Category: Diary

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I had a great day off today!  I spent some of it with Liz, some of it with Beth, some of it with Sabby, and some of it by myself!  Liz and I just hung out and chatted – we haven’t done that for a long time, and I missed her!  I even brushed her hair.  She’s not as comfortable with contact as I am, but I think she’s getting used to it, she started to zone out and she didn’t seem to want me to stop.  It was fun!  We don’t spend as much time together as we used to but I still love her just the same.  Sometimes I think she’s got this sadness inside her that even she doesn’t understand, but I guess she’ll talk about it when she’s ready.  I catch her looking at Sabby and Dave when she thinks we’re not looking, and there’s something in her eyes that I can’t quite place.

Beth and I hung out too, we played some board games and she trounced me pretty badly – that girl is wicked smart!  I mean, I’m not dumb, but she makes me look dumb!  It’s okay, I’m better at reading people than she is, so it all balances out.  After we played games, she just spent some time reading on her own, I think she actually prefers that sometimes.  I don’t mind.  A little sister time is good, but too much, maybe not.

Sabby took me and Beth to the mall for some girl time a little later, too, and we just walked around and chatted.  We didn’t buy much but that’s not why we go to the mall!  There was this place that tried to hard sell us on getting a facial – they made the mistake of telling Sabby her face was oily!  She said she didn’t care, and if they didn’t want to have to do a little more work on their face, they might be better served backing up and actually observing social distancing.  They seem to have gotten the message.  Sabby can be scary sometimes!  She’s not violent but she sure demands people respect her boundaries!

Sabby is trying to get to know Beth a little better – I can see it.  Beth commented to me about it too.  I just said that her mother was struggling to see her as a young woman, to give her time, but that she was doing her best.  Beth nodded.  She’s not upset at Sabby, she’s just a little confused.  I would be too!

Anyway, it was a good day.  Sabby made a delicious dinner, as usual, and Beth and I helped with the dishes, well, at least putting them in the dishwasher.  David didn’t get off completely free, he had to set the table.  Now it’s time to go to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Professional Lily!!!

So I didn’t write yesterday because I worked all day, and then I got home and I had some leftover Sabby dinner.  Sabby told me she took Beth out and had a Beth day, and they did woman stuff.  I know boys read this, so I’m not going to violate the Sacred Code of Woman Stuff and tell y’all exactly what, but it was woman stuff, and they had fun.  Sabby did teach Beth how to do tasteful makeup – her friends have been teaching her how to use makeup, but what they taught her was garish and so over the line Sabby pulled a Claire Huxtable and told her she was flinging lips from one end to the other and told her to take it OFF.  But I think Sabby decided that it was time that Beth be taught the right way, and Beth looks so nice now!  I mean, she always did, but Sabby really knows her way around makeup!  It’s not garish, it’s subtle, it says “look at me, I’m beautiful” without saying “I fell into a paint can!”.  Come to think of it, I should ask Sabby for tips.  I’ve never been big on makeup but it might be nice to know how to do it.

She also bought Beth a couple of more adult outfits.  Nothing too bad, but just something nice to wear for special occasions.  Beth showed me her new look last night and I think my Jaw hit the floor.  Beth’s always been a pretty girl but she was a beautiful young woman, and I told her so.  She blushed and ran back into her room.  I guess the girl part of her will still come out every now and then.

She’s really not interested in showing off for boys like her friends, but it’s funny what looking nice can do for a girl’s self esteem.  When she was back in her pajamas she seemed back to normal, and we did our normal routine.  I suggested maybe getting her hair done, and she thought about it.  But she said she wasn’t really ready to be too beautiful yet, and I understood that.  Boys falling over with little hearts floating out of their head doesn’t really make for good conversation.

Work is back to normal.  Lots of doot dooting and shelf stocking and delivery taking and owner answering, but it all seems to be working out.  It’s not a hard job but you kind of have to be naturally bubbly and cheerful, like me, or you’re not going to survive long – if the karens don’t smush you into little pieces, the owner will.  But the owner’s really happy with me.  He tells me he kind of reminds me of the daughter he never had, and that’s really sweet of him.  He’s an older, portly Indian guy, and he can be a little temperamental, but he’s a bit like Dave – keeps it under control and his heart’s in the right place.

Since the store is on a frontage road to a major freeway, we get a lot of touristy business – people on the way to the coast or coming through town to head somewhere else and need a snack and a fill-up.  They can be the nicest folk – and the worst karens.  It’s just the luck of the draw.  But I give them a smile, doot doot them out of there, and make sure they’re properly caffeinated and stuffed with junk food, and, well, it’s a pretty fun job.  I don’t know what I want to do for a living when I’m older, but this is okay for right now.  My job is learning.

We don’t require masks, but we recommend them.  Sometimes people come in and want to make a point, and I just ignore them.  wear a mask, don’t wear a mask, just leave me out of it.  I’m vaccinated, I don’t care.  But I wear one.  It means people can’t see my cute face, but it’s the right thing!

Aaaaaaaaanyway, I’m tired.  Tomorrow’s a school holiday and Sabby wants to keep those as much as she can, so I get a day off!  YAY!  I don’t know what I’ll spend it doing, but I’m sure it’ll be fun!  I gots to sleep now.  Lilies don’t stay cute without their sleep!  I’ll dream of rainbows and unicorns and Daniel Craig!  Aww!  I keep saying that out loud!

Love you all!!! ❤️ And I don’t know what I’d do with Daniel Craig if I even got him, so I guess he’ll just stay in my dreams!!!

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  And I’m in a Friday mood!

Tomorrow, I work, but tonight, we’re doing another movie night!  YAY! Beth seems a little better today, I talked to Sabby about it.  She sat down in a chair and put her head in her hands.

“What’s wrong?”, I asked.

“I should have figured that out,” she said quietly.  “How did I not figure that out?  Of course it would bother her.  Just because it doesn’t bother you doesn’t mean she’s going to be as… ”  she sighed.  “Sometimes I feel like I’m failing with my kids.”

I sat down next to her.  “Why?”

“I… I don’t feel like I know them anymore.”

I rubbed her back.  “You’re Beth’s mother.  You know her better than anyone.”

“I used to,” she said.  “I remember when she was a little girl and I caught her hiding in a closet with a flashlight, reading.  But I also used to kiss her owies and put bandaids on her knees and… what happened?”

“You used to have a little girl,” I said.  “Now you have a young woman.  you’ll always be her mother, but… maybe it’s time to be her friend too.”

She looked at me.  “How are you so smart?”

I shrugged.  “Sometimes you just have to look at people straight.”

She looked puzzled.  “What does that mean?”

I thought.  “Well, people are just this big tangled mess of thoughts and feelings and emotions and they don’t always know what they want or what they feel, and sometimes they lie to themselves, and… and… well, sometimes you just have to see through all of that and figure out what’s actually going on.”

She touched my cheek.  “You’re a special girl, you know that?”

I shrugged.  “So is Beth.”

She sighed.  “She is.”

“You’re not a bad mother,” I said.  “You’re human.  Just keep trying.  She’ll understand.”

She sighed.  “I need to take her out again.  And have a talk with her – woman to woman.”

I nodded.  “Sounds like a good idea.  I’m going to bed now.”

We hugged goodnight and I went up to bed.

Today was just a nice, ordinary, Friday.  YAAAAAAAY FRIDAY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Love you all!!!  Especially my family!!!  But all you silly billies too!  I hope Allison is feeling better!!!

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So I tried to talk to Beth last night, she didn’t really want to talk.  I told her I was worried but she could talk when she was ready.  We brushed each others’ hair.  And I presented her with a mostly intact chocolate bar that Sabby and I bought for her at the convenience store.  I say mostly intact because I took a “finder’s fee”.  Beth did crack a smile at that.  She chewed on her chocolate while I brushed her hair.

Finally, after she licked her fingers clean of all the chocolate (she offered me one but Beth fingers are for Beth licking, no matter how much I like chocolate!), she seemed to start to relax and zone out a bit.  Then I heard her sniffle.  I didn’t say anything, but I just let her be.

“How do you do it?,” she said suddenly.

“Huh wha?”, I said eloquently and eruditely.

“How do you do it?,” she repeated.  “Nothing seems to bother you.  You got, well, assaulted a while ago, and you act like nothing happened.  I would…   I think I’d be upset.”

I kept brushing her hair and thought.  “I just…  I don’t know.”

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“Well, yeah, I guess.  I mean, he shouldn’t have done that.  But he didn’t get far, and I took care of myself.”

“But…,” she sniffled.  “But what if you couldn’t?  Oh Lily, I don’t want to lose my sister!”, she said, and whipped around and clung to me like her life depended on it.  I just wrapped my arms around her and let her cry it out.

“Is that what’s bothering you?”

She nodded in my chest.

I sighed.  “Beth, these things just happen.  People do stupid stuff.  But if I let it bother me, then they have control of me, and I don’t want that guy to have control of me.  Or you.  I promise I’ll be careful!”

“But.. what if you can’t?”

I shrugged.  “Then I can’t, I guess.  I’ll deal.  Maybe it would upset me more if it happened again.”

“I hope it doesn’t!”

“Me too, Lily.  These”, and I tapped my chest, “can only take so much grabbing before they get angry.”

She giggled in spite of herself.  “They get angry?”

“Oh yes,” I said, taking on a mock smart tone as she unwrapped herself from me.  “Floppius Breastius are a protective species – what?”, I said, as she flopped down on her bed and whooped with laughter.  “Floppi- floppi – BAHAHAHA,” she said, now wheezing.

I grinned.  “Feeling better?”

She sniffled and pushed her hair out of her eyes, and picked herself up, still giggling.  “I think so.”

“Good,” I said.  “Now do mine.”  I turned around and zoned out while she brushed my hair.  I think I know what was bothering her.  I don’t know what to do, but it’s good to know.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So things are finally starting to quiet down.  It’s Wednesday, I still have a job, a creep is off the street, my floppy bits are safe…  everything’s great!  Well, mostly.  Beth seems a bit moody and standoffish today.  I don’t know why.  It’s not just me she’s being that way with, but she’s really not a happy camper.  She’s not being mean, you know, like she used to, she’s just…  not really having it with anyone today.  I have those days!  But she usually doesn’t.  She’s not a happy, bubbly girl like people tell me I am, but she’s not usually too cranky either.  She’s pretty even.  So it’s a little worrying for her to be… like that.

Maybe she’s missing her friends?  Maybe she’s not missing her friends.  I don’t know.  I’ll have to ask her later.  If she wants to talk, that is.

Sabby doesn’t seem to be worried.  She says everyone gets an off day sometimes, and to just let her work it out, and be there if she needs me.  I can do that!  I’m Lily!  I can do anything!  Except resist chocolate!  I can’t do that!!!

I know, maybe I’ll get her some chocolate!  I’ll talk to Sabby.

Otherwise it’s just a typical Wednesday.  Read, study, eat chocolate, do lessons, eat chocolate, learn Japanese, eat chocolate, oh, did I mention eat chocolate?  I love chocolate!!!  So much!!!

Love you all!!! Not as much as chocolate, though!  MMM CHOCOLATE 🤎

Hi! It’s me!  Your favorite Lily!  Maybe!

I didn’t post yesterday.  I had a whole bunch of stuff to do.  I had homework, well, schoolwork, and I wanted to spend some time with Liz, and, well, by the time I got everything done I needed, it was late, and I just wanted to go to bed.  Oh well.  Even silly billy Lilies like me need a break sometime!

I heard from Sabby that Allison is a lil sick today!  Awww!  It sucks being sick, but it’s nice because everyone take care of you.  When I’m sick, Sabby brings me chicken soup and ice cream and I get to watch as much YouTube as I want.  And I get to sleep!  I like to sleep!  It’s nice to be sick when you’re young, I guess.  When Dave or Sabby get sick they still have things to do, no one takes care of them, and they’re miserable until they feel better.  I’m sure Allison will feel better and go back to flinging mud at boys who don’t know their place!

Speaking of boys who don’t know their place, David has been really nice to me lately.  It’s not like he’s been fawning all over, but he seems to actually kind of look up to me now.  I guess I spoke the language nine year old boys who like video games speak.  Violence.  I would tell him that I didn’t really mean to do it, I’m glad I could, but I didn’t mean to, but I think I’ll just let it be.  At least he knows I exist now.  Before I was the person his parents told him was his new sister.  Now I’m Ultra-Lily, vanquisher of men, kicker of boy-bits, avenger of the floppy bits!  Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t use those words, but maybe he would if he knew them.

Maybe I need a superhero costume.  Better than a maid costume.  Right, Sabby?

I’m tired.  It’s late.  Beth needs her hair brushed, and I could do with a bit of brushing myself.  I really like that ritual, it’s kind of become routine now, and Beth is so nice to spend time with, even though sometimes I don’t understand half the stuff she talks about.  She’s been reading some books, and keeps talking about “temporospatial claudications”.   Like I have any idea what those are.  I looked it up in the dictionary and it turns out “claudication” is a real world!  Who knew?  Whoever wrote those books about young wizards really knew a lot of words!  I think Beth wants to be a wizard.  Would be nice, wouldn’t it?  Instant travel to the moon or anywhere, fighting the Lone Power, all that cool stuff.  Maybe I could find my memory!  But alas, it’s not real.  Don’t tell Beth that, though!  That girl can get obsessive about these things sometimes!  I’m sure she’ll find something else to be interested in soon.  I’m trying to teach her a little Japanese, but I don’t know much more than she does, and she doesn’t seem too interested right now.  I guess she has other priorities!  Like claudications!

Anyway, I gotta go.  Tomorrow is hump day!  Which surely means more to you businessy type people.  I know, I know!  Don’t call you Shirley!  Hahahaa!

Love you all!!!  And be good and get well Allison!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Lily the worker!!!

I went back to work today!  When I arrived the owner took me back to his office.  Well, it’s just a little cubbyhole with a bunch of papers and a computer, but it’s semi-private.  He told me he was happy to see me again and gave me a check!  It’s not a lot, but it’s mine!!!  Yay!!!  Now I have to go open an account and do all those adulty things that Sabby was telling me about!  Maybe Dave will help!  Insurance is expensive, though…  I guess we’ll see what happens.  Anyway, he gave me a check, and told me that if anything like that happens again, that I should defend myself and he’ll back me up, but please don’t do any more damage than absolutely necessary, either to his store or other people.

That’s fair!

But I hope it doesn’t happen again!  The owner said he’s never had that happen before, and he’s owned that store for years, so maybe it’s just a bad apple!  Or I’m just that cute!  Nah.  Bad apple.  I’m cute but he owns that.

I told him what I found out about knowing martial arts.  He shook his head.  “Lily,” he said, “you’re one of a kind.”

I grinned.  “I sure hope so. I’m not sure the world could take two of me!”

He laughed.  “I’m not sure the police department could take two of you, you’re sure keeping them busy!  Back to work, we’ve got customers.”

So I spent the day doot dooting on the cash register, and putting horrifically unhealthy stuff up on racks for people to guzzle down, and you know, I didn’t mind at all.  Maybe someday I’ll do something more interesting, but it’s a good job to start with, and I like it.  Dave tells me it pays astonishingly well too, I guess this is a good time to be entering the work force.  In some ways, anyway.

The customers are mostly nice too!  A couple of karens here and there, but my strategy of just pretending they didn’t say anything seems to work, and the owner steps in if they get too far out of line.  His attitude is “You get the respect you give”.  So while I’m supposed to be respectful first, if someone gets out of line, he just boots them.  He thinks I’m worth more than that customer.  He’s sooooo nice!!!  He expects a lot, but that’s fair.  He gives a lot, so I don’t mind.

If they say “I want to speak to your manager” (and one did today) I just think to myself “are you suuuuuuuuure?  Okay then!”  And boy, do they regret it!!!  Sometimes I catch him side-eyeing me when he’s dealing with a difficult customer.  But I know what he’s thinking.  “She could take that karen, should I let her?”  Haha!!

Oh and I told Sabby I wanted to give them something for taking care of me.  I think that’s the first time she’s ever yelled at me.  It was scary but so nice too!  She was offended that I’d want to give her money!  She said that she adopted me, and I’m her daughter, and hell will freeze over and politicians will do smart things before she takes one red cent from me, and don’t I forget it!  She was ranting like Claire Huxtable.  Then she hugged me and told me that being a daughter means that they take care of me.  I couldn’t help it!  I had to wipe tears away!  I love her so much!  I’m supposed to spend it on the car and driving school and a license and maybe even a pumpkin spice latte from the mermaid place!  I think I’ll at least buy her one of those and I don’t care if she’s offended!  I’ll tell her it’s a gift because I love her and to just drink it!  I bet she’d grumble and drink it and hug me with one of those big Sabby hugs.

Time to sleep!  School tomorrow!!!  And we’re learning so much!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I saw the sensei today!  And it was amazing!  And weird!  Amazingly weird!  I can’t sit still!

So it turns out I know several martial arts.  I know karate.  I know tae kwon do.  And I know judo.  But here’s the funny thing.  I don’t know anything about them consciously.  So I couldn’t tell you any moves, I couldn’t think about what moves to do, I would have to be taught all that again.

But if I’m attacked, I just know stuff.  Sensei came at me, and I flipped him!  Can you believe it?  He got me a couple of times too, but he told me I’m at a black belt level, at least in defending myself.  It must be muscle memory.  I told him about my unique situation, and he thinks maybe in a previous life I learned martial arts!  Before I lost my memory!  He thinks I could get it all back quickly if I wanted!  I have to think about it.  I’m already learning Japanese.  Dave and Sabby can’t pay for lots of different classes for me.  They’re nice but it’s too much.  And I.. oh!  Oh!  I have news!

The guy did something stupid!!!

So he went back to the store and tried to get his job back!

The owner immediately called the police, and they came and arrested him for violating the restraining order.  Even if the store owner didn’t have his own no trespass order, I’m still technically employed there – just staying away because of him.  So when he came back, he didn’t know I wasn’t working there, so that’s technically a violation!  They dragged his keister back to jail and he’s not coming out until trial!!!

YAY!!! I can work again!!!!  The owner called me and told me!  I’ll be back tomorrow!

Oh and he’s going to pay me for my missed time too!  I think he feels bad for hiring that guy.  I kinda feel bad too, but I need the money, so I’m not going to look that gift…  umm… horse?  Horse in the mouth.  I wonder what that means.  Sabby thinks maybe he thinks I could sue him.  I guess that’s possible, but right now, why would I?  He’s been as nice as I could expect, and he wasn’t the one who attacked me!

I need to sleep!  I have work tomorrow!!!  YAYAY!!!!!

Love you all!!! I’m sooo happy!!! ❤️

It’s October!  Time for falling leaves!  And hot cocoa!  And pumpkin spice!

Gah.  Highs are still around 90 here, though evenings and mornings are quite a bit cooler.  Nice to run in, but no falling leaves here until new years!

But I’ll take the pumpkin spice!  I don’t get to go to the mermaid place much, but I love pumpkin spice lattes!  I’m not a coffee drinker, really, but I love those!  Gimme gimme!  It’s like fall chocolate!!!  And you know how much I love chocolate!!!

I have to think about what to do for another job, but maybe not.  Maybe the guy will do something dumb.  He already did one dumb thing.

Did I tell you I love chocolate?  Maybe I didn’t mention it.

It’s been quiet.  Just doing schoolwork, and learning Japanese, and other things too.  I’m looking forward to seeing a sensei tomorrow!  I’ll let you know what happens!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️ And especially Daniel Craig!! Oops!  Did I say that out loud?  ☺️