Series: 32 - February 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Ummm…  kind of a bittersweet day, if I’m being honest.

We all went to church today.  Several things happened.

The first was, that guy’s wife approached Anathema and apologized (Joe was really on his guard, but stood down after a bit).  She said that she did not think her (soon to be ex) husband would ever behave that way, and nothing she did deserved that.

(I left out some details of what he was, umm… planning.  It wouldn’t have been good and, well… it wouldn’t have been good.  It’s bad enough he is probably going to be denied bond and get quite a few years.  If he can use his leg again, that is.)

She didn’t seem like she wanted to talk much, but the glare was gone.  It was replaced by…  defeat, maybe?

Anyway…  I decided to take the pastor up on his offer.  I don’t know why, but I felt it was the right thing to do.  So, after all the standing up and sitting down and stuff, He introduced me, and I went up to the podium, and looked at the congregation.  It seemed to be half split between people eagerly awaiting what I was going to say and people wondering what the heck I was doing up there.

“It seems…  I have a gift,” I said, a little softly.  “I don’t understand it, and I’ll be honest, I don’t really want it.  But I have it.  Sometimes God… or something… talks through me.  It doesn’t happen all the time, and I never know what I’m going to say when he does.  So…  I guess I’m just going to come up here and give God the chance to speak if he wants.

“And if he doesn’t, well, I’ve got this list of jokes that are almost as bad as the ones Bryan tells…”

The congregation laughed.

“Well, you wanted me up here,” I said, “this is what you get.”

The congregation laughed harder.

“Well, it doesn’t seem like he has a lot to say today, so, and I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll just say something short.  Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know a lot of people that, well, most people wouldn’t get to know.  I know quite a few celebrities in Japan.  Heck, I seem to be one, my sisters did something stupid on the train and it went viral, and now they know me as ‘densha onee-chan’.  Train big sister.  I was just over there helping to make a music video, for some reason they thought it’d be a good idea to turn it into an idol song…

I frowned.  “Anyway, there are these girls over there they call idols.  It’s not like the idols in the Bible, they’re just girls that sing and dance and are expected to be cute and funny and approachable.  They’re always smiling and laughing and cheerful, except…  I’ve seen what they’re like when they’re off stage and the cameras are off.  They’re so sad and lonely.  I met one who seemed so sad and forlorn.  She just performed at a concert with thousands of people and they all love her…  and I bet she went back home and cried.  She’s a friend of mine now.  She loves the fact that I care more about what she’s like when thousands of people aren’t watching.

“Don’t put people on a pedestal.  They’re just like you, and no human is meant for that.

“Not even me.  Especially not me.  I just have a gift.  I’m not God.  Don’t make that mistake.  Please.

“I guess that’s all.”

I went and sat down.  The pastor came up and thanked me, and the service continued.

Afterwards, the pastor asked if I was sure that wasn’t God.  I said I’m never sure, but I’m sure he wasn’t directly speaking at the moment.  He said it was pretty good, and we left it at that.

We took Anathema home, and Joe had to go back to his CO and report on the incident last night.  She still felt pretty safe…  Dave’s no military bodyguard, but he’s prepared.

The girls came over a bit later and we had our practice.  Crystal wanted to show me a new song she wrote.  She wrote the melody and everything, and it’s really good.  She called it “My Sisters can’t Save Me, But I Love Them for Trying”.

And that’s pretty much what it was about.  The lyrics were about how things are so dark sometimes and the depression gets overwhelming, but we’re all like a bright spot that lets her get through the day.

Dang, she’s a pretty good songwriter.  A bit rough around the edges, but with a few tweaks, I think we’d all love to perform that.

I still want to see what music she comes up with for “I Love You, You Pink, Frilly Bitch”.

Those lyrics are a lot more angry, but they’re also sweet, too.  I guess that’s Crystal.

Later, Jack and I went out.  We didn’t go back to his place this time, but we did go to a nice restaurant, and then spent a while walking around and talking.  It was a little cold and windy, but we held hands, and that helped a little.  We’re both still a little scared of the future… with and without each other.  But I guess that’s part of growing up.

Yesterday was Chinese New Year.  Liz had plans she couldn’t put off, so we’re going to do something in the next couple of days with our families.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, it’s Monday.  Back to practicing.

Anathema is still hanging around here for a while, but she’s going to work like usual.  This arrangement’s only going to last until we know what’s going to happen to that guy, we’re not sure what the prosecutor is going to do.  After all, he didn’t really do anything.  I guess he’s still getting treated in the hospital and was arraigned by video.  Yeah, he’s in a world of hurt.  No bail for right now.  But the hospital is not an inherently secure place, who knows what will happen.

Joe had his meeting with his CO.  He wouldn’t say exactly what they talked about, but he’s not in any trouble.  He just had to fill out some paperwork and explain his use of force.  Once he did, he was cleared.  They did caution him that Anathema isn’t really the reason he was assigned to this station, it was the shop, and kind of me too, and not to forget that.

So… he seems pretty conflicted right now.  He was over this morning before the shop opened having a very deep discussion with her.  I just did my practicing.  None of my business, I guess.

But it seemed to be very deep, because her eyes were wet and he seemed a little agitated.

It didn’t seem to be a bad kind of deep though… I guess we’ll see.

Anyway, other than that, it was just a lot of practicing.  It’s hard work, getting ready for a concert!!!  But I guess it is what it is.

Yuki and Miki have been chatting, which is cool.  Miki seems a bit happier now.  She says the group is a bit more close-knit, they’re starting to see each other as allies rather than as competition, and that’s a good position to be in.  They were kind of subtly undermining each other before, but most of them have decided they’re not going to be happy that way, so they just… well… kind of decided not to do that anymore.  A couple are holding out, but there’s not much they can do by themselves, so that will work itself out.

Minami’s introduction concert is scheduled.  It’s in a month or so, give or take.  She’s been working her butt off.  She’s having a blast, but she’s glad they’re not fighting as much too.  That just makes it even more fun!!!  Her mother is, well…  Minami is staying with Yuki’s parents in Tokyo right now.  But she’s so busy working she’s not really a bother, and I guess they like having someone around again, after Yuki left.

Besides, she buys them sweets.

Haha!!!

Her mother’s resentful, her father’s having to take up the slack, and Minami just doesn’t care.  She’s the daughter, not the mother.  She’ll take care of them when it’s really needed, and picking up after her like a wayward child isn’t needed.

Anyway.

Oh well.  I’m all practiced out.  Maybe I’ll watch some anime.

Oh yeah.  There was a game yesterday.  Dave and David watched it.  I was too busy having fun with the girls to care.  That’s how it is!

Love you all!!! ❤️

HI! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Valentine’s day!!!

…. not that that means too much, really.

I’ve been practicing my tushy off (yes, it’s still cute) and Anathema is still hanging around for a little while.  Guy was released from the hospital and is in jail now, and the judge denied bail.  So there’s that.  Turns out that “not doing anything” isn’t an excuse when you’re clearly ready to do something.  Anathema filed for a restraining order too, which she got pretty quickly.  Those don’t do much but make sure he’s certain to get arrested if somehow caught near her.

I think Joe’s pretty close to confessing.  He’s not leaving her side except when he has to, and he’s really doting on her.  It’s cute.  He did bring her some chocolates today… after all, it is Valentine’s day, and he said “if anyone deserves chocolates today, it’s her”.  Can’t argue that.  He’s still guarding the shop, but our play to get more cops to show up with free pastries is working pretty well, there’s a steady influx of cops eating pastries and chatting the girls up.  As long as they’re respectful about it, they don’t mind.  I actually think skintight-girl has a thing for them.  It’s funny, she starts blushing whenever one talks to her.

… even the female ones.

It’s a good thing she’s wearing a maid uniform, I have a feeling skintight outfits might be a bad idea…

Anyway, Jack was working today (aww) but he did bring over a giant box of chocolates, which was the bare minimum I expected!  Haha!  Kidding!  Well… not really, but mostly.  I appreciate the thought, but I would have been put out if he hadn’t.  Rule one of being a good Lily boyfriend is bring me lots of chocolate.  That may not be true for all women, but it’s true for me!  We’ll go out for real soon when he has a day off.  He’s been studying a lot, too.  He’s getting pretty good.

I took one of those practice JLPT tests and passed!  Yay!  It doesn’t mean a whole lot but at least it means I’m progressing, so yay me!

Anyway…  Not much happening other than that, so…  I’m going to go read or something.  Miki wants to chat tonight (morning for her), so I’ll see what she wants later tonight.

Oh oh oh…. Crystal is working on a new song!  This one’s she’s calling “I hate you don’t leave me.”  Girl’s got some issues, clearly, but it makes for some killer songs.  Seriously.  I still hope she does something with “I love you you pink frilly bitch”.  That really does sound fun.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

Especially today!!!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

MORE practicing!!!  But I’ve almost got it now.  I mean at least to the point where I don’t need the sheet music anymore.  But that doesn’t mean I’m good at it yet, I just know all the notes.

Yuki is over tonight, she’s been telling me stories about her time as an idol.  She’s such a good storyteller!  It almost makes me wish I were an idol, and then she tells other stories and I’m very glad I’m not.

Miki wanted to chat this morning (for her).  She’s…  I don’t know.  She seems to be kind of valuing people she can be herself around.  She just wanted to talk about some of the idol drama going on in her group.  It’s gotten better, but you can’t have ten girls in a group working together without some drama.  They seem to have decided as a group to have each others’ backs, though, and that’s helping out a lot, I guess.

I asked her how Minami’s doing, and she said fine, but the glamour hasn’t worn off yet.  I asked Miki to be there for her when it does.  Minami seems to be a good girl and I’m sure she doesn’t have to put on (too many) airs around her.  I mean, they’re Japanese, there will always be a few…

I also told her she can lean on Ai too.  Thing about idols is, they don’t really know who’s in it for the parasocial and who isn’t.  But Ai doesn’t really seem too much into the idol stuff, and while the aidols like to hang around, they’re pretty grounded.

From what I saw anyway.

I’ll give them an anime bump on the head if they’re not!

Hahaha!!!

I know I must give the impression that the lives of the girls in the after-school friends idol light music club must be completely miserable… I don’t really think that’s the case.  They seem to have a lot of fun, and even Miki says that being an idol can be really fun at times.  They just…  in their world, it’s really hard to turn it off, if that makes sense.  They’re always working, they’re always “on”, and they don’t get much of a chance to actually be themselves.  Some of the girls are a bit more sensitive to it than others.  A couple of the idols seem to revel in it, they don’t really seem to care all that much about the downsides.  I guess that’s why Miki clings to me and others like me, and not them.  That makes sense, I suppose.

It’s no coincidence I mostly just talk about her and Minami, even though there are ten girls in the group.  She’s the one who reached out.  The rest…  they’re not like Miki.

Maybe that’s one reason Miki seems to feel so lonely sometimes.

Anyway…  I guess that’s all for now.  Yuki and Marie are getting along great, by the way.  Yuki throws the ball.  That’s all Marie needs to think you’re the best person in the world.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And all the girls are over tonight!!!

We’re eating pizza and chocolate and watching anime and doing hair and nails, and, well… doing almost everything you’d expect girls to do!  Unless you’re a silly-billy.  Then we’re most decidedly NOT.

Crystal showed us her new song lyrics.  They’re really good!!!  But I’m a little worried they’re a bit too depressing.  I mean, “I hate you don’t leave me” is pretty killer, but…. it’s pretty killer.  If you know what I mean.  I don’t want her to be something she’s not, but.. she also needs to write stuff that people can identify with.  I’m sure some people can identify with that, but… enough?

Well…  it’s really her band, anyway.  I’m going off to college in a few months, and the other girls are mostly in it for her sake, so… if that’s what she wants to do, none of us are going to fight her too hard.

But…  on the other hand, we can’t really play stuff we’re not feeling, y’know?

I’m encouraging Beth to write something, too.  After all, if she’s going to sing it, she has to have some stuff she really feels too.  She’s thinking of a song named “I want you to think I’m dumb”…  that’s on the right track, I guess.

If I were to write a song for myself?  “Memory Hole”.

Anyway, I don’t have any big plans for the weekend.  Jack and I are going out, I’m pretty sure.  We’re doing the band and probably church stuff.  Oh!  Joe and Anathema might go out tonight!  I wonder how that will turn out.  She has a day off today, though, so she’ll be leaving a little later.

He told me now that we have a pretty good police presence he might get called back from guarding duty.  I guess that makes sense.  I don’t think he focused on Anathema because he liked her – well, not just because he liked her…  but she needed it a lot more than I did.  I hope that’s calmed down now, a little, though.  People do tend to move on quickly.

Oh… she’s actually a part of our girls’ night, until she leaves, anyway.  I mean, she’s about as old as Yuki, give or take, and she’s here, so… why not.  I told her not to give the girls lessons in things they shouldn’t have lessons in.  She looked like she was going to be offended, then sighed.  She could see why I’d think that.

“I’m just going to be one of the girls tonight”, she said.

That’s all we can ask of her.

She does have some really cool beauty tips, though.  She gave Diana a makeover while showing all of us her tips and tricks, and you’ve never heard so much ooing and aahing.  Maybe she should get back into the influencer game – for beauty!  She does know a few things.  Okay, a lot.  And she dressed her up in a cute way too.

Diana looks like a totally different girl – and she didn’t overdo it either!  She looks about five years older, but not in a bad way.

Even Yuki was taking notes.  There are several different skin tones but everyone learned something useful.

She offered to show us how to, umm… wax some stuff.  We politely declined.  Maybe later.  Hahah!!!

(I think she just got caught up in the excitement of being able to teach us stuff.  She wasn’t being creepy!  Promise!  Maybe she’s turned over a new leaf but there’s still some cat-girl lurking inside!  And maybe that would be good to know… someday!)

Anyway, I hear some giggling coming from behind me so maybe I should go see what’s so funny.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, it happened.  Joe and Anathema made it official.

It’s not like they’re rushing into anything.  Apparently Joe is very mindful of her past, her current condition, and, well…  the clothes stay on (well, mostly).  She seems a little frustrated by that but also seems to understand.  But he seems to have decided he can look past all that.

I’m happy for them.  I hope it works out.

Jack and I went out, too, last night.  This time we did go back to his place.  And we… ummm… played board games.  Yeah.  That’s the ticket.  We played board games.

I won.

Hahaha!!!!!

But that’s why I didn’t post last night.

Today we did the usual… went to church (I didn’t have any “messages” but I did have a pretty good joke), and after that, Crystal had us play through her new song.  Not gonna lie, it’s pretty good, actually.  Crystal seems to have a bit of a gift.  I hope she can find a healthy way to develop it.

Otherwise, just the usual.  Practicing, that kinda stuff.

Anyway… Yuki and Liz are over tonight, but it’s otherwise pretty quiet.  Guess I’ll get ready for bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Another boring Monday.  Monday Monday boring Monday.  Getsuyoubi!  Haha!!!

Getsuyoubi nanoni kigen warui no dosuruyo?  Natsufuku ga ii no desu kyawaii!!!!!

Well, they are!  Or they can be…

Some days my school uniform is pajamas, so…

Well.. mostly kidding.  Sabby wouldn’t let me get away with that.  But sweatpants?  That’s on the low end, but I’ve done that several times.

Not at college though…

Anyway… not a whole lot going on today.  Everyone’s just humming along.  Anathema seems like she’s on top of the world!!!  Even though… well.  That guy?  He’s getting the book thrown at him.  Let’s see if I can remember the charges.  Aggravated burglary (for having broken in to wait for her).  Menacing.  Stalking.  Intent to inflict grievous bodily harm.  Theft of a bullet…  I mean, they really threw the book at him.  I mean, Joe did get his bullet back, but it was damaged…

He’s not getting bail.  He’s been arraigned and is being remanded for trial.

Whatever that means.

He’s out of the hospital, but he’s not in much better shape.  He can’t really use his leg, and he’s stuck in a jail cell.  Poor guy.  NOT.

Anathema doesn’t have to testify, thank goodness.  Joe will, though.  I guess that’s one condition for the local police not trying to go after him for his use of lethal force (even though it wasn’t lethal) and letting his military chain of command deal with it.

He doesn’t mind.  He hopes the guy gets life.  And, well…. he just might.

Anathema is looking for another apartment, though.  Now that she knows she can be found, she thinks it’s better to go somewhere where it’s harder to find her.  That’s pretty smart.  And Joe’s teaching her to, well…   conceal carry.  I hope she never needs to use it.  So does she.

Joe’s being pulled off of detail, though.  Everyone involved (including his CO and Mrs. X) thinks everyone’s well guarded enough that he’s not needed anymore and he can go back to being security detail elsewhere.  We’ve got cops coming over to the shop constantly for free pastries, Anathema is staying with us until she can move, and I… well, I guess I can take care of myself.  I wonder how well my “gifts” work for defense.  I hope I never get to find out.

But, hey, he got a girlfriend out of the deal, so I guess he’s a winner after all.  And maybe a child too – though Anathema is absolutely going to find out who the father is after it’s born.  He’s not shirking responsibility that easily.  She just needs to find out first.  Joe’s open to adopting, but we’ll see.

I’ve almost got my piece down well enough to play it for the conductor.  Still working hard on it though, there’s a lot.  And Beth wants me to rehearse with her too, she’s really getting pretty good.  She wants to sing “idol”, as I said.  That’s great, I guess… I hope she doesn’t try to do the dance.  It seems disrespectful to the piece somehow to dance to it…

Anyway…  guess that’s all.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Crystal wrote me a song!!!

Here it is…

 

It’s dark outside, and the moon is shining

The frogs have much to say

If I could only understand them

I’m walking down the path of life

Death is all around me

But I’m not afraid

For some reason

I see a field

It stretches as far as I can see

No, farther than that

It’s red, or it would be red

If it were daytime

All these lilies are speaking to my heart

 

Chorus

The moon is beautiful tonight

And so is the field of lilies

They’re shining in the moonlight

Telling everything will be alright

The moon is beautiful tonight

I’m dancing in the field of lilies

Shine on me, moon, Shine on me

Keep the darkness away

 

I picked a lily

It’s red and beautiful

And it shines in my hand

Like the moon

That princess Kaguya returned to

But I won’t stay here

I won’t stay here and grow old

I’ll go to the moon

I’ll go to the stars

I’ll go to the ends of the universe

To keep this Lily

This close to my heart

 

Chorus

 

This Lily will grow old

It will wilt and fall apart

The leaves will fall off

And they will fall to the ground

But it doesn’t matter

It will protect me

It will always protect me

Suki yo… Daisuki yo

I love you, my big sister Lily

 

OMG…  I wonder if she even knows what she wrote there.

Maybe… maybe she does.

I don’t think her guitar is a flash in the pan anymore.  I think she’s going places.  Lots of places.  And maybe… I’ll be lucky if I’m the one who gets to follow her around sometimes.

Love you all!!! ❤️

 

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m still a little floored by Crystal’s song.

One reason is, she added in some Japanese symbology I didn’t even know she knew!  And it’s.. ummm… interesting symbology.  She brought up Princess Kaguya, who was taken home to the moon, leaving someone behind.  That she might have picked up from “Love is War”, they did bring that story up.  I didn’t think she was paying attention!

But the other was… she said “the moon is beautiful”. That’s something Japanese people usually say just before, well, confessing.

I asked her if she knew what that meant, and she said yes, but she didn’t mean it quite that way.  She said the song is a confession of love, but in the Kumiko kind of way from “Sound! Euphonium”, not in the other kind of way.  But she said that all that being said, she meant what she wrote and doesn’t regret it and is going to be putting it to music soon.

How did she know that, though??

It’s not like she’s been studying Japanese culture… has she?

Hmm.

I feel like I’ve created a monster.

But the good kind.

I feel bad, really.  I love Crystal, but I didn’t think she was that intelligent.  I thought she was just this sweet girl who’d been thrown a lot of curveballs by life, but was really just average in most ways.  But…  I’m starting to think that’s really not the case.  She’s proving that when she really wants to, she can rival… well, maybe not Britni, but maybe Liz.

Maybe that’s a lesson to me, I guess.

Anyway, it’s been a pretty quiet day.  Yuki is over tonight.  Liz would be, but she has lessons and homework.  Maybe next time.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I didn’t post last night… because I didn’t.  I’m not sure what else to say, I just didn’t feel like it.  I guess it happens sometimes.

All the girls are over tonight.  Of course there’s pizza and chocolate and all the stuff we love, but…  there’s each other too, and that’s better than all the pizza and chocolate in the world, I think.  Only a little bit better than chocolate, but it is, anyway.

I showed Miki the song Crystal wrote…  She wants Crystal to become an idol.  I’m not sure how I feel about that, and I’m not even sure it’s possible, but… I see why she’d feel that way.  Crystal has…  something.  Something important.  Something I didn’t see in her until recently.  She’s been through a lot in life, but it doesn’t really define her… she defines it.  This isn’t a quality everyone has.  She’d get up on stage and sing and dance and smile, and she wouldn’t do it to hide all the bad stuff, she’d do it in spite of all the bad stuff, she’d sing and dance and smile to tell all the bad stuff to go to hell and she’s going to have a good life anyway and take everyone along with her.

I thought she was learning guitar because she was scared of being homeless again… and it’s one reason.  I mean, she told me that.  But I think another reason is that she wants to take those homeless days and turn them into something beautiful.  She didn’t write me that song because she wanted to flatter me, she wrote me that song because that’s how she feels.

Maybe, of all my friends, of all my sisters… she might go the furthest.  If she can manage to survive it all.  That’s not a given, I guess.

But tonight, we’re just playing games and having fun. 

Anathema found another place to live and she’s moving in this weekend.  NOT with Joe – she asked and Joe flat out told her no.  Not because he doesn’t want to, but because she talks the talk, and she needs to walk the walk before he can fully trust her.

She understands.  She doesn’t like it, but she understands.  She spent a lot of time carrying on and making a reputation for herself.  It’s going to take her a while to live it down.

He is going to help her move, though.

And we’re getting a state of the art security system installed for her.  I think she’s proven need, and so does Sabby.

Anyway, I should get back to it.  They’re starting to call me onee-chan, and that never leads to anything good.

Tomorrow I’m going to perform that concerto for all of them.  First time I’ll have played it through for people.

Love you all!!! ❤️