’s not so much that they died, but that they were directly hit by the energies of creation, and a part of the energies of creation is destruction, so they were, well, destroyed.  I wasn’t because I was on the periphery of the gateway, and because I was an innocent bystander.  But he figured he could use that, so he, well, how did he put it… “imprinted” me.  I have a small gateway to the creative realm inside my head.  For all intents and purposes, I am a gateway into the created realm.  They were destroyed not only because of what they’d opened, but because of the fact that they’d opened it.  That is not for human use right now.  Maybe someday.  They’re not the first to have discovered that, and the previous discoverers met the same fate.  They didn’t go to hell or anything, but they can’t stay here.  Not with that knowledge.

He said that someday I’ll die, but…  I can’t be killed.  I asked him why, and he just shrugged.  He said the creative realm only accepts destruction when it’s in place to make something even better, and because I’m a direct gateway, I can’t be made better, so I can’t be destroyed.  My body will still age out like any other body, but there’s a reason I’m a gateway to the creative realm, and he won’t allow it to be destroyed by the forces of evil that are always attracted to it.

By which I mean, I know why I’m a karen magnet now.

He said I actually did die that day… sort of.  But it was as I kind of suspected… only parts of me died, and then were replaced by other, better things.  Like that gateway.

The thing about the creative realm, he said, is that while it attracts evil, it also attracts good.  That’s why I’ve had so many improbably good things happen to me ever since I was found.  It’s also why I’ve ended up with my share of, well, car accidents, karens, and other odd things that probably could have destroyed me if I were anyone else, but I somehow survived all of it mostly unscathed.  Well… I know how, now, I guess.

So, the most important question:  I asked who he is.

He wouldn’t tell me.

Awww.

He did say that I can think of him as Jesus if I want, and I wouldn’t be wrong.  But there’s a lot more to him than that, and he doesn’t want me to get caught up in Christian worship culture, etc., because that kind of tends to force people into boxes, and my gift is not meant to be forced into a box.  It’s meant to free people from boxes, like I did Anathema.

And then he showed me heaven.

I…  really can’t describe or explain it.  I really don’t want to.  Except to say that if everyone knew that was awaiting them when they died, maybe they wouldn’t hate this life so much.

He told me a lot of things, some of which kind of blew my mind, but I really can’t say much about them.  Some things were just for my ears.

I did ask him what that lycoris radiata is that I found on my chest that one night and is sitting on my shelf (you forgot about that, didn’t you?)  He said I’d find out soon enough, it’s a gift to make up a little for everything I’ve been through.  He said it might make life a little bit easier in a few months.  I wonder what he meant by that.

I also asked him about the milkshake.

He said he wanted to give me a milkshake.

Awww.

Well, maybe he’s not such a bad guy.

Anyway…  that’s what I found out.  There’s a lot more but I’m going to keep it to myself.  For now, anyway.

I did tell Liz, though.  She just listened thoughtfully, said “only you, Lily”, and dragged me to the shower.

I guess I smelled.

Talk to God, then get dragged into the shower by your best friend.  I guess life doesn’t stop happening after you die.

I think she’s envious of my floppy bits, though.  Aww.  Hers are just fine, I don’t know what she’s complaining about.  She didn’t honk me, but she kind of jiggled them around and said “you’re so lucky.”  No, not that way, silly-billies, just in a curious “I wonder what it’d be like to have these” way.

Am I though?

Hah!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Today was memorial day.  Dave grilled. They helped me downstairs and I had lunch with the family.  I’m still in a lot of pain but improving every day.  Everyone tells me I’m really lucky, and I guess I am.

I swear if it weren’t for Jack I’d marry Liz.  Well, not really, but she’s been really taking good care of me and I really appreciate it.  I mean, who else would jump in the shower with me and make sure my back is washed?  Even Saby was kind of amazed by that.  That’s a good friend.

I washed all the important parts by myself though.  She did help me stand though while I did, so there’s that.

Jack was drooling when I told him.  Sigh. Boys.  I told him I’m not that way and even if I were I wouldn’t be that way with him.

Doesn’t matter to a boy, though, I guess.

I’m actually a little bored, I’ve just been playing on my tablet and sleeping.  I talked to the lawyer about suing the guy and he said that he’d rather let the insurance company deal with it first, and if they can’t get their pound of flesh, then we’ll step in and get ours.  That makes sense, why should we pay for a lawyer when they’ve got five dollar a word attack lawyers on the payroll?  Liz and I watched anime all day today.  It was fun.

We’re still going on the road trip… it’s just going to be put off for a little while, while I heal.

Anyway…  I’m going to sleep.  Liz is still here.  I don’t know what I’d do without her.  I can walk but it’s still difficult, they got me a cane.  I feel so old now, and I’m only eighteen.  Sigh.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

My head is feeling better.  My bones really aren’t.  I’m lucky I didn’t break anything.  I’m… just lucky in general, I guess.

But I can make it to the bathroom and Sabby brings me food and snacks, so I’m doing okay.  I miss running though.  It’ll take me a few weeks to be able to run again.  Sabby’s going to let me use her exercise machines when I feel up to it so I don’t completely lose my touch.

Liz is still taking care of me.  She didn’t go home last night.  Aww.  She said she’s going to stick around until she feels like I’m safe.

I don’t deserve such good friends.

I’m… not really mad at the guy who did this.  Unlike the other guys who assaulted me, or tried to anyway, he wasn’t going after me.  He was just being stupid and I was in the way.  I guess I even forgive him.  But I don’t want to see him get away with it.  He won’t learn anything if he gets away with it.  I guess I will go visit him in jail or prison or wherever and tell him that.

He’ll probably be mad but I don’t care.  He could have caused a lot more damage than he did, so getting told off a bit is the least he deserves.

But I want nothing to do with him unless he’s behind one of those thick plexiglas walls.  I don’t know how dangerous he is.  Maybe he isn’t if it’s his first offense, but it doesn’t sound much like it is.

Oh well.  I’m still going to Japan, and that’s the important thing.

Anyway, the insurance company did total my car, and I’ll be getting a check for it.  That’s going into my savings so it can earn interest until it’s time to buy a new car.  Or at least a different car.

Anyway… I still have important stuff to tell you, but…  that’s going to take a lot of time, and, well, both Liz and Sabby are about to rip the tablet out of my hands and forcibly put me in my pajamas, so…  I guess I should go.  Some other time.  Liz is going to help me shower, which is nice of her, but it’s a little embarrassing.  At least it’s not Jack.  That would be something very different than embarrassing.  Liz and I are very close friends but some parts of me I’ll wash myself.  Haha!!!  She’s going to help me stand up and wash my back, though…  and at least that’s less embarrassing than if Sabby were to do it, so…  maybe someday I’ll need to return the favor.  Hopefully not.

No, silly-billies, stop it.  That kind of thing is pretty normal in Japan between friends and/or sisters, especially in an onsen, so get your mind out of silly-billy land.  And we went to that onsen in Enoshima.  It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before…

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m back from the hospital.

I hurt a lot.

My head hurts a little…  my leg hurts a lot…  I have to use crutches right now.  Going up the stairs wasn’t easy, and I’m not going downstairs any time soon.  Nothing’s broken, but everything’s purple and swollen.  Docs say it should start to heal in a week or two.

Liz and I were going to go on a road trip.  That’s not happening now.  She’s over now and taking care of me.  Awww.  I told her she didn’t have to do that.  She says yes, she does… I’m her best friend.  She’s lying next to me reading a book.  She says hi.  The other girls came to say hi, but Sabby thinks I need to rest and too many girls here will be too much noise.  She’s probably right as usual.  So Beth’s over at Diana’s with Crystal and they’re having a sleepover there.

I was not held to be at fault in the accident.  The other driver ran through a red light without even braking and was stumbling drunk.  He tried to get away from the scene but ended up falling on his face and passing out.  Needless to say but I will anyway, he was arrested.  I didn’t know any of that, though.  I was out.  I remember nothing.  Story of my life, right?  The police say he’ll be lucky if he gets less than five years – not his first DUI unfortunately.

Unfortunately, he was driving without insurance, but I have uninsured motorist coverage.  Dave insisted on that, bless him.  So I guess my insurance company will be coming after him too.  Good, I hope they get their pound of flesh or two.

I’m not going to replace the car, though.  I’m going to Japan in a few months and I don’t need it.  I can borrow Beth’s or Sabby’s, or take a rideshare, if I really need to go somewhere.  I’ll replace it when I get back from Japan after I graduate.

I have other things to tell you….  but they can wait.  They’re important, but they can wait.  I’m tired.  I have to take some painkillers and go to sleep.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Maybe you love me too…

Hello, Lily’s readers.  This is Sabby.

Lily was in an accident last night.  She was coming home from Liz’s graduation and was T-Boned.  Fortunately it was on the passenger side, so while her car is totaled, she is not seriously injured physically.  She has some bruises and she might be limping for a while, but she’s mostly unharmed.  The airbags worked.  She did suffer a concussion though and was unconscious for most of the night last night.

She woke up this morning.  She’s not very lucid, but she’s improving.  She’s going to be in the hospital for a while longer, but she wanted me to write and tell you all.  This diary is very important to her and she, well… she means it when she says she loves you all.

I’ll be bringing her tablet to her, maybe she’ll post something tonight if she’s feeling up to it.  If not, she’ll post when she’s ready.  I’ll let you know if her condition improves or worsens otherwise.

I don’t get a chance to post here very often, partly because she’s really territorial about her diary, and partly because I let her have that part of her life for her own.  I do read every day, though.  I can’t believe it’s only been about four years since she was found, it seems like so much longer.  Beth and David are my biological children, but I didn’t know I had a Lily-shaped hole in my life and heart until she came into both.  Now I have three children, and I have had three children ever since I first met Lily.  Not from when I adopted her, she was my child long before that, even if neither of us really knew it at the time.  I can’t imagine life without her and I was so scared last night when I found out she was hurt.  Seeing her in that hospital bed with all those tubes so vulnerable… it broke me.  I don’t know if I’ll ever forget that horrible feeling.

Liz and Jack are visiting her right now.  I came back to get some of her clothes and effects, and to write this, because she asked me to.  I need to go back to the hospital.  Beth and David are coming with me too.

Beth is really worried.  I remember when she first met Lily and hated her so much.  But she’s grown up so much, too.  All my children have.  Jack, well… if I didn’t think he loved her before, I do now.  He won’t leave her side.  He almost fought the nurses when they told him to leave, until they gave up and just let him sit there.  He’s been holding her hand this whole time.  He’s…  a little rudderless and lazy, but… his heart’s in the right place.  It always has been.  Even if he’s a teenage boy and doesn’t know what to do with it half the time.

The nurses tried to get me to have him evicted as her mother, but I told them she’s been with him for two years now, he clearly loves her, just let him be.  He’s not going to try anything with everyone there, and she’s holding his hand back.  Every time he touches her she seems more at peace, and I’m not going to take that away from her.

Lily says “love you all”, and she will post when she’s ready.  If I don’t post it means nothing’s changed.  I promise I will tell you any important news.  Any prayers would be welcome.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, they’re gone.  Suzuka and Haruna are back home.  There were lots of hugs at the airport, and Haruna told me that I have a gift.

I guess?  I mean, I’ve been told I have a gift, I guess I have a gift… but I don’t really think of it that way.  It’s just who I am.

We talked a lot last night, in the hotel room.  Haruna is going back to school  She says she wants to be a nurse or something.

I… that’s not for me, I don’t think, but hey, if she knows what she wants to do, she should do it!  I heard of another idol who graduated and became a nurse.  I bet she has the happiest patients.  Suzuka…  she’s still Suzuka, I guess.  She’s a little more rudderless than Haruna, but she seems happy that way.  She did say she wants to pick up the guitar and maybe see if she can be in a band.

That’s a lot of work and it doesn’t make much money… but I’ll go see her perform.  Seriously.  I will.  I’m going to be in Japan anyway… maybe she’ll perform in that live house in Shinokitazawa where Bocchi “performed”. That would be cool.  She’s already been an idol, so she’ll have that draw, anyway. 

It is a lot of work.  But it’s her dream, and she put if off long enough, she said.  Crystal and her band kind of inspired her.

Not gonna lie… Crystal kind of inspires me, too.  Remember how I said how driven Suzuka and Haruna are?  Crystal’s that way.  She’s got the work ethic of an idol.  I think, more than ever, she’s going places now.

Maybe I’ll take her to Japan again someday and she can play with Suzuka.

I…  practice a lot.  I have a lot to catch up on, and the pieces I play are really difficult.  But I don’t have that kind of work ethic.

Speaking of which, Haruna, Suzuka, and even Yuki were really impressed.  They said I play piano better than anyone they know, and the audience was spellbound.  That’s always a compliment coming from idols.. but… I guess?  I don’t really think I’m all that special.  I’m just a girl who can play the piano.

But they don’t see it that way.  Haruna said she’s been around a lot of entertainers and performers as an idol… some really famous ones… and I have that same kind of presence.

Wow.

They also had really good things to say about Beth too.  So do I.  She’s come a long way.  She’s not like, oh, I dunno…  Florence Foster Jenkins?  Hahaah!!! No…  she’s not like…  well, someone who sings opera professionally… but she’s good.  The audience was spellbound for her too.

Oh well.  They’re back home now.  I’ll miss them.  But they need to be home.  That’s where they’re going to shine.

Okay.. two graduations this week, one tomorrow and one on Thursday…  I think Jack’s is tomorrow.  Then…  then the next piece begins.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

We’re in a hotel in Houston tonight, me, Suzuka, Haruna, and Yuki.  Their flight leaves at stupid o’clock tomorrow, and we need to drop them off.

I’m glad Yuki’s here.  I might cry a lot tomorrow.

But Haruna’s crying a lot tonight.  She’s really weepy for some reason.  I guess she’ll miss me.  She said that when I go to Japan to look her up, we’ll be besties and she’ll show me all the good spots.  I mean, I have family there too, but that’s a nice offer and I’m going to take her up on it.

I have lots of friends in Japan.

Suzuka is a little more reserved, as she always is, but she said the same thing applies, to look her up when I’m in Japan.  They’re actually not best friends, but they get along well enough, and both of them accepted the offer to do the idol thing.

I asked them why they agreed to do it even though it didn’t pay much.  Haruna just shrugged and said it was something to do.  Suzuka said she wanted an excuse to go to America.  So I guess it all worked out.

We took them souvenir shopping today and they loaded up.  There’s a Buc-ees on the way and they got another industrial sized bag of beaver nuggets.  And a couple other things.

I have at least two graduations to attend later this week, and…  Liz and I are going to do something fun next weekend.  We haven’t decided what, but I think both of us deserve it.  We haven’t spent a lot of time together lately anyway.  She had to do her school stuff for graduation, etc… and that’s not an issue anymore.

We’re going to bed now.  Stupid o’clock, remember?

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me!!! Lily!!!!

I didn’t post yesterday!!!

Okay, so yesterday, we had our “graduation”.  We had it in the shop, and a bunch of people came that I didn’t know.  All the sudents wore formal oufits, the girls with frilly dresses, the boys with suits and ties.  They had a nice ceremony where we all got “diplomas”, etc.  And then the idols came up, along with Beth, and they started singing graduation songs.  Like “Sakura no Hanabiratachi”, “graduation toss”, etc.  I don’t know where Beth (and the idols) got the time to practice all of that, but she sang it flawlessly!  The idols didn’t really sing this time, but they danced around.  The lyrics were translated on a projector.

It was surprisingly…  tearful, actually.

“Sakura no Hanabiratachi” gets me on the best of days, and Beth singing it while actual Japanese idols were dancing was.. kind of surreal and really emotional.

I’m graduating.  I’ve graduated.  I’m out of high school now.  I’m going to college. I…  I’m scared, a little.

Okay, a lot.

Graduation is a little bit like a little death, I think.  One of those smaller deaths that you experience throughout your life until you go through the actual big one.  You get a lot of those deaths… and a lot of those births too.  Because very time something dies, something else is born out of it.  That’s just how the world works.  My high school career is dead now, it died, and graduation was a funeral, a memorial to that death.  But it was also a celebration of new life, of moving on to the next big thing.  I’m going to Japan for college, and only in a few months too.  Seems like yesterday it was eight months out.  Now it’s three or four.  It’s coming fast.

Beth has become a surprisingly good singer.  I don’t think she wants to make it a career but she’s really learned to belt it out, and has surprisingly good vocal control.  I’ll be proud to accompany her on her upcoming recital.

She’s definitely better than the idols.

She can’t dance worth crap though.

She was wearing a slinky black dress too, with some fur around the neckline, black stockings, high heels… and an updo in her hair… she really is beautiful.  I think I’m pretty.  I think the idols are pretty.  Beth is something else.  She’s the whole package.  I’m surprised she doesn’t really have a boyfriend yet, but…  she seems to want to wait for the right one.  I don’t really blame her.  She’s dated a few times, and they only really seem to want, well… not her mind.

I remember when she was an awkward thirteen year old who hated me.  And now… she’s almost a grown woman.  Can you believe it?

Allison’s birthday was a few days ago.  I didn’t really get a chance to do anything because I was so busy.  But happy belated birthday, Allison!!!

Anyway… today…. we all went to the waterpark.  Just like Sabby promised.  I haven’t been there in a while, and it was nice to take the idols along too.  We all had fun!!! They forgot to bring their swimsuits, so we took them to get one first.  Everyone was turning heads.  Especially because I think some Japanese folks decided to make a weekend of it and a few of them were at the waterpark.  They got semi-mobbed.  Not to the point where it was inappropriate, but they certainly had to say hi and sign a few autographs.

I don’t think they minded.  Reminded them of old times, I guess.

Now we’re all exhausted.  All that splashing and sliding and stuff is hard work!!!

They’re leaving in a couple of days.  I’ll miss them.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!!

Well, that’s finally over.  Months of preparation for one night.  But it really did go well.

Everyone was there!!! Even Emiko and family came from Houston (which had some REALLY severe storms yesterday but they were okay.)!! And even Rebecca and her mother (and her friends) came too!  Even Mrs. X!!!  Jack and Grace and Liz’s family!!! Everyone!!!  Well, except for Joe and Anathema, who are currently off at the coast probably not seeing much of the water.  Or clothing.

I came on stage wearing my “school uniform” and said in Japanese and English something like “Welcome to everyone who came, and especially our Japanese friends!  Please keep a respectful silence during the serious compositions.  However, at the end, there will be a performance by several former Japanese Idols” (and I said their names) “and you are free to wave your glowsticks, if you have them, and show your appreciation in any culturally appropriate manner.”

Everyone politely applauded, and the Japanese people (about half the audience, as expected) turned on their glowsticks and waved them around a little.

The conductor then had a little bit to say about my story, about how I had lost my memory, but somehow knew how to play piano, and that I was a up and coming young pianist who he was very pleased to work with.  I translated into Japanese (mostly) because, well.. half of the audience was Japanese…  I’m not perfect at Japanese so I didn’t get it all but it was passable.

Then the entire orchestra, including me, stood up, and the concertmaster led the traditional Japanese salute (everyone bowed, and said “onegaishimasu”).  Then the performance started.

It went so well.  i played as well as I ever did, and I didn’t look out into the audience until the very end, and Sabby was crying.  Awww.  The idols (who actually sat by the side to watch) looked really amazed, and… well…  I was happy with how it turned out.

Second half, the orchestra played a piece on their own (New World Symphony), and then, at the end, the idols came out and the audience went nuts.  They bowed, and then did their three songs.

They sure did seem in their element.  They played off the audience and the audience played off them and at the end the cheering was uproarious.  Even some of the older people got into the act.

At the end they had a little table where the idols greeted their fans, and that lasted for about a half an hour… while that went on, I greeted everyone as well, and everyone told me how much they enjoyed it.

So after that we all went out for sushi.  It just seemed appropriate.

That was our after party.  The violinists invited me to theirs.  I politely declined.  Hahaha!!!  The rumors may not be true, but if they are…  Jack would be pissed and I don’t want to get pregnant…

Anyway, I’m home now, and we’re all still kinda wired, so we’re just chatting and talking about how good it went. It’s already on LINE and some Japanese media picked it up “idol reunion in Texas of all places!”

I’m just glad it’s over.  Honestly.  That was a lot of work.

Now… I have to accompany Liz… some graduations coming up…  and… other things too.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

The concert is tomorrow night!!!

So today was the dress rehearsal.

It went fairly well.

A few minor things, but of course we had notes after, and it should be fine.

After I did my part, I went out into the auditorium and watched the idols do their thing, and…  man, do they have stage presence.  All three of them strutting, dancing, and singing with the orchestra doing their things all dressed as Japanese high school students… it was actually kind of surreal.  Everyone seemed to be having a good time… even the conductor.  He told me after that he thought I was nuts at first but that it was actually a really good idea.  I told him to expect an unusually rowdy crowd when the idols are performing and to expect chants and glowsticks.  He thanked me for the warning.  He didn’t seem to mind though, as long as they don’t do that during the serious part.

I told him I might ask them not to do that in Japanese before I sit down.  He thinks that’s a good idea.  He said he took a peek at the numbers, and at least half of the tickets were sold to people from Japan.  Or at least with Japanese names.

So…  I guess tomorrow’s it.

I might not post until Saturday morning, but we’ll see.

Anyway, it was kind of a boomy day, some storms came through in the afternoon, and they were really boomy storms.  We were doing the rehearsal when they came through, and they kind of added to the ambience.  But the soundproofing is pretty good so they were easy to ignore.  That shouldn’t be an issue tomorrow.

Crystal’s band all bought tickets.  They said they wouldn’t miss that.  I wouldn’t have thought, really, because they don’t seem the type, but maybe I have my own draw.

Anyway…  I’ll be glad when this chapter of my story is over.  It was fun but it’s a lot of work and stress.  The idols are all safe in their futons right now.  They seem so happy.  I’m glad.  They’ll be leaving sometime next week.

I’ll kind of miss them.  They’re really bright, cheerful, and fun to have around.  I guess that’s what made them good idols.

But, we get to go to the waterpark before they go.  Yay!!!

I found out what the frilly dress is for.  Sabby wants to have a graduation ceremony at the shop before we go.  She’s put out the invite for any graduating homeschooled student in the city.  I guess a few are showing up.  Though why a frilly dress is beyond me.  I guess everyone else has to dress up too.

The idols are going too.  I have no idea what Sabby has planned.

Love you all!!! ❤️