Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! LIly!

And as promised, there was no church today.

I kinda missed it and I kinda didn’t, if I’m being honest.  It’s always nice to go and say hi to the old ladies and get my cheeks pinched, but after last week, I’m not sure I like it there much anymore.  Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be, but it was kind of a traumatic experience.  In a way, anyway.  Sabby did pick up Yuki, though, and she went with them.  Sabby likes Yuki.  She doesn’t like everyone, so I’m happy about that.

Apparently the sermon was about spiritual gifts and how everyone has a role to play in a functioning community, and that people are to be treasured for their gifts and allowed to flourish, not used and beaten down.  That was nice of him.  I hope they listen.  There isn’t anyone else in the congregation with those kinds of gifts, but I learned that in some sects there are prophetesses and other folks who have a direct line to God like I seem to sometimes.  So my kind of gift isn’t unheard of, but it’s really rare in my sect.  Maybe I should find one of those prophetesses.

Liz came over while everyone was gone and we watched another episode of “Akebi’s Sailor Uniform” – this one was about getting to know her new friends.  It’s really a beautiful anime, with gorgeous backgrounds and everyone’s so happy and cheerful, most of the time.  This episode had the famous lip balm scene, but it was pretty innocent, and a little funny.

Sometimes you just want to live in another world, you know what I mean?

Anyway, after everyone got back, Sabby wanted to talk to me.

She read my entry the other day and asked me if I was really worried about them kicking me out.

I said, obviously not.  I even said so in the entry.

She paused, for a bit.  “What did you mean we’re your family… but we’re not?”

Sigh.  I shoulda not said that.

“I meant,” I said slowly, “that you adopted me, but you didn’t give birth to me.  We don’t share genes or anything physical.”

“Does that bother you?”

“No!”, I said.  “Why should it?  My biological parents abandoned me.  You didn’t!”

She was quiet.  “I remember when I was put in a foster home,” she finally said.  “After my parents… well…”  She was quiet a little longer.  “I cried.  Like you did.  Almost as hard.  And I never really thought of them as my parents.  I mean, they took care of me, as best they could…  they even kind of loved me… but they weren’t my parents.  I wonder, sometimes, if that’s how you feel about us.”

“You knew your parents,” I said.  “You remember them.  I don’t.  Well, I do now, but I didn’t.  It’s different.”  I glomped her.  “Why on earth would you think I didn’t think of you as my parents?”

“You said…”

“I ALSO said I was being thinky and not to take me seriously!  So let me be thinky and don’t take me seriously!”

She sighed.  “Alright… I just…”

“Well stop it!”, I said.  “You know when you adopted me, I adopted you too?”

Her eyes widened.  “I never thought of it that way.”

“Well think of it that way,” I snapped.  “I didn’t have to say yes.  I mean, you might have anyway, but I still didn’t have to.  But I did.  And I’ve told you how I feel lots of times.  So just cut it out and don’t take it personally when I’m trying to figure out my life after a rather strange and…. somewhat traumatic event!” I glomped her again and she returned my hug.  “OK?”

“Fine,” she said, but with a smirk.  “Did you just go Claire Huxtable on me?”

I frowned.  “I don’t think I could pull that off.  But I did go Lily Smith on you.  It’s almost as bad.”

She giggled and went off to do what Sabbies do on a Sunday.  I think we’re alright.

I went out with Jack this afternoon.

I like – no, I love Jack.  He always treats me well, he’s never said or done anything offensive or awful, he’s the sweetest guy… and… and…

And.

We talked some today.  I think the stress of knowing we’re going to have to make a decision that’s coming up like a freight train is starting to wear on us.  Sabby told me two years ago, when I first met him, that one or both of us was going to have to give up something to be with each other…  and it’s starting to become clear to both of us what that means.  If I go to school in Japan, then…  he’s probably not going to go to school in Japan, and…  and…

I don’t want to think about it.

Neither of us know how to solve this right now, absent the “nuclear” option, which I don’t think either of us are ready for.

Long distance relationships can work.  Long distance relationships literally halfway around the world…  well, that can work too.  But how well?  Neither of us know.

On the bright side, he did see his career counselor, and he told me he’s thinking of taking up electronics engineering.  That’s a pretty cool job, I did a little of that myself with that lab Dave set up in the garage (which David still uses a lot, he’s pretty good at that stuff).  But he needs to pick up some more math and stuff.  I think he can do it, he just has to put his mind to it.

He’s not a dumb boy.  He’s pretty smart even.  Just a bit unmotivated sometimes. 

But I told him that when he has a good job then we can have a couple of kids, and I hear making kids is pretty fun.

He blushed hard.  And his mother called and asked what I told him, because apparently he’s studying.  That was my turn to blush.

Anyway, enough of that, I guess.  Back to class tomorrow.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Fall is here!  Ummm… sort of.

It was cooler today and stormed a bit this afternoon.  Nothing awful, not like last week.  Last week in Cedar Park there was a… what do they call it… a microburst that damaged a bunch of houses and fences!  Today it was just some booms and some nice rain.  I’ll take booms and nice rain.  The temperature was nice too!  Dave grilled today!!!

He loves grilling… I think I told you that.

The girls stayed over last night, and before Dave grilled we all went to the mall and wandered around the mall.  Yuki enjoyed the World Store, and Crystal always likes Cool and Eclectic – she buys all sorts of strange stuff that makes sense only to her.  Of course I like the “weeb store” where there’s lots of weeby stuff to buy.  It was lots of fun, and did I mention that Yuki is a riot?  I guess you can’t be an idol without being cheerful and outgoing, or at least knowing how to pretend to be cheerful and outgoing.  So we walked by one of those awful makeover places where they give you a little sample of something and try to drag you in for a facial.  Yuki… I swear… started floating and spinning around and winking and yelled… SUMIRU [smile] …. HURRICANE!!!” and made heart shapes with her hand and finished with her hair swishing around, her index and middle fingers pointed out in a very aggressive V, and a big ol’ smile and wink on her face.

They just turned around and ran for the safety of their store.

Then she turned it off like a light switch, brushed off her clothes, looked at us, and said “that’s how it’s done.”

Beth gushed, “That’s sooo COOOLLL! TEACH ME HOW TO DO THAT!”

Yuki grimaced.  I just giggled.  “You walked into that, Yuki.”  She laughed and told Beth she’d teach her.

There is, apparently, such a thing as being too outgoing.

We all got some really cute shoes, too.  Can’t have too many shoes.  Yuki likes the fashionable ones, you know, the short suede boots with heels.  Beth likes practical shoes, you know, brown leather slip-ons? Liz like dressy shoes (she always dresses very nice), Crystal would get army boots if she could afford them so she settles for black sneakers, Diana likes practical shoes with comfy soles, and me…  I like shiny Mary Janes.  They’re just adorable, especially with black knee highs and little bows.  Sometimes I even put a red heart on them with glue and glitter.  We don’t get shoes every time we go to the mall, shoes are expensive, but we all had the money today, so… shoes it was.  And it’s so much fun shopping for shoes, there are so many different kinds!!!

Yes I’m girly.  Sue me.

Yuki is introducing all of us to some really fun anime.  There’s this one called “Akebi’s Sailor Uniform” that she really loves and I can see why.  We watched the first episode today, and it is absolutely beautiful.  We all love Akebi.  If she were real I’d make her one of my sisters.  And she would too because she loves making friends.  And her little sister Kao is the best, she reminds me so much of Grace, and everyone loves Grace.

It’s sure a lot less depressing than “Oshi No Ko.”  After that one Liz was a little clingy for a day or two.  Awww.

But she loves the theme song, she’s been humming it so much…  and she’s even getting the Japanese pronunciation right!!!

Anyway… enough about that, I suppose.

I’m glad I met Yuki.  She’s a good girl.  And she really needs friends.  Real friends.

I mentioned the next time she goes back to Japan I want to go with her.  She said that I don’t really want to do that, because the moment she lands people will be mobbing her and bugging her and she won’t get a moment’s peace.

I said that’s why I want to go.  We’ll face that together.  I don’t like being the center of attention, but I won’t let her face that alone if I can help it.

I swear, her eyes started leaking like an anime character, and she glomped me, and gave me the biggest hug.

Besides, I said, she’ll know all the really fun places.  you know, the ones idols go to when they’re not idoling.

She giggled, and promised to give me as low key a tour as a former idol can manage.

Well, that’s all for today, I guess.  No thinky today.  Just sisters.  Jack and I are going on a date tomorrow.  And I’m not going to church.  Sabby was a little put out at that, but I told her it was the pastor’s idea and after last week I’m really uncomfortable with the idea, and she dropped it.  Besides, I was going because I wanted to, not because she wanted me to.  The girls are staying over again tonight, though, so I need to go brush some hair and make a girl pile.  And we got some hair stuff at the mall that smells really good that we all want to try.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I didn’t post last night.  I was thinking.

You know me.  I’ve said it before.  I’m not a thinky girl.  Sometimes things can be right in front of my face and I won’t even notice.  Like my birthday last year!  They threw me a surprise party and Liz all but told me, and I was still really surprised!  I guess I’m not dumb, but I’m not thinky.  Not like Beth or Liz or even Crystal sometimes!

But I was thinking.

I spent last night just sitting there with a manga open that I wasn’t really reading.

And I asked myself, “Self, what would you tell someone who told you they experienced the stuff you’ve experienced?”

I said “You’re nuts.”

Then I responded “besides that.  And stop talking to yourself.”

“Make me”.

And then after I had a fight with myself which I lost, I thought some more, because it was still a pretty good question.

And I think that chocolate milkshake was a message.

“You’re not alone.”

I wasn’t particularly worried about that but sometimes I am.  Dave and Sabby are my family, but they’re not, in a way.  They’re not going to leave me, but they could, if they wanted to, I guess.  I mean they won’t, but they could.  They don’t have any obligation at all to me, especially now that I’ve turned eighteen.  They could kick me out tomorrow and I’d have to couch-surf or whatever, and find people to stay with. They won’t, but that’s not the point.  They could.

I’m not worried about it, but I’m telling you what I’ve been thinking about, so shut up and let me talk to myself!  Hahaha!!!

And quite a few people did.  Some of them unintentionally, some of them intentionally, but they did.  Emiko abandoned me.  Robert didn’t even know about me.  My previous adopted parents… well… screwed up and ruined my life forever (I know it’s better now but again this is my thinky moment so just let me okay?)  Everyone who meant anything to me screwed me over in every conceivable way, at least before the “event”.  And then the event occurred, and I even got myself taken away from me.  Yes, it looks like something replaced it, but again, I’m being thinky here.

That day in July 2020 was the day where everything was taken away from me.

But that day was also the day I started gaining everything back.

Because on that day,  I lost everything I had and everything I was, and then gained back everything I have and everything I am.  I gained my family, my sisters, my boyfriend…  everything.  It’s like I traded my old life for a new life, and by all accounts, a much better life.  Even though I didn’t get offered that deal, who gets that deal?  Me!  This girl!  I get that deal!

And now I have so many sisters.  They’re all here now.  Crystal, Liz, Beth, Diana, Yuki, and then Rebecca and friends and the Aidols are all on zoom, and everyone’s having a really good time playing games and talking about things and playing videos…  I love my sisters so much and I have them because…. I lost everything.  I lost myself and then found myself.  I was lost, and now I’m found.

And as near as I can understand, that “event” was tapping into things that should not have been tapped into, energies that should be left alone, divine energies that no earthly human can survive being touched by.  And I didn’t. Survive, I mean.  I mean my body did, and some things did, but I died.  I died and I didn’t come back to life, I died and I became someone else, someone better, someone…  more than I used to be.

Someone…  not alone.

And I think that chocolate milkshake was… someone… telling me I wasn’t alone and that I am… special to… him?  Because…  why else would someone give me a chocolate milkshake?  No one’s going to give me a chocolate milkshake who hates me!

My sisters want their onee-chan to come back and play with them.

I am not alone.  I will never be alone again.  I have my sisters, my family, my other family, my other other family, my boyfriend, my church… and everyone I have keeps growing and growing and they all love me and they’re all on my side.  And…  it seems… I have my God too.  Or at least whoever gave me that chocolate milkshake.

I will likely never get another chocolate milkshake that way.  That’s alright.  It was enough.

I’ll probably never get my memories back.  But that’s okay.  They’re not my memories anymore.  These are my memories, these are my sisters, this is my life…  I have everything I could possibly need, and even most of the things I could possibly want (a summer house in the Seychelles might be nice… yeah, I’m pushing it!)

I’m never getting my memories back.

I’m okay with that.

I know what happened.  And I love everything I have now.  I’m happy.

I’m so happy.

I love everyone.

My sisters are all chanting “onee-chan” and threatening to get out the colored wigs, so I’d better get back to them.

Love you all!!! ❤️

And I really do.  I really, really do.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It was so much cooler today!!!

We opened all the windows and let the cool, humid air come in!!!  When I ran this morning, it was so cool!  I really liked it!

And it’s raining now!!!  What nice weather, after three months of 100+ weather!  That was awful!  but the weather people say that should be entirely gone now for the year.

Anyway, it won’t be a long entry today.  I’m just trying to forget about all of the events of the past few days.  I have to figure it out eventually, but right now, I’m just tired.  Really tired.

I did see Yuki today at school.  She gave me a big hug and told me what happened with her obaasan.  But I don’t want to talk about that anymore.  It’s kind of amazing, though…  and just a bit scary.  Maybe I’ll tell you later.

Okay…  bye!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So last night, as I was about to get ready for bed, I found a chocolate milkshake on my nightstand.

I didn’t put it there.

I figured Sabby snuck it in without my looking, so, well… I drank the milkshake.  That’s what you do with milkshakes, right?  No use in letting a good chocolate milkshake go to waste.

Except, this morning, I thanked Sabby for the milkshake.

She said she didn’t put it there.

I asked Dave if he did.  Nope.  Beth?  No.  David?  …  no.

Hmm.

So a milkshake just appeared on my nightstand.

Thing is, that’s not the only thing that’s appeared in my bedroom.  Remember that flower?

Can I just manifest milkshakes now?  That would save me a lot of money!  And give me diabetes…  maybe not the kind of superpower you’d want to have.

Or maybe… someone… just wanted to tell me they were there.

Awww.

Well, if you’re going to get on my good side, and tell me that you know me, then a chocolate milkshake is a pretty good way to do that, right?

I’m not even too worried about it, and that worries me!  I mean, strange stuff has been happening, and now it’s just kind of normal!  Isn’t that weird?

I asked Sabby if she was worried.  She just said, “Lily, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been an extraordinarily lucky girl.  I mean, things just happen to you.  At least now you have a reason why, I guess.  Do I like it?  Not really.  It’s… strange.  But it’s not like you’ve been killing live chickens and drawing pentagrams…  you haven’t been killing live chickens and drawing pentagrams, have you?”

“No!”, I said, a little scandalized.

“Well then, I guess we just deal with whatever happens.”

Seriously.  The only reason I’d kill a chicken would be to turn it into nuggets.

Oh well.  Nothing to be done.  Shikataganai.

So…. in other news… poor Yuki.  So somehow the pictures of Yuki at Kinokuniya made their way back to Japan, and now she’s in the news again.  “Former idol seen in Texas, of all places!  Does she have a boyfriend? Who’s the girl she’s with – OH isn’t that the girl from the train tiktok video?”  Sigh.  Goshdangit!!!

She doesn’t seem too upset about it.  She’s not too fond of the attention, but on the other hand, this isn’t Japan.  There’s not going to be a throng of tabloids camping out in front of her home and watching her every move.  She’s still got a lot more privacy here.

But she’ll have to go back to Japan someday.  Awww.

Anyway, it’s time for bed.  In case you’re wondering, Beth and I still brush each others’ hair at night.  Most nights, anyway.  It’s just… there’s no point in announcing every night “Time to brush Beth’s hair!”  It’s a really nice thing to do with my sisters, though.  Sometimes before we make a girl-pile we spend an hour just brushing each others’ hair and it’s the most relaxing thing ever.  Beth has soft and stringy hair which is a little hard to brush but comes out really well.  Liz has thick black hair, Yuki has nice hair but it’s not as thick as Liz’s.  And mine is, well, it’s hair.  Somewhere in between, I guess.  Actually, most of us have black hair.  Isn’t that weird?

One time we caught David peeking (naughty boy!) so we pulled him into the room, held him down, and brushed his hair until he screamed “uncle”.  Sabby wondered what all the fuss was about, we told her what he did, and he got in a whole lot of trouble.  I don’t think I mentioned that, might have been one of those days when there was a lot of other stuff to write about, and I try not to write 4,000 words unless it’s my birthday or something.

Ah well.  Goodnight.  No chocolate milkshakes tonight.  Must have been a special occasion.

Tomorrow’s high is 88, and some rain too!  It’s about time!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So… yesterday was quite a day, wasn’t it?  It’s funny being me, I never really know what’s going to happen from day to day.  It’s like that anime – Toradora?  Where I just come down the stairs and say “it was all BAM… and BOING… and POW!!!!” and I get brained by a flowerpot.  Yeah, I’ve been watching YouTube clips.

And today I’ve just been kind of lost in thought.

Just because I’m not angry with the pastor doesn’t mean he wasn’t out of line.  He was very out of line.  I’ve had enough people in my life experimenting on or around me, and it never turns out well.  I don’t need him playing games with me as well.  But…  at the end of the day, his hunch was right, and who’s to say he wasn’t… ummm… led to do that?  Who’s to say he was, but I’m saying it could go either way.  And, well, something happened, and now I have to figure out what, if anything, to do with it.

Sabby and I talked a lot today.  The pastor said I was a “spiritual leader”.  I don’t think he meant I was to become a pastor and start a mission or something.  Quite frankly, I still don’t really know what I believe.  I think he meant that I have a “gift” that many people don’t and that I should use it and develop it, not sit there like a bump on a log and do nothing with it.  And when I use it, I kind of naturally lead, because that’s the nature of it.  Right?  Because if he meant anything else we’ll have words.

And Jack was surprisingly insightful last night.  I don’t mean he’s never insightful, but he’s not a really thinky person, he just kind of goes with the flow, but last night I think he was right, when he said “that’s what my memories paid for”.  Maybe my memories were a sacrifice that enables the gift?  I don’t know.  There’s a lot of talk about sacrifice in church.  I guess that would mean I’m never getting my old memories back.  But from what I’m told, maybe I don’t want them anymore.  I was a snot, now I’m not.  Well, most of the time.

But, let’s be honest.  Now I’m kind of afraid to pray.  Some people pray and nothing happens.  I pray and stuff happens.  That’s a lot to put on me, and I don’t know if I like it.  And I’m not even sure who I’m praying to!

Oh well.  I’m not going to think about it for a while.  Maybe it’s for the best I don’t go to church next week.  Maybe it’s for the best I never go to church again.  I like the pastor and it’s a nice community and, well…  I ruined that now, didn’t I?

Oh well.  It sucks to be me sometimes.  Stuff just happens around me and I have to deal.

Now…  I’d stare at a wall, I guess, but I have to go to sleep, and maybe I can go to sleep and stare at the wall.  I mean, why not?

Hey… ummm…  where did that chocolate milkshake come from?

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And it’s Sunday!!!

…  I don’t like Sundays as much as I like Saturdays.

So today we went to church.  Me, the family, and Yuki.  Liz never really goes with us, she’s not a churchy type girl.  Don’t blame her I suppose.  She’s gone once or twice but didn’t really like it.

Yuki doesn’t really understand church, but she likes it.  She says it reminds her a bit of an idol concert, except the congregation doesn’t have glow sticks and the pastor can’t dance.  You know that meme where you hold up your finger about to argue and just deflate because she’s right?  Yeah.  It was like that.  I really never thought about that before, but it’s pretty accurate.  And I don’t think I’ll ever look at church quite the same way again.

Something weird happened, though.

The assistant pastor said they were trying something new, and having teenagers in the congregation give a prayer.  And he immediately honed in on me and asked me to stand up and give one.

I said “what?  me?  I don’t know how to pray.  I’ve never prayed in my life!”

But, well…  everyone kind of applauded, and, well, peer pressure.  So I stood up and walked towards the pulpit.  At that moment it looked like the most intimidating thing ever.

I’ve performed in front of hundreds or thousands of people.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

I’ve given tv interviews.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

I sat in front of a few hundred people who were telling me how much they loved me for my birthday.  I wasn’t really all that nervous.

Heck, I rode in the same car as a very high level government official and her military escort, and I wasn’t really all that nervous.

Walking up to that pulpit… I was nervous.

I stood there for a bit, and the assistant pastor stood out of the way and waited for me to start.

“God,” I finally said, “it’s me, Lily.”  Everyone who reads my diary giggled.  “They… umm.. asked me to pray, and I don’t know how to pray or what to say.”

That same little voice I heard when the pastor was praying the other week spoke.  “It’s okay.  I’ll help.”

Then words just started coming out of my mouth.  I don’t even remember all of what I said, it was all a blur.  It didn’t feel like I was the one speaking.  It took fifteen minutes.  I prayed for individual members of the congregation, for problems I didn’t even know about and don’t remember.  I prayed for the church, I prayed for the world, I prayed for anything and everything.  Finally, after all that, I just… stopped.  Then I looked at the congregation, where some people were outright sobbing.  Yuki, too.

“Ummm…  amen?” I said, and walked slowly off the stage.

The assistant pastor went back up to the pulpit, and cleared his throat.  “Ummm…  thank you, Lily.  That was…  something.”  He paused for a bit, then threw up his hands.  “I can’t top that.  Have a good week.”  Then he left the pulpit and the murmuring started.

Yuki looked at me, tears in her eyes.  “How did you even know?”

“Know what?”

“you prayed for my obaasan.  She’s been sick for a while.  I never told you that!”

“I…  don’t know?” I said,

Sabby sighed.  “Lily…  what am I going to do with you?”

“Take me home,” I said, quietly.  “That’s what you can do with me.”

And so we went home.  We didn’t even bother with the chocolate pancakes.  Not a moment too soon, because people were starting to line up to talk to me and I didn’t even know what had happened, so I just ran.

Aww.

We dropped Yuki off on the way back.  She looked really pensive, but gave me a hug before she went into her house.  “I guess your… situation… means a little more than collecting sisters,” she said softly.  “Thank you.”

“You’re not..?”

“Lily, you’ve done nothing but be Lily, and…. and I love you for it.  This is… just another thing about you to love.  We’ll talk later.”  Then she gave me an anime headpat (HAHAHAAH) and went inside.

So Sabby called the pastor pretty much immediately when we got home, sabbatical be damned.  I could only hear one side of the conversation, but you could hear her getting more and more angry. I thought she was going to throw the phone across the room.  Then she said, “fine.  You tell her, then.” and handed the phone to me.  “Pastor has something to tell you.”  Then she went upstairs and started to draw a bath.

“Uhhh,” I said eruditely.  “Why is she so angry?”

He was quiet on the other end.  “Because I.. umm.. suspected something.  And chose a very poor way to see if it was true.  I…  put him up to that.  I said ‘Have Lily give the prayer, and let’s see what happens.”

I sighed.  “And you couldn’t have talked to me?”

More silence.  “I…  didn’t expect that,” he said.  “I wondered if your being touched by heaven, as you put it, gave you a little more of a connection with the divine than most of us have normally, and…” he kind of faltered off.  “I’m sorry, Lily.  That was a mistake.”

I thought for a while.  “I don’t think it was,” I said softly.

“What?”

“I don’t think it was a mistake.  See, if it were a mistake, nothing would have happened.  I would have gotten up on the podium, stammered through a completely dumb prayer, and then I would have been embarrassed, and I would have been mad at being put through that.  But, instead… well… you were right, and God chose to speak.  How can that be a mistake?”

He was silent.

“But I’m not doing that every week,” I said, just as softly.  “I don’t want to be made an object of.  I don’t want people coming to me and getting mad when their prayers aren’t answered.  I have a former Japanese idol as a friend, and I know what happens when people start expecting things from you that you can’t deliver, especially because it’s not my power to begin with, and I don’t know what it is or anything about it other than strange things happen sometimes.  I don’t think this was a mistake.  I do think you’re the pastor, and this is your flock, and you’d better figure out a way through this that lets me keep my identity intact.”

“That’s fair,” he said.  “Don’t come to church next week.  I’ll give a sermon about spiritual gifts, and we’ll get through this.  But, Lily?”

“What?”, I asked.

“You’re a spiritual leader now.  What kind, is up to you.  I won’t ask anything of you.  But you clearly have a gift.  What are you going to do with it?”  He asked.

“Try to calm Sabby down,” I said.

He chuckled.  “Well, if anyone can do it… Lily… please don’t be angry.”

“I’m not,” I said.  “But don’t do that again.  Talk to me first.  You’re the pastor, you have the flock, but we’re equals in God.” … where did that come from?

He agreed, and we hung up.  Sigh.  That was difficult.

Sabby came down from the tub a half hour later, and I told her what the pastor and I had talked about.  She calmed down a little as I was telling her, and after I told her what we’d agreed, she sighed.

“Nothing normal ever happens to you, does it, Lily?”

I guess it doesn’t.

She called the pastor back and they had a much more civil discussion.  He might come over this week for a more indepth chat.

Anyway, Jack and I had a date tonight.  I told him everything that happened, and he just said simply, “I guess that’s what your memories paid for.”

I sighed.  He’s probably right.  He’s probably really right.  After dinner we went to a movie and took advantage of the dark for a little kissing.  I forget what the movie was about.  I don’t care.   Hahaha!!!

Oh… Yuki called me.  She was crying.  Her obaasan is healed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And the hot weather is finally breaking!!! Yayy!!!!

So today Beth, Yuki, and I went to Houston to see Emiko.  Remember when Beth said I didn’t treat her like a sister?  Well, that’s why she went.

I had warned Emiko in advance, but she forgot to warn her daughters, and, well, Aika and Mika did a little fangirling.  Did I tell you they’re like 12 and 11 now?  They’re turning from cute little half-Japanese girls to pretty little half-Japanese young women!  Yuki seemed a bit uncomfortable but I told them that she’s there as my guest and not an Idol and to cut it the bleepity-bleep out.

Thankfully, they had the decency to look ashamed.

Anyway, Emiko, Yuki, and I were jabbering in Japanese, though I didn’t understand all of it, and I think Beth felt a little left out.  Awww.  So she chatted with Bill for a while, while we all jabbered.  It was pretty fun, and I think they bonded, because at the end Emiko and Yuki traded contact information and they hugged.  Aww.

After we had stayed for a little while, since Aika and Mika were behaving themselves, Yuki gave them autographs with the strict instructions to not tell anyone where they got them.  Then we had lunch and left back for Austin.

Yuki told me that Emiko seemed nice and said Yuki always has a place to stay there if she needs it.  Aww.  And I’m pretty sure it’s not because Yuki was an idol, it was because Emiko felt bad for her, not knowing many other Japanese people.  Emiko really isn’t a bad person.  Just made a few mistakes that hurt me, a long time ago.

On the way back we took Yuki to a Buc-ees, because… everyone needs to see a Buc-ees at least once.  She was amazed, as almost everyone is, and stocked up on unhealthy food like beaver nuggets and several different flavors of jerky.

Anyway, other than that, nothing really big happened today.  Just the usual Saturday stuff.  I think Dave wants to grill next week when the temperature’s in the 80s.  I hope he does!!!

Anyway…  Most of the girls are off doing their own thing tonight, but Yuki’s over.  It’s just her.  that’s fine, it gives us a chance to get to know each other better, and she wants to go to church with us tomorrow.  It’s funny… of all the girls, she’s the only one that really wants to.  Everyone else goes because their parents want them to go…  but Yuki likes it there.  I guess everyone’s different. 

Jack and I need to go on a date, we haven’t for a while.  Maybe we can tomorrow.  I’ll ask him.  Maybe I’ll use one of my weapons-grade pouts.  Hahah!!!

I need to find some time to spend with just Liz.  I don’t want her to think Yuki is replacing her as my best friend.  That would suck.  I love Liz.  But she’s off on a date with her boyfriend (they’re still together!) so no harm done for tonight.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Friday!!!

All the girls are over!  Yuki too!!! We’re busy shoveling in chocolate and eating pizza and having fun.  Everyone’s welcoming Yuki!  I’m glad!!!

None of them are fangirling but a lot of them are curious about life as an idol.  Yuki’s telling stories.  Some are funny, some sad, some awful…  and she has some really good memories too.  She was telling a story about how a couple of babies in her audience had glow sticks and were doing a pretty passable wotagei! Like in “oshi no ko”!  And there was this one guy who saw she was really hot (sweating, not appearance) and bought her a cold water.  Being an idol really seems like a mixed bag.

And she was telling about her graduation concert, where they put her in a beautiful dress and all of her fellow idols were sniffling and crying…  and when the cameras turned off, the crying didn’t stop. That’s one of her most treasured memories.  They spent the evening after her concert just eating and catching up.  Once she wasn’t an idol anymore, they weren’t competing, and their lies started to drop a little, and she saw who they were inside.

And they were sad, lonely little girls inside, sometimes.  Just like her.

She had made quite a bit of money, comparatively, with her photobooks and acting and all the stuff an idol does, so she came to America.  I asked her why she didn’t end up in one of the bigger cities and one of the more prestigious colleges.

She shrugged.  “They’d recognize me.  No one’s recognized me here, yet, and I’m getting a decent education.  Besides, after this, I can take the credits to a better college.  And, well, English is English.”

Can’t argue with that logic.

But we didn’t spend all the time talking about Yuki either.  Yuki spent some time getting to know Crystal and Diana more.  She kind of bonded a little with Crystal, because say what you want about Crystal, what you get with her is exactly what you get.  That’s one of the things we all value about Crystal, even though she can certainly step on toes sometimes.  I guess when you’ve been through what she has, there’s no point in lying anymore.

Yuki and I were frustrating everyone else by speaking Japanese.  It was funny.

Anyway…  we’re going to bed now.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post yesterday.

Well, there are several reasons for that.

Reason number one:  Liz and Yuki and Beth and I went out yesterday evening.

OMG Yuki is a riot!!!

I think even though she really enjoys the anonymity, she does miss Japan.  So we kind of gave her the Austin Japan tour.  We took her to Kura sushi over on Airport, and she pigged out.  She said it wasn’t exactly like Japanese sushi, but it was really close, and she liked the atmosphere.  The place even has those electronic sushi ordering things like in Japan.  She can really pack the sushi away too!!!

Then we went next door to a Kinokuniya and she got some Japanese manga.  That she said wasn’t exactly like a Japanese bookstore, but it had Japanese manga, so she was happy.  She also picked up some really silly looking and overpriced plush thing.  I…  think she was recognized, though.  I caught one of the cashiers hurriedly scrolling through her phone while glancing at her.  Aww.  I didn’t tell Yuki then, though.

Then we went over to Main Event and played games.  We don’t go there often but I know Japan has a bunch of those arcade places and I thought she’d like it.  Oh, she did!!!  She was playing pokemon-themed coin pushers and arcade games and bowling…  we were just kind of there and she was having all sorts of fun.  It was really nice to see her having fun.

Then we took her home with all of her loot.  Before she went in, I told her what happened in Kinokuniya.  She looked a little sad, then shrugged.  “Worst that can happen is she tells some friends, I guess.”  I agreed.  That’s not the worst that can happen, but the worst that probably will happen.  And even if she gets mobbed by Otaku here, it’ll be nothing like in Japan.  Right?

Right?  I hope.

Beth asked her if she’d teach her how to be an idol for her voice classes.  She looked a little uncomfortable with that, but Beth turned on the charm and she agreed.  Beth made clear all she wanted was to know how to be cute, you know, with the “beams” and charm points and stuff.  Oh, I’d love to be a fly on the wall in those lessons.

Oh that reminds me…  I need to get with Beth on what piece she wants to sing.  I have this rather sad suspicion she’s going to choose “Idol”.

Why do people prance around like idols when that song is very much about how much it sucks to be an idol sometimes?

Awww.

I.. do not want those lessons.  I’m cute enough, anyway.

I think it’s to Beth’s favor that she treated it just like asking for career advice.  She’s not fangirling, she just wants to… know how to act like an idol.  I think that’s why both Yuki and I let it pass.

But we’ll have to teach Beth Japanese pronunciation too, because that’s advanced level JPop.

Anyway, we got home late and I didn’t really feel like posting, so I didn’t.  It was fun though, and Yuki’s really growing on Liz, and vice versa.  It’s cute.

So.. the other reason.

I opened my previous adopted parents’ letters.

I don’t want to repeat them here right now.

They wanted me to have them in case something happened to them.  I guess…  they knew that I wasn’t turning out very well and they blamed themselves for it.  Maybe they should have… I don’t know.  From every description, including from Vanessa herself in my first dream, they were terrible parents.  Not great scientists either.  Certainly not malicious people, they actually seem well meaning, they just put career before everything, and failed at that too.

That’s… a little depressing, actually.

It’s depressing because before the “event”, every single adult in my life failed me.  Robert failed me, Emiko failed me, my previous adopted parents failed me, even the person who let me in the room against security protocols failed me.  Everyone failed me, and if there had been even one broken cog in that wheel, maybe… maybe I’d still have my memories.  It sucks.  It…..  well, curse word here… sucks.

Yeah, it all worked out, but…  what bad luck!!!

So.. well… here I am, I guess.  Yuki’s off doing homework, and so am I… and I had some classes today.  So tonight I’m just catching up on stuff and about to go to bed I suppose.

I keep meaning to pray.  I keep forgetting.  Or maybe intentionally forgetting.  I don’t know why.  I might have been touched by heaven, but I still don’t trust God, if I’m being honest.

Oh!  It looks like it’s finally going to actually cool down next week!  YATTA!!!!!!!  It’s only been like three months of 100+ temperatures!

Love you all!!! ❤️