Month: June 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And I’m not talking about me or Jack!!! It’s the weather!  It’s HOT!!!  A hundred degrees and high humidity!!! We didn’t go anywhere today except for church!!!

So I didn’t write yesterday.  The girls were all over all day, and we played games and eat chocolate and played more games and ate more chocolate and talked and chatted… we went to the mall too because, hello! Girls!!!  I mean, how can you dangle a perfectly good mall in front of a group of girls and not expect us to go!!!

It’s funny, because I’m the oldest, Sabby expects me to be the grown up and shuttle them around and everyhing.  Well, Liz is actually just a tiny bit the oldest, but still.  I have to drive them there and make sure they don’t spend too much, and… well, it’s still fun.  It’s fun to try on clothes and go to the food court and try on more clothes and…  we bought something but not much.  Things are expensive now!!!

So we were all tired so we just went to bed and made a nice, comfy girlpile.  Yes, it’s really warm outside, but that’s why God made AC.  Right? Haha!!!

We went to church this morning and their parents picked them up at church (well, except for Liz, she never goes to church).  The organist was sick, so he asked me to sit in on the piano.  I really didn’t want to, but they needed me, so I took a few minutes to look over the music and did a passable job.  I don’t know how to play the organ, though.  I should maybe learn?  Or not.

It’s different when you’re playing in front of people you know…

Anyway, it was so hot today, we just stayed inside and were a bit more lazy than usual.  Even Sabby didn’t mind that I just played on the computer and chatted with Ai and Rebecca and friends.  And it doesn’t look like it’ll be getting any better anytime soon.  Oh well, that’s summer in Texas.  Thankful for air conditioning.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! it’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Friday!!!

Well.. Fridays don’t mean quite as much to me as they might to an… how does Dave say it… “office jockey”.  But it’s still nice.  I did payroll today and gave everyone their check, and otherwise it was a pretty quiet day.  David comes back from camp soon, and we’re preparing to go to Japan!!!  Sabby wants to hire a general manager for the store, especially since we’re all going to Japan.  I don’t really like that idea because it’s expensive, but it’s probably necessary.  And we’re still doing pretty well, so we can afford it.  It’ll let Sabby spend more time baking anyway, which is what she really likes to do.

We might hire internally, but…  keep that to yourself.  Haha!!!

I think Sabby’s a little worried about me.  She reads this too, though she generally leaves me alone about it, and I think she worried sometimes that I’m really sad about having lost my memories.  I guess I am, a little.  I mean, who wouldn’t be?  But as I also say, I paid for what I have now, in a way.  I have a family I bought and paid for with my memories.  Or something like that.  Not literally, but… you know.

We got a surprise storm tonight!  It hailed!!!  Not really bad hail, but I hear they got pounded over in Cedar Park!!! Awww!!!  And Allison has a swim meet tomorrow!!!  I hope she does well!!! She says she needs to be there at 5:15 AM!!! That’s early even for me!!!

Otherwise, the girls are over tonight, we’re playing games and doing fun girl stuff.  You know, like doing each others’ nails and talking about boys…  well, not much boy talking tonight because of Liz, but still fun stuff.  We’re still not allowed to play “truth or dare”.  No one’s fighting that rule too hard.  For one reason or other, that game has never turned out well.

Okay, not much else to talk about tonight!!!

GIRLPILE!!!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And I’m full of thinky thoughts today.  I’ve told you I’m not a thinky girl, not like Beth… but I do have my moments.  I’m not dumb!  Really!  I just… don’t think as much.

I wonder why I can play the piano.

I mean, I didn’t know I could play the piano.  Then I went to Orlando, and there was a piano, and I played, and… well… I could play piano!  I also found out I could do something like karate (though I haven’t pursued that a lot), and… I can ride horses, and who knows what else I can do.  When I was found, I could talk, I had all the skills that I’d had before, everything was there – except for my identity.  I had no memories of who I was.

Do I still have the same personality that I did?  I mean, maybe I was a mean, stuck up girl, but now I’m not!  Maybe I wasn’t, but I don’t know!  Maybe I’m better now than I was!

I don’t think about that much because it hurts a little.  There are so many people talking about identity right now.  Identity this and identity that and pride this and whatever.  I don’t care too much about all that!  And one reason is that they think they understand identity, and they don’t!  I understand identity.  It’s everything I don’t really hav.e.  I mean, I have an identity.  Is it my identity?  Or is it an identity I made after I lost everything else?

I am Yuriko.  But Yuriko is someone else too.  I don’t know Yuriko.  I never met her.  But she was me, one day, a long time ago.

Am I sad?  Yes.  No.  Not really.  A little.  I like my life, I love my family, I…  just keep thinking about how much that all cost.  Who else has to pay this kind of price for their life?

Well…  I guess some guy named Jesus?

I dunno.

I went to Liz’s lesson with her today, and we’re doing really good.  The teacher had some feedback for me, and a lot for Liz, but we’ll pull it together.  Oh, and Beth chose her song.  It’s a little beyond her reach, but it means a lot to her, so…  we’ll try to make it happen.

You know what I love?  What I really love?

I love that when I had that big concert, everyone who cared about me showed up, and… and everyone cares about me.  That’s the best thing.  I loved playing and the music and all that, but it was the best when I looked out at the sea of faces after I was done, and many of them were there for me.  Me.  That’s the best feeling in the world.

Better than… well… that’s the best feeling in the wfakksjakgjadkjg CAT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUN OVER THE KEYBOARD WHEN YOU GET THE ZOOMIES????

Sigh.

Anyway, that’s what my memories bought.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It’s hot today and it’s going to be even hotter tomorrow!  Very high heat indexes.  I’m not sure what heat indexes are but apparently if it’s humid and hot then it feels hotter than if it’s not humid and hot.  Weather is a weird thing.  I’m glad our air conditioner works well!!!  Dave had someone come by a few weeks ago and give it a tune up, and now it’s nice and cold and sucks electricity.  And the car has good AC as well, so hey, modern living for the win.  Dave tells me though that air conditioning actually heats up the outside.  Ever wondered what all those air conditioners do for temperature outside?

I.. don’t want to think about it.  La la la!!!

Beth is doing a little better.  It kind of helped that we took her out to eat today and the waiter started flirting with her.  It’s not like she wants anything to do with a boy she doesn’t know, but at least she doesn’t feel as hopeless, so there’s that.  I told her not to rebound, she’ll find the right guy eventually.  She is putting her heart into her singing right now, which is cool.  She’s not really good yet, but she’s learning.

I think she’s going to sleep on her own tonight.  Aww.  I mean that’s good but she’s nice and warm.

Maybe I’ll loan her Marie.  Marie likes Beth okay.  She likes everyone.  She’s a people dog.

Alright, I’ll keep it short tonight.  Not every day can be interesting!  Right?  Some days are just boringly boring, and sometimes the best days are boringly boring, because, you know the ancient Chinese curse, “may you live in interesting times”.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Wootday!!!

I mean Tuesday.

But Wootday sounds better, don’t you think???

Welll. it does to me, anyway.

I really feel bad for Beth.  She’s just moping around now.  She’s all cried out, but she doesn’t think anyone will ever want her again, and I told her that’s just objectively stupid.  She’s smart and pretty and pretty nice once you get to know her, what’s not to love???  But she’s not listening right now.  I guess I understand.  Girl’s hurt.  I almost want to go find that boy and karate kung-fu tai kwon do MMA him, but that wouldn’t be good for anyone.

Sabby took her for a girl’s day out and she she seemed a little better when she got home, but she’s still really hurt.

I’m about to feed her some more chocolate, brush her hair, and be her teddy bear again,.  She told me last night that she didn’t know what sh’ed do without me, and started crying again.  Awww.

It’s nice having a sister.

I get told that a lot, actually. Liz says that sometimes too.

So…  since it’s quiet, maybe I’ll just talk about some other stuff.  David’s still at camp, and he’s mostly staying out of trouble.  They took him on another pig hunt and he was quiet a bit less successful, but his girlfriend is sticking with him anyway – ummm…  girl is like eleven, and she’s showing quite a bit of loyalty.  I mean, she was actually willing to share him with another girl (stupid, but loyal), and that’s, umm… in some ways pretty mature of her.  It’s kind of cute in its own way.  He seems to be having a better time this year, I guess he knows what to expect, he’s got his girlfriend, and he’s pretty happy going out and hunting pigs and what-not.  They did catch a couple, and well, they’re eating a bunch of pork stuff.  Hey, something to be said for catching your own food, right?  I don’t really like hunting, but I like eating!!!

I mentioned a couple of days ago how Crystal seemed distant.  Turns out she was a little jealous.  She hasn’t always had the best opportunities, and she seems to feel really upset that she lost so much time being homeless.  And here I am, playing concertos with an orchestra.  I talked to Sabby about it, but otherwise, I don’t know what to do.  It just is what it is.  Maybe we can find her something to do at the shop when she’s old enough.

Jack still doesn’t really know what he wants to do, but his family is kind of pushing him now.  His parents aren’t like the “Tiger Mom” you hear about, but they want him to be successful at something, and he’s just been pushing carts at the store and dooting and… seems a little rudderless sometimes.  He’s not very driven.  But if he’s going to be a father to my kids someday he’s going to have to figure something out.  I love the boy, but his parents aren’t wrong.

I asked him what he likes to do.  And after I stopped blushing (dang him!!) I asked him what he likes to do besides that, and he said he really doesn’t know.

Well…  I guess we need to find out, right?  I’ll support him in whatever he wants to do, as long as it’s something.

And finally…  I teased you a few days ago about something cat-girl did…

I’m tired!!! And Beth needs her teddy bear!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hahaha!!! I’ll tell you soon! I promise!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Poor Beth.

She’s doing a little better today, but she’s still kinda heartbroken.  It turns out that he dumped her because, well, he wanted something from her that she wasn’t ready to give him.  So he just tossed her aside for someone that would.  Aww.  Boys suck sometimes.

Jack’s really good about that, but remember the guy I put in jail a couple of years ago for grabbing at my floppy bits?

And remember Crystal?  And LIz?

And…  well.  Probably pretty much every guy cat-girl’s ever seen.

I told her she’s sixteen, there are lots of boys out there, and she’ll find one that treats her better.  And I also told her that when she finds one that treats her well, she won’t miss him at all.

Otherwise, more practice with Liz today, and it’s HOT.  But it’s going to be hot for a while now.  I run early in the morning and even then I’m a ball of sweat when I get home!  Awww!!!

Oh well.  Summer in Texas.

Okay.  Pretty boringly boring day, I guess.  Just practice and feeding Beth chocolate and surviving a Monday!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post last night.  Bad me.  I’ve actually been a little worse about that lately.  Aww.  I guess I’ve just been so busy it slips my mind sometimes.  Oh well.  It happens I guess.

It’s getting hot!  Texas summer hot!  Hotly hot!  Well… that doesn’t work as well.

But yesterday there was a lot to do!!!

Liz and I practiced a lot – shse’s pretty good too!!! I mean I knew that, but she could probably do the Tchaikovsky violin concerto.  I told her that, and she said “you really think so?”  I do, she’s pretty good, and if I can do Schumann, she can do Tchaikovsky.  I could see the gears turning over in her head, but we kept working on what we were working on.  Her recital is pretty soon anyway, so doesn’t do to get distracted.

Beth’s really not doing well – she got dumped by her boy friend last night.  She thought they were going on a date, but he just ended it.  Poor Beth.  She was crying and that’s one reason I didn’t post last night, we had a girl’s night, just her and me.  She was so sad.  She just ate ice cream and sobbed.

I told her there will be other boys and she’s smart and beautiful and will have no problem attracting a nice boy.

“But I wanted that one!”, she said, and wailed some more.

Awwwww.

Jack and I were going to go on a date, but I postponed it.  Instead he came over with a heap of chocolate.  Bless him (and not in the “bless your heart” way some southern people talk – really, bless him.)  He gave Beth a big hug and told her it’s his loss.

That made her cry again and he just held her a little.  Awww.  I knew he’s not interested in her, he was treating her like a little sister, and that’s just the best thing!

He didn’t want to stick around for the girls’ night – he said “it’s a girls’ night and I’m not a girl” – he’s right, but still.  But the chocolate more than made up for anything!!!

Anyway, we ate most of the chocolate, and then I crawled in with her and just held her all night.  She would wake up and sniffle and go back to sleep, and wake up and sniffle some more and go back to sleep.  Aww.  I hope Jack never does that to me.  I don’t ever want to hurt that bad.

She seemed to do a little better this morning.  We went to church, and she was so downcast.  But the chocolate pancakes after helped her a little.  They always help me.

Jack and I went on our date this afternoon.  We didn’t get any “alone time”, but we did go to the mall, and walked around holding hands and window shopping.  It was fun.. He bought me a cinnabon.  It’s not chocolate, but too much chocolate is bad for you,, as good as it is, so that worked fine.

It’s sooo hot outside.

Anyway, that’s the weekend.  Poor Beth, but I’m sure she’ll recover and find another boy she likes.  She’s so pretty and smart, I’m sure she’s already got some interest.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

It’s Friday!!!

So today was pretty quiet.  I like quiet days.  I just went for my run, took Marie for a walk (she loves to walk), and otherwise just kinda puttered around the house and didn’t do anything too interesting.  Sabby still wants me to do useful stuff, so after a slow morning I poked at the computer and learned some stuff.  I’ve wondered how to code, so I downloaded an…. what do they call it.. IDE and I’m playing around with coding.  Maybe I’ll write an app!  But…  but it is complicated.  Maybe I’ll start slow.  I dunno.  It’s probably not something I’ll put a whole lot of effort into, but these are good things to know.  Right?

It’s a lot of typing.  I’m not the fastest typist.  Maybe I should learn.

I also had some Japanese to study (I’m still studying that), and piano to practice (I’m going to need to keep my chops up and keep doing lessons even if I don’t have a concert to do), and some other projects as well, so… it was a quiet day, but full of stuff to do.  Maybe that makes sense!  I also dropped by the shop and gave everyone their checks!  Always a happy day when people get paid, right?

Anyway, it’s a girl’s night tonight.  Crystal, Diana, and Liz are over and we’re playing games and eating chocolate.  Well, I’m eating chocolate.  They’re fighting over the scraps.  Hahaha!!!  But there’s lots of snacks and we’re just having a good time chatting and doing random stuff.  Crystal seems a little… distant, though.  Maybe I should ask her what’s going on.  It’s not the you-know-what kind of distant, she just seems… a little off.

Mostly she’s a lot better, btw.  I haven’t said much about her, but she seems to be doing okay.  Everyone’s paying a lot closer attention to her, and that both seems to annoy and comfort her, so…  and she’s usually, well, if not cheerful, at least pretty stable.  So…  yeah.  Guess we should ask.

Well, it’s bedtime, and we’re making a girl-pile tonight, so…  time for bed.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So today Liz and I practiced her song,  We spent some time practicing, then we went to her teacher and did a lesson there.  It’s cool seeing how she studies, it’s a little bit different from me, but she’s still pretty good.  The teacher said she saw my performance and thought I did pretty well.

Her recital is in a couple of weeks or so, but that should be plenty of time, we both know what we’re doing.

It’s funny – when Liz and I became friends, I didn’t even know I could play, and now we’re playing together like we did for most of our lives!

Anyway, after her lesson, we wandered around the mall for a little while and just chatted.  Liz and I haven’t spent enough time together lately.  I’ve been so busy with my concert, and the business, and school, and all the other things.  It’s nice to just spend a little time with her for once.

She’s doing pretty well with her boyfriend, I guess he’s treating her pretty well.  They have minor arguments every now and then but he isn’t mean about it, and they seem to work it out eventually.  She isn’t as…  close to him as I am to Jack, but they do a lot of kissing and light touching, and she seems pretty happy with that.  I told her it’s probably better that way.  She sighed and said she wonders what it’s like sometimes, but…  she saw how distressed I was and maybe it’s better.  He hasn’t pressured her at all, unlike her last one, so that’s a bonus.  I don’t want to have to piledrive him.  Or whatever the martial arts equivalent is.

I think he’s good for her.  She seems happy.

It did storm a little this afternoon, and that was nice.  It’s starting to get hot, so we need the rain.  You know how it is in central Texas this time of year.

Oh I need to tell you what cat-girl did but maybe some other time.  That girl…

Okay…  I guess it’s bedtime.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So things are quiet.  Last night I didn’t post because we decided to have a game night, plus I’ve been thinking a little.  Well, I’ve been thinking a lot.  You know me, I’m not really a thinky girl.  Not like Beth.  Beth’s the thinkiest girl I know, and sometimes I think it makes her miserable.  I’m happy not being thinky!  Except… sometimes, I’m thinky anyway.  Maybe that just comes with being human.

It’s funny how I’ve done so many things that most people don’t get to do.  I’m part owner of a business, and a reasonably successful one too (even though Sabby does more of the management stuff and I just do what I can).  I’ve been to the Oscars and even got on television (very briefly!).  I’ve been interviewed for local news.  I get to do all this amazing stuff, and…  and it really doesn’t change a whole lot, does it?  Like on Saturday, I had a pretty amazing concert.  It went so well, I played in front of a lot of people, many of them strangers, it was fun and I had a great time and I’ll remember it for the rest of my life (hopefully, I know more than most how transient memories can be), and I woke up the next morning, and nothing had really changed.  Everything changed around me, but I was still Lily.  Lily, the gullible, goofy, slightly insecure half-Japanese seventeen year old girl.  On Friday I was the same as I was on Sunday, and what happened on Saturday had nothing to do with either.

Is that how it’s going to be for the rest of my life?  Will I always be chasing after one thing and then the next thing and then the next thing after that, and after each one nothing will be different except I have something else to chase?

How will I ever know when I’ve actually found something?

When can you actually sit back and say “I’ve done what I came here for?”  Can you ever?

I have so many fun things coming up.  I’m going to Japan again with the family, maybe more concerts, college is coming up? Or not?

Life is full of questions, but are there ever really any answers?  Or does every answer just lead to more questions?  Does every accomplishment just lead to more goals?

Why am I here?

It can’t just be to consume chocolate.

Though…  that’s not a terrible reason for being, I guess.

Love you all!!! ❤