Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And all the girls are over tonight!!!

We’re eating pizza and chocolate and watching anime and doing hair and nails, and, well… doing almost everything you’d expect girls to do!  Unless you’re a silly-billy.  Then we’re most decidedly NOT.

Crystal showed us her new song lyrics.  They’re really good!!!  But I’m a little worried they’re a bit too depressing.  I mean, “I hate you don’t leave me” is pretty killer, but…. it’s pretty killer.  If you know what I mean.  I don’t want her to be something she’s not, but.. she also needs to write stuff that people can identify with.  I’m sure some people can identify with that, but… enough?

Well…  it’s really her band, anyway.  I’m going off to college in a few months, and the other girls are mostly in it for her sake, so… if that’s what she wants to do, none of us are going to fight her too hard.

But…  on the other hand, we can’t really play stuff we’re not feeling, y’know?

I’m encouraging Beth to write something, too.  After all, if she’s going to sing it, she has to have some stuff she really feels too.  She’s thinking of a song named “I want you to think I’m dumb”…  that’s on the right track, I guess.

If I were to write a song for myself?  “Memory Hole”.

Anyway, I don’t have any big plans for the weekend.  Jack and I are going out, I’m pretty sure.  We’re doing the band and probably church stuff.  Oh!  Joe and Anathema might go out tonight!  I wonder how that will turn out.  She has a day off today, though, so she’ll be leaving a little later.

He told me now that we have a pretty good police presence he might get called back from guarding duty.  I guess that makes sense.  I don’t think he focused on Anathema because he liked her – well, not just because he liked her…  but she needed it a lot more than I did.  I hope that’s calmed down now, a little, though.  People do tend to move on quickly.

Oh… she’s actually a part of our girls’ night, until she leaves, anyway.  I mean, she’s about as old as Yuki, give or take, and she’s here, so… why not.  I told her not to give the girls lessons in things they shouldn’t have lessons in.  She looked like she was going to be offended, then sighed.  She could see why I’d think that.

“I’m just going to be one of the girls tonight”, she said.

That’s all we can ask of her.

She does have some really cool beauty tips, though.  She gave Diana a makeover while showing all of us her tips and tricks, and you’ve never heard so much ooing and aahing.  Maybe she should get back into the influencer game – for beauty!  She does know a few things.  Okay, a lot.  And she dressed her up in a cute way too.

Diana looks like a totally different girl – and she didn’t overdo it either!  She looks about five years older, but not in a bad way.

Even Yuki was taking notes.  There are several different skin tones but everyone learned something useful.

She offered to show us how to, umm… wax some stuff.  We politely declined.  Maybe later.  Hahah!!!

(I think she just got caught up in the excitement of being able to teach us stuff.  She wasn’t being creepy!  Promise!  Maybe she’s turned over a new leaf but there’s still some cat-girl lurking inside!  And maybe that would be good to know… someday!)

Anyway, I hear some giggling coming from behind me so maybe I should go see what’s so funny.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

MORE practicing!!!  But I’ve almost got it now.  I mean at least to the point where I don’t need the sheet music anymore.  But that doesn’t mean I’m good at it yet, I just know all the notes.

Yuki is over tonight, she’s been telling me stories about her time as an idol.  She’s such a good storyteller!  It almost makes me wish I were an idol, and then she tells other stories and I’m very glad I’m not.

Miki wanted to chat this morning (for her).  She’s…  I don’t know.  She seems to be kind of valuing people she can be herself around.  She just wanted to talk about some of the idol drama going on in her group.  It’s gotten better, but you can’t have ten girls in a group working together without some drama.  They seem to have decided as a group to have each others’ backs, though, and that’s helping out a lot, I guess.

I asked her how Minami’s doing, and she said fine, but the glamour hasn’t worn off yet.  I asked Miki to be there for her when it does.  Minami seems to be a good girl and I’m sure she doesn’t have to put on (too many) airs around her.  I mean, they’re Japanese, there will always be a few…

I also told her she can lean on Ai too.  Thing about idols is, they don’t really know who’s in it for the parasocial and who isn’t.  But Ai doesn’t really seem too much into the idol stuff, and while the aidols like to hang around, they’re pretty grounded.

From what I saw anyway.

I’ll give them an anime bump on the head if they’re not!

Hahaha!!!

I know I must give the impression that the lives of the girls in the after-school friends idol light music club must be completely miserable… I don’t really think that’s the case.  They seem to have a lot of fun, and even Miki says that being an idol can be really fun at times.  They just…  in their world, it’s really hard to turn it off, if that makes sense.  They’re always working, they’re always “on”, and they don’t get much of a chance to actually be themselves.  Some of the girls are a bit more sensitive to it than others.  A couple of the idols seem to revel in it, they don’t really seem to care all that much about the downsides.  I guess that’s why Miki clings to me and others like me, and not them.  That makes sense, I suppose.

It’s no coincidence I mostly just talk about her and Minami, even though there are ten girls in the group.  She’s the one who reached out.  The rest…  they’re not like Miki.

Maybe that’s one reason Miki seems to feel so lonely sometimes.

Anyway…  I guess that’s all for now.  Yuki and Marie are getting along great, by the way.  Yuki throws the ball.  That’s all Marie needs to think you’re the best person in the world.

Love you all!!! ❤️

HI! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Valentine’s day!!!

…. not that that means too much, really.

I’ve been practicing my tushy off (yes, it’s still cute) and Anathema is still hanging around for a little while.  Guy was released from the hospital and is in jail now, and the judge denied bail.  So there’s that.  Turns out that “not doing anything” isn’t an excuse when you’re clearly ready to do something.  Anathema filed for a restraining order too, which she got pretty quickly.  Those don’t do much but make sure he’s certain to get arrested if somehow caught near her.

I think Joe’s pretty close to confessing.  He’s not leaving her side except when he has to, and he’s really doting on her.  It’s cute.  He did bring her some chocolates today… after all, it is Valentine’s day, and he said “if anyone deserves chocolates today, it’s her”.  Can’t argue that.  He’s still guarding the shop, but our play to get more cops to show up with free pastries is working pretty well, there’s a steady influx of cops eating pastries and chatting the girls up.  As long as they’re respectful about it, they don’t mind.  I actually think skintight-girl has a thing for them.  It’s funny, she starts blushing whenever one talks to her.

… even the female ones.

It’s a good thing she’s wearing a maid uniform, I have a feeling skintight outfits might be a bad idea…

Anyway, Jack was working today (aww) but he did bring over a giant box of chocolates, which was the bare minimum I expected!  Haha!  Kidding!  Well… not really, but mostly.  I appreciate the thought, but I would have been put out if he hadn’t.  Rule one of being a good Lily boyfriend is bring me lots of chocolate.  That may not be true for all women, but it’s true for me!  We’ll go out for real soon when he has a day off.  He’s been studying a lot, too.  He’s getting pretty good.

I took one of those practice JLPT tests and passed!  Yay!  It doesn’t mean a whole lot but at least it means I’m progressing, so yay me!

Anyway…  Not much happening other than that, so…  I’m going to go read or something.  Miki wants to chat tonight (morning for her), so I’ll see what she wants later tonight.

Oh oh oh…. Crystal is working on a new song!  This one’s she’s calling “I hate you don’t leave me.”  Girl’s got some issues, clearly, but it makes for some killer songs.  Seriously.  I still hope she does something with “I love you you pink frilly bitch”.  That really does sound fun.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

Especially today!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, it’s Monday.  Back to practicing.

Anathema is still hanging around here for a while, but she’s going to work like usual.  This arrangement’s only going to last until we know what’s going to happen to that guy, we’re not sure what the prosecutor is going to do.  After all, he didn’t really do anything.  I guess he’s still getting treated in the hospital and was arraigned by video.  Yeah, he’s in a world of hurt.  No bail for right now.  But the hospital is not an inherently secure place, who knows what will happen.

Joe had his meeting with his CO.  He wouldn’t say exactly what they talked about, but he’s not in any trouble.  He just had to fill out some paperwork and explain his use of force.  Once he did, he was cleared.  They did caution him that Anathema isn’t really the reason he was assigned to this station, it was the shop, and kind of me too, and not to forget that.

So… he seems pretty conflicted right now.  He was over this morning before the shop opened having a very deep discussion with her.  I just did my practicing.  None of my business, I guess.

But it seemed to be very deep, because her eyes were wet and he seemed a little agitated.

It didn’t seem to be a bad kind of deep though… I guess we’ll see.

Anyway, other than that, it was just a lot of practicing.  It’s hard work, getting ready for a concert!!!  But I guess it is what it is.

Yuki and Miki have been chatting, which is cool.  Miki seems a bit happier now.  She says the group is a bit more close-knit, they’re starting to see each other as allies rather than as competition, and that’s a good position to be in.  They were kind of subtly undermining each other before, but most of them have decided they’re not going to be happy that way, so they just… well… kind of decided not to do that anymore.  A couple are holding out, but there’s not much they can do by themselves, so that will work itself out.

Minami’s introduction concert is scheduled.  It’s in a month or so, give or take.  She’s been working her butt off.  She’s having a blast, but she’s glad they’re not fighting as much too.  That just makes it even more fun!!!  Her mother is, well…  Minami is staying with Yuki’s parents in Tokyo right now.  But she’s so busy working she’s not really a bother, and I guess they like having someone around again, after Yuki left.

Besides, she buys them sweets.

Haha!!!

Her mother’s resentful, her father’s having to take up the slack, and Minami just doesn’t care.  She’s the daughter, not the mother.  She’ll take care of them when it’s really needed, and picking up after her like a wayward child isn’t needed.

Anyway.

Oh well.  I’m all practiced out.  Maybe I’ll watch some anime.

Oh yeah.  There was a game yesterday.  Dave and David watched it.  I was too busy having fun with the girls to care.  That’s how it is!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Ummm…  kind of a bittersweet day, if I’m being honest.

We all went to church today.  Several things happened.

The first was, that guy’s wife approached Anathema and apologized (Joe was really on his guard, but stood down after a bit).  She said that she did not think her (soon to be ex) husband would ever behave that way, and nothing she did deserved that.

(I left out some details of what he was, umm… planning.  It wouldn’t have been good and, well… it wouldn’t have been good.  It’s bad enough he is probably going to be denied bond and get quite a few years.  If he can use his leg again, that is.)

She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk much, but the glare was gone.  It was replaced by…  defeat, maybe?

Anyway…  I decided to take the pastor up on his offer.  I don’t know why, but I felt it was the right thing to do.  So, after all the standing up and sitting down and stuff, He introduced me, and I went up to the podium, and looked at the congregation.  It seemed to be half split between people eagerly awaiting what I was going to say and people wondering what the heck I was doing up there.

“It seems…  I have a gift,” I said, a little softly.  “I don’t understand it, and I’ll be honest, I don’t really want it.  But I have it.  Sometimes God… or something… talks through me.  It doesn’t happen all the time, and I never know what I’m going to say when he does.  So…  I guess I’m just going to come up here and give God the chance to speak if he wants.

“And if he doesn’t, well, I’ve got this list of jokes that are almost as bad as the ones Bryan tells…”

The congregation laughed.

“Well, you wanted me up here,” I said, “this is what you get.”

The congregation laughed harder.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like he has a lot to say today, so, and I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll just say something short.  Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know a lot of people that, well, most people wouldn’t get to know.  I know quite a few celebrities in Japan.  Heck, I seem to be one, my sisters did something stupid on the train and it went viral, and now they know me as ‘densha onee-chan’.  Train big sister.  I was just over there helping to make a music video, for some reason they thought it’d be a good idea to turn it into an idol song…

I frowned.  “Anyway, there are these girls over there they call idols.  It’s not like the idols in the Bible, they’re just girls that sing and dance and are expected to be cute and funny and approachable.  They’re always smiling and laughing and cheerful, except…  I’ve seen what they’re like when they’re off stage and the cameras are off.  They’re so sad and lonely.  I met one who seemed so sad and forlorn.  She just performed at a concert with thousands of people and they all love her…  and I bet she went back home and cried.  She’s a friend of mine now.  She loves the fact that I care more about what she’s like when thousands of people aren’t watching.

“Don’t put people on a pedestal.  They’re just like you, and no human is meant for that.

“Not even me.  Especially not me.  I just have a gift.  I’m not God.  Don’t make that mistake.  Please.

“I guess that’s all.”

I went and sat down.  The pastor came up and thanked me, and the service continued.

Afterwards, the pastor asked if I was sure that wasn’t God.  I said I’m never sure, but I’m sure he wasn’t directly speaking at the moment.  He said it was pretty good, and we left it at that.

We took Anathema home, and Joe had to go back to his CO and report on the incident last night.  She still felt pretty safe…  Dave’s no military bodyguard, but he’s prepared.

The girls came over a bit later and we had our practice.  Crystal wanted to show me a new song she wrote.  She wrote the melody and everything, and it’s really good.  She called it “My Sisters can’t Save Me, But I Love Them for Trying”.

And that’s pretty much what it was about.  The lyrics were about how things are so dark sometimes and the depression gets overwhelming, but we’re all like a bright spot that lets her get through the day.

Dang, she’s a pretty good songwriter.  A bit rough around the edges, but with a few tweaks, I think we’d all love to perform that.

I still want to see what music she comes up with for “I Love You, You Pink, Frilly Bitch”.

Those lyrics are a lot more angry, but they’re also sweet, too.  I guess that’s Crystal.

Later, Jack and I went out.  We didn’t go back to his place this time, but we did go to a nice restaurant, and then spent a while walking around and talking.  It was a little cold and windy, but we held hands, and that helped a little.  We’re both still a little scared of the future… with and without each other.  But I guess that’s part of growing up.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year.  Liz had plans she couldn’t put off, so we’re going to do something in the next couple of days with our families.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Anathema is staying with us for a little while.

Joe went back to sweep her apartment after the concert, and that guy… you know, the one from church?  Was waiting for her.  And he didn’t have anything good planned, either.  Joe, well, had to “pop a cap” in his leg after the guy tried to charge him.

He’s in the hospital now and pending arrest.  Joe doesn’t look like he’s going to face any charges (this is, after all, Texas) but he’s also, well…  got a bunch of paperwork, etc., to fill out.  Joe said it was a warning shot, and fortunately, the guy lost all his fight after the, well, “warning”.

He’s pretty well trained.  If he wants to make it more than a “warning”, well, he can.  That showed restraint.  I’m not sure anyone involved wanted him to, but, that’s just how he seems to be.  Minimum amount of force required to meet his goals, and escalating from there.

Anyway, she’s sleeping on the couch for now.  It’s not a big deal, our couch has seen lots of folks, and it’s pretty comfy besides.  Heck, sometimes I sleep on it.

While he was waiting for the police and ambulance, the guy was apparently ranting about her ruining his life.  BS.  He ruined his own life.  No one would have known, even his wife, if he’d just kept his mouth shut.  Kind of the definition of “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”, right?

One thing’s for sure.  That business.. you know, the adult one?  Doesn’t lead to anything good.  Seems the people who are into that kinda thing are a bit unhinged, huh?

Anathema seems to agree.  She’s very glad she left it.

This is the second time Joe’s saved her.  She’s pretty much got the wedding dress picked out now, she just has to convince him to go along with it.  I’m sure she’ll be able to eventually, she just has to learn that he’s the kind of guy who isn’t interested in the stuff she’s used to selling.  She’ll have to come up with something a little more convincing.  I think she can, she just has to, well…  repent.  Not in the way most people use it, but to change her mindset (that’s what it means, according to the pastor).  Once she does, she’ll know what she needs to do to land him.

And maybe it’ll do her some good in the process.

Otherwise, it was a pretty quiet day.  I practiced a lot.  Anathema seemed to just sit there on the couch and enjoy it.  It was kinda weird having that kind of audience, but it worked out.

Jack and I are going out tomorrow.  It’s been a while, we’ve both been busy studying, etc.  He’s also been busy at work too.

I saw YouTube clips of Miki’s concert.  Looks like she had fun.  Though, she’s an idol… you can never really tell.  That’s kind of the point.  But then she texted me afterwards and said she had fun, so…  there’s your evidence, I guess.

Crystal has something she wants to show me at practice tomorrow.  I wonder what.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

All the girls are over!!!  We just ate some pizza and we’re going to head down to the shop to see that band!  They’re pretty good!!!

I mean, they’re not the best in the world, but they’re pretty good.  Crystal finds it a little inspiring too.

It’s funny how people name their bands (and idol groups, sometimes). They just smoosh a bunch of words together.  This band’s called “Round Rockers”.  Yeah…  creative, huh?  But they’re pretty good at working a crowd and at least don’t suck, so…  It’ll be fun.

David’s been doing the lighting and sound, too.  He’s actually getting really good at it.  He’s our own PA-san!!!

Haha!!! But she looks better.

Anyway…  We’re off…  everyone’s got their cute clothes (Crystal’s are a bit tight, but that’s Crystal) so we might as well head off to see what’s going on.

Oh…  tomorrow’s Chinese New Year…  and Miki has a concert.  It’s not one of those huge stadium concerts, but it’s still pretty important.  Ganbatte, Miki!!!  And all the after-school friends idol light music club!!!

(Seriously, WHO came up with that??? It’s like they took all the cute school-related words they could think of and smushed them into a group name!  Hah!! Oops… REALLY gotta go…  girls are whining.)

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Practice, practice, practice!  That’s all I’ve been doing lately!!!  I’ve almost got the first movement down, well, at least memorized and able to play it.  Actually playing it well is a little different, of course.  But I’m getting there.  It’s hard…  but not really technically most places (except for the middle)…  it’s just really, really..  passionate. 

That’s a little challenging in its own way, really.  I mean, it’s really beautiful, but I have to play it really beautiful.  Some pieces are so fast that you can just plow through it and pretty much beat it into submission with speed, but you can’t do that with a piece like this!  Well… at least the first movement, anyway.

I’m also doing a lot of studying, both for the SAT and Japanese, so…  yeah.  Lots and lots to do.

Sabby’s a little worried about me, she thinks with the trip to Japan and everything I’ve been spreading myself a little thin, but…  gotta do it!  Awww!!!

We’re having a pizza party tomorrow night.  Well, that’s what we do most Friday nights, but not always with pizza.  This time, with pizza!!!  I love pizza.  But not as much as chocolate.  I wonder if they make chocolate pizza….

OH MY GOD THEY DO!!!!!!

YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Oh, and that band’s performing again tomorrow at the shop.  We might go check them out.

David’s been getting a bit into programming lately.  I don’t really understand it but I do a little – I can at least do this website and I’ve learned enough about CSS to make it all pretty.  But what he does is on another level.  Maybe I should hire him to write some plugins for my website!!!

The idol group (after-school friends idol light music club) is starting to promote Minami – she’s going to get an introduction concert soon.  I hope I get to see that online!!!  She’s already got a few fans, but she seems to be keeping a good head on her shoulders.  I guess it’s important to never really forget who you are, especially when you’re an idol.  Right?  Her group has mostly been supportive, and even the crankier ones are just keeping to themselves.  She and Miki are actually becoming good friends, and I’m really glad to hear that.  Rika is kind of being annoying, I hear, but they might have to have a heart to heart with her soon.  On the one hand, you can’t force yourself into a friendship, but on the other hand, they’re a rather tight knit group and they have to get along.  So we’ll see what happens there.  Rika’s not a bad girl, maybe she’s just as lonely as Miki.  Aww.

Ai’s going to be taking her college entrance exams soon, I guess.  Ganbatte!  They do it a little differently in Japan, it’s almost entirely merit based.  You want to get into a good college?  Score high on the tests.  But it’s a lot of pressure, they have cram school and all that stuff too.  Ai and the aidols are pretty busy at the moment (I almost typoed that “busty”… they’re Japanese, so…  draw your own conclusions?)

Haha.  It doesn’t really matter.  As long as all the parts work, that’s the most important thing, right?

Well, no more practicing for tonight, and Sabby made something delicious for dinner, so I guess it’s a good night.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’ve been posting really long posts lately, and tonight I want a break.

So…  I’m going to!

Besides, there’s nothing to talk about tonight.  Everything’s just going along as usual.  For now, anyway.

Bye!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So, yes, Sabby had a little time available to book her chest, and, well, I used it.  She just did her Sabby thing, you know, just letting me cry.  It helped a little.

I don’t know why I get this way, sometimes.  It’s like sometimes the world just hits me and I don’t know what to do with it.  I look at all my sisters and I just want what’s best, and, well, I can’t always do much.  It seems sometimes that I can do more than most, but that’s still not a lot.  I think their lives are a lot different because of me, but… Crystal is still very damaged, Liz is sometimes still very lonely, Yuki is still very disillusioned, Miki is very…  well, I don’t know how to describe what she is, but I don’t think happy  is a good word for it.  I guess… it’s like those people who think they have everything they want, and then they wake up in the morning and while everything around them has changed, they haven’t.  Right?  Miki wanted to be an idol, she became and idol, and, well, it’s not like it’s better.  Just different. Like I’ve done many things that people could (and maybe should) be very envious of, but to me, it’s all the same.  I’m still the same Lily I was before I went to make an idol video, before I went to the Oscars, before I had that concert, before I met Jack…  I’m still the same Lily, just some things are different around me.

But I’m still Lily.

But I’m not always the same Lily, either, right?  I mean, I’m a little different because of Crystal, because of Liz, even because of Beth and David.  I’m still the same me, but… they did affect my life, a little.  Maybe it’s that it’s not the things you have or the things you do or all the things that people think they should be envious of, but instead it’s about the things that can actually change you, that can actually heal you.  And things really can’t do that.  I mean, not having some things can certainly cause damage, but beyond that, having more or different things isn’t going to help much.

Like with Miki.  Yuki was very wise when she told the girls to hang on the things that really are to be treasured.  Like each other.  And that evening they were different.  They seemed to be getting along a little better, seemed to be just a little happier.  I think that’s because they forgot they were idols.  They were just a bunch of girls who liked, or at least mostly tolerated, each other, eating hot pot and chattering about stuff girls (in any culture) talk about.

People can cause damage… but they can heal too.  And they’re the only thing that can heal, really.  Spa days are nice.  They can’t heal.  Not unless you’re going with a bunch of girls and can share the experience.  Right?

Don’t envy what I have, people.  Seriously.  Don’t.  Don’t want to be me, don’t wish you were me, don’t think I have everything perfect and all put together, because I don’t.  But I have family, and I have sisters.  If you want to envy something, envy that.  And then go find some of your own.  It’s the only thing that can heal.

Speaking of sisters, Yuki is over tonight.  We just made a quick video for Miki.  A couple of Miki’s coworkers are in touch with us too, they’re asking Yuki for advice.  I think that’s pretty cool.  Yuki doesn’t feel quite as put upon, and she still feels like she’s giving fellow idols support.

Apparently one or two of the after-school friends idol light music club are still not too keen on me, but I don’t care.  Not everyone can be a sister.  But they’d better not pull some crap or I’ll take a trip back to Japan and deal with it myself.  I’ll take the longest trip anyone has ever taken to give someone an anime bump on the head.

And don’t think I’m kidding.  I’m not.

Well, about the bump, maybe.  Everything else?  Dead serious.

Love you all!!! ❤️