Category: Diary

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Today was boringly boring!  And COLD!!!  Soooo cold!  It was so cold Sabby made soup for lunch!  Sooo good!  Jack was laughing at me.  It’s only freezing here!  That’s a nice spring day in Ohio!  But it’s cold!!!  They were forecasting some light freezing rain, but as long as it’s not like snowpocalypse last year, I’ll take it!!!

Because of the threat of freezing rain, my driving classes were cancelled today.  That’s okay!  They said I can still graduate tomorrow!  I still have to keep my learner’s permit for six months, and then I can get a provisional license!  Yay!  I have to get a few more hours of experience driving anyway, and ten hours of that need to be at night.

I haven’t driven too much at night yet.

I told Jack that.  He said with headlights like mine, I should be fine.  I didn’t know whether to kiss him or smack him.  But since he’s in Ohio, I can’t do either!  I guess boys gonna boy.  Any other boy would just get smacked, but I love him, so…  he at least gets a bit of conflict.  Before I smack him.  Hahaha!!!

Sooo…  anything interesting to talk about tonight?  I guess some political stuff went on last night again.  Sigh.  I hate politics.  All people ever seem to do is argue about stuff they can’t directly control anyway.  Sabby and Dave were arguing a bit again, they don’t seem to think the same about things.  But they agree on a lot too.  I don’t really follow it though.  Bunch of old guys and women  arguing about stuff.  I’m sixteen!  I just need to worry about school and stuff!

Oh!  I haven’t told you about the piano!  And Japanese!  All the stuff going on and I forgot all about writing about it!  I’ve still been learning Japanese!  It’s a hard language so I haven’t been making a huge amount of progress, but I made some!  I know how to say some stuff!  私は猫です！猫が可愛いです！私の名前はリリーです！よろしくおねがいします！See?  Japanese!  My Japanese teacher is happy with my progress, though I wish I could learn faster!  And I only know a few kanji!  Booo!

And piano!  I’ve been practicing an hour a day!  I’m pretty good!  But I don’t know any of the names for the stuff I know!  So I’m having to learn all of the names and theory and stuff!  It’s not as hard as Japanese!  And I’ve got a couple of pieces to study!  My skills only go so far!  So I’m learning a Chopin piece!  It’s pretty and really hard!  They got me a really nice elecronic piano!  And you know what?  Beth wants to learn too!!!  Unlike Beth, I’m not jealous, so she can feel free, when I’m not using it!  I don’t know how serious she is but she’s actually practicing a little!

I suggested maybe Beth should learn trumpet because it’d make her a good kisser!  She blushed and told me what I could kiss, and it wasn’t a mouth!  Hahahha!!!  I told her Some things are for kissing and some are for swatting, and if she didn’t want a swatting, she’d refrain from making further suggestions like that.  She was about to retort when Sabby told us both to cut it out.

Fair.

Tomorrow evening Allison comes over for the weekend!  YAAAAAAAY!!!  SLUMBER PARTY!!!!!  I’ve invited Liz and Crystal too, and we’re going to have soooo much fun, though we’ll have to be sure to play age appropriate games for Allison!  I bet she’ll love Crystal!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So today was boringly boring.  Did I mention I like boringly boring?  It’s kinda weird how driving becomes boring so fast.  I mean, it’s fun and everything, but we went out again for another lesson (I graduate on Friday), and did more obstacle course and parking and other kinds of practice.  I backed up and went forward, and they even had a manual transmission for me to learn to drive!  Dave tells me that’s a good school, no one ever teaches how to drive a clutch, but they taught me!  There’s a third pedal, and a trick to it!

After I got home, we had dinner, and it was a boringly boring dinner.  I mean it was delicious – Sabby always makes delicious food – but it’s just a dinner.  We talked and ate and… that’s my family.  Dave, the clumsy, gentle, sometimes moody silly-billy who likes to hang out in his man-cave and tinker with stuff, or do yard work, or grill.  Sabby, the spitfire who has a temper as big as her heart.  Beth, my jealous little sister who has so much love to give.  And David, the computer game obsessed kid who’ll probably get far in life, if he can manage to not get arrested first.  He’ll probably end up making more money than all the rest of us!

Emiko is a nice lady who taught me how to wear kimono and is teaching me some stuff about Japan and Japanese, and Aika and Mika seem like nice kids, but they’re not my family.  At least they’re not this family. They’re not the ones who hug me when I cry and stuff me full of cookies and brush my hair and play board games and watch movies every Friday night.  Maybe Emiko can be my family too, but they accepted me where she rejected me.  That counts for everything, I think.  She’s trying, and I’ll give her a chance, and I’ll go to Houston sometimes and maybe we’ll even find little traditions that we do together as well, but I’m not sure it’ll ever be the same.

And that’s alright.  I’m just glad to know who she is.

Allison’s mother tells me that she wants to bring me a drawing when she comes over next weekend, but she can’t decide what to draw!  I told her that she can draw whatever and I’ll love it!  Grace drew me a picture of basically a stick figure and a smiling sun, and it was perfect!  She’s still little, so she doesn’t realize that it’s her I like!  I’ll put it on the fridge and maybe even post it here if she wants!

Jack is doing well with his driving lessons as well.  I miss him.  I hope we can meet sometime soon and we’ll talk quietly and cuddle and I’ll thank him properly for the chocolate.  OMG was that good chocolate.  We still talk every night.  Things are going better with his parents, but they’re still trying to figure it out.  At least they’re sticking up for him at school now.  It’s sad that the principal is fighting them!  They always seem to protect the bullies!

I’m tired and Beth’s hair needs brushing.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So this morning we checked out of the hotel and came home.  I didn’t spend any time in the pool.  I love the pool!  But we were there on business, kind of.  And we had to get home so I could do school.  We didn’t talk much in the car, though.  She drove and I just kind of dozed.

But my heart wasn’t in school today.

It was an okay time last night.  I cleared the air with Bill, and Emiko showed me how to wear kimono.  Aika and Mika were nice, and everyone was as nice as I could expect.

But can a girl have too much family?  Is Emiko even my family?  I mean, she’s my birth mother, and she’s trying, but is she even mine anymore?  Am I even hers?

Anyway, after school I had more driving, and this time she took me to a course and we practiced parallel parking (who even does that anymore?) and regular parking and obstacle avoidance and all that kind of thing.  It was a bit more exhausting than freeway driving, but I guess I need to know it.  She says I’m doing really well.

After I got home, I found out Sabby had made cookies.  But this time only a tray.  They were still warm and gooey from the oven, and she sat me down and gave me a couple with some chocolate milk.

“Are you okay?,” she asked.

“Why?”

“Last night seemed hard.”

“It was.”

“You don’t have to…”, she said, the last words left unsaid.

I frowned.  “She’s trying,” I said.  “And I wanted to know.”  I took a bite of the cookie.  It was very good.  And made a bit of a mess on my fingers.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” she said softly.

“Bit late for that, don’t you think?,” I said, with just a touch of bitterness.  “That ship sailed sixteen years ago.”

She was quiet.  “What are you going to do?”

I shrugged.  “Get over it, I guess.  Nothing to be done now.  And I don’t want to lose touch with my only link…  to who I am.”

She sighed.  “I’m here if you need me.”

“Sabby?”

“Yes, Lily?”

I lowered my head.  “Who am I?”

She lifted my chin with her finger.  “My daughter.”

I lowered my head again, and the tears started to flow.

“Oh Lily,” she said, softly.

“I love you,” I said, “But I wish I could love Emiko too.”

“Maybe you will, in time,” she said.  “But don’t push it.  Just get to know her.”

“I don’t even know why I’m crying,” I said.

“You don’t have to,” she said.  “Just get it out.”

I think…  I think sometimes I think about what might have been, and maybe I’d have my memory and everything would be perfect, if Emiko hadn’t been so selfish.  And it does hurt.  It hurts that she gave me up.  On purpose.

But what’s there to do?  As she said, the past is done.  Life is what it is.  And at least she’s trying.  And my life is pretty good now.  Would it have been as good if she’d kept me?  Maybe, or maybe not.  But I wish I knew.  Maybe I’d remember what it was like to be a little girl.  Maybe I’d remember riding a little bike or playing with dolls or…  or being sang to sleep?  I wonder if Emiko sang Japanese songs to Aika and Mika when they were younger.

It doesn’t bother me most of the time.  But tonight, it bothers me.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Today was boring!  Boringly boring!  But I like boring!  boring is better than all sorts of drama!  And we might have that drama tomorrow!  I hope not!!!

Dave put his sign up in the garage, right over his workbench.  He’s really proud of it!  Sabby keeps giving me the stinkeye over it.  Finally I said “Sabby, if you hate that present so much, you shouldn’t have let me buy it.”

She sighed.  “I do hate it.  It’s awful.  But it’s between you and Dave.  It’s not going in the house, but…  if Dave likes it, and you wanted to buy it for him…”  She frowned.  “I do hate it though.”

“Why?”

‘It’s… ugly.  And flashy.  And gaudy.  And…”

“And it’s something that Dave doesn’t need at all.”

“I don’t understand men sometimes,” she deflated.  “They seem to like shiny and flashy and pretty things, but they have to be manly.  Can’t have pink or flowers or bows or anything like that, but give them glossy and bright and they’re all over it.”

“We should count ourselves lucky they like pretty things.”

“I suppose,” she sighed.  “I still don’t get it though.”

“And you think they understand why we get our nails done?”

“That’s different!”

“Is it really?  It’s a waste of money because they grow out anyway, and men barely even notice.”

“I hate it when you’re right, Lily,” she pouted.

“I dunno,” I said, play-thinking.  “I kinda like it.”

“Let’s go make sure the car’s all gassed up for tomorrow,” she said.  “You drive.”

So I learned how to pump gas.

Later this evening Dave grilled.  Did I mention I love it when Dave grills?  Oh yum!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily! 

And it’s Dave’s birthday!  Both Sabby’s and Dave’s birthdays were on a Friday!  How does that work???

So after school I had another driving lesson, and plugged around town again.  This time we drove into the city, and I stayed on the freeway!  Sooo many cars!  Especially at rush hour!  Everything slowed down!  I got practice in stop and go traffic!  You really have to pay attention!  But after the instructor was hungry, so she had me stop at a burger place, and bought me one too!  That’s sooo nice of her!  We talked a little while we ate, and then drove back!  Those interchanges are soooo high!  You have to be so careful!

But it’s good practice!

Then we spent a little time practicing parking!

After I got home, we had dinner, and then threw Dave a party!  There was cake (chocolate!!!  Did I mention I love chocolate???) and presents and everything!  He loved my present!  Apparently the way to a man’s heart is to give him shiny, gaudy stuff!!!  Sabby just facepalmed.  Of course he liked everyone else’s too, but you should have seen his eyes light up when he plugged it in, and not just from the reflection!  That’s going in his man-cave!  And Sabby said it can stay there.  She gave me the stinkeye, but you could tell she was happy that Dave was happy.  I seem to be good at gift-giving!  I think the secret is to think about what to get them, and not just to pick something at random.  If you’re doing to do that then you might as well not!

I don’t have driving lessons over the weekend, and I’m going to see Emiko and her family Sunday afternoon.  I’m not looking forward to seeing her husband.  But the conversation must be had.  You know, I love Sabby and Dave and Beth and David.  But I’m a little sad too.  That should have been my family.  It’s not fair that her husband doesn’t like me!  I didn’t do anything!  I just existed!

Sigh.  Happy thoughts, Lily.

Oh, speaking of happy thoughts!  I know when Allison’s birthday is now!!!  Hee hee!  I have an idea or two.  Maybe more books?  I dunno!  We’ll see!!!  I see her in a week!  I can’t wait!  I miss her!  Maybe she’ll bring a book and I can read to her!  Even though she’s plenty good at reading herself, isn’t it nice sometimes just to have someone read to you?

Sabby and Dave went to bed early.  I guess Dave gets an, erm, extra present too.  Time to do some hair brushing!!!  Karen-wrangling tomorrow!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Scared Lily!!!

So today after school I did the second day of practical driving lessons!  It was scary!  The instructor taught me how to change lanes and use the slip ramps!  I got on the freeway!  I got right off again on the next exit, but it was still sooooo scary!  All the cars zooming around next to me and ahead of me and behind me!  My knuckles were white!!!

I think the instructor’s were, too!

But I’m safe!!

It’s soooo different driving at 70 when I’m the one driving!  When Sabby’s driving I just kind of zone out and don’t notice anything, but when I’m driving, everyone’s zooming around and honking and passing and not passing and slowing down and changing lanes and soooo much stuff all happens at once!  How do people do it!

I’m glad I have that sticker that says “Student Driver – Be afraid!”  At least people know I might be unpredictable.  Actually, on the instructor’s car, there’s a big yellow sign all across the back!

But I’m glad to be learning it!

I’m tired, though!  It was scary!

Beth is a little jealous, but Sabby nipped that one in the bud right away.  There are some things that it’s understandable that Beth’s a bit jealous about.  Driving isn’t one of them.  She’s fourteen.  She’ll get to drive when she’s sixteen.  But until then, that’s one of those things that she just needs to accept as a fact of life.  I get to drive, she doesn’t.  I think sometimes she’s a little upset deep inside that she used to be the oldest, and now isn’t, but like I’ve told her before, there’s nothing to be done about that.  I didn’t choose my birthdate!  Not even when I didn’t know what it was, did I get to choose it!

My car runs really good though!  I’ve been making sure it’s not leaking anything, but so far seems to be holding up just fine!  After my lesson, Sabby and I went to the store!  I drove!  I need the practice parking anyway!

Jack’s been learning too.  Apparently the drivers are a bit crazier here than in Ohio, but he had a similar experience.  Their freeways are different though.  They don’t have frontage roads and slip ramps.  How does that work?  I guess I’ll find out someday!  He and I still talk every night.  I miss him.  But I’m kind of glad we’re apart.  It makes us talk instead of spending all our time kissing!  He’s a good kisser but it’s not good if that’s all we do!

He asked me what I want to do when I grow up.  I don’t know.  I really don’t.  I haven’t thought that far.  I have enough money to pay for college, but is that what I want to do?  What are other things I can do?  I have to think about it.  Jack thinks I could write a book.  Maybe I could.  But is that something I need to do right away?

And I don’t think he knows what he wants to do, either.  He likes computers but isn’t great at them.  He gets okay grades in school but isn’t a genius.  I don’t think he really knows what he’s good at.  I guess he has a little time to figure it out.

We both do, I guess.

Anyway, time for hair brushing and bed!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So I passed my written tests!  Yay!  One of the questions was “What does a yellow light mean?”  Multiple choice was a) slow down, then proceed, b) stop if possible, proceed if too close to the light, c) floor it, or d) talk slower.  I wonder if Ashlee got it.

So after school they came by with a car and I had my first lesson!  There’s sooooo much to know!  I actually got on the frontage road!  Soooo many cars going sooooo fast!  But I did it!  I just went to the next main street and went in a looong loop around the city, but I did well!  The instructor told me I’d be on the freeway before the lessons ended, but I wasn’t ready yet.  I agree!  I’m not ready!

This weekend I’m going to Houston to see Emiko and her family.  I’m honestly not too looking forward to that, but I’ve got to do it eventually.  I’m going to leave after work with Sabby, we’ll have dinner, stay overnight in a hotel, and come home Monday morning!  Maybe she’ll let me drive some of it!  There’s a lot of two lane road and interstate driving!  But we’ll see!

Sooo…  what else.  It’s been boring.  Boringly boring.  Oh, Allison might be coming over soon!  We’re not sure, but after the scare with the virus, her parents want to take a little time to themselves.  Sabby said we’d be glad to take her for a weekend, just not this weekend.  It’ll be fun!  Allison is a cool kid!  We’ll tell stories and play games and she can read!  She loves reading!

I’m tired!  It’s time for bed!  I’ll write again tomorrow!  With more driving time!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Dave has a saying:  think about how dumb the average person is, and then realize that 50% of the people are dumber than that.

I asked Ashley if the name “Jim Ignatowsky” meant anything to her.  She just virtually looked at me funny.   “No, why?”

She wasn’t pranking.  She truly didn’t know what a yellow light meant and just kept slowing down asking.

OMG.

Beth is smart.  Liz is smart.  Jack is pretty smart.  David is smart.  Even Allison is pretty smart.  Grace is smart.  Ashlee… well, bless her heart, as they say here.  I hope they don’t make me drive with her, the teacher might yell “STOP” and she’ll stop talking.  Oh well.

We had another written class today and they taught us the basics of how to maintain a car.  You know, change the oil, make sure the tires have air in them, check the fluids, etc.  They also told us what to do when a tire blows out.  I already knew what to do because Dave taught me.  Ashlee said “oh I know what to do!  I’ll press the little onstar button and someone will come and help me!”

“But what if onstar doesn’t work?”

“Then I’ll stand outside and show a little leg!  Someone will help me!”

I literally heard the instructor facepalm.  “Ashlee…  don’t.  Just…   don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Ask your parents.”

“My mom does that all the time!”

Oh.  That explained everything.

I’m sure she’s a nice girl.  She seems sweet.  She also seems like she’d lose an IQ contest to a rock.

Anyway, I passed all my tests.  They weren’t that hard.  Tomorrow they’ll come by with a car and I’ll practice driving for real!  These lessons will last for a couple of weeks!  Maybe they’ll let me drive on the freeway!

Do I want to drive on the freeway?

And guess what!  Leftover pizza for lunch!  OMG I love leftover pizza!

Jack’s going to take his driving lessons soon too!  Maybe we’ll drive up and see each other!!!

Love you all!!! ❤